Fic coming your way~
Title: Untitled (I’m bad with titles. If somebody has a suggestion, it is more than welcomed.)
Pairing: Yamajima
Author: hikarin
Rating: PG-13. I think.
Warnings: Angst. Romance. And they are legal in the fic so I’m not hinting at 15-year-olds… You got it.
Disclaimer: I wish.
Wordcount: 6382
Summary: Yuuto is not there anymore. Is Ryosuke able to go on, on his own?
Notes: This came to my mind while reading the first drabble here. There’s no pairing, but I imagined it with them. I’ve also been wondering why Yamada has to look at Yuuto every time he is saying something and well, here it is. And also because everybody makes Yuuto suffer, so it’s time to make Yamada suffer a bit, too. *pets Yuuto*
English in NOT my first language and this is not beta-ed. So point out every mistake you can find, thanks~!
So it is decided. It’s sudden, unexpected. Nobody knew, nobody never even thought about it because when things happen once, hopefully they won’t repeat themselves.
Whoever said this was totally wrong apparently, Yuuto thinks as he slides down the closed door of Johnny’s office, wide eyes meeting Yabu’s concerned expression.
Nakajima Yuuto, turned eighteen only a week before, is going to be sent abroad for some time. No explanation will be given, JUMP’s activities will continue as always until he will come back. He doesn’t even know when he will come back, but that doesn’t really matter to him.
Because he does not want to leave in the first place.
Yabu’s arms are immediately around him, holding him, preventing him from breaking completely. With his tears flowing freely Yuuto grips the back of Yabu’s shirt, trying hard to hold on onto him and not give in into hopelessness.
“I won’t let us be run over like this, I swear.” The oldest boy whispers are soothing, even if his voice is quivering and his whole body is shaking slightly. “I promise you I won’t allow it.”
As he holds Yuuto’s trembling form in his arms his anger suddenly grows, because tears and sobs do not suit the younger boy. And he will keep his promise, even if it will take every single one of his efforts until he won't be able to take it anymore.
When Yabu breaks the news to their band-mates the next day, Yuuto is not there. He had been told to stop coming to rehearsals, as he was to leave in three days.
He can see the shock in his fellow BEST members’ eyes and is thankful to Inoo when he tries to soothe Hikaru’s rage as best as he can. Yabu knows Hikaru like the back of his hand; he also knows that even if wounds heal, the scars that are left after them rarely disappear.
He goes over to Takaki and takes his hand while unclenching the fist the other boy has just slammed against the wall. He doesn’t know how to answer to the angry, yet helpless gaze the younger boy directs towards him.
But the thing that really makes his heart break is the other half of their group. He grows angrier by the moment, because the last thing he had ever wanted to see was for JUMP to break down like they are now.
Chinen, sitting beside Daiki, is hiding his face against his shoulder, body shaking. The older boy his holding him tight against his side, and even if Yabu can’t see the look on Daiki’s face, as it is buried in Chinen’s hair, he can very well imagine it. Just as raging as Hikaru’s, and with just the slightest bit of helplessness that can’t help but show in his eyes.
BEST are really close to each other, Yabu knows this. But he also realized a long time ago that their younger counterpart is even more closer. If it’s hard on them, he cannot even start to imagine how the younger ones are taking it.
Ryutarou is on the verge of tears. He can see it, but he knows better than to go over to him. It’s true that Ryutarou is the youngest one in the group, but he is also the first one who doesn’t ever want to show his weakness. And Yabu won’t be the one to point it out, not in a moment like this.
Keito is the one who has come the longest way amongst them all, and even if he can very well stand on his own feet now, Yuuto had always been there for him when he was at a loss of what to do.
The younger boy has his head bowed down so that Yabu can’t see his expression, but his fist are clenched so hard on his knees that his knuckles are turning white from the force of his grip.
The oldest boy tears his gaze away from him just to have it land on their last member. The one Yabu hadn’t really wanted to tell everything to, the one that is probably taking it in the worst way.
Yamada’s eyes are empty as he’s gazing right at the wall, completely frozen. He’s not angry, nor he’s shaking or crying or punching the wall with all his might. Yabu doesn’t see any emotion in those eyes, eyes that are usually bright, and shining.
He lets go of Takaki's hand -barely realizing he had been holding it for some time now- and brushes his hand across his lower back, before making his way over to Yamada. He halts as the younger boy closes his eyes and waits, not wanting to startle him.
But for the first time since he entered the room he is at a loss of what to do when Yamada stands up and, albeit he’s stumbling a little, begins to walk until he’s nearly running out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Yabu is torn between wanting to run after him and letting him calm down, but before he can even decide on what to do he feels a hand on one of his shoulders and turns around.
“Sometimes there are things you can’t do anything about, no matter how painful it is.” And as he comes to face Inoo’s gentle features and eyes filled with concern and fear, he can’t take it anymore.
The only thing he’s able to do for the moment is hug the slightly shorter boy, and hope that everything will turn out for the better.
In the end, Yamada didn’t show up at practice for the following three days. Nobody was able to get in contact with him. The only thing they knew was that he was still alive, as Yamada’s mother had phoned Keito, worried about the reason why his son had been staying locked in his room for the past few days.
Yamada knows he is being selfish, but he doesn’t care. It’s not as if he is letting the group down, because this is no KAT-TUN remake and they are not having press conferences and whatever, making up excuses that the press would love to eat up.
They are just taking Yuuto away from them with no explanation whatsoever, just a short announcement on a couple of magazines and newspapers.
As if it doesn’t concern JUMP.
As if it doesn’t concern any of them.
It’s the middle of August and it’s hot, but still, two figures are hugging tight. It’s dark and nobody is around, the only noise being their hearts beating faster than ever. The shorter boy lifts his head, tears flowing along his cheeks that the taller boy tries to wipe away pointlessly, as new ones keep on forming.
Lips brush against lips, hearts skipping a couple of beats and, for a moment, everything else disappears.
A second later a boy is left with just the memory of a warm body within his arms, as he watches the other running away without turning back, not even once.
It takes a whole ten minutes of hugs and the promises to bring them at least half a year worth of souvenirs for Chinen and Hikaru to let go of Yuuto at the airport. It makes the taller boy break into a smile and he mouths a ‘Thanks’ in Hikaru’s direction when nobody’s looking.
He’s squished in a group hug by the former J.J Express members. “Don’t grow any taller while you are away, or I won’t forgive you.” Daiki’s words make his eyes water, along with Takaki and Inoo’s nods because he has surpassed them by now and he’s as tall as Yabu.
Ryutarou is shorter than him by a mere couple of centimetres and he can’t really mess up his hair without making it look awkward anymore. But the tight hug the younger boy draws him into doesn’t strangely feels awkward, and even if Ryutarou doesn’t say anything, a warm sensation washes over Yuuto and it makes him smile.
Keito then walks over to him and Yuuto high-fives him with a grin, and even if it’s not as bright as it was a couple of days before, it makes Keito grin right back.
“I’ll miss you.” Keito whispers to him in English and Yuuto laughs a little.
“When I’ll be back, maybe I’ll be able to understand you.” And he laughs again as the older boy punches his shoulder.
They say goodbye again and then the members start to leave, as it’s really early in the morning to avoid fans blocking the airport.
Yuuto is left alone with Yabu, and they perform their handshake before the older boy hugs him tight.
“Have you heard anything from him?” Yabu asks, but regrets it immediately when he sees a bitter smile making its way across Yuuto’s features.
