Because of Love Fifth Heartache
Title: Because of Love…
Author: hikarijournal
Pairings: Takaki/Daiki
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Love, Conflict
Type: Chaptered
Requester: a_k_k_h_n
Summary: A typical love story of two persons with an extraordinary beginning and ending. How will you ever face your rival if that rival itself is your face?
Fifth Heartache
I Learned to Sacrifice
~♥♥♥~
CHAPTER LINKS HERE~
Right after he woke up, “What the fuck!...” were the words that welcomed his morning. Immediately he pushed himself to sit and to approach the guy who is now scurrying away from him but the pain, the one he had acquired last night, had pricked his body to stop from moving. “Dai-chan…” he muttered for he wants the guy to get closer, to stay nearer and to understand him that last night wasn’t his fault at all. “I did not intend to---”
“Bullshit!...” Daiki cut in as he picked all his clothes on the floor. “What did you do to me?!...” he yelled after he slid himself back to his clothing. “Did you touch me like---” he suddenly stopped for he can’t take to say the exact words himself so, “Fuck this!!!...” he kicked the nearest chair instead.
“It wasn’t me…” Yuya said and the chair, that was kicked, was slammed on his side. Again, the pain inside his chest intensified as if the blood had just stopped from moving due to a sudden congestion or constriction. But there wasn’t a congestion or constriction because the cause of it is emotionally related, in other words Daiki is the root why he is always like this. Always damn to hell even he is still living on earth. “I’m sorry…” he took the blame again for he understands how gross the situation that just happened last night. “It was all my fault…”
“Why?...” Daiki asked with lips gritting in anger. “Why did you do this to me?!...” he screamed.
“Because---” he was cut by the sudden feeling he had felt before, the feeling which he always feared to be felt again. Yes. The feeling that will tell him that his end is just a few seconds away.
Without even waiting for the answer and without even noticing the sudden change of Yuya’s condition, Daiki took a handful grip on the guy’s loosened polo to pull and to bang the guy on the nearest wall he could lunged. Then with fingers clasp tightly on his right palm, he punched the guy sideways until he got what he wants. He bruised the face severely for he can’t accept the truth that that face was the one who took him firstly and the one who malevolently raped him last night. “Damn you asshole!... how could you do this to me?!...”
“I-I-I’m so s-s-sorry…” he rasped as he holds his tears once again while enduring every pain he has on his face and body.
“Sorry?!...” he squeaked his voice as he asked that question. He can’t accept the fact that he and Yuya had just had a sex last night. He was drunk and probably delirious already at that time but why the guy had took advantage on him? “What kind of a person are you to do this kind of thing to me?...” he asked with hatred in his eyes. “ANSWER ME!!!...”
He can’t say a thing for the situation had turned up-side-down suddenly. Last night he was the victim and Daiki was the assaulter but now he is the assaulter and the guy is the victim. This must be because he had took the blame once again, hurting himself more and more and killing his heart further and further. But what can he do? He loves the guy and he’s willing to take all the mistakes just to free Daiki from whatever he is experiencing right now.
Annoyed of waiting, Daiki dumped the guy on the floor just like how he had pushed Yuya before. Then he kicked the guy again and again just like how he was kicked by those scumbags last night but neither a groan nor a wail was heard from Yuya because all he can see is her eyes begging for him to stop. However, he can’t because Yuna will never be Yuya and Yuya will never be her. “Do you think you can replace your sister in order for me to forgive you?!...” he grabbed Yuya on the hair as he pulled the guy toward his face. “Yes! You have her face but you will never be her!...” he shouted then, putting emphasis that he could only love her.
“I know…” he whispered for he can’t say anything louder than that because if he did, he’ll cry eventually. “I always knew…”
“Then why?!...” he asked once again.
“Because I love you…” he had confesses finally.
“Fuck you!...” he slapped the guy on the face for the word he just heard was the most gruesome phrase he ever encountered in his entire life. He never expects this. Having someone who is on the same gender loving you like as if God never created man and woman is so gross! And last night was the worst one. “Since when did you ever feel this way to me?...”
