_that was when i ruled the world.
I'm in Kellar now. For Christmas and all.
I really hate relationships and wish I could just quit them.
Weird how I get so close and never just quite do it.
I should know better though...especially with the flippant mind of young teenage girls...ugh.
I'm staying through as long as I can. That's all I do, after all. Hold on to things, even when they go to shit.
I hate that. If I really let go of things when they needed to be let go of, I would be left with...not nothing, but...just a void somewhere inside of me. Not for lack of drama, but for lack of...trying to fit that last piece into place. Who do I have if I let go of the bad ones...? I'm too unstable to make it by myself. That sounds horrible. I really want to be with someone and love them, and they love me too...and when I have that...something goes wrong...either with me or them, mostly me...
...and it's even worse listening to my cousin and her boyfriend argue about the same things I argued with you about.
It's so confusing. I hate ittt. Blah.
I had a Redline, so...a poem may just be in order soon...I don't know though.
My heart's breaking just listening.
...
I wish I had cleaned up enough to be good for you.
Oh well.
Can't change it now. Probably never could have, even when I tried oh so hard...haha...
I'm such trash.
I need to really change.
I'm just too scared to.
Fuck.