A Great Magnet Pulls - part 2
It was supposed to be a movie night and Kurt had even challenged Blaine to bring the movie he was most embarrassed to like. In return he had a guilty pleasure movie of his own ready, which happened to be Grease 2, mostly due to Maxwell Caulfield's gorgeousness.
But all day he hadn't been able to get Blaine out of his head. Well, he did think about him a lot on a daily basis but usually he was able to focus on his work without the distraction of images of Blaine's naked body swimming in his head.
And when Kurt had been preparing snacks in the kitchen earlier, cutting up celery and mixing the dip, Santana had taken one look at him on her way out and shaken her head.
"No, Hummel. Don't bother. No one is going to eat that."
"Hey, celery is delicious."
"Yeah, yeah, though it gets boring when it's the only thing you eat for two weeks 'cause Sue Sylvester has hallucinations about you having love handles. But that's not what I'm talking about: you are going to be too busy screwing Wonderboy to be eating anything."
Kurt almost cut himself when the knife skidded on the cutting plate.
"Santana! Blaine and I might have an arrangement but it doesn't mean we just have sex all the time."
"Duh, of course. Just the way you're spraying your pheromones all over the place is almost making me straight here. I bet you all the Tom Ford tuxes in the world that you are going to jump that poor boy as soon as he walks through the door."
As Santana slammed the door shut, Kurt stood still, wondering if she actually had magical powers because all he could think about now was jumping Blaine as soon he'd appear in the doorway.
Frankly, that scared him. Sure, he enjoyed sex and had a healthy libido, but surely he wasn't the ravishing kind. Even so, he felt the tug of desire pull hard at him, like a rope around his middle, propelling him into detailed fantasies, sexual fantasies of things he'd never done and never dreamed of doing before.
The chiming of the door bell shook him out of his reverie.
Trying to calm down, Kurt gave himself time to look at Blaine as he stood in the doorway. His attire was pretty much what he was used to wearing whenever they met up but at this moment, Kurt couldn't help but see how the cardigan clung to Blaine's tiny waist and accentuated his narrow hips, and how the open collar on his long sleeved shirt gave him a glimpse of Blaine's collar bone. His mouth watered and he literally had to remind himself to step back to let Blaine into the apartment.
"Hi, I brought My Stepmother Is an Alien. I only saw it because my brother had a thing for Alyson Hannigan and was watching all her stuff and..."
Blaine didn't get any further in explaining how My Stepmother Is an Alien had changed his life or what other explanation he might have for liking that movie because Kurt had effectively pinned him to the wall in the hallway, narrowly escaping crashing into that dratted dresser.
Kurt was like a man possessed, ridding Blaine of his clothes faster than a person who normally cared for clothes should. For a second he stopped, as his hands were about to unfasten Blaine's belt, looking into his face to see if it was okay.
Blaine's eyes were shining from underneath heavy eyelids, bedroom eyes if Kurt had ever seen a pair, and a vague plan formed in his head. Sure, it might be hot just to do it there in the hallway but a bed would be so much more comfortable.
Pulling Blaine with him by the belt on his pants, Kurt practically ran to the bedroom.
"On the bed, now," he commanded Blaine who happily obliged, grinning even as he made himself fall backwards on the bed.
"I have to admit that while I was expecting corny movies and snacks, this is a pretty good turn of events."
"Pants off, no talking."
While Blaine hurried to rid himself of the rest of his clothes, Kurt scrambled for supplies. That tiny voice in his head was mentioning something about him never being this aggressive and that he didn't know what he was doing but seeing Blaine there, watching with what Kurt could only describe as joyful lust, made it so much easier to drown that doubtful voice out.
And he damn well knew what he wanted. He wanted them both to come hard and fast and then indulge in each other. Do some exploring when the edge had been taken off.
Bending over Blaine, he captured his lips in what fast became a very dirty kiss, but this wasn't the time to be making out. He had some catching up to do in getting rid of his clothes and then he was going to have Blaine.
Grabbing the lube, he pushed on Blaine's shoulder, nudging him to roll over.
"Am I going to get your fingers?" Blaine purred, almost turned onto his stomach.
The imagery that conjured in Kurt's head seemed to find a direct way to his groin, causing him to grow harder. There would be plenty of time for that later, though.
"No time," Kurt panted as he applied generous amount of lube to himself and then brought his hand between Blaine's thighs.
The only sound Blaine made was a tiny hitch of his breath and then Kurt positioned himself behind him, jostling him so he'd open up his legs a little.
He wanted it like that, not quite fucking but close enough, his dick between the fleshy cheeks of Blaine's ass, his slick hand on Blaine's cock and them moving in a rhythm. Blaine had understood right away what it was Kurt needed, the muscles of his buttocks and thighs so tight around Kurt.
"You feel so good, Blaine," Kurt huffed into Blaine's ear and it was obviously something that Blaine liked to hear as he pushed back hard on Kurt, who was so close, and judging from the sounds coming from Blaine and the way he was moving, the same went for him.
Kurt couldn't help but repeating himself.
"You feel so good, Blaine."
And that seemed to do it for Blaine; he was coming all over Kurt's hand and that, combined with how Blaine's body was jerking, was enough for Kurt as well.
They were absolutely wrecked as they lay there, messy and trying to catch their breath.
"I'm glad you went with this instead of watching My Stepmother Is an Alien, as much as I love that movie," Blaine said as soon his breathing had returned to normal.
"And are you up for more when you recover?" Kurt asked. They had turned to face each other.
A hazy smile played over Blaine's lips.
"When I recover, yes. Just give me a sec."
"Sure," Kurt said, rising up from the bed to look for something they could clean up with. Despite the very recent orgasm he was feeling strung out, like what had just transpired wasn't enough sate the lust burning in him. It was strange to think of himself as someone would lust so openly after another person, but Blaine had opened floodgates within him and this aggressiveness was suddenly a seamless part of him, just like his ability to spot trends in men's fashion. Unfortunately, it was doubtful that he could use this quality for his day job like he did with the trendspotting.
When he returned with wash cloths and water bottles for both of them, Blaine was on his way to recovery, judging from the way he looked at Kurt, though other parts of him weren't quite there yet.
"What do you want to do, Blaine?" He asked, maybe trying little too hard to be nonchalant.
Blaine quirked one eyebrow.
"Honestly?"
Kurt nodded as he tossed one wash cloth to Blaine.
"I'd like to take my time with your magnificent ass, with my tongue."
Gulping, Kurt tensed a little. That had always been a taboo thing with Eric, who didn't want his tongue anywhere near Kurt's asshole and was even less keen on allowing Kurt near his. Yet ever since Kurt had opened up to himself about sex, rimming had intrigued him.
So it was with a certain trepidation that Kurt laid on his own bed, allowing Blaine to maneuver him onto all fours.
"Relax, Kurt," Blaine purred, smoothing his hands over his lower back and sides before peppering the dip in the small of his back with quick kisses. "Your skin feels so soft. I can't get enough of touching it."
Hearing Blaine praise his body created a warm thrill in the pit of Kurt's stomach, maybe because it was a novelty to him. Sure, Eric had told him in the heat of the moment that he was hot and how good it was to fuck him but he had never focused on any particular part of Kurt's physique so he was learning just now that it was a huge turn-on for him.
Following up the kisses with his tongue, Blaine made his way down the cleft between Kurt's cheeks. Inhaling sharply, Kurt became aware just how sensitive his the skin was right there. Blaine kept his attention on Kurt's tailbone and then moved down to his perineum and scrotum, like he was waiting to get to the pièce-de-résistance. Kurt couldn't help it, he was growing impatient and he knew exactly where he wanted Blaine's tongue. With keening sounds, he rocked on his knees and he could hear Blaine chuckle behind him, the vibrations tickling him.
Finally he stopped teasing him, letting his tongue sweep over the pucker, causing Kurt's toes to curl involuntarily. The way Kurt had tensed seemed to encourage Blaine to keep going and stop his teasing ways. Instead he pushed in, then pulled back to blow a little on the wet skin.
The moan that escaped Kurt's lips was probably the most obscene sound he'd ever made. He couldn't believe how good this felt. None of his vague fantasies came even close and when Blaine really plunged his tongue inside of him, Kurt wailed, literally wailed as the build-up of pleasure was like someone had taken hold of his front, squeezing his sternum, tightening the abdominal muscles and making his head fill with this buzzing static of 'So good, how can anything feel so good?'
Blaine kept going, his tongue thrusting into the ring of muscle and Kurt felt how he tried to spread out his tongue to open him up. And that strain, just a twinge, combined with the amazing way Blaine's tongue seemed cause a spark in every nerve ending made him come in a white blinding glory.
"You there?" Blaine's spit-wet face was hovering over his when his vision started functioning again. Kurt's voice was far from working so all he managed was a tiny nod. Smiling, Blaine crawled off the bed and from his peculiar gait, it was painfully obvious he hadn't gotten off yet. Feeling absolutely boneless, Kurt wondered how he could help with that.
After cleaning himself up, Blaine started mopping up Kurt, just about when Kurt regained his voice. Watching Blaine being so careful with him while still being hard made something in Kurt's chest clench so tight that it hurt a little.
"Blaine," Kurt said, his voice thick and alien to his ears. "What do you want to do? I'm pretty much out except I want you to get off."