“Look after him while I’m away, please. You know what I mean, right?” Yuuto can’t bring himself to tell Yabu that yes, he’s heard from Yamada and he has actually seen him last night.
It was for a mere five minutes, but it was enough to break his heart completely.
Yabu nods and Yuuto sends him a grateful smile, breaking the hug. “I’ll be fine. Time will fly, and I’ll be back home in no time.”
The older boy smiles, in spite of everything. Because they can try to break him however they want, but Yuuto will always be the strongest amongst them all.
Yuuto is thankful to Keito for the first few days, because he does not understand a thing and has to call their English boy at least five times in a day. He had even forgotten about the change in time once and had called when in Japan it was the middle of the night.
Things begin to work after two or three weeks. He makes new friends who help him out and he starts to understand more, while cursing his English teacher in his head because she hadn’t taught him anything useful up until now.
He walks around New York on a daily basis, discovering new things. He actually doesn’t really feel out of place there, except for the fact that everyone around him is speaking English and not Japanese. He thinks that as long as he’s stuck there, he should at least try to make the best out of this experience.
But the thought -which keeps on nagging him- that somebody back at home is not coping as well as he is, makes his days just the little bit worse.
It takes Yamada nearly a month to stop crying himself to sleep every night. The rest of the group is worried about him; on stage he’s the same Yamada Ryosuke he has always been, and only the people who really know him can see that his every smile is fake, feigned, as if trying to convince them that nothing is wrong.
But to the eyes of his band-mates he is nearly lifeless, and he’s losing weight at a worrying pace.
He has not tried once to get in contact with Yuuto, because he thinks -knows- that it will hurt even more. He’s content with hearing from the others that his best friend is doing just fine, while he prays everyday for him to come back as soon as possible.
Yuuto exchanges emails with Keito regularly, and receives some from the other members as well. Everybody say they miss him while Chinen brags about how he’s growing taller and that he is as tall as Daiki now.
‘It’s not true! I still have at least four centimetres of advantage, and he won’t grow anymore taller anyway!’
They make Yuuto smile and laugh, and he makes sure to reply to all of them. He asks Keito about Yamada at times, and he feels relieved when he reads that Yabu is keeping his promise.
He also feels helpless at times, because he know he’s hurting Ryosuke so much, but he can’t do anything about it.
Those are the times when he wonders when he will be allowed to go back.
Three months after Yuuto has left, the group is told they are going to record a new single. They can’t help but be shocked, even if they were kind of expecting it.
Yamada is nervous for the next couple of days and finally snaps at Takaki the third, when during practice he trips over his own feet and pulls Yamada and Chinen down with him.
“Watch your freaking steps, for God’s sake! We don’t have time to lose, you know!” He nearly shouts at the older boy shortly after the choreographer tells them to take a break, stomping off to retrieve his water bottle.
Yabu is stressed out; he has a lot of things to do lately and he doesn’t have time to make sure that the rest of the group doesn’t start useless fights.
So he decides to take the matter in his own hands at last, and goes over to Yamada.
He makes him turn around and takes him by the collar of his shirt.
“What the Hell, Yabu-kun?! Let me go!” The shorter boy struggles, but Yabu holds onto him tight.
Ryutarou tries to walk over to them but Inoo stops him, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking his head.
“Stop it, Ryosuke.” Yabu’s gaze is hard, and he hurts him having to be so harsh to his friend, but he wouldn’t probably understand in any other way. “Yuuto is not here, get over that. You’re not the only one who’s hurting, anyway.”
“Don’t say that.” Ryosuke’s voice is even colder that Yabu's. “Don’t say I’m not the only one, when you don’t understand how I’m feeling. Let me go!”
“We don’t understand? Yuuto is our friend too, we miss him just as much and you don’t have any right to say that we don’t underst-“
“It’s you the one who doesn’t have the right to say anything!” Yamada is furious now, Yabu can see it in his eyes and the younger boy manages to escape his grip at last, turning to the rest of the group.
“Do you all think the same?” He asks with a voice that is still as cold as ever, and he chuckles when he sees seven heads nod at him. “Does any of you love him?” His gaze hardens even more when he sees the confused look on his band-mates’ faces.
“IS ANY OF YOU IN LOVE WITH YUUTO?!” He shouts at last, tears beginning to fall. “Answer. ANSWER!”
He smiles bitterly as he begins to cry even harder when everybody shake their head. “Then shut the hell up, because nobody knows what I’m feeling.”
Yuuto hears about JUMP’s new single only a couple of days before its release date. He doesn’t blame his band-mates for not telling him, but he can’t help but ask them why they hadn’t told him anything.
‘We were told not to tell you by the management. We wanted to, but Yabu-kun said he would have made us go through hell if we did.’
Yuuto laughs out loud at that, because Chinen always likes to exaggerate everything and Yabu is still the same.
He’s glad some things don’t ever change.
‘PS: Why didn’t you tell us there was something going on between you and Yama-chan? Meanie!’
He’s more than just a little surprised as he reads the last sentence of Chinen’s email. Something must have happened, because they had agreed not to say anything about it, especially now that he was miles away from Japan.
He tells Chinen that they were just afraid, and that they would have told them as soon as everything would have settled down. He also asks what had happened, and if Ryosuke was all right. Yamada and him were not together but something had always been there, and they had just begun to discover what it was when he had been suddenly sent away.
‘He broke down at practice, in the end. He kind of yelled at us saying he loves you, that’s how we found out. Well, at least he’s looking a bit better now.’
Yuuto lies back on his bed, his laptop still on his thighs. For the first time in four months his smile is not forced, and a huge wave of warmth washes over him.
Ryosuke loves him. Loves him, for real. And he wishes to be able to go back soon, just so he can finally hear that himself, too.
Yamada has never hated something as much as he hates TV appearances right now. He used to be the one who talked the most out of them, together with Yuuto.
He can’t bring himself to do it now. He was used to have Yuuto by his side whenever they were on TV, and there was not a time when he hadn’t looked up at him while he was talking.
Yuuto would look right back at him every time and smile in that heart-warming way of his, his silent way of saying ‘I’m right here, don’t worry’.
He had nearly choked on his words the day before, when he had turned around out of habit, and hadn’t found Yuuto’s smile there, telling him he was doing great.
So he lets the others step up and help him out, because that is what makes them a group.
People used to say he was to come a long way, that he was talented and could make it wherever he wanted with his skills.
He was the only one who had known from the beginning that Yuuto was the source of all his strength, and that they could praise him all they wanted, but he would have not been able to do everything he did if Yuuto hadn’t been right beside him all along.
His mind is diverted from the actual talk as he looks beside him and sees Yabu and Takaki talking to the hosts. He starts to think that maybe Yuuto didn’t leave for no reason at all.
It’s his chance to show to all those people that he’s just as the rest of his group-mates; not better, nor less. The chance to show that, like everybody else, he has something -someone- that makes him go on. And he can’t do without him.
He depends on Yuuto, and all he wants is to shout it out for the whole world to finally understand it.
Yuuto had been taking singing and dancing lessons as well while he was away, as he didn’t want to be left behind by the rest of the group.
He comes home late one night and thinks about checking his inbox the morning after because he is really tired, but he’s grateful to himself after having decided to do it anyway.
‘I never thought I’d say this but, seriously. When are you coming back? I can’t stand Yamada anymore, it’s like I’ve become his freaking confessional or something. I didn’t really want to know the details of your love story, you know.’
He tries hard not to laugh out loud as he reads Ryutarou’s email because it’s really late and he doesn’t want to be scolded for making too much noise.
