walmart doesn't have a leg to stand on
Last week I shopped at WalMart where I saw the oddest sight. This guy walked past me. Rather, he rolled past me -- in a WalMart Shopping cart. He was sitting in the cart's child seat.
You may be wondering how a grown man could fit in such a small niche. It's because he had no legs! He was just a human stump propped up in a shopping cart. At first I thought he was one of those Slam-Man punching dummies from sporting goods. But once I saw the arms moving, I surmised it was a real person. I figured things out in a nick of time, too, because I was fixing on throwing a quick jab followed by a devastating right cross. Imagine how that police report would have read! Woman sucker-punches double amputee in WalMart. Felony charges pending.
I don't begrudge the man his handicap. Having no legs is fine. Think of how much money one would save on pants and shoes! Furthermore, you'd win every pull-up contest you entered. What struck me odd was his means of ambulation, namely, a WalMart shopping cart. He couldn't roll it himself, unless he had an oar or a pogo stick or something. His family was pushing him along. In a shopping cart. How weird. Hey, you know what would have been great? If the amputee's name was Cartman. Odds are a million to one, but imagine that. Anyway, one would think a guy with no legs would have his own custom wheelchair, something more dignified than a wire basket with wheels. He's in a WalMart, after all (Incidentally, WalMart is the only place you'd see something like this; it's a cinch you won't find this guy rolling through Macy's). Why didn't he visit the toy aisle and pick out a red wagon or a skateboard? Maybe he could drive a kids' toy 4x4 jeep. Some naked lady mudflaps, a handicap sign for parking, a couple 6-volt batteries - he'd be all set. Just because you're handicapped doesn't mean you shouldn't put your best foot forward, if you're fortunate enough to have at least one.
But along he rolled in a shopping cart while several family tugged him this way and that. This oddity had me up wondering most of the night.
oh and I started naming my new fish: the three guppys are named Capt'n Kirk, lil' tortilla boy, Brock Sampson. and the little tetras are being named.. dr. girlfriend. blender, oven, fork, spork, and spoon. i need like... three more names... ish. for fish.
You may be wondering how a grown man could fit in such a small niche. It's because he had no legs! He was just a human stump propped up in a shopping cart. At first I thought he was one of those Slam-Man punching dummies from sporting goods. But once I saw the arms moving, I surmised it was a real person. I figured things out in a nick of time, too, because I was fixing on throwing a quick jab followed by a devastating right cross. Imagine how that police report would have read! Woman sucker-punches double amputee in WalMart. Felony charges pending.
I don't begrudge the man his handicap. Having no legs is fine. Think of how much money one would save on pants and shoes! Furthermore, you'd win every pull-up contest you entered. What struck me odd was his means of ambulation, namely, a WalMart shopping cart. He couldn't roll it himself, unless he had an oar or a pogo stick or something. His family was pushing him along. In a shopping cart. How weird. Hey, you know what would have been great? If the amputee's name was Cartman. Odds are a million to one, but imagine that. Anyway, one would think a guy with no legs would have his own custom wheelchair, something more dignified than a wire basket with wheels. He's in a WalMart, after all (Incidentally, WalMart is the only place you'd see something like this; it's a cinch you won't find this guy rolling through Macy's). Why didn't he visit the toy aisle and pick out a red wagon or a skateboard? Maybe he could drive a kids' toy 4x4 jeep. Some naked lady mudflaps, a handicap sign for parking, a couple 6-volt batteries - he'd be all set. Just because you're handicapped doesn't mean you shouldn't put your best foot forward, if you're fortunate enough to have at least one.
But along he rolled in a shopping cart while several family tugged him this way and that. This oddity had me up wondering most of the night.
oh and I started naming my new fish: the three guppys are named Capt'n Kirk, lil' tortilla boy, Brock Sampson. and the little tetras are being named.. dr. girlfriend. blender, oven, fork, spork, and spoon. i need like... three more names... ish. for fish.