I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!
So I turned 22 today or well yesterday since now its 1:38 am on March 19th. This birthday was weird. More like an un-birthday. Usually birthdays are magical. They just feel special, even if I do the same thing I do every other day, on March 18th, life becomes
...enchanted. There's the whole birthday week build-up and you can't sleep the night before because when you wake-up you just won't be the same, you'll be...older. But this year was not so. Not that I didn't celebrate. I went to New Orleans last week. I went to Callahans on Saturday. I got two cakes. I don't know if that's every happened. But nothing felt special about today. It was just a day..and there happened to be cake. And you would think that I would be disheartened and demoralized by the anticlimax of it all, the way I felt when I found out that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were a fraud....but I'm not any of those things. I'm just indifferent.
And I've just realized what happened...I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a for-real grown-up. Wow, coming of age moments in the middle of the night kind of suck....
Moving on...
I believe the real reason for my insomnia is anxiety. I was just taking a look at my school schedule for the next 6 weeks, until school ends, and it is jam-packed. I'm feeling very overwhelmed because I have tests back-to-back for the next two weeks on top of projects due the following 3 consecutive weeks, proceeded by more tests. And I know that it may not sound like a lot, really only 1 (at most 2)assignment is due per week but with clinicals fully consuming every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, along with class all day on Mondays, I'm wondering when I will be able to get it all done. I feel like I've been shortsighted, only looking to what has been due this week, and worrying about next week later. I really need to figure out the art of multi-tasking.
I don't mean to bitch but let me just say this: it wouldn't be so bad if clinicals didn't suck the life right out of me. Imagine the paperwork that Hank and I have complained about for months: care plans, concept map, writing 2-3 pages worth of pathophysiology, completely filling out a 4 page patient database, memorizing drug facts for between 5 and 20+ drugs. On two patients. In one night. Then I'm at the hospital for two full days. Taking care of two patients. And because I live in Fairhope I have to get up at 4:30 am to leave my house at 5:30 am to get to the hospital in Mobile at 6:30 am. You can probably do the math on my hours of sleep. And its my own fault for choosing the Medical Center, so the patients are much sicker and (usually) require total care. It seriously takes me a whole Saturday to recover.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 6 weeks. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow, to get my patients. You know how most people love the end of the week. I dread it. I totally dread it. I really hope I don't hate my job as much as I hate clinicals.
...enchanted. There's the whole birthday week build-up and you can't sleep the night before because when you wake-up you just won't be the same, you'll be...older. But this year was not so. Not that I didn't celebrate. I went to New Orleans last week. I went to Callahans on Saturday. I got two cakes. I don't know if that's every happened. But nothing felt special about today. It was just a day..and there happened to be cake. And you would think that I would be disheartened and demoralized by the anticlimax of it all, the way I felt when I found out that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were a fraud....but I'm not any of those things. I'm just indifferent.
And I've just realized what happened...I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a for-real grown-up. Wow, coming of age moments in the middle of the night kind of suck....
Moving on...
I believe the real reason for my insomnia is anxiety. I was just taking a look at my school schedule for the next 6 weeks, until school ends, and it is jam-packed. I'm feeling very overwhelmed because I have tests back-to-back for the next two weeks on top of projects due the following 3 consecutive weeks, proceeded by more tests. And I know that it may not sound like a lot, really only 1 (at most 2)assignment is due per week but with clinicals fully consuming every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, along with class all day on Mondays, I'm wondering when I will be able to get it all done. I feel like I've been shortsighted, only looking to what has been due this week, and worrying about next week later. I really need to figure out the art of multi-tasking.
I don't mean to bitch but let me just say this: it wouldn't be so bad if clinicals didn't suck the life right out of me. Imagine the paperwork that Hank and I have complained about for months: care plans, concept map, writing 2-3 pages worth of pathophysiology, completely filling out a 4 page patient database, memorizing drug facts for between 5 and 20+ drugs. On two patients. In one night. Then I'm at the hospital for two full days. Taking care of two patients. And because I live in Fairhope I have to get up at 4:30 am to leave my house at 5:30 am to get to the hospital in Mobile at 6:30 am. You can probably do the math on my hours of sleep. And its my own fault for choosing the Medical Center, so the patients are much sicker and (usually) require total care. It seriously takes me a whole Saturday to recover.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 6 weeks. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow, to get my patients. You know how most people love the end of the week. I dread it. I totally dread it. I really hope I don't hate my job as much as I hate clinicals.