He is surprised, though, when he sees another email, one from an address he doesn’t know. And as he opens it his eyes widen and he gapes at the screen for the next couple of minutes.
Everything is written in English, and he laughs at the little mistakes he now recognizes, making a mental note to tell him to brush up on his own English a little.
It also makes his heart warm up at the sight, because amongst everyone, he is probably the one who understands him better and he is grateful for having that.
And Yuuto knows, despite what everybody had said, that he hadn’t changed at all, deep inside.
‘Jin~ ♥’’
Yabu is startled when he opens the door to their practice room one day and, expecting to find it still empty, he spots somebody sitting on the couch instead.
Said person looks up and smiles, and Yabu doesn’t really know how to respond, mainly because it’s been quite some time since he had last seen him.
Jin makes his way up to him and places an arm around his waist. Yabu draws away slightly, as if the touch had burned him, but Jin’s grip is strong.
“How are you, Kou-chan?” Yabu has to close his eyes as soon as the other speaks, because the room begins to spin and he is not sure he’s able to stand on his legs anymore.
Two strong arms pull him against Jin’s chest and he holds onto his shirt, his strong grip wrinkling the fabric slightly.
Yabu knows he can let go of everything he has been holding back for months, tucked safely in Jin’s arms. And he cries, until he has no tears left.
He cries even harder as Jin whispers into his hear not to worry, and that if everything turned out okay for them, Hey! Say! JUMP is going to do great, no matter what.
Six month after he left, Yuuto is told by the management that he can go home whenever he wants now, just in time for him to graduate.
It’s not surprising when he asks to go back right away; they were already organizing everything.
He’s excited. A bit sad about leaving, as he had made a lot of friends after all and had kind of got used to live in New York; but most of all he’s excited.
He doesn’t sleep at all the night before leaving, and he resolves on just lying in bed until dawn. Ten minutes before leaving the apartment he lived in for the past six months, he sends Yabu an email.
‘I’m going back. I’ll be home tomorrow!
Actually, the day after tomorrow.
I can’t wait to see you all.’
He writes it in English and giggles at the thought of Yabu cursing him and having to call Keito up to translate. He has a half mind to write Ryosuke that he’s going back too, but he figures he will hear it from the others.
And if he doesn’t, he can just spring a surprise on him.
Keito nearly has a heart attack when he receives Yabu’s message, and calls the older boy immediately.
“Yabu-kun.” He’s shaking a bit, and his voice is too but Yabu hasn’t probably noticed.
“Yes, Keito? Did that idiot send the email to the wrong address again?” Keito figures Yabu is not at home, because there’s a lot of noise coming from the other end of the line and the older boy sounds like he isn't really paying attention.
“No, Yabu-kun.” He takes a deep breath, because he had been dreaming of hearing that sentence for the past six months, and now he’s the one who has to say it.
“Yuuto is coming back.”
Yuuto is struggling to keep his hands still while the plane is landing. He’s nervous; really, really nervous. But he feels relieved as soon as the plane touches the ground, as if a huge weight is lifted off his chest.
It’s not hard to spot a group of noisy teenagers even from the distance, Yuuto thinks. He wasn’t sure that somebody would have come to greet him because he had told he was coming back only to Yabu and his parents. His parents were on holiday, and he had figured that Yabu would have just deleted his email without even bothering to make sure what it was.
Chinen is the first one to spot him and begins to run at full speed towards him. Yuuto lets his luggage immediately go and gets ready for a massive hug.
He is actually grateful for that hug (a bit less for the fact that Chinen is nearly choking him) and squeezes the shorter boy back, before letting him go.
“You really grew, didn’t you?” Yuuto smiles as Chinen beams and nods his head, before looking behind his back and telling the others to hurry up.
Yabu approaches him first and slaps him on the back of his head. “This is because you are an idiot. I nearly deleted your stupid message as soon as I received it!” Yuuto smiles knowingly at this. “Be grateful I decided to call Keito up to translate it.” And he grins at Keito, who gently smiles back at him.
“And this,” Yabu starts again, before pulling Yuuto into a tight hug the younger boy hadn’t realized he needed (it’s different from Chinen’s, because Chinen is not the one that has been taking care of him since Yuuto doesn’t even remember when). “Welcome back, Yuuto.”
His eyes water a little as he hears a round of ‘Welcome back’s from all of his band-mates -all, except one.
But it doesn’t really matter at the moment, because he’s being pulled out of the airport and onto the first train before he even realizes it, and it looks like each one of his group-mates has something to say to him.
They talk and talk for the whole ride home, and Yuuto -after six months- finally feels at home again.
Yuuto knows he’s coming home to an empty house. His little brother is on tour with their senpai -having joined the agency as well- and his parents had decided it would be a good idea to go on a little holiday as both their sons were away.
Yuuto had called them the day before leaving, and they had told him he was to live on his own for a while longer.
He spots his house in the dark of the night as he’s walking down the street, and he has never felt so happy to see it before; both because he had kind of missed it, and also because he had spent nearly 14 hours on a plane and he was looking forward to greet his shower and his bed most of all.
He freezes, instead, as he sees someone sitting on their porch. He could recognize that figure everywhere, and he walks a little faster as his heart starts to beat erratically.
He stops when he’s less than ten meters away from the porch, and the person looks up after having heard the noise coming closer and suddenly stop.
Yuuto is not sure of what happens in the next few moments, as he has suddenly an armful of Ryosuke who had nearly sent him with his butt on the ground.
Yamada’s grip on his neck is strong but he doesn’t really mind. He holds onto his waist -it’s obvious he has lost weight, too much if he was to be honest- and he feels like his heart is going to explode at any given moment.
“You could have sent me something, you know. I had to ask Keito to stalk you to get to know how you were doing.” He manages to joke and feels the grip tightening even more. Ryosuke is shaking slightly and Yuuto can feel the side of his neck slowly becoming damp with tears.
The taller boy smiles as he hears a faint “shut up” and then Yamada lifts his head, Yuuto immediately cupping one of his cheeks with his hand. Ryosuke is crying, but he has never looked prettier to him.
“Don’t leave me ever again, you idiot.”
A beat.
“I’m not going anywhere anymore, I swear.”
Yuuto had suggested they went inside, because even if it's dark you never know who can see you.
The younger boy had been dying for taking a shower, so he had left Yamada on his own for a little bit. Ryosuke decided to be useful, so he prepared something to eat assuming Yuuto hadn’t had dinner yet.
While Yamada was cooking he had some time to think. He still hadn’t fully realized Yuuto was back, he thought. Everything had happened so fast, too fast, and he didn’t really know what to think.
Suddenly, Yuuto walks up to him startling him a little, because he had been so much into his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed him. The taller boy wraps his arms around him from behind, and places his chin on his shoulder.
“I missed your cooking, you know. Oh, and we’re going to eat together every day from now on. I’ll make sure you eat plenty of food, because it feels like I’m holding thin air instead of you.” Ryosuke smiles and leans back into Yuuto’s chest. It’s slowly starting to sink in, the feeling of completeness Yuuto always made him feel.
“Yeah, and you spent the last six months in America and didn’t gain a single kilo. How did you do that?” He was sure that in Yuuto’s place he would have gained way too much weight.
“I was really determined not to come home looking like Akanishi-kun.” Yamada nearly loses his grip on the pan he is holding as he is putting the food in the two plates he had set before. He sets the pan down and breaks into a fit of laughter, calming down only when he feels Yuuto’s arms back around him.
