and the jet is following behind
┣List 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will.
┣Don't say who they are.
┣Disable comments. (Like T, I'm not going to)
1. I wish you'd grow up sometimes. It's really sad when someone like me has to stop and ask you if you've done this or that. I know you're having a hard time, you've been having a hard time for the better part of the last three years, even more so in the very last year. I know you're going through a hell of a lot of therapy and taking a lot of medicine, but I'm here to say that you're not getting any better. Please, before every last bit of infrastructure is gone in my life, let this go. She's gone.
2. Somehow, I'm desperate to make you like me. Maybe because you're so good at everything you do, even if you're just trying them for the first time. Maybe it's because even through all the shit you've gone through, you're still able to be a good person. I'm sure you'd disagree with that comment, stating that you're only good on the outside, and that's your horrible inside. But I don't think that's true. Everyone has their bitterness, and from what little you've told me, you're is justified. I will you well, on this trip to find yourself. Although it may take you away to the North, please don't forget me. I won't forget you. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
3. Sweet little girl, jaded and hating little girl in pretty frills. You're just a short ways away, one of the closest to me, and yet I feel so far away from you. I remember when we used to be so close, and I miss those times so much it brings tears to my eyes. I miss the times that we'd lay together and stare at the colored handprints on the ceiling of the room full of your memories and I would listen forever. I was just content to listen, to try and know you. Perhaps it was to try and ease your pain, and maybe it was to try and ease my own. I wish we could have those times again, but I don't know if you even want to. I cried myself to sleep that night, with my head against the pillow, in that same room now painted over. The stain had dried by morning. I didn't want to say anything, so I turned the pillow over so you wouldn't have to touch a part of me I'd left behind in secret. I just wish it's washed away and gone by now, so it doesn't linger near your dreams.
4. I wish you wouldn't give up so easily on me. Maybe I wasn't worth all that much to you in the first place. There are no stars, only the lights of planes. But I can't even get that high. Not without you.
5. I know you're not on LJ, so I know you'll never read this. But I'm so sorry. I know you like me, and I like you too, but not in the same way that you like me. You're just too reminiscent. I can't get my brain away from it. You're the first person I've met that has truly understood the ebbs and flows of my mind, and that's what makes me hesitate. Not only do you understand them, you've experienced them. You still do, just as I do. I'm afraid that together, if we ebb at the same time, all the ships in the ocean would capsize. I feel bad turning you down, and I did once. Your advances are flattering, but they won't change anything. I want to be your friend, to share things with someone who understands me in a way very few can. I just don't think we can be more.
6. I know we've just met, but I've attached to you in a strange way. We're both lonely, stuck in a dead end life. There's nothing we can do but wait and rely on other people to dig out the doors that we can open for new opportunities. My jaded little heart, with its blue iridescent glow, that snaps its jaws at the end of a chain to protect a kitten who's been lost many times over, then curls around the breathless form in hopes the warmth will spur it to wake... He embodies it all. And he's filled your little highlighted doll, your empty shell. I don't understand how it happened, how someone so disagreeable for so many years could just snap together with someone else on meeting, but it's happened. As ourselves, we're too cold to really get deeper into our friendship, but I'm glad that he is contented at least. Maybe then there's hope for the real me.
7. You're not broken, you're not hopeless. I care for you the same way I have for a long time. Yes, you may be looking at the stars, wishing, hoping, dreaming, but you'll never even get off the ground unless you try. It won't be easy, I'm not saying it will be. And I'm not saying it'll happen right away. But just take a step out the door. Just one. Maybe then, you can serve me tea by a fountain and truly be happy, no matter who else is around.
8. I'm really trying to reconnect with you. We haven't played in forever. I remember when I would go to school and ramble on about how amazing you were, how I've never play with anyone but him with those characters. But, I feel a little intimated. Your writing was so amazing when we used to play, and I would mimic you in the hopes that it would be good enough. I guess it was, because you still wanted to play then, and even now, you're enthusiastic. I'm going to try harder, please bear with me. I'm sorry I've left you hanging.
9. Another friend I've lost to Uni. You're not on here either, or you are, but you're rarely, if ever, on. I miss you just as I miss everyone else that has moved on with their lives and left me here. I wish I could find our logs, some of them were really amazing. Please, take care of yourself out there. I worry about you constantly.
10. None of us can change, truly. Just like you, my roots are the same. I just seem to be able to change my face easier than you. I will always have the roots of a pitcher plant, waiting to trap you and drown you in myself, even if I give the illusion of a chrysanthemum. More than anything, I want to save you. Not from everyone, because I know I can't do that. But at least from me.
Everyday, I work in the hopes that you'll see, that even though you feel your wings are fake and broken, or that you never were really there in the first place, something made to serve a purpose, then to be martyred, I don't think it's true. You're here, with me, because I will remember you, and because you will remember me. Our lives are not defined by what we accomplish; by the wars we win, or by the people we save. Our lives are defined by the hearts that love us. And in my heart, your soul will always be real, and your wings will always reflect the blue sky.
