Story Story Die 18+ (Round 3: Usagi and the Seven Dragon Testicles)
ROUND 3: Usagi and the Seven Dragon Testicles
E/N: Color-coded for your convenience
Sasha(me the editor + my descriptions of important actions) Eren Bluepool Armin Tribute Black Assassin Kirito Succubus Lady
And now let the train wreck begin…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Does anyone want to volunteer themselves?
And save the rest of the audience from their fate?
I volunteer as tribute!
Bring yourself forth!
The tribute and the lady with the wonderful horns.
Okay, Black Assassin, you come up too.
Kirito volunteers too.
All four of you, sit down in those seats.
These are the adventures of the starship Oh God What Are We Doing!? Our mission? The search for the Galactic Orgasm…
You know, the Great Finish. The Intergalactic Climax. Etc…
…Once there was a book. This book was entitled The Power of Seduction. It was the hypest seduction ever. Some say those who could control its power could control all the orgasms in the universe…
I want that book.
…One man made it his job to find that book. And it as the heroine’s job to find that one man. And it was the hero’s job to find the heroine that was trying to find the man…
This is turning into an orgy.
…There was a villain who wanted to deny the entire universe orgasms. This villains name was Classy Deadpool. The only reason why Classy Deadpool wanted to deny everyone orgasms is because he could never find a woman. Not even when he went to the high school dance with Brittney, where there just so happened to be a zombie invasion. Brittney ran to the door, but then got attacked. No one cared about Brittney…
Everyone in the rooms falls over laughing.
No, really, save Brittney?
I’ll save you Brittney.
…So Deadpool went to go get chimichangas and plot his next move. But then, explosions sponsored by Michael Bay blew up everywhere. Classy Deadpool fell to his knees and screamed in agony, “My chimichangas!” The hero decided that something finally had to be done. He called his best buddy, Speedy Gonzales, to bring him chimichangas. So they got together in their cosmic pit mobile, to save the universe from evil…
What happened to the zombies?
What happened to the orgasms?
I don’t care what happened to the zombies or the orgasms. This is funny.
…On their way, they met a young lady named Linda. The hero decided to see if this Linda was the heroine that the book for-told. It turns out she wasn’t, so they kept riding. But she followed them like a creepy stalker girl. She also happened to be a lycanthrope. She chased them through the woods, she chased them through the swamps. Linda ends up dying. No one cared again…
She got taken out by swamp thing.
…Then she was brought back to life by the power of the seven dragon testicles. Classy Deadpool’s arch nemesis revived her with the seven dragon testicles. She was reincarnated as Sailor Moon, who is the true heroine. Sailor Moon’s true power of bitching and whining had no effect on Deadpool though. To combat Sailor Moon, he became a magical girl as well…
Wait. Did he make a contract?
Don’t ask questions!
…Classy Deadpool’s nemesis also discovered the book of orgasms. If this book of orgasms gets into the wrong hands, Classy Deadpool cannot make the most awesomest, best orgasm ever with the heroine. This meant that Sailor Moon was finally gonna get some and she cried the whole time. Tuxedo Mask could already feel his balls being busted, so in a fit of rage, he charges Deadpool. Again, no one cares about Tuxedo Mask. Speedy Gonzales was all like, “Hell no,” and kicked him in the face. And then got into his mobile suit DAMNGUN to rid the world of all…
We regret to inform you that Kirito is unable to finish his sentence due to having his throat sliced open.
Aww…sad day.
It’s a Gundam! Not DAMNGUN! Fuck that! Don’t give me that backwards jimmy bullshit!
In the background, Kirito finished himself off by committing ritual suicide with his own sword.
…While being charged, Deadpool pulls out his swift blade and slices Tuxedo Mask in two. Sailor Moon cries out, “Tuxedo Mask-kun!” Sailor Moon’s cried fell on deaf ears as everyone just laughed, so happy that Tuxedo Mask is not the hero. Deadpool was all like, “Back to this fuck now” and Usagi was all, “Oh no!” Deadpool was like, “Oh yes!” But it turns out after a few rounds, it wasn’t good enough, so he asked for help…
Eren chokes on air. People fall over. Someone in the audience says “oh gods.”
A short time later when everyone can breathe again, the story continues.
…That is when Doctor Who jumped out of his magic time box and provided some magic technology. The technology that Doctor Who provided allowed for some fantastic play. The play included the initiation of Stop-Man. Also He-Man…
Stop-Man is a character from a hentai. He stops time, fucks girls, and then turns time back on, and they’re like, “What the fuck just happened?” Yeah, that’s funny.
The Tribute apparently agrees with this.
Yes, you read it too!
Bluepool randomly kills off the Tribute. He throws the microphone and falls out of his chair backwards.
Be very careful. We don’t want people breaking themselves.
You do not do that with my microphone.
There is a standing ovation for the tribute’s epic death throes.
…So Stop-Man stops time and he does his business with Usagi. And then Rape-Man comes in…
Oh yeah, he’s in for it now.
Don’t trigger anybody!
That’s an automatic death sentence, remember.
Unfortunately, I must take your head.
Bluepool slices Black Assassin’s head off.
Now finish the story, Succubus Lady.
…Usagi finally comes in a desperate orgasm, played on by Classy Deadpool, as the magical girl, don’t forget.
And somehow the Doctor was in there.
