Thursday
The Wasband's birthday is November 3, so he was often celebrated around Halloween.
Yesterday, I awoke feeling ill and wiped out. I was convinced that I was coming down with a cold. I took my elderberry, mushrooms,and vitamin C, I attempted to nap, and I didn't leave the house. I began to feel better in the afternoon, so still don't know if I was just tired or what. But it felt a little like a day off in which I watched old episodes of Will and Grace and tore photo albums apart.
Yesterday, I found two more photo albums in the basement. I knew more had to be lurking down there--especially the very thick one that documents Jessica's grade school days. That was a good one as it has some of my favorite shots of Jess. I know her childhood was far from ideal, but we had a lot of fun.
Boy, those old albums are nasty: photos are deteriorating and the glue is not forgiving. I sadly wrecked a few photos trying to pull them out.
Speaking of which, Jess was over on Tuesday night, but only for a short time. The children threw a fit when she left, as she was gone all weekend. So we didn't get much done. Finding that album yesterday answers the questions about why I had more negatives than prints. Now I just have to go through them again and match things. I gave Jess a bag full of extra prints Tuesday night. I asked her to bring it back and I will place it in some kind of preliminary order. I know her and she will never do anything with them--they will live in that paper bag forever. And she doesn't know what she wants, so I am going to start both a picture album and an acid-proof box of photos for her. I believe I am developing an April birthday present for her. Particularly if I digitize some of these, she will be able to use them in her business and she will be able to give photos to her brothers and friends. Spread the love. I was taken up short when she told me that Jeremy (her half-brother) has never seen any evidence of his father as a very young man. He was a very handsome, charming fellow.
When Jess came over (Indian food again!), we had a highly satisfying talk about the Gwen situation. Jess read to me and forwarded the emails between her and Gwen following Gwen's puking shame all over Jessica's FB page. They had both led me to believe that Jess had sent a pretty harsh message to Gwen, and she did not. It was very kind but firm. And she told Gwen what was up with me and twice emphasized that I was not up for talking on the phone. She twice asked Gwen to hold off on contacting me. Since I also asked Gwen the same courtesy twice, I now feel vindicated in blocking her crazy ass that was contacting me and guilting me consistently, including in the middle of the night.
I haven't been to our recovery group since I had the surgeries and I am going back next week or the week after (Pam is encouraging me, and it is time), and I keep thinking about one of the steps that talks about the healing power of the truth. It's a tricky concept because my truth may not be your truth. Truth is quite subjective, obviously. But look: in this case, hearing more of the facts--and I would call written documents the truth--I do feel healed. I don't have to keep questioning if I'm a mean person or if I should have done or should do something to make things right. The overwhelming evidence is that you can't argue with crazy. (Gwen's response to Jessica's email was quite amazing, as she talked about how she watched me raise Jessica. Jessica, whom Gwen never even met until she was 20 years old.) Yeah, ok, this will help me move on.
I am going out with my neighbor today to walk the mall. I know there are more interesting places, but really, as long as I get to walk, I guess it's all good. This week is busy with appointments, including one this afternoon, so if next week isn't so busy, I think I will venture forth downtown or to campus and check out some of the museums or libraries.
I'd like to say I am doing some significant reading, but I am doing some reading in one of Thorsson's rune books occasionally. I am still enjoying the Netflix series Cable Girls. Much intrigue. It was made in Spain, so the lip synching is not perfect. Otherwise, I think it's quite good. I also found Britannia on Prime, and I believe my Outlander disk is in at the library. I may be doing an Outlander binge as soon as I get my hands on it. To hell with reality.
I think the photos are at a point that they can be set aside for now and I will concentrate on seeds the next few days. It remains cloudy and cold here. We got a lot of rain the last few days and I pretended I was in Scotland.
The sun keeps getting stronger, and my hope is that by the time it is safe to walk outside, I will be able to do so. Pluto has settled into his new life of various handlers, but I know we would both like for me to take him out.