┣Don't say who they are.
┣Disable comments. (Like T, I'm not going to)
1. I wish you'd grow up sometimes. It's really sad when someone like me has to stop and ask you if you've done this or that. I know you're having a hard time, you've been having a hard time for the better part of the last three years, even more so in the very last year. I know you're going through a hell of a lot of therapy and taking a lot of medicine, but I'm here to say that you're not getting any better. Please, before every last bit of infrastructure is gone in my life, let this go. She's gone.
2. Somehow, I'm desperate to make you like me. Maybe because you're so good at everything you do, even if you're just trying them for the first time. Maybe it's because even through all the shit you've gone through, you're still able to be a good person. I'm sure you'd disagree with that comment, stating that you're only good on the outside, and that's your horrible inside. But I don't think that's true. Everyone has their bitterness, and from what little you've told me, you're is justified. I will you well, on this trip to find yourself. Although it may take you away to the North, please don't forget me. I won't forget you. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
3. Sweet little girl, jaded and hating little girl in pretty frills. You're just a short ways away, one of the closest to me, and yet I feel so far away from you. I remember when we used to be so close, and I miss those times so much it brings tears to my eyes. I miss the times that we'd lay together and stare at the colored handprints on the ceiling of the room full of your memories and I would listen forever. I was just content to listen, to try and know you. Perhaps it was to try and ease your pain, and maybe it was to try and ease my own. I wish we could have those times again, but I don't know if you even want to. I cried myself to sleep that night, with my head against the pillow, in that same room now painted over. The stain had dried by morning. I didn't want to say anything, so I turned the pillow over so you wouldn't have to touch a part of me I'd left behind in secret. I just wish it's washed away and gone by now, so it doesn't linger near your dreams.
4. I wish you wouldn't give up so easily on me. Maybe I wasn't worth all that much to you in the first place. There are no stars, only the lights of planes. But I can't even get that high. Not without you.
5. I know you're not on LJ, so I know you'll never read this. But I'm so sorry. I know you like me, and I like you too, but not in the same way that you like me. You're just too reminiscent. I can't get my brain away from it. You're the first person I've met that has truly understood the ebbs and flows of my mind, and that's what makes me hesitate. Not only do you understand them, you've experienced them. You still do, just as I do. I'm afraid that together, if we ebb at the same time, all the ships in the ocean would capsize. I feel bad turning you down, and I did once. Your advances are flattering, but they won't change anything. I want to be your friend, to share things with someone who understands me in a way very few can. I just don't think we can be more.
6. I know we've just met, but I've attached to you in a strange way. We're both lonely, stuck in a dead end life. There's nothing we can do but wait and rely on other people to dig out the doors that we can open for new opportunities. My jaded little heart, with its blue iridescent glow, that snaps its jaws at the end of a chain to protect a kitten who's been lost many times over, then curls around the breathless form in hopes the warmth will spur it to wake... He embodies it all. And he's filled your little highlighted doll, your empty shell. I don't understand how it happened, how someone so disagreeable for so many years could just snap together with someone else on meeting, but it's happened. As ourselves, we're too cold to really get deeper into our friendship, but I'm glad that he is contented at least. Maybe then there's hope for the real me.
7. You're not broken, you're not hopeless. I care for you the same way I have for a long time. Yes, you may be looking at the stars, wishing, hoping, dreaming, but you'll never even get off the ground unless you try. It won't be easy, I'm not saying it will be. And I'm not saying it'll happen right away. But just take a step out the door. Just one. Maybe then, you can serve me tea by a fountain and truly be happy, no matter who else is around.
8. I'm really trying to reconnect with you. We haven't played in forever. I remember when I would go to school and ramble on about how amazing you were, how I've never play with anyone but him with those characters. But, I feel a little intimated. Your writing was so amazing when we used to play, and I would mimic you in the hopes that it would be good enough. I guess it was, because you still wanted to play then, and even now, you're enthusiastic. I'm going to try harder, please bear with me. I'm sorry I've left you hanging.
9. Another friend I've lost to Uni. You're not on here either, or you are, but you're rarely, if ever, on. I miss you just as I miss everyone else that has moved on with their lives and left me here. I wish I could find our logs, some of them were really amazing. Please, take care of yourself out there. I worry about you constantly.
10. None of us can change, truly. Just like you, my roots are the same. I just seem to be able to change my face easier than you. I will always have the roots of a pitcher plant, waiting to trap you and drown you in myself, even if I give the illusion of a chrysanthemum. More than anything, I want to save you. Not from everyone, because I know I can't do that. But at least from me.
Everyday, I work in the hopes that you'll see, that even though you feel your wings are fake and broken, or that you never were really there in the first place, something made to serve a purpose, then to be martyred, I don't think it's true. You're here, with me, because I will remember you, and because you will remember me. Our lives are not defined by what we accomplish; by the wars we win, or by the people we save. Our lives are defined by the hearts that love us. And in my heart, your soul will always be real, and your wings will always reflect the blue sky.