No, no, he was watching. That’s what he does. And they lived happy ever after. Good job everybody, good job. Y’all are crazy sons of bitches, y’all don’t even know.
E/N: Color-coded for your convenience
Sasha(me the editor + my descriptions of important actions) Eren Bluepool Armin Tribute Black Assassin Kirito Succubus Lady
And now let the train wreck begin…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Does anyone want to volunteer themselves?
And save the rest of the audience from their fate?
I volunteer as tribute!
Bring yourself forth!
The tribute and the lady with the wonderful horns.
Okay, Black Assassin, you come up too.
Kirito volunteers too.
All four of you, sit down in those seats.
These are the adventures of the starship Oh God What Are We Doing!? Our mission? The search for the Galactic Orgasm…
You know, the Great Finish. The Intergalactic Climax. Etc…
…Once there was a book. This book was entitled The Power of Seduction. It was the hypest seduction ever. Some say those who could control its power could control all the orgasms in the universe…
I want that book.
…One man made it his job to find that book. And it as the heroine’s job to find that one man. And it was the hero’s job to find the heroine that was trying to find the man…
This is turning into an orgy.
…There was a villain who wanted to deny the entire universe orgasms. This villains name was Classy Deadpool. The only reason why Classy Deadpool wanted to deny everyone orgasms is because he could never find a woman. Not even when he went to the high school dance with Brittney, where there just so happened to be a zombie invasion. Brittney ran to the door, but then got attacked. No one cared about Brittney…
Everyone in the rooms falls over laughing.
No, really, save Brittney?
I’ll save you Brittney.
…So Deadpool went to go get chimichangas and plot his next move. But then, explosions sponsored by Michael Bay blew up everywhere. Classy Deadpool fell to his knees and screamed in agony, “My chimichangas!” The hero decided that something finally had to be done. He called his best buddy, Speedy Gonzales, to bring him chimichangas. So they got together in their cosmic pit mobile, to save the universe from evil…
What happened to the zombies?
What happened to the orgasms?
I don’t care what happened to the zombies or the orgasms. This is funny.
…On their way, they met a young lady named Linda. The hero decided to see if this Linda was the heroine that the book for-told. It turns out she wasn’t, so they kept riding. But she followed them like a creepy stalker girl. She also happened to be a lycanthrope. She chased them through the woods, she chased them through the swamps. Linda ends up dying. No one cared again…
She got taken out by swamp thing.
…Then she was brought back to life by the power of the seven dragon testicles. Classy Deadpool’s arch nemesis revived her with the seven dragon testicles. She was reincarnated as Sailor Moon, who is the true heroine. Sailor Moon’s true power of bitching and whining had no effect on Deadpool though. To combat Sailor Moon, he became a magical girl as well…
Wait. Did he make a contract?
Don’t ask questions!
…Classy Deadpool’s nemesis also discovered the book of orgasms. If this book of orgasms gets into the wrong hands, Classy Deadpool cannot make the most awesomest, best orgasm ever with the heroine. This meant that Sailor Moon was finally gonna get some and she cried the whole time. Tuxedo Mask could already feel his balls being busted, so in a fit of rage, he charges Deadpool. Again, no one cares about Tuxedo Mask. Speedy Gonzales was all like, “Hell no,” and kicked him in the face. And then got into his mobile suit DAMNGUN to rid the world of all…
We regret to inform you that Kirito is unable to finish his sentence due to having his throat sliced open.
Aww…sad day.
It’s a Gundam! Not DAMNGUN! Fuck that! Don’t give me that backwards jimmy bullshit!
In the background, Kirito finished himself off by committing ritual suicide with his own sword.
…While being charged, Deadpool pulls out his swift blade and slices Tuxedo Mask in two. Sailor Moon cries out, “Tuxedo Mask-kun!” Sailor Moon’s cried fell on deaf ears as everyone just laughed, so happy that Tuxedo Mask is not the hero. Deadpool was all like, “Back to this fuck now” and Usagi was all, “Oh no!” Deadpool was like, “Oh yes!” But it turns out after a few rounds, it wasn’t good enough, so he asked for help…
Eren chokes on air. People fall over. Someone in the audience says “oh gods.”
A short time later when everyone can breathe again, the story continues.
…That is when Doctor Who jumped out of his magic time box and provided some magic technology. The technology that Doctor Who provided allowed for some fantastic play. The play included the initiation of Stop-Man. Also He-Man…
Stop-Man is a character from a hentai. He stops time, fucks girls, and then turns time back on, and they’re like, “What the fuck just happened?” Yeah, that’s funny.
The Tribute apparently agrees with this.
Yes, you read it too!
Bluepool randomly kills off the Tribute. He throws the microphone and falls out of his chair backwards.
Be very careful. We don’t want people breaking themselves.
You do not do that with my microphone.
There is a standing ovation for the tribute’s epic death throes.
…So Stop-Man stops time and he does his business with Usagi. And then Rape-Man comes in…
Oh yeah, he’s in for it now.
Don’t trigger anybody!
That’s an automatic death sentence, remember.
Unfortunately, I must take your head.
Bluepool slices Black Assassin’s head off.
Now finish the story, Succubus Lady.
…Usagi finally comes in a desperate orgasm, played on by Classy Deadpool, as the magical girl, don’t forget.
And somehow the Doctor was in there.
No, no, he was watching. That’s what he does. And they lived happy ever after. Good job everybody, good job. Y’all are crazy sons of bitches, y’all don’t even know.