There was one trick that Kurt had up his sleeve that he hadn't revealed to Blaine yet. Maybe because when he was with Eric it had been something he rarely agreed to do. It had always made him feel used and like Eric could just be with anyone else in his head at that moment.
But he wanted to do it now. He wanted Blaine like that.
"Can I suck you off?"
Blaine looked at him, smiling and moving to lie down next down to Kurt.
"No, no, not like that." Kurt turned over onto his back, pulling a pillow to prop against the headboard. "I want you like that."
"But... are you sure?" Concern was shining out of Blaine's eyes. "I mean, you are asking me to fuck your face. You won't be able to control it as much if you are lying like that. I mean, I'll try to watch myself but I can't promise anything."
"I want you to fuck my face." Kurt tried to put as much command into his voice as he could muster.
It was adorable the way Blaine looked taken aback while his eyes grew even darker with desire, but he complied and maneuvered so he was kneeling over Kurt, his knees on either side of Kurt's head.
It wasn't the best way to deepthroat, Kurt knew that, but he wanted to see whether he could make Blaine lose control this way. Whether Blaine trusted him, and himself, enough to let go.
Tasting Blaine's pre-come as he took him in, Kurt looked up at Blaine who was watching him in return.
"Your mouth..." Blaine breathed as he pushed in slowly, the muscles in his hips and thighs obviously straining. Kurt would have smirked a little if he could but had to settle instead for conveying his amusement with his eyes.
It had been a while since Kurt had done this but his old trick to suppress his gag reflex still worked. It took effort to will the throat muscles to relax and not to cough when he swallowed around Blaine, but he managed. The sounds Blaine was making suggested that he was more than pleased with Kurt's talent, especially when he started pumping his hips and bracing himself on the headboard above Kurt.
"This feels so good. Your mouth, Kurt. I haven't felt anything like it. The way you are taking my cock." Blaine was normally vocal and every time his words were on the dirtier side, it evoked a thrill in Kurt and made him feel sexier than usual. This time the dirty talk got to him on an even deeper level; this was all about trust. Blaine trusted him enough to be so open with what he liked and even though it shouldn't be a big thing, Kurt was almost overcome with an emotion he couldn't categorize but felt similar to gratitude. Like his chest had clenched earlier, it now felt like it was expanding, like his ribcage couldn't contain the feelings inside of him.
Blaine was close, his movement growing shallow and erratic and his words turning into nonsense.
"Kurt... fuck... so good." The sweat was beading on his forehead and his eyes were squeezing shut. With a final thrust, Blaine's body grew taut and Kurt could see how he was holding on to the headboard for dear life.
"I love you." Blaine more breathed those words than spoke them as he came down Kurt's throat. If he hadn't been so lost in the sensation of feeling Blaine pulsing in his mouth, Blaine's confession might have coaxed a physical reaction. Instead, all he felt was his heart hammering so hard that he was surprised that he wasn't completely out of breath when Blaine pulled out. All he could do was lie still while Blaine recovered. Was this a point where he'd tell Blaine he felt the same? Even when he wasn't entirely sure that he felt the same - not yet at least.
But either Blaine wasn't aware of what he'd said or he wasn't waiting for an answer from Kurt. As he got down besides Kurt, he pulled him in for a kiss and all Kurt felt was how Blaine smiled into the kiss.
***
Calling it a day from hell would be an understatement of the worst kind: deadlines had been moved up, interviewees were canceling on him and basically everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams, both figuratively and literally. His plans to see a movie with Blaine had fallen through completely, though he'd texted Blaine, telling him if he was up for it, he could come around Kurt's place around eleven. The vague hope that Blaine might take him up on his offer was the only thing that kept him going while answering several bitchy emails from Michael Kors' assistant who seemed to think she was the queen of the known world and that she should write Kurt's piece on Kors' new collection.
Around 10.30 Kurt dragged himself from the subway station with a quick visit to the deli around the corner from his apartment for a bottle of wine and something to munch on. Busy looking at his phone, trying to decipher from Santana's message whether she'd be out all night or if he should expect her before morning, he almost walked into a person standing in the entranceway to the apartment building.
"So sorry," he said, not looking up, still looking at his phone.
"Hey, Kurt."
It had been a good while since he'd last heard that voice and he snapped his eyes away from the phone to look at the man who had just addressed him.
"Eric!" His voice rose up even higher than it was wont to do when he was upset. He couldn't imagine what Eric was doing here.
"Yeah. I was wondering whether I should call first but I don't know... I just had to come and see you. I've actually been waiting here for three hours but I was sitting in my car for most of it." Eric pointed across the street to where his truck was parked. Kurt shook off the thought of how that was kind of creepy.
"Uhm, I guess I should invite you in." Kurt balanced his purchases so he could open the front door. Eric followed him in, stood silently with him in the elevator and as Kurt busied himself with opening the door to the apartment, loomed behind him like a too tall shadow.
"Please, make yourself comfortable," Kurt said as he put away his things on the kitchen island. Then he went straight for the freezer to pull out the bottle of Stoli stashed there and poured the vodka into the mug he usually drank his tea from. This wasn't an occasion for the correct etiquette. It didn't enter his mind to offer Eric something, maybe because one of them had to be sober for whatever he had to say. Kurt looked into the living room space where Eric had perched himself on the couch, still wearing his coat.
"What brings you here?" Kurt wasn't going to put it past Eric to have come here for a booty call, even though they hadn't talked for almost a year.
"I... I'm moving to New York, Kurt."
That was absolutely not what he had expected. In his most secret fantasies where he and Eric had made it, it was always for his convincing that Eric agreed to live in New York. He'd never imagined that Eric would initiate such a move.
"Seriously? And what are you going to do?"
"I'm enrolling at Fordham for my MBA."
"Indeed," was all Kurt could muster before draining his mug. The vodka burned down to his stomach but he preferred to focus on that particular physical discomfort rather than to contemplate what exactly he was supposed to feel about all this.
"I'm not doing this just for you, it's also something I want but you are a major factor, Kurt. What we had, it's not something you just throw away, and I know I have to work for it."
Kurt was definitely not drunk enough for this discussion. As he turned back towards the freezer, the front door was shut.
"Hey, Kurt. Your neighbor in 5D let me in, she was going out and I saw that your front door hadn't been closed completely so I thought..." Blaine trailed off when he saw Kurt had company.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought... I'll just let myself out..." He gave Eric a look that made Kurt wince. Those big expressive eyes looked deep with sadness.
"Who are you?" Eric's eyes on the other hand, were narrowed.
"Uh, my name is Blaine Anderson, sorry if I'm being rude..." Blaine extended his hand but Eric didn't shake it and instead turned to Kurt.
"Who is this?" There was no mistaking the jealousy in Eric's shaking voice.
"A friend." Kurt spat out. "Blaine, I'll call you?" He then added, hoping that his face was conveying enough of an apology though he felt like he would never be able to apologize enough.
A spasm trying its best to be a smile played over Blaine's lips before he turned away, muttering his goodbyes.
As the door fell closed behind him, Eric rose from the couch and stalked to the kitchen island where Kurt stood with his empty mug.
"You sleeping with him?"
"Eric," Kurt tried to say, not wanting to get into this with him.
"Answer the question."
Closing his eyes, trying to think what karma he had upset to deserve a hellish day and evening like this, Kurt knew that he needed a good night's sleep before he could even comprehend any of this.
"Please, Eric, I just can't right now. Can we meet up tomorrow? For brunch somewhere, there's a diner not far from here that has great hash-browns. Please, meet me there and I promise we'll talk. I just... I can't right now." He wasn't too proud to plead at the moment.
Eric huffed in frustration and Kurt knew that he had been imagining the outcome of the evening very differently. Then again, Kurt had given him plenty of reasons to think that he'd welcome him with open arms and they'd live happily ever after.
No one had to know that Kurt drank the rest of the vodka straight from the bottle after Eric left. Somehow he had to be able to sleep if he and Eric were to have an intelligent conversation in the morning.
***
"Good morning, sunshine," Santana said in a chirpy voice as she sat with the morning paper, drinking a protein shake, looking like the epitome of cheerfulness.
Kurt didn't feel like sunshine at all. He'd managed to drag himself to the shower when his alarm woke him up at what felt five minutes after he'd fallen asleep and now all he wanted was a large cup of industrial strength coffee. In an hour he was supposed to meet up with Eric and he'd never felt less prepared for anything. He didn't even bother to grunt at Santana before making a beeline for the coffee-maker.
"Ah, the mystery of the empty vodka bottle is solved. You partied hard last night? Was B-boy there with you? Is he maybe still sleeping on the wet spot?"
"Santana, please. I need like thousands of doses of pure caffeine before getting into this with you."
"You partied alone? No one to warm your bed?"
Measuring the water, Kurt knew that he'd have to give Santana some kind of an answer so she'd shut up.
"I did invite Blaine over but something came up. Maybe I better tell you, though I know what you are going to say."
He saw Santana's face grow longer in a 'What have you done now, Hummel?' look.
"So, Eric came by last night."
"Hold it there, Princess. Don't tell me you slept with him. I will personally escort you to a monastery if you did..."
"Santana! No, I didn't sleep with him. I kind of kicked him out. It's just that while he was here, Blaine did come by."
"And I wasn't here! Did they fight?" Santana was bouncing on her chair.
"No, no, no. I'd like to think I've enough common sense not to sleep with guys who have to speak with their fists."
"Come on, Hummel. That's hot and you know it."
