late night blabber
it's 4:50 am in the morning, and i am still up (no surprise). lindsay is either asleep, or on her way to sleepyland. teddy, jc, "wascal", "lil wascal" steven, and jeremy all came over to stay the night, and lindsay is still here of course. we rented some movies and played some video games.
my sister wants me to come in the morning to make funeral arrangements for my mom, and she said she'd be mad at me if i didn't come. but you know what? i really don't care. a year ago, i had to go through all of this. i had to help do the planning, and i had to be super strong and not show any weakness so that my mom and my lil' brother had someone there for them. in that time, i really took everything hard. and i didn't allow it to come out. i just crammed it all inside. and i blocked it all away. but this time around, you know what? its someone else's turn. i can't handle doing it all again within a year apart. i'm still not over dad's death. and the things that took place then. and the changes that were obvisously made, im still not use to. and now its going to be worse. when dad died, i knew i had mom. i didnt know what we were going to do, but i knew that i wasn't on my own finacially. now im all by myself finacially. my brother moved out a few weeks ago. and i have no income at all. i don't where i'm going to be living anymore. i don't know where to go, cause honestly, theres no place i can go. i can't live with my sister because we can not get along for 5 minutes. I can't live with either of my brothers for those same reasons. im really in the dark right now. and im feeling very vonerable that i don't even like to talk about it. im so happy that lindsay was here when everything happened. i don't know what i would have done if she wasn't. i would have been all alone, and i wouldn't know how to handle it.
when we got back from ashland saturday night, i had to go tell bob the bad news. i hated it. it was really awkward and hard.
...i guess the best thing to do right now is just to remain positive, and try not to over think everything.
my sister wants me to come in the morning to make funeral arrangements for my mom, and she said she'd be mad at me if i didn't come. but you know what? i really don't care. a year ago, i had to go through all of this. i had to help do the planning, and i had to be super strong and not show any weakness so that my mom and my lil' brother had someone there for them. in that time, i really took everything hard. and i didn't allow it to come out. i just crammed it all inside. and i blocked it all away. but this time around, you know what? its someone else's turn. i can't handle doing it all again within a year apart. i'm still not over dad's death. and the things that took place then. and the changes that were obvisously made, im still not use to. and now its going to be worse. when dad died, i knew i had mom. i didnt know what we were going to do, but i knew that i wasn't on my own finacially. now im all by myself finacially. my brother moved out a few weeks ago. and i have no income at all. i don't where i'm going to be living anymore. i don't know where to go, cause honestly, theres no place i can go. i can't live with my sister because we can not get along for 5 minutes. I can't live with either of my brothers for those same reasons. im really in the dark right now. and im feeling very vonerable that i don't even like to talk about it. im so happy that lindsay was here when everything happened. i don't know what i would have done if she wasn't. i would have been all alone, and i wouldn't know how to handle it.
when we got back from ashland saturday night, i had to go tell bob the bad news. i hated it. it was really awkward and hard.
...i guess the best thing to do right now is just to remain positive, and try not to over think everything.