Recovery?
Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone-a-lones, I'm going crazy, but only because it's 2 am and I got 3 hours of sleep last night. Yeahhhh.
So, no contact today. Well...no direct contact. Weird, but expected. It was strange to see an article in the Arbiter about wearing jewelery from past relationships. I made a decision...and I'm quite happy about it.
Today was the longest Monday in all the history of Mondays. Guiness World Record Monday. CRazy.
Anyway...I was almost pissed off today, but then I decided to snip the grapevine and go straight to the...almost source. So then I wasn't almost pissed, just almost...almost. I learned today that I have really good friends who will take my side and understand me. Awhile ago I had doubted that, but now I know that when I turned my back on them...they didn't turn their backs on me. Good feeling, yes?
Tomorrow I'm starting what he couldn't. Seems a bit weird, but I think it is the right thing to do. I think it is the right direction that I need to take at this point in time. Before I know the outcome, I want to be satisfied with either the best or the worst case scenario. I'm workin on it, but I'm not totally sure if I will be ready in time, but then again, if things happened when you were ready for them, life would be pretty fucking boring.
I've decided that I couldn't really be mormon for 2 + reasons. I like my crazy piercings...and I think they are a part of my personality. I don't want to change them because someone else thinks they are inappropriate. Fuck that. Also, I like to wear tank tops and camis...I'm comfortable with the way I dress and I don't think it is immodest (most of the time) so who the fuck is a church to tell me what to do? Yeah, I don't think so.
Another thing that came across my mind today: This is all a HUGE rpg. Paul got me hooked on a computer game: Baldur's Gate II and ever since I started, it's changed my outlook on life. Kind of funny how a mere computer game changed something so much bigger. What if "life" is a game to us and I am just a character? Some higher being decides which people to be in the party and every action I do is controlled my some higher and unknown force. They decided when I sleep or what I do or how I learn or what stats I will have or what weapon to choose from and it's endless. Am I being controlled by something/someone that I can't conceive of? wtf mate? How much experience have I gained, what level am I now? So many questions about the game and where I am going/how I'm getting there that are unanswered...
I believe in a higher power. I believe in signs and I believe in some superstitions. I believe so much ... but how much of that is true? How much do we know is true?
A quote that I stole from a posterboard today: "There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second." -- Logan Pearsall Smith
(I wonder who the fuck that is? Maybe I will wiki it later :) )
< start brain
< brain
< commence sequence="shut down"
< command line="And I said 'BOOM! Bazooka Joe'"
//command line "successful.RealWorld"
< command line="Why am I so crazy?"
//command line error? "No answer"
< command line="Why?"
//command line error? "Why not?"
< command line="Push the button, don't push the button. Change the station, switch the channel"
//command line "successful.Madonna"
< command line="Tell me: is this love? Is this a real thing?"
//command line error? "Unknown variable 'love'"
//command line "halfSuccessful.ThanksBoBice"
< command line="F-U-C-K"
//command line "successful.FavWord"
< /command
< commence sequence="activated"
< "activated" == "sleepysleepy.GoToBed"
< end brain
< /brain
So what, I made up a new programming language to work on ME. ha. Kellen, I swear to Holy Jesus that if you comment on how my code is somehow broken/won't work/mixing of a few languages...I have one reply: It works on me!!! Oh, and have a nice day! :)
So, no contact today. Well...no direct contact. Weird, but expected. It was strange to see an article in the Arbiter about wearing jewelery from past relationships. I made a decision...and I'm quite happy about it.
Today was the longest Monday in all the history of Mondays. Guiness World Record Monday. CRazy.
Anyway...I was almost pissed off today, but then I decided to snip the grapevine and go straight to the...almost source. So then I wasn't almost pissed, just almost...almost. I learned today that I have really good friends who will take my side and understand me. Awhile ago I had doubted that, but now I know that when I turned my back on them...they didn't turn their backs on me. Good feeling, yes?
Tomorrow I'm starting what he couldn't. Seems a bit weird, but I think it is the right thing to do. I think it is the right direction that I need to take at this point in time. Before I know the outcome, I want to be satisfied with either the best or the worst case scenario. I'm workin on it, but I'm not totally sure if I will be ready in time, but then again, if things happened when you were ready for them, life would be pretty fucking boring.
I've decided that I couldn't really be mormon for 2 + reasons. I like my crazy piercings...and I think they are a part of my personality. I don't want to change them because someone else thinks they are inappropriate. Fuck that. Also, I like to wear tank tops and camis...I'm comfortable with the way I dress and I don't think it is immodest (most of the time) so who the fuck is a church to tell me what to do? Yeah, I don't think so.
Another thing that came across my mind today: This is all a HUGE rpg. Paul got me hooked on a computer game: Baldur's Gate II and ever since I started, it's changed my outlook on life. Kind of funny how a mere computer game changed something so much bigger. What if "life" is a game to us and I am just a character? Some higher being decides which people to be in the party and every action I do is controlled my some higher and unknown force. They decided when I sleep or what I do or how I learn or what stats I will have or what weapon to choose from and it's endless. Am I being controlled by something/someone that I can't conceive of? wtf mate? How much experience have I gained, what level am I now? So many questions about the game and where I am going/how I'm getting there that are unanswered...
I believe in a higher power. I believe in signs and I believe in some superstitions. I believe so much ... but how much of that is true? How much do we know is true?
A quote that I stole from a posterboard today: "There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second." -- Logan Pearsall Smith
(I wonder who the fuck that is? Maybe I will wiki it later :) )
< start brain
< brain
< commence sequence="shut down"
< command line="And I said 'BOOM! Bazooka Joe'"
//command line "successful.RealWorld"
< command line="Why am I so crazy?"
//command line error? "No answer"
< command line="Why?"
//command line error? "Why not?"
< command line="Push the button, don't push the button. Change the station, switch the channel"
//command line "successful.Madonna"
< command line="Tell me: is this love? Is this a real thing?"
//command line error? "Unknown variable 'love'"
//command line "halfSuccessful.ThanksBoBice"
< command line="F-U-C-K"
//command line "successful.FavWord"
< /command
< commence sequence="activated"
< "activated" == "sleepysleepy.GoToBed"
< end brain
< /brain
So what, I made up a new programming language to work on ME. ha. Kellen, I swear to Holy Jesus that if you comment on how my code is somehow broken/won't work/mixing of a few languages...I have one reply: It works on me!!! Oh, and have a nice day! :)