“Since the first time we’ve met…”
The answer gives him the chill he hasn’t felt before. The guy was so in love to him all this time but he never knew. All he could remember was him being the bestfriend of the guy. And the only thing he could always see from Yuya is a support that you could only get to someone who is very true to you, a support that is sometimes impossible to have. “You are---” he paused as he freed the guy from his grip, stepping backward in a manner like he is about to flee with face showing disgust and disbelief at the same time. “---worst than what I had imagined…” he continued, now moving toward the door to hold and to twist the knob. “Cursed you Yuya…” he hissed. “Cursed you!...” then he stepped outside the door.
Hurriedly he brisk his steps toward the elevator while murmuring all the insanity he just knew. He keeps on chewing his lips, smacking it at times while making some clicking sounds inside his mouth until a loud bang was heard from the room he just left. He stopped not to look back but to think if what that was. “Throw tantrums as much as you want asshole!...” he shouted for he thought it was just some kicking, punching or throwing session of someone who was dumped by the person they had loved unrequitedly. But why can’t he continue his pace? Why can’t he move if all he wants is to ignore the guy for the rest of his life? “Forget him…” he told himself as he pushed his own feet to ride the elevator down to the ground floor.
Right after he reached the outside world, Daiki moved straight to where he had left his car last night. He could still remember it since little by little the memory he had last night is now getting clearer and clearer. Walking down the road where the pub could be found, he remembered someone carrying him last night. “He must have carried me all the way to that hotel…” he murmured while thinking how he was taken by the guy in his most vulnerable state. Now walking toward the parking lot, he saw five men laughing and smoking just on the other side of his car. Flashback came running inside his head like it was played intentionally for him to remember. Those guys were the ones who battered him badly before he went unconscious that night. And there was someone who helped him, someone who shielded him all throughout those pain. “Yuya…” he’s heart throbbed heavily out of a sudden.
“Isn’t he the friend of the one who gave us money for the entire night?...” asked by the guy who had eyed Daiki last night.
“Yeah…” agreed by the one who had this purplish discoloration on his nose. He waived his hand at Daiki who ignored him all the way to the car which is just on the other side of where they are. “You’re lucky brat…” he scoffed as he dropped his cigar on the ground but Daiki never dare to look or to glare at him even once. “Hope you’ll play with us again so that we can take some money from him again also!...” he yelled loudly right before Daiki stepped inside the car.
The time he turned on the engine of his car, Daiki drove his way back to the hotel and along the way an ambulance honked him to stay aside for a while. “Shit!...” he groaned for he needs to go back as fast as he could. He needs to see Yuya not to give the forgiveness he had been keeping for five years but to know the real truth last night, the truth that it was partly his fault also, that it was him and not Yuya who started everything. “Why did he took all the blame last night?...” he asked himself for he can now remember the exact happening. It was him who kissed the guy first for he thought Yuya was Yuna last night. And it was him who aggressively took his own purity away. “I’ll definitely kill you asshole!...” he slammed his hand on the wheel for the guilt is starting to get inside him. So right after the road was left by that noisy car, he shifted his gear to the maximum as he stepped on the pedal to drove faster than before.
He hopped outside right away without even parking his car properly. He’s in a hurry. Yes. Just like before. Just like the time when Yuna was dying. However he can’t remember the number of the room thus he barged the reception area by breaking through the line while asking, “In what room is Takaki Yuya in?...”
The two receptionists had looked on each other first with face like that of someone hiding something very important to everyone. Then the one at the left side took the courage to asked back, “Don’t you know?...”
“Don’t I know what?!...” he’s getting mad already.
“He was taken by an ambulance just a minute ago…” said by the one on the right side.
“Why?...”
“He collapses right after you left…”
Thump!
He felt suffocated all of a sudden.
Thump!
Something is about to explode.
Thump!
He’s scared.
☻☻☻☻☻
After the name of the hospital was relayed on him, Daiki drove his car as fast as he could to reach the said institution while recalling everything that was told by the manager. He was informed that Yuya had suffered some incurable disease since the guy had some brain trauma five years ago. It was more like a tumor near at the most vital organ - the pituitary gland - that operation and chemotherapy can’t help at all. If operation will be done then Yuya will have a 50-50 survival and possible amnesia will happen and if chemotherapy was applied then Yuya is now bedridden or worst in a vegetative state.