"Anyway, I'm meeting Eric in an hour. Apparently, he's moving to New York," Kurt said, not able to keep that feeling of defeat he'd been feeling from his voice.
"Hold up, Kurt." Santana almost never used his first name when she was addressing him directly. "Now you are going to listen to me and if you are going to come up with excuses not to, I will call your father and probably Finn as well. I know he is god-knows-where but I think I've some power over him. At least the bastard owes me, and you."
There wasn't much he could do to stop Santana from delivering her triad. Maybe he needed to hear it. His own head was so messed-up right now.
"I don't care if Philips wants to come out of the closet now with fanfare, a Pride float and everything. You don't owe him shit. You have given him loads of chances to be with you proud and properly and he hasn't manned up before. How is this going to be any different? Plus, even if he was going to come clean, do you want to be weighed down by someone who is just taking their first baby-steps as an out-person? I mean, sure, he could use someone who has been there. We both know how hard it is and I don't think it gets easier with time."
Kurt nodded. As hard as it had been to come out in high-school for both of them, having to endure the ridicule and in his case, the harassment, it was a stepping stone far behind them, and it had made them who they were today. He could just imagine the tumult of having to readjust your life so drastically this old. Well, twenty-seven wasn't advanced age or anything but life had usually taken a certain course.
"Beside that, Kurt, you have to think of yourself. I'm going to say something that I haven't told you because it wasn't my place, surprise, surprise, and because it's probably a bit too early in the game, but I think Blaine is good for you. I feel like you're happier, that you're actually living life, instead of being stressed out by work and being Mr Career Man all the time. I know you think it's all casual but I've been around enough to know that when a guy wants to hang out with you like he does, watching your favorite movies, cooking for you, he likes you."
"That's because we are friends, Santana."
"Yeah, this is just not how the whole friends-with-benefits thing works. It's not all cozy date nights beforehand and things like that. It's a phone call at eleven after a bust date with another person, asking if you can come over for an hour. It's a quick roll in the hay and then all 'catch you later'. Completely commitment-free and devoid of any emotions beyond 'you are swell and cool enough not to become stupid about this'. You have fallen for him, and more importantly I'm gonna bet all of Sue Sylvester's trophies that he's fallen for you."
There wasn't much Kurt could say to this. He knew what Santana was saying was true, at least where he was concerned. What Blaine was thinking was a little more complicated but he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said the other night. Sure, people say all kinds of stuff in the throes of passion but he still couldn't shake the feeling that Blaine had meant it.
"Seriously, Kurt. I can't stop you going to meet Eric, but remember the life you deserve isn't in taking the easiest route and falling back on old comforts and all that. I mean, I'd still be stuck doing cheers now if I'd gone with the easiest route and I think I'd be fucking miserable. Don't settle for misery because you can't say no, Kurt." Santana's voice went softer on that last sentence then Kurt had ever heard it.
***
Kurt arrived ahead of Eric at the diner and ordered for them both. For some reason, he couldn't imagine that Eric had stopped liking waffles, his bacon extra crispy or his eggs over easy. Ten minutes later, Eric came panting through the door.
"Sorry, sorry, my cab got stuck in traffic and yeah... you ordered already?"
Kurt nodded as he watched his flustered ex sit down across from him. It felt strange now to look at Eric's face, pink from the rushing around, his jaws more neatly shaved than he was used to. This grown-up version of Eric was almost unsettling.
"You mind?" Eric said as their food arrived and dug in right away. Shaking his head, Kurt smiled indulgently. In some ways, Eric hadn't changed at all since they were seventeen.
When Kurt was certain that Eric had been fed enough to hold an intelligent conversion, he put away his own cutlery and leaned forward a bit.
"So why move to New York now? I thought that working on the Buckeyes' coaching staff was working for you. Maybe not quite what you dreamed of but close enough."
Two bright red spots appeared on Eric's cheeks.
"I might have compromised my position."
Kurt's eyebrows shot up.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You see, there's a lot of competition between those who are assisting, who gets to go on the away games and stuff like that. So yeah, people gossip and stuff and maybe this guy, this douchebag of a guy may have seen me leave this club in Columbus and threatened to out me and he would have if I hadn't decided to quit. I mean, sure I could have tried to weather the storm, Kurt, but I've never been as strong as you. So when it happened, I looked up jobs and schools in New York and saw I hadn't missed the date for Fordham and I applied there. I might try to go to law school later on, I don't know."
It was like a tiny little weight dropped into the pit of Kurt's stomach. Eric hadn't made the decision entirely on his own to come out, to move to New York and try to win him back.
"So I'm staying at a hotel now, just looking at apartments and stuff. I mean, my courses won't start until the New Year but I thought I should touch base with you… maybe we could find a place together. Kurt, we were always so great together."
Eric reached for Kurt's hand over the table. He allowed him to take it but kept it slack.
"I know what you want from me and I think I could do it here. I mean, no one really knows me here except. you know, those few souls who have been following college football. This isn't Ohio, people are used to this here."
It was hard for Kurt not to let his mind wander to all his old fantasies where he and Eric were happily living in their beautiful New York apartment. The Sundays he'd imagined where he'd be dallying around in the kitchen or sketching some fabulous designs while Eric would be watching sports. The Friday nights where they'd be going out to see a show, Eric a tiny bit reluctant and always asking him what the show was about.
There was no denying that the lure of such comfort was strong. He knew exactly how it would go with Eric, would be able to predict his moods and his wants. Surely that would make up for a relationship devoid of much conflict - but it wasn't very exciting. Not at all like he knew life could be.
"What about your family? How do they feel about all this? Moving to New York? Coming out?"
He could see something close off in Eric's eyes at his question.
"Well, they know I'm moving. I just haven't told them why. I mean, Dad is thrilled that I eventually plan on going to law school. It's just, I want them to get used to one thing before I spring the whole gay-thing on them."
Drawing a deep breath, Kurt tried to stop Eric's words from stinging so much. Their relationship was never going to be enough for Eric to be truthful and it wasn't like Eric owed him this now, not when they hadn't been together for so long. But a part of him was angry, was angry that Eric still called it the 'gay-thing' like it was hobby one normally kept quiet about, like collecting coins.
"And if we would be living together, would I just be your roommate? All 'yeah, remember Kurt, my friend from high-school? We're renting a place together'?"
"Don't be like that. You know how my parents are. Of course I would want them to know. I just can't deal with letting them in on everything at once."
Kurt didn't understand why he was doing this to himself. This was a recipe for misery, for them both, and it wasn't what he wanted but it was as if being here alone with Eric made his back-bone give way.
"Kurt!"
Both he and Eric looked up at the man standing in the door to the diner. It was Blaine, looking like he had sprinted across half of New York. The weight of dread that had settled in the pit of Kurt's stomach dissolved in a flight of tickling butterflies at the sight of him.
Eric looked confused and unhappy.
"Kurt, Santana told me you were here and just please, hear me out and then you can tell me to go away. Forever, if that's what you want."
"Listen, dude. We are having a private conversation here and I'd appreciate if you left us alone. Whatever you need to tell Kurt, it can wait." Eric had sat up straight in his seat, looking directly at Blaine like he was challenging him but Blaine didn't let that scare him off.
"No, this can't wait. Kurt, I know we have been pretending that whatever is between us is purely casual, no strings attached. But you have to agree with me that we have only been pretending." Blaine was looking directly at him, more determination in his eyes than pleading. And Kurt knew he was speaking the truth.
"I want you to give us a chance."
The hope that was swelling up inside Kurt stood in such stark contrast with the emotions Eric's suggestions had invoked.
"Okay, I don't care what is going on here but you need to leave now." Eric had started to rise from his seat but Blaine didn't budge.
It was all up to Kurt, and it was just his luck that he had to make a decision which could determine his future happiness while still hung over. He would have to break someone's heart right now. Hell, they gave more privacy on The Bachelorette for this. Before he could say anything, however, Eric was standing up, towering over Blaine.
"Maybe you had a good time with Kurt but we have history and you can't fight with that. A fling is a fling, it's not years of a relationship. Do yourself a favor and go, I doubt you're going to like what Kurt has to say."
Despite the fact that Eric had a good nine inches on Blaine, Blaine didn't seem to be intimidated in the least.
"But why aren't you still together? Why hasn't it worked for you? I'm gonna tell you why. Because you are afraid to admit who you are, and because of that, you've missed out on years of being in a happy, committed adult relationship with the most compassionate, caring and wonderful man I've had the fortune of ever meeting. And it's going to have to be over my dead body that you get to lock him away because you are still a scared little boy."
A part of Kurt was glad that they were alone at the diner, except for the waitress who was watching the whole thing, leaning on the register - and perhaps the fry-cook was listening in the back. A much bigger part of him, however, was concentrating on Blaine's words. He couldn't remember anyone ever saying such nice things about him.
"Not everyone can be out and proud. Not everyone likes gay people, but I'm sure you were raised in some happy homo paradise where every month is Pride Month. Some of us have families who are close-minded and some of us actually don't want to be cut off from that." Eric sounded close to tears but Kurt knew that the main cause for that was probably that Blaine wasn't backing down.
"Dude." Blaine's voice sounded hard as steel. "Believe me, I know. My relationship with my parents is strenuous at best. I was gaybashed. And guess what, every week I listen to dozen of young gay people talking about how scared they are but they are all so much braver than you, because I think the ultimate coward is the one who wants everyone around them to be afraid, too. If you can't be yourself, you can't live your life like you are supposed to."