The taller boy draws him closer and smiles down at him, before kissing the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”
Ryosuke can’t seem to be able to do anything but smile and cry, because he had intended to smile but had apparently failed, as Yuuto is now wiping a couple of tears he never noticed he had cried.
After dinner they had stayed curled up on the couch in the living-room, while Yuuto told him about his trip and all the things he had learned and seen. He is a bit jealous, because the younger boy’s English is not as crappy as his anymore and Yuuto has been saying lots of things to him in English all night -most of which are cheesy pick up lines Yamada really doesn’t want to know where, and most importantly why, Yuuto learned them- and he hadn’t understood a single thing until Yuuto translated it all.
And now Ryosuke feels himself being pulled down on Yuuto’s bed by the younger boy, until he is lying half on the mattress and half on Yuuto himself.
It’s suddenly really silent around them, and Yamada feels like he has a lot of things to tell Yuuto -they haven’t talked in months, after all- but he can’t bring himself to open his mouth. His thoughts are all mixed-up and the only thing he is sure about is that Yuuto’s body is warm and his arms around him feel just perfect.
Ryosuke understands that they don’t need words the moment Yuuto gently pushes him completely onto his back. The younger boy’s lips are on his a couple of seconds later and Ryosuke’s eyes fall shut immediately, a wave of emotions nearly too big for him to handle overwhelming him.
Yuuto’s lips are as dry as they have always been, and Yamada wets them lightly with gentle laps of his tongue. He feels the taller boy’s mouth curving into a smile, and a moment later Yuuto captures his tongue and draws him into a deep kiss that sends a wave of jolts running through his entire body, until he is trembling slightly.
The younger boy notices it -Yuuto always notices everything- and breaks the kiss. Ryosuke gazes into his eyes and his breath catches, because he had always been able to read the emotions flashing in Yuuto’s eyes up until now. But he had never been as overwhelmed by it as he is now, because Yuuto’s eyes are speaking volumes.
He doesn’t even give Yuuto the time to ask him what is wrong -he knows he was going to ask that- because he suddenly locks his arms around his neck and pulls him down into another deep kiss.
And another.
And another.
‘Let’s make up for all the time they made us lose.’
There is actually one thing Yuuto hates out of everything that happened; the jet-lag. He’s lying in his bed, with Ryosuke finally in his arms (and no, he’s not going to let go of him ever again) and while he does not think that this is not nice, he’s been awake for the past three hours and a half. He doesn’t want to wake Yamada up as it’s six in the morning and -in the end- they had fallen asleep not longer than four hours before.
He draws the older boy’s body even closer to his own and rakes a hand lightly through his hair, careful not to wake him up. He has been watching him sleep for the whole time, but he’s not even remotely tired of doing it.
He had missed him so much. He had actually seen a couple of the group’s TV appearances while he had been away, and he had been so scared when he had seen how much Ryosuke had changed on the outside.
It would have been obvious even to a blind person that he had lost weight, and the bright sparkle that flashed in his eyes every time he performed was not there anymore.
Yuuto had even cried a little, because it had hurt him so much seeing Ryosuke like that. And he was now determined to bring the Yamada Ryosuke everyone loved back.
Suddenly, he feels the older boy squirm within his arms and looks down, coming face to face with one of the most beautiful sleepy smiles he has ever seen.
“Why are you already awake?” Yuuto laughs a little when Ryosuke mumbles sleepily, and pulls him on top of himself.
“Jet-lag. I woke up half an hour after we fell asleep.” He begins to stroke Ryosuke’s bare back up and down soothingly. “Go back to sleep, I’ll wake you up later.” Yuuto then drops a kiss on his forehead, but the older boy lifts his head and captures Yuuto’s lips instead.
“I don’t really feel like sleeping anymore, you know.” Ryosuke whispers against Yuuto’s mouth and feels it curving into a smile.
“Yeah, that’s why you look like you’re ready to doze off again at any given moment.” The younger boy laughs when Yamada pouts, snorts and proceeds to bury his face against Yuuto’s neck. “You haven’t changed a single bit, you know.” Yuuto’s heart beats a little bit faster as he whispers this into Yamada’s ear, but he knows better than to expect an answer.
And he was right. “Do I have to remind you that you just pulled me on top of yourself and if you hadn’t noticed, our clothes -well, actually your clothes- are all scattered about your room and we are both naked?” Yuuto laughs out loud at this and rolls them over, pinning Ryosuke down on the bed.
“Are you suggesting we should do a repetition of last night?” The younger boy asks mischievously while he trails a hand down Ryosuke’s side, grinning as he sees a faint blush making his way on the other boy’s cheeks.
He touches a pink cheek with one finger, only to have it slapped away a second later.
Ryosuke pulls him down with an arm around his neck instead, and brushes his lips against Yuuto’s slightly.
“Took you long enough.”
The day Nakajima Yuuto officially comes back to Hey! Say! JUMP arrives a couple of weeks later, during one of their latest concerts. The fans don’t know anything about it, and Yuuto feels a bit too overwhelmed as he’s standing backstage, trying to drink in everything that is happening.
A hand slips into his and holds on tight as they are standing by. Yuuto looks to the side and sees Ryosuke -and the rest of their group- smiling at him (somebody is also giving him thumbs up and V-sings).
A staff member shouts that they are going to be on stage in ten seconds, and Yuuto’s hearts is beating faster and faster with every passing second.
Three!
He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down as much as he can.
Two!
The hand slips away from his, but he knows better. Because the warmth it produced is going to stay there for a very long time.
One!
He has never heard anything more beautiful that the surprised shouts of their fans, and his smile is so bright it’s nearly blinding.
The rest of the group is smiling just as brightly, because they have their sun back now; they are complete once again, and they won’t let anybody take away a part of what they are anymore.
Ryosuke jumps on Yuuto’s back at the end of the concert as they are going backstage, and he barely registers the shouts of the fans as he does that.
Yuuto spins them around a couple of times and everybody laughs, before he waves again at the audience and finally brings the both of them off-stage.
Ryosuke gets off his back as soon as they are in the backstage, but immediately takes his hand and pulls Yuuto closer to him.
The younger boy’s arms immediately wraps around his waist and Ryosuke rests his forehead against Yuuto’s own. “See? You were scared for nothing.”
“Oh, shut up. I would have liked to see you in my place.” The older boy laughs and kisses away the pout that had made his way on Yuuto’s lips.
They are oblivious to the fact that everybody that passes them in the bustle of the backstage regards them with a knowing smile or a hushed giggle, but nobody dares to break them apart.
“I love you.” Half a beat, and Yuuto dives in to kiss Ryosuke, long and soft and caring, putting every single emotion he is feeling at the moment into the kiss.
He smiles as they drift apart and brushes their noses together cutely. “Took you long enough.”
“Just a little bit of traffic.” It makes Yuuto chuckle despite everything, and he’s on the verge of making a comment when somebody beats him to it.
“Cheesy, Yama-chan!” And their hug suddenly becomes a group hug, as they are squished between the rest of the group.
Yuuto thinks it’s a bit awkward with ten people, but as he nudges Ryosuke’s head up -he had hid it against his neck when everybody had begun to squeeze them- and looks into his eyes while brushing their lips together, he knows the older boy is thinking the same thing as he is.
They wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
--終わり。--
A/N: The Jin!Cameo came unexpected even to me. But it doesn't matter, he's really growing on me lately.
There's not really an explanation as to why Yuuto was sent away, because I could not think of any. xD But oh, well. I hope you enjoyed it~ And to anybody that read 'til here, thanks for reading~~~!!!