Now realizing all of those, Daiki is now angry not toward the guy but toward himself. “Why didn’t he stopped me?!... why did he just allow me to beat him up like that?!...” he screamed frustratingly that he pressed the pedal lowlier so that he can speed up more and more. But something crossed before him. No. Not something but someone. It’s a girl, chasing someone on the other side of the street with someone following her back also. This is just like before. Yes. Like how Yuna had chased Yuya on the other side of the street with him tailing her back like a dog. In fear that these people will suffer the same destiny as them, he twisted the wheel away from her without realizing that he is now going straight to a tree with so many sharp bars pointing at him. And before he could even stop his car, a sharp rounder bar had struck his chest which choked his breathing right away. “Yu---” he gasped as blood starts oozing outside his mouth. Then from afar he could see so many people running toward him but among those crowds, the one that took all his attention was the girl standing beside the one he just spared from dying. She’s eyeing him hatefully but why? “Yuna…” the last word he had said before he closed his eyes with only Yuya and no more Yuna inside his head.
☻☻☻☻☻
“Dai-chan!...” the greeting that gives him a big smile right away. “Happy birthday!...” said by her as she gave the gift she had on hand to the boy who had blushed at her shyly. “Hope you’ll like this…”
He accepted the gift with shaking hands and thumping heart while handing a box at her also. “Happy birthday also…” he greeted back and someone had dropped a small box on his hand before he could even clasp the gift of the girl.
“Mou~ Yuya!...” Yuna whined for she was first in line. “Can’t you wait!...”
“I was already here before you…” he pouted for he was actually there before her, only that he’s hiding behind the door while rethinking and rethinking if he should give the gift he had bought from the one he had saved for a year in his piggy bank to the boy who can’t even smile at him.
“You weren’t here when I came…” she countered angrily.
“Because you weren’t checking if the one before you is a mirror or a real thing!...”
“It’s ok…” Daiki barged in as he pocketed Yuya’s gift while taking her gift excitedly. Then he opened Yuna’s gift as he sits crossed-legged on the floor without noticing the frown that was formed on Yuya’s face. “Kawaii~” he smile right after he took the teddy bear on the box. “Thank you Yuna…”
“You’re welcome…” she smiled back while unpacking the gift that was given to her also. “A bracelet!...” she yapped happily. “Thank you!...”
“You’re welcome…” he blushed until a throat clearing sound was heard from the boy who squatted beside him.
“Anoo~” Yuya voiced out as he gave the boy a begging look, hoping that he’ll have his gift also. “Where’s mine?...”
“Ah!...” he scratched his head. “Gomen ne~” he laughed dryly. “I forgot…”
A blaring light hit his eyes when it was opened by someone who pulled his lids on opposite direction. “He’s awake…” said by that someone afterwards when the light which comes from a pen-looking stuff with a small bulb at the end was withdrawn away from him. “Give him the initial dose of immunosuppressant that was prescribed and I’ll call the Doctor to check on him…”
“Yes Maam…” replied by the one who had a cap on her head.
“How do you feel?...” asked by the other one who had gave him a small tap on the head.
“Sleepy…” he replied huskily while blinking thrice in a row.
“Then go to sleep for a while…”
“Hai…”
It took him a month before he was able to sit and to check himself if what was done unto him because lots and lots of contraindications were often explained like as if everything is against him already. He can’t go out even wheelchair is available at bedside, he can’t eat foods that are highly allergenic even those are his favorites, he can’t have his parents all day because limited time are only offered to them to visit and he can’t even have the fresh air from the window because the nurse is always there to close everything around him. This is like imprisonment but he was often told that everything is for his own good. But why aren’t they telling him of what was done on him for real?
Curious he is, he took the strength to stand and to walk inside the bathroom to see himself fully before the mirror. Nothing in particular had change because he could still see himself just like before only that he is too pale and too weak. He checked his eyes, his lids, his neck, his arms until his fingers slid inside his gown just around his chest area. There is something he could feel, something that is like a healed cut made vertically at the center of his chest. Hastily, he pulled the gown down and what he saw next is the answer to his question. “What did they do to this?!...” he asked his reflected image while staring questionably at the reddish fleshy protruding vertical healed scar on his sternum.
“You were subjected to a heart transplant six months ago because it was ruined badly right after you got into an accident…” replied the by the nurse whom he knew to be the head nurse of the station where his room is located. And as long as he could remember, everyone calls her Hikari-san.