Eric looked like he wanted to answer Blaine, but it looked like he lacked the words. He stood there, looking crossly at Blaine, then looking over to Kurt and it was like he was asking Kurt to take pity on him. 'Look at me, don't you feel sorry for me? Don't you want to be nice to me?'
And Kurt couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand that Eric didn't have any more self-worth than that he'd settle for Kurt being with him out of pity. He couldn't stand that Eric was so afraid to let go that he couldn't just let him be free. Once he had loved Eric and once it had been enough to carry on in secret but Kurt didn't have to obey the Lima values anymore. He was free to be Kurt Hummel and live life in all its glory.
"Eric," he said, a lump forming in his throat. "I did love you once but that was a long time ago. Maybe it's been unfair to you that I kept reaching out to you, even after we were broken up for good, but it's also unfair of you to think that I'd ever settle for you. I'm living my life here in New York as a gay man. I don't stop being a gay man when I visit Ohio. And at the moment, only hard-core fashion aficionados in New York know my name as a fashion journalist but Anna Wintour and Joanna Coles need to start watching their backs. I'm going to make something out of myself and I don't think you are ready for that."
Eric had sat down again and Blaine had perched himself on the next table, his arms crossed.
"The thing is," Kurt continued, "I've developed feelings for Blaine and I want to see where it's going. I'm sorry..." And that was where his voice broke and the tears started flowing. Through them he saw Blaine trying to hold back but Eric was completely stone-faced. "I don't want to hurt anyone and if you... Eric, it's been almost two years since we really talked and I've moved on. Eric, I'm so sorry but I don't love you anymore and I haven't loved you for a while." At that, Kurt broke down, hiding his head in his hands and allowing the sobs to shake his body.
He was vaguely aware of a chair being scraped over the floor but then he felt arms around him, strong arms that made him feel safe.
"Sssh, Kurt. It's all going to be okay. Just let it out. I'm here, I got you."
Grabbing the front of Blaine's jacket, Kurt buried his face in his chest and let go.
***
"Come to bed, Kurt. There's no need to make all this effort."
Kurt ignored Blaine because he wanted to create the perfect mood. Just a few more candles and then it would be perfect. It couldn't be helped but ever since his first time with Blaine, his mind kept generating fantasies like it was making up for lost time. And sometimes the fantasies bordered on being corny and clichéd but Kurt still wanted to try them out and Blaine was usually game. Okay, maybe his patience ran a bit thin while waiting for thirty candles to be lit.
"See, I'm done," said Kurt as he put away his candle lighter with a flourish. He let himself fall onto the bed where Blaine was lying, already naked.
"Come on, let's make you less dressed and more naked," he said as he started working on the buttons on Kurt's shirt, stopping his work to kiss and lick Kurt's throat. As nice as that felt, Kurt was curious. Blaine always went with what he wanted but he'd never voiced an elaborate fantasy of his own.
"I know I've set up this whole let's-have-sex in the romantic candlelight thing and when I was younger, like before I got together with Eric, I used to have these grand fantasies, like being with Taylor Lautner in a meadow of lilacs."
"Before he got fat," Blaine quipped, lifting his head up to look Kurt in the eyes.
"Yeah, though I don't regard a tiny lack of ab definition getting fat, he's still kind of hot. But yeah, what I wanted to say, or more ask you, did you fantasize like that when you were younger? Did you have a stupid fantasy like that?"
Propping himself up with his elbows, Blaine gave a little shrug like he was a bit embarrassed.
"Around the time I was being bullied the most, I had this go-to fantasy, a happy place if you will, where everything was just magical. Where I was brave and didn't take shit from no one and where I protected the weak, like a knight, just without the armor and the weapons. And when things got particularly bad in real life, there was this added element to it, where I had won the heart of this amazing guy, like a prince really. In my head, he was this luminous creature, my light in the dark. And like it usually is with fantasies, I didn't have a clear picture of him in my head. It was more the way he carried himself, all regal and untouchable but not to me." Blaine trailed his fingers down Kurt's torso. "You see, it's a bit like you are him. I'm glad that I got to meet you."
Kurt couldn't stop the smile from appearing on his face. Blaine had this ability to compliment him in the strangest ways and he liked it because it felt so earnest.
"Oh yeah, and what did you do with your prince?"
Blaine giggled and hid his face briefly by Kurt's shoulder.
"I was fourteen-fifteen, okay? And kind of innocent, but yeah, mostly a teenage boy so I don't think I ever got further in the process than a hand on my dick."
"Of course," Kurt said, his hand going down to loosen Blaine's trousers. "But I bet we can move it a little further tonight."
Blaine responded by reaching over to kiss Kurt, starting the kiss like he was used to to do, capturing Kurt's lips like they would vanish in a second if he didn't. Kurt could feel Blaine sucking in a bit of air from him, welding their lips even tighter together and leaving the way open for Kurt to deepen the kiss like he always did. It still managed to make Kurt tingle all the way to the tips of his toes.
Breaking the kiss, Blaine looked at him and the shine in his eyes made Kurt feel both wanted and loved, like he had lit Blaine up from within.
"Want you, Kurt." Blaine's voice had deepened to an almost growl.
"Yeah," Kurt breathed. "Want you too."
Crawling over him, Blaine straddled Kurt, his strong thighs on each side of Kurt's middle, his ass brushing Kurt's cock in such a manner that it took a good deal of willpower for him not to grind up but Blaine softened the moment by bending down to reach Kurt's lips again in another toe-curling kiss.
They made out like that, drinking each other in, taking their time like they wouldn't be able to go any further, like they were a couple of teenagers on the living room couch. It wasn't enough, though, not when their bodies knew that these weren't the limits, that they could have each other fully.
There were clothes in the way and while Kurt loathed to break their kiss the urge to feel Blaine's skin was stronger. Once they were both naked, Blaine was back in place astride Kurt and now Kurt didn't hold back from grinding up, feeling his dick in the cleft of Blaine's ass.
"Want me like that?" Blaine asked, his mouth close to Kurt's, his breath hot on Kurt's cheek. "Want me to ride you?"
Blaine's suggestion had the blood rushing in Kurt's veins, so all he heard was a thrum against his eardrums.
"Inside you," he managed to croak before trying to scramble for the lube that should be somewhere close.
"I got it," Blaine said as he stilled Kurt with a touch to his shoulder and reached over to grab the lube and a condom.
Reaching his hand out, Kurt gestured for Blaine to apply lube to his fingers. He loved doing this for Blaine, touching him there, pushing his finger inside of him and feeling the heat and the tightness. Maybe he got too lost in the sensations, as Blaine made an impatient huff and as Kurt was about to slide a second finger in, Blaine clearly couldn't wait anymore as he reached to push his own finger along with Kurt. As Blaine's sphincter was giving way that little bit extra, a wave of white hot lust rolled over Kurt.
"I'm ready."
Before Kurt even registered that Blaine had dragged his hand away, Blaine had positioned himself and was sinking down on him. There was a look of concentration on his face like he was keeping himself from slamming down. Not wanting to interrupt him, Kurt felt briefly at loss over what to do with his hands but then settled on fisting them in the sheets, twisting them as he was fully inside Blaine now.
"You feel so good." Blaine was arching back, his hips moving in small, slow circles. Kurt was gritting his teeth along with almost pulling the sheets off the bed. What Blaine was doing felt like sweet agony, especially when he was fighting the urge to thrust up.
Then Blaine well and truly took the initiative and lifted himself, his thigh muscles taut at Kurt's sides, before dropping down, the sound of flesh on flesh echoing in Kurt's ears as he craned his head back with a soundless moan. He was going to come so fast and so hard that his body was vibrating in anticipation. And that seemed to be Blaine's intention as he clamped down with the next rise-and-fall, becoming vise-tight around Kurt.
"Come for me, Kurt."
There was no answer Kurt could give except a half-chocked moan as Blaine kept going, relentless in his mission to wring an orgasm out of Kurt.
His forearms now tangled in the sheets, Kurt felt his grip slip and he couldn't hold on any longer. As Blaine pushed down yet again, Kurt curved up, his ass and lower back lifting up from the mattress and he came, every nerve-ending sparking as his mind short-circuited. Time became meaningless as pleasure rolled over him again and again. He could feel Blaine contracting around him, like he was milking him, making this last infinitely.
A moment, a minute, a millennia later, Kurt found himself no longer grabbing the sheet but cradling Blaine in his arms as Blaine was slumping forward, his head resting underneath Kurt's chin.
"You know, I meant what I said the other day." Kurt could feel the vibrations of Blaine's voice on his chest and he felt strangely sure what Blaine was saying. And lying there, in a position uncomfortable enough to require a yoga session or two to get ride of the soreness, feeling sticky and hot, Kurt had never been more certain of anything than the fact that he was in love with Blaine. His heart felt like it filled out his ribcage and he never wanted to let go.
"I love you too," he whispered and Blaine drew a shuddering breath like he was in tears before whispering back:
"I'm so glad we found each other. I've been looking for you forever."
At that moment Kurt couldn't have thought of thanking Santana, for that he was much too wrapped up in Blaine and being so in love it was like nothing existed except for them. But Santana might have been swept up in a hug the next day that startled her so much she forgot to accuse Kurt of having accidentally inhaled angel dust out of someone's hair on the subway. Or maybe she bit back all her snark because her heart was tender enough that she felt genuinely happy for Kurt. The scathing comments could wait.