Pairing: Yamajima
Author: hikarin
Rating: PG-13. I think.
Warnings: Angst. Romance. And they are legal in the fic so I’m not hinting at 15-year-olds… You got it.
Disclaimer: I wish.
Wordcount: 6382
Summary: Yuuto is not there anymore. Is Ryosuke able to go on, on his own?
Notes: This came to my mind while reading the first drabble here. There’s no pairing, but I imagined it with them. I’ve also been wondering why Yamada has to look at Yuuto every time he is saying something and well, here it is. And also because everybody makes Yuuto suffer, so it’s time to make Yamada suffer a bit, too. *pets Yuuto*
English in NOT my first language and this is not beta-ed. So point out every mistake you can find, thanks~!
So it is decided. It’s sudden, unexpected. Nobody knew, nobody never even thought about it because when things happen once, hopefully they won’t repeat themselves.
Whoever said this was totally wrong apparently, Yuuto thinks as he slides down the closed door of Johnny’s office, wide eyes meeting Yabu’s concerned expression.
Nakajima Yuuto, turned eighteen only a week before, is going to be sent abroad for some time. No explanation will be given, JUMP’s activities will continue as always until he will come back. He doesn’t even know when he will come back, but that doesn’t really matter to him.
Because he does not want to leave in the first place.
Yabu’s arms are immediately around him, holding him, preventing him from breaking completely. With his tears flowing freely Yuuto grips the back of Yabu’s shirt, trying hard to hold on onto him and not give in into hopelessness.
“I won’t let us be run over like this, I swear.” The oldest boy whispers are soothing, even if his voice is quivering and his whole body is shaking slightly. “I promise you I won’t allow it.”
As he holds Yuuto’s trembling form in his arms his anger suddenly grows, because tears and sobs do not suit the younger boy. And he will keep his promise, even if it will take every single one of his efforts until he won't be able to take it anymore.
When Yabu breaks the news to their band-mates the next day, Yuuto is not there. He had been told to stop coming to rehearsals, as he was to leave in three days.
He can see the shock in his fellow BEST members’ eyes and is thankful to Inoo when he tries to soothe Hikaru’s rage as best as he can. Yabu knows Hikaru like the back of his hand; he also knows that even if wounds heal, the scars that are left after them rarely disappear.
He goes over to Takaki and takes his hand while unclenching the fist the other boy has just slammed against the wall. He doesn’t know how to answer to the angry, yet helpless gaze the younger boy directs towards him.
But the thing that really makes his heart break is the other half of their group. He grows angrier by the moment, because the last thing he had ever wanted to see was for JUMP to break down like they are now.
Chinen, sitting beside Daiki, is hiding his face against his shoulder, body shaking. The older boy his holding him tight against his side, and even if Yabu can’t see the look on Daiki’s face, as it is buried in Chinen’s hair, he can very well imagine it. Just as raging as Hikaru’s, and with just the slightest bit of helplessness that can’t help but show in his eyes.
BEST are really close to each other, Yabu knows this. But he also realized a long time ago that their younger counterpart is even more closer. If it’s hard on them, he cannot even start to imagine how the younger ones are taking it.
Ryutarou is on the verge of tears. He can see it, but he knows better than to go over to him. It’s true that Ryutarou is the youngest one in the group, but he is also the first one who doesn’t ever want to show his weakness. And Yabu won’t be the one to point it out, not in a moment like this.
Keito is the one who has come the longest way amongst them all, and even if he can very well stand on his own feet now, Yuuto had always been there for him when he was at a loss of what to do.
The younger boy has his head bowed down so that Yabu can’t see his expression, but his fist are clenched so hard on his knees that his knuckles are turning white from the force of his grip.
The oldest boy tears his gaze away from him just to have it land on their last member. The one Yabu hadn’t really wanted to tell everything to, the one that is probably taking it in the worst way.
Yamada’s eyes are empty as he’s gazing right at the wall, completely frozen. He’s not angry, nor he’s shaking or crying or punching the wall with all his might. Yabu doesn’t see any emotion in those eyes, eyes that are usually bright, and shining.
He lets go of Takaki's hand -barely realizing he had been holding it for some time now- and brushes his hand across his lower back, before making his way over to Yamada. He halts as the younger boy closes his eyes and waits, not wanting to startle him.
But for the first time since he entered the room he is at a loss of what to do when Yamada stands up and, albeit he’s stumbling a little, begins to walk until he’s nearly running out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Yabu is torn between wanting to run after him and letting him calm down, but before he can even decide on what to do he feels a hand on one of his shoulders and turns around.
“Sometimes there are things you can’t do anything about, no matter how painful it is.” And as he comes to face Inoo’s gentle features and eyes filled with concern and fear, he can’t take it anymore.
The only thing he’s able to do for the moment is hug the slightly shorter boy, and hope that everything will turn out for the better.
In the end, Yamada didn’t show up at practice for the following three days. Nobody was able to get in contact with him. The only thing they knew was that he was still alive, as Yamada’s mother had phoned Keito, worried about the reason why his son had been staying locked in his room for the past few days.
Yamada knows he is being selfish, but he doesn’t care. It’s not as if he is letting the group down, because this is no KAT-TUN remake and they are not having press conferences and whatever, making up excuses that the press would love to eat up.
They are just taking Yuuto away from them with no explanation whatsoever, just a short announcement on a couple of magazines and newspapers.
As if it doesn’t concern JUMP.
As if it doesn’t concern any of them.
It’s the middle of August and it’s hot, but still, two figures are hugging tight. It’s dark and nobody is around, the only noise being their hearts beating faster than ever. The shorter boy lifts his head, tears flowing along his cheeks that the taller boy tries to wipe away pointlessly, as new ones keep on forming.
Lips brush against lips, hearts skipping a couple of beats and, for a moment, everything else disappears.
A second later a boy is left with just the memory of a warm body within his arms, as he watches the other running away without turning back, not even once.
It takes a whole ten minutes of hugs and the promises to bring them at least half a year worth of souvenirs for Chinen and Hikaru to let go of Yuuto at the airport. It makes the taller boy break into a smile and he mouths a ‘Thanks’ in Hikaru’s direction when nobody’s looking.
He’s squished in a group hug by the former J.J Express members. “Don’t grow any taller while you are away, or I won’t forgive you.” Daiki’s words make his eyes water, along with Takaki and Inoo’s nods because he has surpassed them by now and he’s as tall as Yabu.
Ryutarou is shorter than him by a mere couple of centimetres and he can’t really mess up his hair without making it look awkward anymore. But the tight hug the younger boy draws him into doesn’t strangely feels awkward, and even if Ryutarou doesn’t say anything, a warm sensation washes over Yuuto and it makes him smile.
Keito then walks over to him and Yuuto high-fives him with a grin, and even if it’s not as bright as it was a couple of days before, it makes Keito grin right back.
“I’ll miss you.” Keito whispers to him in English and Yuuto laughs a little.
“When I’ll be back, maybe I’ll be able to understand you.” And he laughs again as the older boy punches his shoulder.
They say goodbye again and then the members start to leave, as it’s really early in the morning to avoid fans blocking the airport.
Yuuto is left alone with Yabu, and they perform their handshake before the older boy hugs him tight.
“Have you heard anything from him?” Yabu asks, but regrets it immediately when he sees a bitter smile making its way across Yuuto’s features.
“Look after him while I’m away, please. You know what I mean, right?” Yuuto can’t bring himself to tell Yabu that yes, he’s heard from Yamada and he has actually seen him last night.
