Feb 13, 2005 15:12
hey guys. its me this time. thanks erin beautiful for updating that last one love ya! uhm well the reason i got grounded is bc my mom found an empty mike's hard lemonade in my underwear drawer. dont ask me why she was in my underwear drawer haha. but anyway. so yeah that with a combination of going over txts on the cell and report card. im pretty deeply grouded. they havent told me for how long yet which really sucks bc last time i got grounded as uve read before it was for a year and i cant take much longer of not being able to be on here talking to ppl whenever i want. urgh. anyway. oh yeah no cell either. and most likely no winter formal. and im PRAYING that i can go to erin's party. but they havent told me that either. god.parents.urgh. so lately while being bored out of my mind i came to the conclusion that being grounded might be good for some things such as : 1) im doing all homework bc i have nothing else to do, 2) im studying for teh same reason, 3) im practicing for band, and 4) bc im depressed im quiet most of the time so i dont get on ppl's nerves as much i guess. well ok thats my story. oh and while i was bored and 'deeply thinking' i wrote some gay poemish things. dont laugh. jk u can if u want. haha. oh and as much as it may seem like it. they're not about anyone in particular. promise.
Dont tell me that you love me.
Dont make me think you care.
Somehow it makes me feel that you'll always be there.
You've never said anythign to hurt me,
And I love how you're always near,
But everytime I think about you
I never fail to shed a tear.
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I find myself here a lot.
Just sitting, laying, or crying.
Thinking and hoping that everything will get better soon.
But for now it just feels like no one understands.
I know they sometimes try, I know they may care.
But they just dont get it.
I wish I could explain it better,
or even find a way to relieve the stress.
I dont go anywhere, I dont do anything.
But sit here and wonder how things will be in the future.
What would they all do if I just stopped
listening, stopped caring what everyone thought.
It doesnt matter how I feel.
It never did,
so why should things change now?
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I know I may not think so all the tiem.
But im a great person.
im smart, pretty, and nice.
Some people realize these things.
Everyone but the ones I really wish would notice.
Because everytime I fall for someone,
they never notice my real qualities.
i dont even care anymore.
im not going to try to impress anyone, let alone try to make a guy notice me.
if i have to try to make someone like me,
they're most definately ont worth it.
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I really dont know what options i have left.
i dont know what theres left to do.
i dont know if theres anythign left to believe in.
I wish you would realize how much i need you.
I wish you would understand that you're everything to me.
i wish you could know how I feel about you.
I wish i didnt feel tihs wya.
im through with caring what people say.
im throughw ith caring what others thing.
im through with wondering if my outfit looks ok.
im through with worrying about if my hair looks perfect.
im not going to try to impress you anymore.
im not going to let people's comments bother me.
im ont going to try to be someone im not just for you.
im ont going to wonder if you're thin king about me anymore.
from now on, im just going to be myself,
from now on, i really dont care what you think of me,
or anyone else for that matter.
from now on, i'll think what i want, do what i want and say what i want.
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How could you miss it?
you obviously dont see the sadness in my eyes.
you cant tell that i still long for you.
You really dont know how much i miss us.
you dont notice that me not being myself isnt my ch oice.
i dont remember how to act,
withoutyou by my side,
without you to thinkn of all day,
without you to talk to whenever i feel like.
But it doesnt matter anymore.
i can tell you're not afected.
i can tell you dont need me.
i can tell you're not sad,
you dont long for anyone,
and you havent changed at all.
its just me.
dont worry about me,
i'll be fine.
hopefully il figure things out for myself.
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yeah u can tell i was incredibly bored! ok im out.