Long time, no update...
So I'm talking to Nick for the first time since the middle of summer. He has to be the smartest person I know...even smarter than Kellen! Ha! I really miss that kid. Too bad I pushed him away, he was a sweet guy. I hope things work out for him.
Things are so weird now with the group. That scares me...but also reminds me that I can't depend on anyone. How depressing.
So I don't know what I'm doing next year...college-wise that is. I could transfer back to Purdue or I could stay here...I could transfer somewhere else if I felt like it, but I don't really like that idea. There are two people keeping me here...other than my parents. I haven't decided if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
Things with my boy...well...it's not so confusing anymore. I'm still scared as hell...but I'm starting to get used to him which kind of scares me even more. I don't want to get used to him being there because more than likely, one day he won't be there. That may be because of us going to different colleges or it may be because he found someone better...
I looked so hard for certain qualities...and I found it in this guy that I've known forever. What are the odds of that happening?
I can't understand why I freak out when it comes to him...ok, maybe I do know why. I'm afraid of getting close to him and now that I'm starting to fall for him...sometimes I doubt that he likes me. I know I'm just being paranoid...
So when I'm away from him, all I can do is think about him...constantly. It's crazy. Everything reminds me of him. When I come home for the weekend, it's like I'm falling for him all over again. I forget how everything feels...I forget about all the sweet things he does...I forget how the world fades away and all I can focus on is him. I relive everything...every weekend. Each time I'm starting to fall harder...I don't know if this is a good idea. Wow....looking over what I just wrote...that could be classified as soft core porn. Ha ha!
Also, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing next year. I don't even know if I'm gonna keep the engineering major up. Things take so long to click for me to understand them now. I don't know if I'm smart enough to make it in this field. I'm so lost. :(
Anyways...sleep time is now time.
Things are so weird now with the group. That scares me...but also reminds me that I can't depend on anyone. How depressing.
So I don't know what I'm doing next year...college-wise that is. I could transfer back to Purdue or I could stay here...I could transfer somewhere else if I felt like it, but I don't really like that idea. There are two people keeping me here...other than my parents. I haven't decided if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
Things with my boy...well...it's not so confusing anymore. I'm still scared as hell...but I'm starting to get used to him which kind of scares me even more. I don't want to get used to him being there because more than likely, one day he won't be there. That may be because of us going to different colleges or it may be because he found someone better...
I looked so hard for certain qualities...and I found it in this guy that I've known forever. What are the odds of that happening?
I can't understand why I freak out when it comes to him...ok, maybe I do know why. I'm afraid of getting close to him and now that I'm starting to fall for him...sometimes I doubt that he likes me. I know I'm just being paranoid...
So when I'm away from him, all I can do is think about him...constantly. It's crazy. Everything reminds me of him. When I come home for the weekend, it's like I'm falling for him all over again. I forget how everything feels...I forget about all the sweet things he does...I forget how the world fades away and all I can focus on is him. I relive everything...every weekend. Each time I'm starting to fall harder...I don't know if this is a good idea. Wow....looking over what I just wrote...that could be classified as soft core porn. Ha ha!
Also, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing next year. I don't even know if I'm gonna keep the engineering major up. Things take so long to click for me to understand them now. I don't know if I'm smart enough to make it in this field. I'm so lost. :(
Anyways...sleep time is now time.