out of hiding
Things have been so crazy I felt if I wrote the positive it wasn't reality - and the negative is enough to depress anyone.
but here goes
haven't started shopping but a few things
the boys have no list, they want for nothing - of course some clothing as we just start out school w/basics
golf clubs - grampa took care of those. And they each need an item for hockey - want a x-box game and then that
famous word "surprise me" - what exactly does that mean? I got zach these recorder things he saw on tv that are
now at rite-aid - and he loves to read or play games at night so I got him this light that hangs around your neck and
you can adjust it, also from rite-aid. Guess we've been getting lots of prescriptions! I ran out of celexa - and you
know what, why should I have to? If I feel better than I'm going to fill them happiness for $10. The ativan has
come in quite handy lately. Zach's inherited my migraines full force so we did the neurologist and eye doctor -
everything is fine except he's me, and me's not always fun.
Arthur has been coming to visit regularly on Tuesdays. He is amazing, here he is blind and he's helping me to "be
ok" he lost two of his sight holes last week, he has the retinal disease where the vessels die off. We were talking
about my college course and like a ninkumpoop I said "you know in powerpoint the pages you use" he smiled his
big smile and said "nope, Robin I dont use powerpoint" he's got a great sense of humor. I bought him a music
card that played a jazzy christmas tune. I told Zach I bought a card and he said "are you going to read it to him"
and I told him no and he thought it was cool. I got his driver Annie this betty crocker recipe mit and made the
recipe, certainly worth trying it was great! Peanut brittle bars. They gave me a ty beanie polar bear. I have a
polar bear windchime. And last year Rob bought me these animated reindeer and this big ole animated polar
bear.
The tree is up and is so beautiful. I use only ornaments the boys made, and then we have our personalized
ornaments we've made or bought. I did get these cute little starched doily angels a few yrs ago. And I took
apart a plastic pointsettia and stick the branches in the tree, just enough to make it beautiful when the lights
aren't on.
Matt's back working at the rink with me - the exeter rink played head games. The problem is we just don't get
along as employees so it is quite stressful. He still sees me as mom when I tell him to "clean the ladies room"
He's been ok living at home so to speak. Needs to stop eating in his room. most of his clothes are still at my
mom and dads. His brothers aren't happy w/him home, I just told him he needs to be a part of the family and
not bossy.
Mike and Melissa are still boyfriend/girlfriend but she's quite moody and often takes advantage of Mike. Not sure
where that comes from. Rob is very much a stubborn person and he doesn't get told what to do. They are
sweet. First loves seldom last but I sure do wish they did at times.
Zach and the migraines he's missed like 6 days of school all but two excused w/doctor notes. He has honors
except for one class, science but he's FINALLY making the effort to work w/this excentric teacher and his last
test was a 88%!
Rob hates the holidays plain and simple. We have Zach because 15 years ago he was very depressed on
Christmas. Zach was the best thing that could have happened, he finished the circle of our family. But Robs
feeling like a loser because of the economy!! Who doesn't turn on the tv and hear mortgage crisis, gas prices
building industry almost dead. He feels like he's a loser and starting over. He couldn't be farther from the truth!
This is a man that chose for me to be a full-time stay at home mom 'cause our son was "missing" at a daycare
he was only in 2 hours a day. We sacrificed or should i say Rob did. Working all sorts of stupid hours with
numerous people. Working for himself as well. That man provided us a home we rented in Kensington, a home
we rented in barnstead. And built us a home in barnstead in 2002. I cooked, cleaned, took care of school and
the boys, chaufered them around and volunteered at school, but it was all rob. He's not a quitter, he never goes
without a job. He is amazing in what he knows and does. He get angry and hates to be used. He's left a couple
jobs but never without a back up plan. So now we're struggling, who isn't! He made a life change this week that
will cut our health insurance from $1,360 a month to $360 and provide us with stability. He is such a terrific
provider. He's worried so much about my health and my eyes. I can't help but think if I didn't have this eye
disease that we wouldn't have lost jobs and be in this predikerment. But who can say? I saw a loving, caring
side of my husband that I had never seen until the vision went. I wouldn't trade him for anything. I forgave the
ultimate betrayal because I know what a beautiful man he is. A great role model to his sons. A provider. A
friend, and he has one heck of a way with customers. I just hate when he says he's "worth more dead than
alive" what is money if you don't have someone to share it with? When zach is out of high school we are selling
this home and moving north, building our log cabin with a finished basement for the boys. Mike and Zach will
continue on to college. But Rob and I are going to live a nice life. He's working out of haverhill NH and it's god's
country without moving too far from my parents.
My aunt died. Francine is about 35 and samantha is 22. My aunts son baby dennis died of SIDS, her first husband
was working for the city and got run over after he fell of the back of a garbage truck. She married this abusive
loser and had Sam. She ditched him and met Richard, he'd remind you of the ernest in the ernest series of
movies. He treated her like a queen - he died of throat cancer. My aunt worked as a cook for a nursing home
her whole life. She dropped a can of vegetables on her foot and it damaged her so it had to be partially
amputated - she wanted to die but made it. Then these sores started coming out all over her body. And she
couldn't breath. She was given two years to live. She made it through last christmas but not this one. My mom
is in Maine now, my dad and I will head up Friday. But I'll leave the boys here. Rob will have to work. Life is
so unfair. There are so many people that take advantage of others, the system, lie, steal, kill and live forever.
Where are the diseases for them? I am so sad for my aunt. But Mike and I pulled a surprise visit two months
ago. Zach had a hockey game in lewiston. I knew my way to Wales. So we went, we could only stay 15
minutes. But she loved it. We brought her two bouquets of purple flowers (our favorite) she joked when Mike
stepped on her oxygen line - pretending she couldn't breathe.
Life just seems so unfair right now. We have our life - but it is such a struggle - a struggle I couldn't go through
alone, but I just don't know how much longer I can be chipper - it has to get better.