-Finis
But all day he hadn't been able to get Blaine out of his head. Well, he did think about him a lot on a daily basis but usually he was able to focus on his work without the distraction of images of Blaine's naked body swimming in his head.
And when Kurt had been preparing snacks in the kitchen earlier, cutting up celery and mixing the dip, Santana had taken one look at him on her way out and shaken her head.
"No, Hummel. Don't bother. No one is going to eat that."
"Hey, celery is delicious."
"Yeah, yeah, though it gets boring when it's the only thing you eat for two weeks 'cause Sue Sylvester has hallucinations about you having love handles. But that's not what I'm talking about: you are going to be too busy screwing Wonderboy to be eating anything."
Kurt almost cut himself when the knife skidded on the cutting plate.
"Santana! Blaine and I might have an arrangement but it doesn't mean we just have sex all the time."
"Duh, of course. Just the way you're spraying your pheromones all over the place is almost making me straight here. I bet you all the Tom Ford tuxes in the world that you are going to jump that poor boy as soon as he walks through the door."
As Santana slammed the door shut, Kurt stood still, wondering if she actually had magical powers because all he could think about now was jumping Blaine as soon he'd appear in the doorway.
Frankly, that scared him. Sure, he enjoyed sex and had a healthy libido, but surely he wasn't the ravishing kind. Even so, he felt the tug of desire pull hard at him, like a rope around his middle, propelling him into detailed fantasies, sexual fantasies of things he'd never done and never dreamed of doing before.
The chiming of the door bell shook him out of his reverie.
Trying to calm down, Kurt gave himself time to look at Blaine as he stood in the doorway. His attire was pretty much what he was used to wearing whenever they met up but at this moment, Kurt couldn't help but see how the cardigan clung to Blaine's tiny waist and accentuated his narrow hips, and how the open collar on his long sleeved shirt gave him a glimpse of Blaine's collar bone. His mouth watered and he literally had to remind himself to step back to let Blaine into the apartment.
"Hi, I brought My Stepmother Is an Alien. I only saw it because my brother had a thing for Alyson Hannigan and was watching all her stuff and..."
Blaine didn't get any further in explaining how My Stepmother Is an Alien had changed his life or what other explanation he might have for liking that movie because Kurt had effectively pinned him to the wall in the hallway, narrowly escaping crashing into that dratted dresser.
Kurt was like a man possessed, ridding Blaine of his clothes faster than a person who normally cared for clothes should. For a second he stopped, as his hands were about to unfasten Blaine's belt, looking into his face to see if it was okay.
Blaine's eyes were shining from underneath heavy eyelids, bedroom eyes if Kurt had ever seen a pair, and a vague plan formed in his head. Sure, it might be hot just to do it there in the hallway but a bed would be so much more comfortable.
Pulling Blaine with him by the belt on his pants, Kurt practically ran to the bedroom.
"On the bed, now," he commanded Blaine who happily obliged, grinning even as he made himself fall backwards on the bed.
"I have to admit that while I was expecting corny movies and snacks, this is a pretty good turn of events."
"Pants off, no talking."
While Blaine hurried to rid himself of the rest of his clothes, Kurt scrambled for supplies. That tiny voice in his head was mentioning something about him never being this aggressive and that he didn't know what he was doing but seeing Blaine there, watching with what Kurt could only describe as joyful lust, made it so much easier to drown that doubtful voice out.
And he damn well knew what he wanted. He wanted them both to come hard and fast and then indulge in each other. Do some exploring when the edge had been taken off.
Bending over Blaine, he captured his lips in what fast became a very dirty kiss, but this wasn't the time to be making out. He had some catching up to do in getting rid of his clothes and then he was going to have Blaine.
Grabbing the lube, he pushed on Blaine's shoulder, nudging him to roll over.
"Am I going to get your fingers?" Blaine purred, almost turned onto his stomach.
The imagery that conjured in Kurt's head seemed to find a direct way to his groin, causing him to grow harder. There would be plenty of time for that later, though.
"No time," Kurt panted as he applied generous amount of lube to himself and then brought his hand between Blaine's thighs.
The only sound Blaine made was a tiny hitch of his breath and then Kurt positioned himself behind him, jostling him so he'd open up his legs a little.
He wanted it like that, not quite fucking but close enough, his dick between the fleshy cheeks of Blaine's ass, his slick hand on Blaine's cock and them moving in a rhythm. Blaine had understood right away what it was Kurt needed, the muscles of his buttocks and thighs so tight around Kurt.
"You feel so good, Blaine," Kurt huffed into Blaine's ear and it was obviously something that Blaine liked to hear as he pushed back hard on Kurt, who was so close, and judging from the sounds coming from Blaine and the way he was moving, the same went for him.
Kurt couldn't help but repeating himself.
"You feel so good, Blaine."
And that seemed to do it for Blaine; he was coming all over Kurt's hand and that, combined with how Blaine's body was jerking, was enough for Kurt as well.
They were absolutely wrecked as they lay there, messy and trying to catch their breath.
"I'm glad you went with this instead of watching My Stepmother Is an Alien, as much as I love that movie," Blaine said as soon his breathing had returned to normal.
"And are you up for more when you recover?" Kurt asked. They had turned to face each other.
A hazy smile played over Blaine's lips.
"When I recover, yes. Just give me a sec."
"Sure," Kurt said, rising up from the bed to look for something they could clean up with. Despite the very recent orgasm he was feeling strung out, like what had just transpired wasn't enough sate the lust burning in him. It was strange to think of himself as someone would lust so openly after another person, but Blaine had opened floodgates within him and this aggressiveness was suddenly a seamless part of him, just like his ability to spot trends in men's fashion. Unfortunately, it was doubtful that he could use this quality for his day job like he did with the trendspotting.
When he returned with wash cloths and water bottles for both of them, Blaine was on his way to recovery, judging from the way he looked at Kurt, though other parts of him weren't quite there yet.
"What do you want to do, Blaine?" He asked, maybe trying little too hard to be nonchalant.
Blaine quirked one eyebrow.
"Honestly?"
Kurt nodded as he tossed one wash cloth to Blaine.
"I'd like to take my time with your magnificent ass, with my tongue."
Gulping, Kurt tensed a little. That had always been a taboo thing with Eric, who didn't want his tongue anywhere near Kurt's asshole and was even less keen on allowing Kurt near his. Yet ever since Kurt had opened up to himself about sex, rimming had intrigued him.
So it was with a certain trepidation that Kurt laid on his own bed, allowing Blaine to maneuver him onto all fours.
"Relax, Kurt," Blaine purred, smoothing his hands over his lower back and sides before peppering the dip in the small of his back with quick kisses. "Your skin feels so soft. I can't get enough of touching it."
Hearing Blaine praise his body created a warm thrill in the pit of Kurt's stomach, maybe because it was a novelty to him. Sure, Eric had told him in the heat of the moment that he was hot and how good it was to fuck him but he had never focused on any particular part of Kurt's physique so he was learning just now that it was a huge turn-on for him.
Following up the kisses with his tongue, Blaine made his way down the cleft between Kurt's cheeks. Inhaling sharply, Kurt became aware just how sensitive his the skin was right there. Blaine kept his attention on Kurt's tailbone and then moved down to his perineum and scrotum, like he was waiting to get to the pièce-de-résistance. Kurt couldn't help it, he was growing impatient and he knew exactly where he wanted Blaine's tongue. With keening sounds, he rocked on his knees and he could hear Blaine chuckle behind him, the vibrations tickling him.
Finally he stopped teasing him, letting his tongue sweep over the pucker, causing Kurt's toes to curl involuntarily. The way Kurt had tensed seemed to encourage Blaine to keep going and stop his teasing ways. Instead he pushed in, then pulled back to blow a little on the wet skin.
The moan that escaped Kurt's lips was probably the most obscene sound he'd ever made. He couldn't believe how good this felt. None of his vague fantasies came even close and when Blaine really plunged his tongue inside of him, Kurt wailed, literally wailed as the build-up of pleasure was like someone had taken hold of his front, squeezing his sternum, tightening the abdominal muscles and making his head fill with this buzzing static of 'So good, how can anything feel so good?'
Blaine kept going, his tongue thrusting into the ring of muscle and Kurt felt how he tried to spread out his tongue to open him up. And that strain, just a twinge, combined with the amazing way Blaine's tongue seemed cause a spark in every nerve ending made him come in a white blinding glory.
"You there?" Blaine's spit-wet face was hovering over his when his vision started functioning again. Kurt's voice was far from working so all he managed was a tiny nod. Smiling, Blaine crawled off the bed and from his peculiar gait, it was painfully obvious he hadn't gotten off yet. Feeling absolutely boneless, Kurt wondered how he could help with that.
After cleaning himself up, Blaine started mopping up Kurt, just about when Kurt regained his voice. Watching Blaine being so careful with him while still being hard made something in Kurt's chest clench so tight that it hurt a little.
"Blaine," Kurt said, his voice thick and alien to his ears. "What do you want to do? I'm pretty much out except I want you to get off."
There was one trick that Kurt had up his sleeve that he hadn't revealed to Blaine yet. Maybe because when he was with Eric it had been something he rarely agreed to do. It had always made him feel used and like Eric could just be with anyone else in his head at that moment.