“Why haven’t you told me about this?...”
“Because you were recuperating then and it’s bad for the heart to be on stress right away…”
“Does my parents agreed on this?...” he asked.
“Yes because that was the only option left and they can’t allow you to die…”
“If my heart was ruined badly then who’s heart is this?...” he asked exasperatingly while pointing at his scar.
“Before we get into that, why don’t you sit on your bed first…” suggested by the head nurse who offered a hand to help him all throughout the way. And before they could start, she delved her hand inside her pocket to get the thing that was handed to her six months ago. “I could not explain everything to you but this letter may could… so just read it and I’ll just be here if you have any questions left…”
Daiki looked into her at first before he took the letter which he opened right away. From the moment he saw the penmanship, he was sure already that it belongs to Yuya for he could always received letters, love letters to be exact, from the guy whenever he and Yuna are having misunderstandings before. He gripped the edges of the paper and with his eyes only; he read each of the character slowly.
It says:
Dear Dai-chan,
Have you remembered the day when we were introduced by our fathers? You were always hiding behind your father’s legs while crying for no reason. You were asked at that time by your father to make friends because you also want to have a playmate and you told us that you’re scared because I and Yuna look exactly alike. I don’t get you at that time but as time goes, I slowly understand. It is scary indeed to see your face facing you everyday and worst talking to you like as if you are just staring straight to a mirror hunted by someone who might be your doppelganger. But you know what? I wasn’t just scared because I was also sad. It’s not that I don’t want Yuna to be my twin sister but sometimes I can’t help myself hating her because she is always the apple of your eyes and I’m nothing to you but just a friend who is not even existing in your life.
I’m not blaming you of all my melancholy because I was the one who chooses this fate. I choose not to hurt you and Yuna because I can see how much you loved each other. Even though it hurts, I’m happy already as long as I can see you happy with her.
The love letters that are often inserted in your locker before was actually from me. I write all of those wholeheartedly while spending every single night thinking on how I will ever express my feelings to you without you noticing me. I was still high spirited at that time because you and Yuna are not officially together yet, but the moment you told me that she had accepted you finally, my heart bleeds right away for the first time. I cried the entire night after that and even cut my hair the next day.
Sorry If I was the reason of her death. If I could just return the time before she died and if I could just bring her back, I will surely do that for you no matter what the price is. To tell you the truth, I was hurt deeply when you told me that I killed her but I never argue anymore because I know that you were hurt badly also. I did try to jump from the rooftop of the hospital that time but someone stopped me and to my surprise it was her. Yes, it was Yuna and she told me that someday you’ll understand me so there’s no need for me to die that day. But until now, you never understand me.
He stopped from reading for a while as he crumpled the edge of the letter a little. The last sentence written in the last paragraph made him remember of her eyeing him hatefully before he was brought in this hospital. He could clearly remember how she stare those eyes like as if saving the life of those three persons is the cruelest decision he ever made. So she was mad at me because I had hurt her brother so much - he assumed. Then he presumed reading as he continued.
I left right after you told me to leave but it doesn’t help me at all because I can’t stop thinking if you are fine or not. I was worried, so worried that I grow anxious everyday until I had series of fainting and blurring of visions. I ignore those symptoms because I thought I was having too much stress only until I found out that it is life threatening already and it’s too late to be treated anymore. That’s why when I was told by the Doctors that anytime I’ll be departing this world, I went back home not to have some treatment but to see you and to tell you that I love you. And I’m glad that I was able to tell that before I passed away and I feel so lucky also because I was able to keep you alive.
“Keep me alive?...” he asked shockingly that his heart went throbbing suddenly not in amazement but in something else. He palmed his chest with his left hand since his other hand is still gripping on the paper and from what he can perceive; he’s having a feeling of something you could only feel once you are so in love to someone else. Then a tear had dropped from his quivering lids which made him stopped from reading again.
“Are you ok?...” asked by the head nurse who pushed a handkerchief on his lap.
“I’m sorry…” he took the offer right away to dry himself from this sudden unexplainable tears. “I don’t know why am I crying…” he told the nurse.
“Maybe because you are not the one crying now…”
“What?...” he was confused.