It was for a mere five minutes, but it was enough to break his heart completely.
Yabu nods and Yuuto sends him a grateful smile, breaking the hug. “I’ll be fine. Time will fly, and I’ll be back home in no time.”
The older boy smiles, in spite of everything. Because they can try to break him however they want, but Yuuto will always be the strongest amongst them all.
Yuuto is thankful to Keito for the first few days, because he does not understand a thing and has to call their English boy at least five times in a day. He had even forgotten about the change in time once and had called when in Japan it was the middle of the night.
Things begin to work after two or three weeks. He makes new friends who help him out and he starts to understand more, while cursing his English teacher in his head because she hadn’t taught him anything useful up until now.
He walks around New York on a daily basis, discovering new things. He actually doesn’t really feel out of place there, except for the fact that everyone around him is speaking English and not Japanese. He thinks that as long as he’s stuck there, he should at least try to make the best out of this experience.
But the thought -which keeps on nagging him- that somebody back at home is not coping as well as he is, makes his days just the little bit worse.
It takes Yamada nearly a month to stop crying himself to sleep every night. The rest of the group is worried about him; on stage he’s the same Yamada Ryosuke he has always been, and only the people who really know him can see that his every smile is fake, feigned, as if trying to convince them that nothing is wrong.
But to the eyes of his band-mates he is nearly lifeless, and he’s losing weight at a worrying pace.
He has not tried once to get in contact with Yuuto, because he thinks -knows- that it will hurt even more. He’s content with hearing from the others that his best friend is doing just fine, while he prays everyday for him to come back as soon as possible.
Yuuto exchanges emails with Keito regularly, and receives some from the other members as well. Everybody say they miss him while Chinen brags about how he’s growing taller and that he is as tall as Daiki now.
‘It’s not true! I still have at least four centimetres of advantage, and he won’t grow anymore taller anyway!’
They make Yuuto smile and laugh, and he makes sure to reply to all of them. He asks Keito about Yamada at times, and he feels relieved when he reads that Yabu is keeping his promise.
He also feels helpless at times, because he know he’s hurting Ryosuke so much, but he can’t do anything about it.
Those are the times when he wonders when he will be allowed to go back.
Three months after Yuuto has left, the group is told they are going to record a new single. They can’t help but be shocked, even if they were kind of expecting it.
Yamada is nervous for the next couple of days and finally snaps at Takaki the third, when during practice he trips over his own feet and pulls Yamada and Chinen down with him.
“Watch your freaking steps, for God’s sake! We don’t have time to lose, you know!” He nearly shouts at the older boy shortly after the choreographer tells them to take a break, stomping off to retrieve his water bottle.
Yabu is stressed out; he has a lot of things to do lately and he doesn’t have time to make sure that the rest of the group doesn’t start useless fights.
So he decides to take the matter in his own hands at last, and goes over to Yamada.
He makes him turn around and takes him by the collar of his shirt.
“What the Hell, Yabu-kun?! Let me go!” The shorter boy struggles, but Yabu holds onto him tight.
Ryutarou tries to walk over to them but Inoo stops him, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking his head.
“Stop it, Ryosuke.” Yabu’s gaze is hard, and he hurts him having to be so harsh to his friend, but he wouldn’t probably understand in any other way. “Yuuto is not here, get over that. You’re not the only one who’s hurting, anyway.”
“Don’t say that.” Ryosuke’s voice is even colder that Yabu's. “Don’t say I’m not the only one, when you don’t understand how I’m feeling. Let me go!”
“We don’t understand? Yuuto is our friend too, we miss him just as much and you don’t have any right to say that we don’t underst-“
“It’s you the one who doesn’t have the right to say anything!” Yamada is furious now, Yabu can see it in his eyes and the younger boy manages to escape his grip at last, turning to the rest of the group.
“Do you all think the same?” He asks with a voice that is still as cold as ever, and he chuckles when he sees seven heads nod at him. “Does any of you love him?” His gaze hardens even more when he sees the confused look on his band-mates’ faces.
“IS ANY OF YOU IN LOVE WITH YUUTO?!” He shouts at last, tears beginning to fall. “Answer. ANSWER!”
He smiles bitterly as he begins to cry even harder when everybody shake their head. “Then shut the hell up, because nobody knows what I’m feeling.”
Yuuto hears about JUMP’s new single only a couple of days before its release date. He doesn’t blame his band-mates for not telling him, but he can’t help but ask them why they hadn’t told him anything.
‘We were told not to tell you by the management. We wanted to, but Yabu-kun said he would have made us go through hell if we did.’
Yuuto laughs out loud at that, because Chinen always likes to exaggerate everything and Yabu is still the same.
He’s glad some things don’t ever change.
‘PS: Why didn’t you tell us there was something going on between you and Yama-chan? Meanie!’
He’s more than just a little surprised as he reads the last sentence of Chinen’s email. Something must have happened, because they had agreed not to say anything about it, especially now that he was miles away from Japan.
He tells Chinen that they were just afraid, and that they would have told them as soon as everything would have settled down. He also asks what had happened, and if Ryosuke was all right. Yamada and him were not together but something had always been there, and they had just begun to discover what it was when he had been suddenly sent away.
‘He broke down at practice, in the end. He kind of yelled at us saying he loves you, that’s how we found out. Well, at least he’s looking a bit better now.’
Yuuto lies back on his bed, his laptop still on his thighs. For the first time in four months his smile is not forced, and a huge wave of warmth washes over him.
Ryosuke loves him. Loves him, for real. And he wishes to be able to go back soon, just so he can finally hear that himself, too.
Yamada has never hated something as much as he hates TV appearances right now. He used to be the one who talked the most out of them, together with Yuuto.
He can’t bring himself to do it now. He was used to have Yuuto by his side whenever they were on TV, and there was not a time when he hadn’t looked up at him while he was talking.
Yuuto would look right back at him every time and smile in that heart-warming way of his, his silent way of saying ‘I’m right here, don’t worry’.
He had nearly choked on his words the day before, when he had turned around out of habit, and hadn’t found Yuuto’s smile there, telling him he was doing great.
So he lets the others step up and help him out, because that is what makes them a group.
People used to say he was to come a long way, that he was talented and could make it wherever he wanted with his skills.
He was the only one who had known from the beginning that Yuuto was the source of all his strength, and that they could praise him all they wanted, but he would have not been able to do everything he did if Yuuto hadn’t been right beside him all along.
His mind is diverted from the actual talk as he looks beside him and sees Yabu and Takaki talking to the hosts. He starts to think that maybe Yuuto didn’t leave for no reason at all.
It’s his chance to show to all those people that he’s just as the rest of his group-mates; not better, nor less. The chance to show that, like everybody else, he has something -someone- that makes him go on. And he can’t do without him.
He depends on Yuuto, and all he wants is to shout it out for the whole world to finally understand it.
Yuuto had been taking singing and dancing lessons as well while he was away, as he didn’t want to be left behind by the rest of the group.
He comes home late one night and thinks about checking his inbox the morning after because he is really tired, but he’s grateful to himself after having decided to do it anyway.
‘I never thought I’d say this but, seriously. When are you coming back? I can’t stand Yamada anymore, it’s like I’ve become his freaking confessional or something. I didn’t really want to know the details of your love story, you know.’
He tries hard not to laugh out loud as he reads Ryutarou’s email because it’s really late and he doesn’t want to be scolded for making too much noise.
