(no subject)
“Holy Shite” David, Hilary, Joey, McKenzie, and Tawney
Characters:
Waki: Rabbi
Shite: Baker
Paulinach: Baker’s daughter (the ch is silent)
Rabbi: I am a Rabbi from Jerusalem and I am traveling here to witness the opening of the Silverbow Challah Shoppe.
Ageuta:
Oh I’m going to
Visit the Silverbow Shoppe
Challah, challah, yeah!
I really like the challah.
“Look, I have asthma, but I
also have a life.”
I am a Rabbi, challah!
I love the challah.
Hope there’s a baker’s daughter
Who also has asthma, sweet.
Mondo:
Baker: Hello, sir. I share your passion for the challah. Maybe someday we can passionately eat challah together. I really wish my daughter hadn’t died. She would have loved to eat challah with us.
Rabbi: Indeed, I do love the challah. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. How did she go?
Baker: Well, it was a freak challah accident. But enough about that. All I wanted for her was a man who was man enough to buy matching sunglasses with her.
Rabbi:
Ageuta:
Why do all the cool
People have to die…Challah!
I am awaiting
The opening of the great
And amazing challah shoppe.
What a great wife she
(Paulinach, the baker’s daugher)
Would have made, boo hoo.
Now I will eat the challah.
The challah shoppe has opened.
Chorus:
Kuri:
Oh, the challah shoppe has opened
And the Rabbi has met the Baker
The Rabbi learned of the Paulinach’s death
But he does not know how it happened
Sashi:
What an unfortunate morning it was
That of Paulinach’s death
Inhaler close at hand
She thought she was ready for anything
But nothing could have saved her
From the dreadful challah
Why does the Baker love the challah so?
It caused the absence of his only daughter
Paulinach enjoyed her meal of challah
Soon it was discovered that it would be her last
Rabbi: Oh, Paulinach, why did you have to go so soon? I would have worn matching sunglasses with you! We could have eaten the marvelous challah together!
Chorus:
Kuse:
And then out of the darkness came a light
It was the ghost of Paulinach, surrounded by night
Stricken with awe, the Rabbi stood still
He felt his asthmatic lungs contract with fear
Rongi:
Rabbi: Who’s there?
Paulinach: It is I, Paulinach, the Baker’s daughter.
I understand you were conversing with my father
Earlier today about the opening of the challah shoppe?
Rabbi: Indeed, I was. I love the challah.
Paulinach: As did I, before it killed me, that is.
Rabbi: I am sorry you died. It is quite unfortunate.
Paulinach: It was my misfortune to die of the freak challah accident.
Rabbi: How did it happen? I am curious and intrigued.
Paulinach: Well, I was enjoying my morning challah
When all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe.
“Wrong tube,” I thought.
My father, the baker, thought it was my asthmatic lungs
But, oh no, it was the challah.
Curse that challah! I used to love it, now I hate it.
Now my only purpose as a ghost
Is to find someone who will wear sunglasses to match my own
I can no longer love the challah
Thoughts of matching sunglasses fill my mind
But now I must commence the process of leaving
[Exit Paulinach]
Rabbi: She left in such a hurry, I had no chance to tell her that I, too, dream of matching sunglasses. It must be fate. Perhaps if I pretend to choke on my beloved challah she will return. I shall try it.
Baker: Finally, a man who will match his sunglasses to my daughter’s. What a dream come true! I am blissful.
Baker:
Ageuta:
I see the Rabbi
Pretend to choke on challah
Come here, Paulinach!
This Rabbi will treat you nice
He will purchase sunglasses
To match your own shades
What a nice life you will have
With your matching shades
Even though you are a ghost
Oh the wonders of challah!
[Jo no mai]
Waka:
Baker:
At last, my ghost-daughter has found someone
A rabbi who wants to match his sunglasses to hers
And all because of my wondrous and beloved challah!
Chorus:
The marvelous challah tore apart the baker and his daughter
However, the great challah brought the Rabbi and Paulinach together