“Why don’t you continue reading because as what I had said, only that letter could give the explanation…”
Daiki abided right away that he starts running his eyes at the characters that are scribbled messily compared above.
Crap, I think I can’t write any longer than this. My hands starts to get shaky already but I’ll try my best to give you the information you need. I was brought to the hospital right after you left me in the hotel and the moment I woke up I found you dying already. The doctor had told me to stop from moving since the tumor had triggered something undesirable on my body but I never listened because I was so worried about you. I called your parents even though I was still breathless at that time and I asked my parents also to tend at you first even they are so against my decision. So you were wheeled inside the operating room but the problem is your heart. The doctor said you’ll die right away if heart transplant is not possible within a week so I volunteered even my Mom had cried at me all that time. I told her that I can’t live any longer after this so in order to keep you alive I’ll give you the thing which is actually meant for you and only for you. Yes Daiki, the one inside you is my heart and hope you can feel it beating already. It’s my feelings and hope you can now grasp the love I ever had since I started liking you.
I think this is the end of my letter since our operation will start thirty minutes after. And I guess I can’t see you any longer but I will always love you just like how you always loved Yuna. And before I end this with goodbye, please say thank you to Hikari-san for me and tell her how grateful I am to have her as my personal nurse. So… Goodbye Dai-chan and hope you could forgive me right now.
Always loving you,
Yuya
Daiki can’t say a thing right after he crumpled the letter on his lap because he is now crying over her chest while thinking how bad he was for not knowing all of this since the very beginning. Yuya had loved him more than anything else in this world and no one could do such a thing like this, giving ones heart to someone even though he/she is still alive. This is definitely 0 out of a billion possibilities but it happened and he has it inside him. Its beating happily like as if it’s telling him, “I’m glad you’re alive…” at the same time screaming at him, “Please love me back…” and asking him, “Please forgive me…”
“Please take this out…” he begged as he scratched his chest with his nails.
“Stop!...” wailed by the nurse who pulled his hands to stop from inflicting damage.
“I don’t deserve this…” he cried for he can’t accept such heart which is too pure when it comes to love.
“Don’t say that…”
“I should have died…”
“No…” she shook her head and the boy dumped a face at her chest once again, crying there helplessly like a baby seeking for someone to comfort him/her with love and affection. “You haven’t change…” she whispered as she caresses the hair of the boy like as if she’s caring a baby that was only delivered an hour ago. “That’s enough Daiki because Yuya is not here anymore to shut you up from crying…”
Right then he looked up at her for she had said something incomprehensible. “Shut me from crying?...” he asked.
“Yes…” he nodded. “You and Yuya were still a baby then when I started my career as a nurse… you were crying so hard that night and I don’t know what to do until Yuya shut you up in a kiss which startled me a lot…” she looked at the boy as she paused for a while and Daiki gave her a face of realization. “Yes Daiki, it was Yuya who kissed you and not Yuna…”
Now that he knows, Daiki could only cry and cry because he just knew by now that he also loved Yuya more than how much he had loved Yuna.
EXTRA
“Daiki hurry up!... everyone are waiting for you downstairs!...” yelled by his mother who is so excited to give him the best birthday party even he is 25 years old already. Well, he can’t go against her since all of his relatives and friends, including Yuya and Yuna’s parents, are so excited also to meet him after he had been discharged from the hospital just this morning.
“Yes Mom!...” he answered back while rummaging all the clothes he has inside his closet. While choosing at the same time throwing everything on the floor, Daiki found the pants he had been wearing before when he and the twins celebrated their 8th birthday together. A curve formed on his lips when he realized how small he was then until he sensed something inside the pocket. He delved his fingers since he can’t insert all of his hand and to his astonishment, it’s the gift that he haven’t opened yet. “This was his first gift to me…” he muttered while unpacking the white bond paper that was used as a wrapper. The thing that was revealed is a red shimmering box with three hearts interlacing at the cover. He opened the box carefully and what surprised him is a gift that is very unaffordable to someone who is eight years old by age. “How did he bought this?...” he asked himself as he took the ring which fits his ring finger exactly. Then he shakes the box for a letter usually comes after next and he’s right! There’s a folded paper, so hastily he opened it but there are no characters to be read until he raised it against the sunlight. There he found the three sweet words that Yuya had been keeping from him for so long. They were scribbled using a citric juice in order to hide the message and you could only read it once you placed it against the light. With lips curving up slowly and slowly, Daiki answered back for he knows that Yuya had been waiting for this also, “I love you too…” he said and a cold breeze that was blown from his window enveloped him in a way like someone had just hugged him dearly from the back.
