yours isn't the first heartache in the world
I don't want to be sick anymore. but then again, no one really likes to be sick- with the exception of the 16 year old me who liked to be sick so she didn't have to go to school. Everything is so weird lately, I don't think I can say that enough. I feel like I'm in a relationship, but I'm not. I, the commitment-phobe, am committing myself to someone who is also scared of commitment and someone who doesn't really know what he wants. (never has and never will) but then again, I'm not really committing myself to him.. except in an emotional aspect.. it's like.. he's the only person I feel like I can let in because he's the only person I really trust? I don't make sense anymore. I'm so lost when it comes to all of this, mainly because its so unexpected. The guy has the ability to make me feel on top of the world (which is 90% of the time) and also has the ability to make me want to drive my car off a bridge. He brings out things in me that I can't envision anyone else ever doing, and I know everyone hates him.. but I feel like he's one of my best friends and I don't want to lose him in my life. I don't care if we're not "together", I just like our friendship.
I'm rambling about something that noone wants to hear about anymore. I can't believe it's been as long as it has. I like that I've turned into such an honest person. I just can't lie anymore, it takes so much out of me. and if I do lie, I come out like 20 minutes later with the truth.
it's really disgustingly hot in my room, and my mom stole my fan.
there's this other guy that has potential, and I know everyone would like him so much more than they like Bryan-- and I probably would too. but I feel like it might be pointless because he just got out of a relationship. he IS fun though, and I DO love being around him. but I cancelled our date on sunday because PJ was in town and I wanted to hang out and not to mention I was nervous and scared as fuck.
SOMEONE GO HOUSE HUNTING WITH ME. I can't look on both sides of the street for the "for rent" signs. it's hard, and I got so frustrated the other day while I was looking. I did find a bunch though, I just need to call about the rest of them. I really just want to live by myself and support myself again. I miss having to be responsible. I miss that fucking apartment, damnit. this all needs to happen by june or I will go crazy-- absolutely crazy. I love my family, but living with them SUCKS.
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... is still totally surreal. I don't know how it keeps happening, to be quite honest.
2. I am listening to.. self against city- ready and willing, and it's making me want to rip someones eyeballs out. life story, helllllo?
3. I talk... probably too much. seriously.
4. I love... my family, my friends, bryan, my cat, and my life lately.
5. My friends... are pretty amazing, and I am mad at myself for ever doubting that.
6. My first real kiss... I was 14 and it was a bad bad bad night.
7. The number seven is missing because... it's lucky?
8. Love is... amazing and very much a part of my life.
9. Marriage is... cool, I guess. I can't wait, personally.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking... who in the hell knows, anymore..
11. I'll always... looooooove you
12. I have a secret crush... nah. it's not really a crush after all this time, and it's definitely not a secret. (but then there's zack.)
13. The last time I cried was because... I was (still am) confused about things.
14. My cell phone... is my rock. hahahahaha
15. When I wake up in the morning... I pee... and hate my job a little.
16. Before I go to bed I... put on music and turn my alarm on.
17. Right now I am thinking about... how much I hate this song and hate dudes (minus my friends that are dudes, and bryan)
18. Babies are... cute and make me sad.
19. I get on Myspace... to keep in touch with people and because I'm bored.
20. Today I... well, there's not much left of today- but I might go to bryans.
21. Tonight I will... eventually go to bed.
22. Tomorrow I will be... working, tattoo? with tracy, aa, bt, and sleep
23. I really want... stability and this weekend to get here. fuck.
I'm rambling about something that noone wants to hear about anymore. I can't believe it's been as long as it has. I like that I've turned into such an honest person. I just can't lie anymore, it takes so much out of me. and if I do lie, I come out like 20 minutes later with the truth.
it's really disgustingly hot in my room, and my mom stole my fan.
there's this other guy that has potential, and I know everyone would like him so much more than they like Bryan-- and I probably would too. but I feel like it might be pointless because he just got out of a relationship. he IS fun though, and I DO love being around him. but I cancelled our date on sunday because PJ was in town and I wanted to hang out and not to mention I was nervous and scared as fuck.
SOMEONE GO HOUSE HUNTING WITH ME. I can't look on both sides of the street for the "for rent" signs. it's hard, and I got so frustrated the other day while I was looking. I did find a bunch though, I just need to call about the rest of them. I really just want to live by myself and support myself again. I miss having to be responsible. I miss that fucking apartment, damnit. this all needs to happen by june or I will go crazy-- absolutely crazy. I love my family, but living with them SUCKS.
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... is still totally surreal. I don't know how it keeps happening, to be quite honest.
2. I am listening to.. self against city- ready and willing, and it's making me want to rip someones eyeballs out. life story, helllllo?
3. I talk... probably too much. seriously.
4. I love... my family, my friends, bryan, my cat, and my life lately.
5. My friends... are pretty amazing, and I am mad at myself for ever doubting that.
6. My first real kiss... I was 14 and it was a bad bad bad night.
7. The number seven is missing because... it's lucky?
8. Love is... amazing and very much a part of my life.
9. Marriage is... cool, I guess. I can't wait, personally.
10. Somewhere, someone is thinking... who in the hell knows, anymore..
11. I'll always... looooooove you
12. I have a secret crush... nah. it's not really a crush after all this time, and it's definitely not a secret. (but then there's zack.)
13. The last time I cried was because... I was (still am) confused about things.
14. My cell phone... is my rock. hahahahaha
15. When I wake up in the morning... I pee... and hate my job a little.
16. Before I go to bed I... put on music and turn my alarm on.
17. Right now I am thinking about... how much I hate this song and hate dudes (minus my friends that are dudes, and bryan)
18. Babies are... cute and make me sad.
19. I get on Myspace... to keep in touch with people and because I'm bored.
20. Today I... well, there's not much left of today- but I might go to bryans.
21. Tonight I will... eventually go to bed.
22. Tomorrow I will be... working, tattoo? with tracy, aa, bt, and sleep
23. I really want... stability and this weekend to get here. fuck.