But he wanted to do it now. He wanted Blaine like that.
"Can I suck you off?"
Blaine looked at him, smiling and moving to lie down next down to Kurt.
"No, no, not like that." Kurt turned over onto his back, pulling a pillow to prop against the headboard. "I want you like that."
"But... are you sure?" Concern was shining out of Blaine's eyes. "I mean, you are asking me to fuck your face. You won't be able to control it as much if you are lying like that. I mean, I'll try to watch myself but I can't promise anything."
"I want you to fuck my face." Kurt tried to put as much command into his voice as he could muster.
It was adorable the way Blaine looked taken aback while his eyes grew even darker with desire, but he complied and maneuvered so he was kneeling over Kurt, his knees on either side of Kurt's head.
It wasn't the best way to deepthroat, Kurt knew that, but he wanted to see whether he could make Blaine lose control this way. Whether Blaine trusted him, and himself, enough to let go.
Tasting Blaine's pre-come as he took him in, Kurt looked up at Blaine who was watching him in return.
"Your mouth..." Blaine breathed as he pushed in slowly, the muscles in his hips and thighs obviously straining. Kurt would have smirked a little if he could but had to settle instead for conveying his amusement with his eyes.
It had been a while since Kurt had done this but his old trick to suppress his gag reflex still worked. It took effort to will the throat muscles to relax and not to cough when he swallowed around Blaine, but he managed. The sounds Blaine was making suggested that he was more than pleased with Kurt's talent, especially when he started pumping his hips and bracing himself on the headboard above Kurt.
"This feels so good. Your mouth, Kurt. I haven't felt anything like it. The way you are taking my cock." Blaine was normally vocal and every time his words were on the dirtier side, it evoked a thrill in Kurt and made him feel sexier than usual. This time the dirty talk got to him on an even deeper level; this was all about trust. Blaine trusted him enough to be so open with what he liked and even though it shouldn't be a big thing, Kurt was almost overcome with an emotion he couldn't categorize but felt similar to gratitude. Like his chest had clenched earlier, it now felt like it was expanding, like his ribcage couldn't contain the feelings inside of him.
Blaine was close, his movement growing shallow and erratic and his words turning into nonsense.
"Kurt... fuck... so good." The sweat was beading on his forehead and his eyes were squeezing shut. With a final thrust, Blaine's body grew taut and Kurt could see how he was holding on to the headboard for dear life.
"I love you." Blaine more breathed those words than spoke them as he came down Kurt's throat. If he hadn't been so lost in the sensation of feeling Blaine pulsing in his mouth, Blaine's confession might have coaxed a physical reaction. Instead, all he felt was his heart hammering so hard that he was surprised that he wasn't completely out of breath when Blaine pulled out. All he could do was lie still while Blaine recovered. Was this a point where he'd tell Blaine he felt the same? Even when he wasn't entirely sure that he felt the same - not yet at least.
But either Blaine wasn't aware of what he'd said or he wasn't waiting for an answer from Kurt. As he got down besides Kurt, he pulled him in for a kiss and all Kurt felt was how Blaine smiled into the kiss.
***
Calling it a day from hell would be an understatement of the worst kind: deadlines had been moved up, interviewees were canceling on him and basically everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams, both figuratively and literally. His plans to see a movie with Blaine had fallen through completely, though he'd texted Blaine, telling him if he was up for it, he could come around Kurt's place around eleven. The vague hope that Blaine might take him up on his offer was the only thing that kept him going while answering several bitchy emails from Michael Kors' assistant who seemed to think she was the queen of the known world and that she should write Kurt's piece on Kors' new collection.
Around 10.30 Kurt dragged himself from the subway station with a quick visit to the deli around the corner from his apartment for a bottle of wine and something to munch on. Busy looking at his phone, trying to decipher from Santana's message whether she'd be out all night or if he should expect her before morning, he almost walked into a person standing in the entranceway to the apartment building.
"So sorry," he said, not looking up, still looking at his phone.
"Hey, Kurt."
It had been a good while since he'd last heard that voice and he snapped his eyes away from the phone to look at the man who had just addressed him.
"Eric!" His voice rose up even higher than it was wont to do when he was upset. He couldn't imagine what Eric was doing here.
"Yeah. I was wondering whether I should call first but I don't know... I just had to come and see you. I've actually been waiting here for three hours but I was sitting in my car for most of it." Eric pointed across the street to where his truck was parked. Kurt shook off the thought of how that was kind of creepy.
"Uhm, I guess I should invite you in." Kurt balanced his purchases so he could open the front door. Eric followed him in, stood silently with him in the elevator and as Kurt busied himself with opening the door to the apartment, loomed behind him like a too tall shadow.
"Please, make yourself comfortable," Kurt said as he put away his things on the kitchen island. Then he went straight for the freezer to pull out the bottle of Stoli stashed there and poured the vodka into the mug he usually drank his tea from. This wasn't an occasion for the correct etiquette. It didn't enter his mind to offer Eric something, maybe because one of them had to be sober for whatever he had to say. Kurt looked into the living room space where Eric had perched himself on the couch, still wearing his coat.
"What brings you here?" Kurt wasn't going to put it past Eric to have come here for a booty call, even though they hadn't talked for almost a year.
"I... I'm moving to New York, Kurt."
That was absolutely not what he had expected. In his most secret fantasies where he and Eric had made it, it was always for his convincing that Eric agreed to live in New York. He'd never imagined that Eric would initiate such a move.
"Seriously? And what are you going to do?"
"I'm enrolling at Fordham for my MBA."
"Indeed," was all Kurt could muster before draining his mug. The vodka burned down to his stomach but he preferred to focus on that particular physical discomfort rather than to contemplate what exactly he was supposed to feel about all this.
"I'm not doing this just for you, it's also something I want but you are a major factor, Kurt. What we had, it's not something you just throw away, and I know I have to work for it."
Kurt was definitely not drunk enough for this discussion. As he turned back towards the freezer, the front door was shut.
"Hey, Kurt. Your neighbor in 5D let me in, she was going out and I saw that your front door hadn't been closed completely so I thought..." Blaine trailed off when he saw Kurt had company.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought... I'll just let myself out..." He gave Eric a look that made Kurt wince. Those big expressive eyes looked deep with sadness.
"Who are you?" Eric's eyes on the other hand, were narrowed.
"Uh, my name is Blaine Anderson, sorry if I'm being rude..." Blaine extended his hand but Eric didn't shake it and instead turned to Kurt.
"Who is this?" There was no mistaking the jealousy in Eric's shaking voice.
"A friend." Kurt spat out. "Blaine, I'll call you?" He then added, hoping that his face was conveying enough of an apology though he felt like he would never be able to apologize enough.
A spasm trying its best to be a smile played over Blaine's lips before he turned away, muttering his goodbyes.
As the door fell closed behind him, Eric rose from the couch and stalked to the kitchen island where Kurt stood with his empty mug.
"You sleeping with him?"
"Eric," Kurt tried to say, not wanting to get into this with him.
"Answer the question."
Closing his eyes, trying to think what karma he had upset to deserve a hellish day and evening like this, Kurt knew that he needed a good night's sleep before he could even comprehend any of this.
"Please, Eric, I just can't right now. Can we meet up tomorrow? For brunch somewhere, there's a diner not far from here that has great hash-browns. Please, meet me there and I promise we'll talk. I just... I can't right now." He wasn't too proud to plead at the moment.
Eric huffed in frustration and Kurt knew that he had been imagining the outcome of the evening very differently. Then again, Kurt had given him plenty of reasons to think that he'd welcome him with open arms and they'd live happily ever after.
No one had to know that Kurt drank the rest of the vodka straight from the bottle after Eric left. Somehow he had to be able to sleep if he and Eric were to have an intelligent conversation in the morning.
***
"Good morning, sunshine," Santana said in a chirpy voice as she sat with the morning paper, drinking a protein shake, looking like the epitome of cheerfulness.
Kurt didn't feel like sunshine at all. He'd managed to drag himself to the shower when his alarm woke him up at what felt five minutes after he'd fallen asleep and now all he wanted was a large cup of industrial strength coffee. In an hour he was supposed to meet up with Eric and he'd never felt less prepared for anything. He didn't even bother to grunt at Santana before making a beeline for the coffee-maker.
"Ah, the mystery of the empty vodka bottle is solved. You partied hard last night? Was B-boy there with you? Is he maybe still sleeping on the wet spot?"
"Santana, please. I need like thousands of doses of pure caffeine before getting into this with you."
"You partied alone? No one to warm your bed?"
Measuring the water, Kurt knew that he'd have to give Santana some kind of an answer so she'd shut up.
"I did invite Blaine over but something came up. Maybe I better tell you, though I know what you are going to say."
He saw Santana's face grow longer in a 'What have you done now, Hummel?' look.
"So, Eric came by last night."
"Hold it there, Princess. Don't tell me you slept with him. I will personally escort you to a monastery if you did..."
"Santana! No, I didn't sleep with him. I kind of kicked him out. It's just that while he was here, Blaine did come by."
"And I wasn't here! Did they fight?" Santana was bouncing on her chair.
"No, no, no. I'd like to think I've enough common sense not to sleep with guys who have to speak with their fists."
"Come on, Hummel. That's hot and you know it."
"Anyway, I'm meeting Eric in an hour. Apparently, he's moving to New York," Kurt said, not able to keep that feeling of defeat he'd been feeling from his voice.