Then from the howl of the wind, someone had whispered, “Thank you…”
------------------------------------
A/N: Huhuhuhuhuhu… I can’t think better than this guys!... I try not to kill Yuya but if he stays alive then Daiki will have to die… but I’m hoping that you won’t kill me for doing this kind of angst… and I guess I’ll make more of this in the future*whacked*
PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT SINCE I LOVE COMMENTS!
About the Title:
Because of Love… - I created this title in order for me to add an addition words after it. As what you can notice, the title could be connected with the subtitle like: ‘Because of Love I Learned to Sacrifice’
So this is the end and that’s how angst should end… I guess?
Thank you for reading this since the very beginning and I’ll appreciate it so much if those who had read will give even a one word comment down there.
Hope you had loved this fic!
A request from the author: Thumbs up and thumbs down that’s all I need. If you think it sucks then do comment down there and I’ll appreciate that so much for I really need to improve further than this.
Thank you once again!
Love Lots!
HIKARI
Author: hikarijournal
Pairings: Takaki/Daiki
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Love, Conflict
Type: Chaptered
Requester: a_k_k_h_n
Summary: A typical love story of two persons with an extraordinary beginning and ending. How will you ever face your rival if that rival itself is your face?
Fifth Heartache
I Learned to Sacrifice
~♥♥♥~
CHAPTER LINKS HERE~
Right after he woke up, “What the fuck!...” were the words that welcomed his morning. Immediately he pushed himself to sit and to approach the guy who is now scurrying away from him but the pain, the one he had acquired last night, had pricked his body to stop from moving. “Dai-chan…” he muttered for he wants the guy to get closer, to stay nearer and to understand him that last night wasn’t his fault at all. “I did not intend to---”
“Bullshit!...” Daiki cut in as he picked all his clothes on the floor. “What did you do to me?!...” he yelled after he slid himself back to his clothing. “Did you touch me like---” he suddenly stopped for he can’t take to say the exact words himself so, “Fuck this!!!...” he kicked the nearest chair instead.
“It wasn’t me…” Yuya said and the chair, that was kicked, was slammed on his side. Again, the pain inside his chest intensified as if the blood had just stopped from moving due to a sudden congestion or constriction. But there wasn’t a congestion or constriction because the cause of it is emotionally related, in other words Daiki is the root why he is always like this. Always damn to hell even he is still living on earth. “I’m sorry…” he took the blame again for he understands how gross the situation that just happened last night. “It was all my fault…”
“Why?...” Daiki asked with lips gritting in anger. “Why did you do this to me?!...” he screamed.
“Because---” he was cut by the sudden feeling he had felt before, the feeling which he always feared to be felt again. Yes. The feeling that will tell him that his end is just a few seconds away.
Without even waiting for the answer and without even noticing the sudden change of Yuya’s condition, Daiki took a handful grip on the guy’s loosened polo to pull and to bang the guy on the nearest wall he could lunged. Then with fingers clasp tightly on his right palm, he punched the guy sideways until he got what he wants. He bruised the face severely for he can’t accept the truth that that face was the one who took him firstly and the one who malevolently raped him last night. “Damn you asshole!... how could you do this to me?!...”
“I-I-I’m so s-s-sorry…” he rasped as he holds his tears once again while enduring every pain he has on his face and body.
“Sorry?!...” he squeaked his voice as he asked that question. He can’t accept the fact that he and Yuya had just had a sex last night. He was drunk and probably delirious already at that time but why the guy had took advantage on him? “What kind of a person are you to do this kind of thing to me?...” he asked with hatred in his eyes. “ANSWER ME!!!...”
He can’t say a thing for the situation had turned up-side-down suddenly. Last night he was the victim and Daiki was the assaulter but now he is the assaulter and the guy is the victim. This must be because he had took the blame once again, hurting himself more and more and killing his heart further and further. But what can he do? He loves the guy and he’s willing to take all the mistakes just to free Daiki from whatever he is experiencing right now.