He is surprised, though, when he sees another email, one from an address he doesn’t know. And as he opens it his eyes widen and he gapes at the screen for the next couple of minutes.
Everything is written in English, and he laughs at the little mistakes he now recognizes, making a mental note to tell him to brush up on his own English a little.
It also makes his heart warm up at the sight, because amongst everyone, he is probably the one who understands him better and he is grateful for having that.
And Yuuto knows, despite what everybody had said, that he hadn’t changed at all, deep inside.
‘Jin~ ♥’’
Yabu is startled when he opens the door to their practice room one day and, expecting to find it still empty, he spots somebody sitting on the couch instead.
Said person looks up and smiles, and Yabu doesn’t really know how to respond, mainly because it’s been quite some time since he had last seen him.
Jin makes his way up to him and places an arm around his waist. Yabu draws away slightly, as if the touch had burned him, but Jin’s grip is strong.
“How are you, Kou-chan?” Yabu has to close his eyes as soon as the other speaks, because the room begins to spin and he is not sure he’s able to stand on his legs anymore.
Two strong arms pull him against Jin’s chest and he holds onto his shirt, his strong grip wrinkling the fabric slightly.
Yabu knows he can let go of everything he has been holding back for months, tucked safely in Jin’s arms. And he cries, until he has no tears left.
He cries even harder as Jin whispers into his hear not to worry, and that if everything turned out okay for them, Hey! Say! JUMP is going to do great, no matter what.
Six month after he left, Yuuto is told by the management that he can go home whenever he wants now, just in time for him to graduate.
It’s not surprising when he asks to go back right away; they were already organizing everything.
He’s excited. A bit sad about leaving, as he had made a lot of friends after all and had kind of got used to live in New York; but most of all he’s excited.
He doesn’t sleep at all the night before leaving, and he resolves on just lying in bed until dawn. Ten minutes before leaving the apartment he lived in for the past six months, he sends Yabu an email.
‘I’m going back. I’ll be home tomorrow!
Actually, the day after tomorrow.
I can’t wait to see you all.’
He writes it in English and giggles at the thought of Yabu cursing him and having to call Keito up to translate. He has a half mind to write Ryosuke that he’s going back too, but he figures he will hear it from the others.
And if he doesn’t, he can just spring a surprise on him.
Keito nearly has a heart attack when he receives Yabu’s message, and calls the older boy immediately.
“Yabu-kun.” He’s shaking a bit, and his voice is too but Yabu hasn’t probably noticed.
“Yes, Keito? Did that idiot send the email to the wrong address again?” Keito figures Yabu is not at home, because there’s a lot of noise coming from the other end of the line and the older boy sounds like he isn't really paying attention.
“No, Yabu-kun.” He takes a deep breath, because he had been dreaming of hearing that sentence for the past six months, and now he’s the one who has to say it.
“Yuuto is coming back.”
Yuuto is struggling to keep his hands still while the plane is landing. He’s nervous; really, really nervous. But he feels relieved as soon as the plane touches the ground, as if a huge weight is lifted off his chest.
It’s not hard to spot a group of noisy teenagers even from the distance, Yuuto thinks. He wasn’t sure that somebody would have come to greet him because he had told he was coming back only to Yabu and his parents. His parents were on holiday, and he had figured that Yabu would have just deleted his email without even bothering to make sure what it was.
Chinen is the first one to spot him and begins to run at full speed towards him. Yuuto lets his luggage immediately go and gets ready for a massive hug.
He is actually grateful for that hug (a bit less for the fact that Chinen is nearly choking him) and squeezes the shorter boy back, before letting him go.
“You really grew, didn’t you?” Yuuto smiles as Chinen beams and nods his head, before looking behind his back and telling the others to hurry up.
Yabu approaches him first and slaps him on the back of his head. “This is because you are an idiot. I nearly deleted your stupid message as soon as I received it!” Yuuto smiles knowingly at this. “Be grateful I decided to call Keito up to translate it.” And he grins at Keito, who gently smiles back at him.
“And this,” Yabu starts again, before pulling Yuuto into a tight hug the younger boy hadn’t realized he needed (it’s different from Chinen’s, because Chinen is not the one that has been taking care of him since Yuuto doesn’t even remember when). “Welcome back, Yuuto.”
His eyes water a little as he hears a round of ‘Welcome back’s from all of his band-mates -all, except one.
But it doesn’t really matter at the moment, because he’s being pulled out of the airport and onto the first train before he even realizes it, and it looks like each one of his group-mates has something to say to him.
They talk and talk for the whole ride home, and Yuuto -after six months- finally feels at home again.
Yuuto knows he’s coming home to an empty house. His little brother is on tour with their senpai -having joined the agency as well- and his parents had decided it would be a good idea to go on a little holiday as both their sons were away.
Yuuto had called them the day before leaving, and they had told him he was to live on his own for a while longer.
He spots his house in the dark of the night as he’s walking down the street, and he has never felt so happy to see it before; both because he had kind of missed it, and also because he had spent nearly 14 hours on a plane and he was looking forward to greet his shower and his bed most of all.
He freezes, instead, as he sees someone sitting on their porch. He could recognize that figure everywhere, and he walks a little faster as his heart starts to beat erratically.
He stops when he’s less than ten meters away from the porch, and the person looks up after having heard the noise coming closer and suddenly stop.
Yuuto is not sure of what happens in the next few moments, as he has suddenly an armful of Ryosuke who had nearly sent him with his butt on the ground.
Yamada’s grip on his neck is strong but he doesn’t really mind. He holds onto his waist -it’s obvious he has lost weight, too much if he was to be honest- and he feels like his heart is going to explode at any given moment.
“You could have sent me something, you know. I had to ask Keito to stalk you to get to know how you were doing.” He manages to joke and feels the grip tightening even more. Ryosuke is shaking slightly and Yuuto can feel the side of his neck slowly becoming damp with tears.
The taller boy smiles as he hears a faint “shut up” and then Yamada lifts his head, Yuuto immediately cupping one of his cheeks with his hand. Ryosuke is crying, but he has never looked prettier to him.
“Don’t leave me ever again, you idiot.”
A beat.
“I’m not going anywhere anymore, I swear.”
Yuuto had suggested they went inside, because even if it's dark you never know who can see you.
The younger boy had been dying for taking a shower, so he had left Yamada on his own for a little bit. Ryosuke decided to be useful, so he prepared something to eat assuming Yuuto hadn’t had dinner yet.
While Yamada was cooking he had some time to think. He still hadn’t fully realized Yuuto was back, he thought. Everything had happened so fast, too fast, and he didn’t really know what to think.
Suddenly, Yuuto walks up to him startling him a little, because he had been so much into his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed him. The taller boy wraps his arms around him from behind, and places his chin on his shoulder.
“I missed your cooking, you know. Oh, and we’re going to eat together every day from now on. I’ll make sure you eat plenty of food, because it feels like I’m holding thin air instead of you.” Ryosuke smiles and leans back into Yuuto’s chest. It’s slowly starting to sink in, the feeling of completeness Yuuto always made him feel.
“Yeah, and you spent the last six months in America and didn’t gain a single kilo. How did you do that?” He was sure that in Yuuto’s place he would have gained way too much weight.
“I was really determined not to come home looking like Akanishi-kun.” Yamada nearly loses his grip on the pan he is holding as he is putting the food in the two plates he had set before. He sets the pan down and breaks into a fit of laughter, calming down only when he feels Yuuto’s arms back around him.