"Hold up, Kurt." Santana almost never used his first name when she was addressing him directly. "Now you are going to listen to me and if you are going to come up with excuses not to, I will call your father and probably Finn as well. I know he is god-knows-where but I think I've some power over him. At least the bastard owes me, and you."
There wasn't much he could do to stop Santana from delivering her triad. Maybe he needed to hear it. His own head was so messed-up right now.
"I don't care if Philips wants to come out of the closet now with fanfare, a Pride float and everything. You don't owe him shit. You have given him loads of chances to be with you proud and properly and he hasn't manned up before. How is this going to be any different? Plus, even if he was going to come clean, do you want to be weighed down by someone who is just taking their first baby-steps as an out-person? I mean, sure, he could use someone who has been there. We both know how hard it is and I don't think it gets easier with time."
Kurt nodded. As hard as it had been to come out in high-school for both of them, having to endure the ridicule and in his case, the harassment, it was a stepping stone far behind them, and it had made them who they were today. He could just imagine the tumult of having to readjust your life so drastically this old. Well, twenty-seven wasn't advanced age or anything but life had usually taken a certain course.
"Beside that, Kurt, you have to think of yourself. I'm going to say something that I haven't told you because it wasn't my place, surprise, surprise, and because it's probably a bit too early in the game, but I think Blaine is good for you. I feel like you're happier, that you're actually living life, instead of being stressed out by work and being Mr Career Man all the time. I know you think it's all casual but I've been around enough to know that when a guy wants to hang out with you like he does, watching your favorite movies, cooking for you, he likes you."
"That's because we are friends, Santana."
"Yeah, this is just not how the whole friends-with-benefits thing works. It's not all cozy date nights beforehand and things like that. It's a phone call at eleven after a bust date with another person, asking if you can come over for an hour. It's a quick roll in the hay and then all 'catch you later'. Completely commitment-free and devoid of any emotions beyond 'you are swell and cool enough not to become stupid about this'. You have fallen for him, and more importantly I'm gonna bet all of Sue Sylvester's trophies that he's fallen for you."
There wasn't much Kurt could say to this. He knew what Santana was saying was true, at least where he was concerned. What Blaine was thinking was a little more complicated but he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said the other night. Sure, people say all kinds of stuff in the throes of passion but he still couldn't shake the feeling that Blaine had meant it.
"Seriously, Kurt. I can't stop you going to meet Eric, but remember the life you deserve isn't in taking the easiest route and falling back on old comforts and all that. I mean, I'd still be stuck doing cheers now if I'd gone with the easiest route and I think I'd be fucking miserable. Don't settle for misery because you can't say no, Kurt." Santana's voice went softer on that last sentence then Kurt had ever heard it.
***
Kurt arrived ahead of Eric at the diner and ordered for them both. For some reason, he couldn't imagine that Eric had stopped liking waffles, his bacon extra crispy or his eggs over easy. Ten minutes later, Eric came panting through the door.
"Sorry, sorry, my cab got stuck in traffic and yeah... you ordered already?"
Kurt nodded as he watched his flustered ex sit down across from him. It felt strange now to look at Eric's face, pink from the rushing around, his jaws more neatly shaved than he was used to. This grown-up version of Eric was almost unsettling.
"You mind?" Eric said as their food arrived and dug in right away. Shaking his head, Kurt smiled indulgently. In some ways, Eric hadn't changed at all since they were seventeen.
When Kurt was certain that Eric had been fed enough to hold an intelligent conversion, he put away his own cutlery and leaned forward a bit.
"So why move to New York now? I thought that working on the Buckeyes' coaching staff was working for you. Maybe not quite what you dreamed of but close enough."
Two bright red spots appeared on Eric's cheeks.
"I might have compromised my position."
Kurt's eyebrows shot up.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You see, there's a lot of competition between those who are assisting, who gets to go on the away games and stuff like that. So yeah, people gossip and stuff and maybe this guy, this douchebag of a guy may have seen me leave this club in Columbus and threatened to out me and he would have if I hadn't decided to quit. I mean, sure I could have tried to weather the storm, Kurt, but I've never been as strong as you. So when it happened, I looked up jobs and schools in New York and saw I hadn't missed the date for Fordham and I applied there. I might try to go to law school later on, I don't know."
It was like a tiny little weight dropped into the pit of Kurt's stomach. Eric hadn't made the decision entirely on his own to come out, to move to New York and try to win him back.
"So I'm staying at a hotel now, just looking at apartments and stuff. I mean, my courses won't start until the New Year but I thought I should touch base with you… maybe we could find a place together. Kurt, we were always so great together."
Eric reached for Kurt's hand over the table. He allowed him to take it but kept it slack.
"I know what you want from me and I think I could do it here. I mean, no one really knows me here except. you know, those few souls who have been following college football. This isn't Ohio, people are used to this here."
It was hard for Kurt not to let his mind wander to all his old fantasies where he and Eric were happily living in their beautiful New York apartment. The Sundays he'd imagined where he'd be dallying around in the kitchen or sketching some fabulous designs while Eric would be watching sports. The Friday nights where they'd be going out to see a show, Eric a tiny bit reluctant and always asking him what the show was about.
There was no denying that the lure of such comfort was strong. He knew exactly how it would go with Eric, would be able to predict his moods and his wants. Surely that would make up for a relationship devoid of much conflict - but it wasn't very exciting. Not at all like he knew life could be.
"What about your family? How do they feel about all this? Moving to New York? Coming out?"
He could see something close off in Eric's eyes at his question.
"Well, they know I'm moving. I just haven't told them why. I mean, Dad is thrilled that I eventually plan on going to law school. It's just, I want them to get used to one thing before I spring the whole gay-thing on them."
Drawing a deep breath, Kurt tried to stop Eric's words from stinging so much. Their relationship was never going to be enough for Eric to be truthful and it wasn't like Eric owed him this now, not when they hadn't been together for so long. But a part of him was angry, was angry that Eric still called it the 'gay-thing' like it was hobby one normally kept quiet about, like collecting coins.
"And if we would be living together, would I just be your roommate? All 'yeah, remember Kurt, my friend from high-school? We're renting a place together'?"
"Don't be like that. You know how my parents are. Of course I would want them to know. I just can't deal with letting them in on everything at once."
Kurt didn't understand why he was doing this to himself. This was a recipe for misery, for them both, and it wasn't what he wanted but it was as if being here alone with Eric made his back-bone give way.
"Kurt!"
Both he and Eric looked up at the man standing in the door to the diner. It was Blaine, looking like he had sprinted across half of New York. The weight of dread that had settled in the pit of Kurt's stomach dissolved in a flight of tickling butterflies at the sight of him.
Eric looked confused and unhappy.
"Kurt, Santana told me you were here and just please, hear me out and then you can tell me to go away. Forever, if that's what you want."
"Listen, dude. We are having a private conversation here and I'd appreciate if you left us alone. Whatever you need to tell Kurt, it can wait." Eric had sat up straight in his seat, looking directly at Blaine like he was challenging him but Blaine didn't let that scare him off.
"No, this can't wait. Kurt, I know we have been pretending that whatever is between us is purely casual, no strings attached. But you have to agree with me that we have only been pretending." Blaine was looking directly at him, more determination in his eyes than pleading. And Kurt knew he was speaking the truth.
"I want you to give us a chance."
The hope that was swelling up inside Kurt stood in such stark contrast with the emotions Eric's suggestions had invoked.
"Okay, I don't care what is going on here but you need to leave now." Eric had started to rise from his seat but Blaine didn't budge.
It was all up to Kurt, and it was just his luck that he had to make a decision which could determine his future happiness while still hung over. He would have to break someone's heart right now. Hell, they gave more privacy on The Bachelorette for this. Before he could say anything, however, Eric was standing up, towering over Blaine.
"Maybe you had a good time with Kurt but we have history and you can't fight with that. A fling is a fling, it's not years of a relationship. Do yourself a favor and go, I doubt you're going to like what Kurt has to say."
Despite the fact that Eric had a good nine inches on Blaine, Blaine didn't seem to be intimidated in the least.
"But why aren't you still together? Why hasn't it worked for you? I'm gonna tell you why. Because you are afraid to admit who you are, and because of that, you've missed out on years of being in a happy, committed adult relationship with the most compassionate, caring and wonderful man I've had the fortune of ever meeting. And it's going to have to be over my dead body that you get to lock him away because you are still a scared little boy."
A part of Kurt was glad that they were alone at the diner, except for the waitress who was watching the whole thing, leaning on the register - and perhaps the fry-cook was listening in the back. A much bigger part of him, however, was concentrating on Blaine's words. He couldn't remember anyone ever saying such nice things about him.
"Not everyone can be out and proud. Not everyone likes gay people, but I'm sure you were raised in some happy homo paradise where every month is Pride Month. Some of us have families who are close-minded and some of us actually don't want to be cut off from that." Eric sounded close to tears but Kurt knew that the main cause for that was probably that Blaine wasn't backing down.
"Dude." Blaine's voice sounded hard as steel. "Believe me, I know. My relationship with my parents is strenuous at best. I was gaybashed. And guess what, every week I listen to dozen of young gay people talking about how scared they are but they are all so much braver than you, because I think the ultimate coward is the one who wants everyone around them to be afraid, too. If you can't be yourself, you can't live your life like you are supposed to."