Annoyed of waiting, Daiki dumped the guy on the floor just like how he had pushed Yuya before. Then he kicked the guy again and again just like how he was kicked by those scumbags last night but neither a groan nor a wail was heard from Yuya because all he can see is her eyes begging for him to stop. However, he can’t because Yuna will never be Yuya and Yuya will never be her. “Do you think you can replace your sister in order for me to forgive you?!...” he grabbed Yuya on the hair as he pulled the guy toward his face. “Yes! You have her face but you will never be her!...” he shouted then, putting emphasis that he could only love her.
“I know…” he whispered for he can’t say anything louder than that because if he did, he’ll cry eventually. “I always knew…”
“Then why?!...” he asked once again.
“Because I love you…” he had confesses finally.
“Fuck you!...” he slapped the guy on the face for the word he just heard was the most gruesome phrase he ever encountered in his entire life. He never expects this. Having someone who is on the same gender loving you like as if God never created man and woman is so gross! And last night was the worst one. “Since when did you ever feel this way to me?...”
“Since the first time we’ve met…”
The answer gives him the chill he hasn’t felt before. The guy was so in love to him all this time but he never knew. All he could remember was him being the bestfriend of the guy. And the only thing he could always see from Yuya is a support that you could only get to someone who is very true to you, a support that is sometimes impossible to have. “You are---” he paused as he freed the guy from his grip, stepping backward in a manner like he is about to flee with face showing disgust and disbelief at the same time. “---worst than what I had imagined…” he continued, now moving toward the door to hold and to twist the knob. “Cursed you Yuya…” he hissed. “Cursed you!...” then he stepped outside the door.
Hurriedly he brisk his steps toward the elevator while murmuring all the insanity he just knew. He keeps on chewing his lips, smacking it at times while making some clicking sounds inside his mouth until a loud bang was heard from the room he just left. He stopped not to look back but to think if what that was. “Throw tantrums as much as you want asshole!...” he shouted for he thought it was just some kicking, punching or throwing session of someone who was dumped by the person they had loved unrequitedly. But why can’t he continue his pace? Why can’t he move if all he wants is to ignore the guy for the rest of his life? “Forget him…” he told himself as he pushed his own feet to ride the elevator down to the ground floor.
Right after he reached the outside world, Daiki moved straight to where he had left his car last night. He could still remember it since little by little the memory he had last night is now getting clearer and clearer. Walking down the road where the pub could be found, he remembered someone carrying him last night. “He must have carried me all the way to that hotel…” he murmured while thinking how he was taken by the guy in his most vulnerable state. Now walking toward the parking lot, he saw five men laughing and smoking just on the other side of his car. Flashback came running inside his head like it was played intentionally for him to remember. Those guys were the ones who battered him badly before he went unconscious that night. And there was someone who helped him, someone who shielded him all throughout those pain. “Yuya…” he’s heart throbbed heavily out of a sudden.
“Isn’t he the friend of the one who gave us money for the entire night?...” asked by the guy who had eyed Daiki last night.
“Yeah…” agreed by the one who had this purplish discoloration on his nose. He waived his hand at Daiki who ignored him all the way to the car which is just on the other side of where they are. “You’re lucky brat…” he scoffed as he dropped his cigar on the ground but Daiki never dare to look or to glare at him even once. “Hope you’ll play with us again so that we can take some money from him again also!...” he yelled loudly right before Daiki stepped inside the car.
The time he turned on the engine of his car, Daiki drove his way back to the hotel and along the way an ambulance honked him to stay aside for a while. “Shit!...” he groaned for he needs to go back as fast as he could. He needs to see Yuya not to give the forgiveness he had been keeping for five years but to know the real truth last night, the truth that it was partly his fault also, that it was him and not Yuya who started everything. “Why did he took all the blame last night?...” he asked himself for he can now remember the exact happening. It was him who kissed the guy first for he thought Yuya was Yuna last night. And it was him who aggressively took his own purity away. “I’ll definitely kill you asshole!...” he slammed his hand on the wheel for the guilt is starting to get inside him. So right after the road was left by that noisy car, he shifted his gear to the maximum as he stepped on the pedal to drove faster than before.