The taller boy draws him closer and smiles down at him, before kissing the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”
Ryosuke can’t seem to be able to do anything but smile and cry, because he had intended to smile but had apparently failed, as Yuuto is now wiping a couple of tears he never noticed he had cried.
After dinner they had stayed curled up on the couch in the living-room, while Yuuto told him about his trip and all the things he had learned and seen. He is a bit jealous, because the younger boy’s English is not as crappy as his anymore and Yuuto has been saying lots of things to him in English all night -most of which are cheesy pick up lines Yamada really doesn’t want to know where, and most importantly why, Yuuto learned them- and he hadn’t understood a single thing until Yuuto translated it all.
And now Ryosuke feels himself being pulled down on Yuuto’s bed by the younger boy, until he is lying half on the mattress and half on Yuuto himself.
It’s suddenly really silent around them, and Yamada feels like he has a lot of things to tell Yuuto -they haven’t talked in months, after all- but he can’t bring himself to open his mouth. His thoughts are all mixed-up and the only thing he is sure about is that Yuuto’s body is warm and his arms around him feel just perfect.
Ryosuke understands that they don’t need words the moment Yuuto gently pushes him completely onto his back. The younger boy’s lips are on his a couple of seconds later and Ryosuke’s eyes fall shut immediately, a wave of emotions nearly too big for him to handle overwhelming him.
Yuuto’s lips are as dry as they have always been, and Yamada wets them lightly with gentle laps of his tongue. He feels the taller boy’s mouth curving into a smile, and a moment later Yuuto captures his tongue and draws him into a deep kiss that sends a wave of jolts running through his entire body, until he is trembling slightly.
The younger boy notices it -Yuuto always notices everything- and breaks the kiss. Ryosuke gazes into his eyes and his breath catches, because he had always been able to read the emotions flashing in Yuuto’s eyes up until now. But he had never been as overwhelmed by it as he is now, because Yuuto’s eyes are speaking volumes.
He doesn’t even give Yuuto the time to ask him what is wrong -he knows he was going to ask that- because he suddenly locks his arms around his neck and pulls him down into another deep kiss.
And another.
And another.
‘Let’s make up for all the time they made us lose.’
There is actually one thing Yuuto hates out of everything that happened; the jet-lag. He’s lying in his bed, with Ryosuke finally in his arms (and no, he’s not going to let go of him ever again) and while he does not think that this is not nice, he’s been awake for the past three hours and a half. He doesn’t want to wake Yamada up as it’s six in the morning and -in the end- they had fallen asleep not longer than four hours before.
He draws the older boy’s body even closer to his own and rakes a hand lightly through his hair, careful not to wake him up. He has been watching him sleep for the whole time, but he’s not even remotely tired of doing it.
He had missed him so much. He had actually seen a couple of the group’s TV appearances while he had been away, and he had been so scared when he had seen how much Ryosuke had changed on the outside.
It would have been obvious even to a blind person that he had lost weight, and the bright sparkle that flashed in his eyes every time he performed was not there anymore.
Yuuto had even cried a little, because it had hurt him so much seeing Ryosuke like that. And he was now determined to bring the Yamada Ryosuke everyone loved back.
Suddenly, he feels the older boy squirm within his arms and looks down, coming face to face with one of the most beautiful sleepy smiles he has ever seen.
“Why are you already awake?” Yuuto laughs a little when Ryosuke mumbles sleepily, and pulls him on top of himself.
“Jet-lag. I woke up half an hour after we fell asleep.” He begins to stroke Ryosuke’s bare back up and down soothingly. “Go back to sleep, I’ll wake you up later.” Yuuto then drops a kiss on his forehead, but the older boy lifts his head and captures Yuuto’s lips instead.
“I don’t really feel like sleeping anymore, you know.” Ryosuke whispers against Yuuto’s mouth and feels it curving into a smile.
“Yeah, that’s why you look like you’re ready to doze off again at any given moment.” The younger boy laughs when Yamada pouts, snorts and proceeds to bury his face against Yuuto’s neck. “You haven’t changed a single bit, you know.” Yuuto’s heart beats a little bit faster as he whispers this into Yamada’s ear, but he knows better than to expect an answer.
And he was right. “Do I have to remind you that you just pulled me on top of yourself and if you hadn’t noticed, our clothes -well, actually your clothes- are all scattered about your room and we are both naked?” Yuuto laughs out loud at this and rolls them over, pinning Ryosuke down on the bed.
“Are you suggesting we should do a repetition of last night?” The younger boy asks mischievously while he trails a hand down Ryosuke’s side, grinning as he sees a faint blush making his way on the other boy’s cheeks.
He touches a pink cheek with one finger, only to have it slapped away a second later.
Ryosuke pulls him down with an arm around his neck instead, and brushes his lips against Yuuto’s slightly.
“Took you long enough.”
The day Nakajima Yuuto officially comes back to Hey! Say! JUMP arrives a couple of weeks later, during one of their latest concerts. The fans don’t know anything about it, and Yuuto feels a bit too overwhelmed as he’s standing backstage, trying to drink in everything that is happening.
A hand slips into his and holds on tight as they are standing by. Yuuto looks to the side and sees Ryosuke -and the rest of their group- smiling at him (somebody is also giving him thumbs up and V-sings).
A staff member shouts that they are going to be on stage in ten seconds, and Yuuto’s hearts is beating faster and faster with every passing second.
Three!
He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down as much as he can.
Two!
The hand slips away from his, but he knows better. Because the warmth it produced is going to stay there for a very long time.
One!
He has never heard anything more beautiful that the surprised shouts of their fans, and his smile is so bright it’s nearly blinding.
The rest of the group is smiling just as brightly, because they have their sun back now; they are complete once again, and they won’t let anybody take away a part of what they are anymore.
Ryosuke jumps on Yuuto’s back at the end of the concert as they are going backstage, and he barely registers the shouts of the fans as he does that.
Yuuto spins them around a couple of times and everybody laughs, before he waves again at the audience and finally brings the both of them off-stage.
Ryosuke gets off his back as soon as they are in the backstage, but immediately takes his hand and pulls Yuuto closer to him.
The younger boy’s arms immediately wraps around his waist and Ryosuke rests his forehead against Yuuto’s own. “See? You were scared for nothing.”
“Oh, shut up. I would have liked to see you in my place.” The older boy laughs and kisses away the pout that had made his way on Yuuto’s lips.
They are oblivious to the fact that everybody that passes them in the bustle of the backstage regards them with a knowing smile or a hushed giggle, but nobody dares to break them apart.
“I love you.” Half a beat, and Yuuto dives in to kiss Ryosuke, long and soft and caring, putting every single emotion he is feeling at the moment into the kiss.
He smiles as they drift apart and brushes their noses together cutely. “Took you long enough.”
“Just a little bit of traffic.” It makes Yuuto chuckle despite everything, and he’s on the verge of making a comment when somebody beats him to it.
“Cheesy, Yama-chan!” And their hug suddenly becomes a group hug, as they are squished between the rest of the group.
Yuuto thinks it’s a bit awkward with ten people, but as he nudges Ryosuke’s head up -he had hid it against his neck when everybody had begun to squeeze them- and looks into his eyes while brushing their lips together, he knows the older boy is thinking the same thing as he is.
They wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
--終わり。--
A/N: The Jin!Cameo came unexpected even to me. But it doesn't matter, he's really growing on me lately.
There's not really an explanation as to why Yuuto was sent away, because I could not think of any. xD But oh, well. I hope you enjoyed it~ And to anybody that read 'til here, thanks for reading~~~!!!