quiet...peace...rest...
That is what I need..that is all I need.
I feel the stress level rising within me. I am thankful that I can remember the last time that I've laughed, because when I am in my mother's home, which is where I am right now - I'm on spring break - I never smile, I never laugh, and I am always annoyed over something or other.
School work...pressures of college...pressures of life just nagging me...almost to the point where I want to just laugh insanely because I constantly lose all rhyme or reason to my life. I know why I'm in college, but what I'm going to do with the reasons why I am in college are still uncertain. I am running out of time and getting more and more work. My brain is in tune with college assignments 24/7 and I HATE IT! I can't handle it with everything else that is going on inside of me, and in my life in general. I just want to relax...
Here is a quote from what I told a friend of mine a bit earlier tonight:
"So many responsibilities. So many people counting on me..so many things I need to do..so many people I don't want to let down..so many things I WANT to do, but never can...it's too much..and I just want to enjoy myself, but it's very hard to do so...the world is closing in around me and I just want to rest...
"I'm still trying to let God do what I know He is going to do..I just need time..."
I need an answer..I need a reason..to keep pressing on in the direction I'm going. I can't do this alone, and I know I won't ever be alone, but still! I need to choose. I need to decide! I can't just sit back and wait for the world to make it's decision for me. People who do that wind up on the street or flipping burgers. I can't fail..I can't give up. I have to make a decision that is going to affect the rest of my life...
...why do I do this to myself...?
I feel the stress level rising within me. I am thankful that I can remember the last time that I've laughed, because when I am in my mother's home, which is where I am right now - I'm on spring break - I never smile, I never laugh, and I am always annoyed over something or other.
School work...pressures of college...pressures of life just nagging me...almost to the point where I want to just laugh insanely because I constantly lose all rhyme or reason to my life. I know why I'm in college, but what I'm going to do with the reasons why I am in college are still uncertain. I am running out of time and getting more and more work. My brain is in tune with college assignments 24/7 and I HATE IT! I can't handle it with everything else that is going on inside of me, and in my life in general. I just want to relax...
Here is a quote from what I told a friend of mine a bit earlier tonight:
"So many responsibilities. So many people counting on me..so many things I need to do..so many people I don't want to let down..so many things I WANT to do, but never can...it's too much..and I just want to enjoy myself, but it's very hard to do so...the world is closing in around me and I just want to rest...
"I'm still trying to let God do what I know He is going to do..I just need time..."
I need an answer..I need a reason..to keep pressing on in the direction I'm going. I can't do this alone, and I know I won't ever be alone, but still! I need to choose. I need to decide! I can't just sit back and wait for the world to make it's decision for me. People who do that wind up on the street or flipping burgers. I can't fail..I can't give up. I have to make a decision that is going to affect the rest of my life...
...why do I do this to myself...?