Eric looked like he wanted to answer Blaine, but it looked like he lacked the words. He stood there, looking crossly at Blaine, then looking over to Kurt and it was like he was asking Kurt to take pity on him. 'Look at me, don't you feel sorry for me? Don't you want to be nice to me?'
And Kurt couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand that Eric didn't have any more self-worth than that he'd settle for Kurt being with him out of pity. He couldn't stand that Eric was so afraid to let go that he couldn't just let him be free. Once he had loved Eric and once it had been enough to carry on in secret but Kurt didn't have to obey the Lima values anymore. He was free to be Kurt Hummel and live life in all its glory.
"Eric," he said, a lump forming in his throat. "I did love you once but that was a long time ago. Maybe it's been unfair to you that I kept reaching out to you, even after we were broken up for good, but it's also unfair of you to think that I'd ever settle for you. I'm living my life here in New York as a gay man. I don't stop being a gay man when I visit Ohio. And at the moment, only hard-core fashion aficionados in New York know my name as a fashion journalist but Anna Wintour and Joanna Coles need to start watching their backs. I'm going to make something out of myself and I don't think you are ready for that."
Eric had sat down again and Blaine had perched himself on the next table, his arms crossed.
"The thing is," Kurt continued, "I've developed feelings for Blaine and I want to see where it's going. I'm sorry..." And that was where his voice broke and the tears started flowing. Through them he saw Blaine trying to hold back but Eric was completely stone-faced. "I don't want to hurt anyone and if you... Eric, it's been almost two years since we really talked and I've moved on. Eric, I'm so sorry but I don't love you anymore and I haven't loved you for a while." At that, Kurt broke down, hiding his head in his hands and allowing the sobs to shake his body.
He was vaguely aware of a chair being scraped over the floor but then he felt arms around him, strong arms that made him feel safe.
"Sssh, Kurt. It's all going to be okay. Just let it out. I'm here, I got you."
Grabbing the front of Blaine's jacket, Kurt buried his face in his chest and let go.
***
"Come to bed, Kurt. There's no need to make all this effort."
Kurt ignored Blaine because he wanted to create the perfect mood. Just a few more candles and then it would be perfect. It couldn't be helped but ever since his first time with Blaine, his mind kept generating fantasies like it was making up for lost time. And sometimes the fantasies bordered on being corny and clichéd but Kurt still wanted to try them out and Blaine was usually game. Okay, maybe his patience ran a bit thin while waiting for thirty candles to be lit.
"See, I'm done," said Kurt as he put away his candle lighter with a flourish. He let himself fall onto the bed where Blaine was lying, already naked.
"Come on, let's make you less dressed and more naked," he said as he started working on the buttons on Kurt's shirt, stopping his work to kiss and lick Kurt's throat. As nice as that felt, Kurt was curious. Blaine always went with what he wanted but he'd never voiced an elaborate fantasy of his own.
"I know I've set up this whole let's-have-sex in the romantic candlelight thing and when I was younger, like before I got together with Eric, I used to have these grand fantasies, like being with Taylor Lautner in a meadow of lilacs."
"Before he got fat," Blaine quipped, lifting his head up to look Kurt in the eyes.
"Yeah, though I don't regard a tiny lack of ab definition getting fat, he's still kind of hot. But yeah, what I wanted to say, or more ask you, did you fantasize like that when you were younger? Did you have a stupid fantasy like that?"
Propping himself up with his elbows, Blaine gave a little shrug like he was a bit embarrassed.
"Around the time I was being bullied the most, I had this go-to fantasy, a happy place if you will, where everything was just magical. Where I was brave and didn't take shit from no one and where I protected the weak, like a knight, just without the armor and the weapons. And when things got particularly bad in real life, there was this added element to it, where I had won the heart of this amazing guy, like a prince really. In my head, he was this luminous creature, my light in the dark. And like it usually is with fantasies, I didn't have a clear picture of him in my head. It was more the way he carried himself, all regal and untouchable but not to me." Blaine trailed his fingers down Kurt's torso. "You see, it's a bit like you are him. I'm glad that I got to meet you."
Kurt couldn't stop the smile from appearing on his face. Blaine had this ability to compliment him in the strangest ways and he liked it because it felt so earnest.
"Oh yeah, and what did you do with your prince?"
Blaine giggled and hid his face briefly by Kurt's shoulder.
"I was fourteen-fifteen, okay? And kind of innocent, but yeah, mostly a teenage boy so I don't think I ever got further in the process than a hand on my dick."
"Of course," Kurt said, his hand going down to loosen Blaine's trousers. "But I bet we can move it a little further tonight."
Blaine responded by reaching over to kiss Kurt, starting the kiss like he was used to to do, capturing Kurt's lips like they would vanish in a second if he didn't. Kurt could feel Blaine sucking in a bit of air from him, welding their lips even tighter together and leaving the way open for Kurt to deepen the kiss like he always did. It still managed to make Kurt tingle all the way to the tips of his toes.
Breaking the kiss, Blaine looked at him and the shine in his eyes made Kurt feel both wanted and loved, like he had lit Blaine up from within.
"Want you, Kurt." Blaine's voice had deepened to an almost growl.
"Yeah," Kurt breathed. "Want you too."
Crawling over him, Blaine straddled Kurt, his strong thighs on each side of Kurt's middle, his ass brushing Kurt's cock in such a manner that it took a good deal of willpower for him not to grind up but Blaine softened the moment by bending down to reach Kurt's lips again in another toe-curling kiss.
They made out like that, drinking each other in, taking their time like they wouldn't be able to go any further, like they were a couple of teenagers on the living room couch. It wasn't enough, though, not when their bodies knew that these weren't the limits, that they could have each other fully.
There were clothes in the way and while Kurt loathed to break their kiss the urge to feel Blaine's skin was stronger. Once they were both naked, Blaine was back in place astride Kurt and now Kurt didn't hold back from grinding up, feeling his dick in the cleft of Blaine's ass.
"Want me like that?" Blaine asked, his mouth close to Kurt's, his breath hot on Kurt's cheek. "Want me to ride you?"
Blaine's suggestion had the blood rushing in Kurt's veins, so all he heard was a thrum against his eardrums.
"Inside you," he managed to croak before trying to scramble for the lube that should be somewhere close.
"I got it," Blaine said as he stilled Kurt with a touch to his shoulder and reached over to grab the lube and a condom.
Reaching his hand out, Kurt gestured for Blaine to apply lube to his fingers. He loved doing this for Blaine, touching him there, pushing his finger inside of him and feeling the heat and the tightness. Maybe he got too lost in the sensations, as Blaine made an impatient huff and as Kurt was about to slide a second finger in, Blaine clearly couldn't wait anymore as he reached to push his own finger along with Kurt. As Blaine's sphincter was giving way that little bit extra, a wave of white hot lust rolled over Kurt.
"I'm ready."
Before Kurt even registered that Blaine had dragged his hand away, Blaine had positioned himself and was sinking down on him. There was a look of concentration on his face like he was keeping himself from slamming down. Not wanting to interrupt him, Kurt felt briefly at loss over what to do with his hands but then settled on fisting them in the sheets, twisting them as he was fully inside Blaine now.
"You feel so good." Blaine was arching back, his hips moving in small, slow circles. Kurt was gritting his teeth along with almost pulling the sheets off the bed. What Blaine was doing felt like sweet agony, especially when he was fighting the urge to thrust up.
Then Blaine well and truly took the initiative and lifted himself, his thigh muscles taut at Kurt's sides, before dropping down, the sound of flesh on flesh echoing in Kurt's ears as he craned his head back with a soundless moan. He was going to come so fast and so hard that his body was vibrating in anticipation. And that seemed to be Blaine's intention as he clamped down with the next rise-and-fall, becoming vise-tight around Kurt.
"Come for me, Kurt."
There was no answer Kurt could give except a half-chocked moan as Blaine kept going, relentless in his mission to wring an orgasm out of Kurt.
His forearms now tangled in the sheets, Kurt felt his grip slip and he couldn't hold on any longer. As Blaine pushed down yet again, Kurt curved up, his ass and lower back lifting up from the mattress and he came, every nerve-ending sparking as his mind short-circuited. Time became meaningless as pleasure rolled over him again and again. He could feel Blaine contracting around him, like he was milking him, making this last infinitely.
A moment, a minute, a millennia later, Kurt found himself no longer grabbing the sheet but cradling Blaine in his arms as Blaine was slumping forward, his head resting underneath Kurt's chin.
"You know, I meant what I said the other day." Kurt could feel the vibrations of Blaine's voice on his chest and he felt strangely sure what Blaine was saying. And lying there, in a position uncomfortable enough to require a yoga session or two to get ride of the soreness, feeling sticky and hot, Kurt had never been more certain of anything than the fact that he was in love with Blaine. His heart felt like it filled out his ribcage and he never wanted to let go.
"I love you too," he whispered and Blaine drew a shuddering breath like he was in tears before whispering back:
"I'm so glad we found each other. I've been looking for you forever."
At that moment Kurt couldn't have thought of thanking Santana, for that he was much too wrapped up in Blaine and being so in love it was like nothing existed except for them. But Santana might have been swept up in a hug the next day that startled her so much she forgot to accuse Kurt of having accidentally inhaled angel dust out of someone's hair on the subway. Or maybe she bit back all her snark because her heart was tender enough that she felt genuinely happy for Kurt. The scathing comments could wait.
-Finis