He hopped outside right away without even parking his car properly. He’s in a hurry. Yes. Just like before. Just like the time when Yuna was dying. However he can’t remember the number of the room thus he barged the reception area by breaking through the line while asking, “In what room is Takaki Yuya in?...”
The two receptionists had looked on each other first with face like that of someone hiding something very important to everyone. Then the one at the left side took the courage to asked back, “Don’t you know?...”
“Don’t I know what?!...” he’s getting mad already.
“He was taken by an ambulance just a minute ago…” said by the one on the right side.
“Why?...”
“He collapses right after you left…”
Thump!
He felt suffocated all of a sudden.
Thump!
Something is about to explode.
Thump!
He’s scared.
☻☻☻☻☻
After the name of the hospital was relayed on him, Daiki drove his car as fast as he could to reach the said institution while recalling everything that was told by the manager. He was informed that Yuya had suffered some incurable disease since the guy had some brain trauma five years ago. It was more like a tumor near at the most vital organ - the pituitary gland - that operation and chemotherapy can’t help at all. If operation will be done then Yuya will have a 50-50 survival and possible amnesia will happen and if chemotherapy was applied then Yuya is now bedridden or worst in a vegetative state.
Now realizing all of those, Daiki is now angry not toward the guy but toward himself. “Why didn’t he stopped me?!... why did he just allow me to beat him up like that?!...” he screamed frustratingly that he pressed the pedal lowlier so that he can speed up more and more. But something crossed before him. No. Not something but someone. It’s a girl, chasing someone on the other side of the street with someone following her back also. This is just like before. Yes. Like how Yuna had chased Yuya on the other side of the street with him tailing her back like a dog. In fear that these people will suffer the same destiny as them, he twisted the wheel away from her without realizing that he is now going straight to a tree with so many sharp bars pointing at him. And before he could even stop his car, a sharp rounder bar had struck his chest which choked his breathing right away. “Yu---” he gasped as blood starts oozing outside his mouth. Then from afar he could see so many people running toward him but among those crowds, the one that took all his attention was the girl standing beside the one he just spared from dying. She’s eyeing him hatefully but why? “Yuna…” the last word he had said before he closed his eyes with only Yuya and no more Yuna inside his head.
☻☻☻☻☻
“Dai-chan!...” the greeting that gives him a big smile right away. “Happy birthday!...” said by her as she gave the gift she had on hand to the boy who had blushed at her shyly. “Hope you’ll like this…”
He accepted the gift with shaking hands and thumping heart while handing a box at her also. “Happy birthday also…” he greeted back and someone had dropped a small box on his hand before he could even clasp the gift of the girl.
“Mou~ Yuya!...” Yuna whined for she was first in line. “Can’t you wait!...”
“I was already here before you…” he pouted for he was actually there before her, only that he’s hiding behind the door while rethinking and rethinking if he should give the gift he had bought from the one he had saved for a year in his piggy bank to the boy who can’t even smile at him.
“You weren’t here when I came…” she countered angrily.
“Because you weren’t checking if the one before you is a mirror or a real thing!...”
“It’s ok…” Daiki barged in as he pocketed Yuya’s gift while taking her gift excitedly. Then he opened Yuna’s gift as he sits crossed-legged on the floor without noticing the frown that was formed on Yuya’s face. “Kawaii~” he smile right after he took the teddy bear on the box. “Thank you Yuna…”
“You’re welcome…” she smiled back while unpacking the gift that was given to her also. “A bracelet!...” she yapped happily. “Thank you!...”
“You’re welcome…” he blushed until a throat clearing sound was heard from the boy who squatted beside him.
“Anoo~” Yuya voiced out as he gave the boy a begging look, hoping that he’ll have his gift also. “Where’s mine?...”
“Ah!...” he scratched his head. “Gomen ne~” he laughed dryly. “I forgot…”
A blaring light hit his eyes when it was opened by someone who pulled his lids on opposite direction. “He’s awake…” said by that someone afterwards when the light which comes from a pen-looking stuff with a small bulb at the end was withdrawn away from him. “Give him the initial dose of immunosuppressant that was prescribed and I’ll call the Doctor to check on him…”
“Yes Maam…” replied by the one who had a cap on her head.
“How do you feel?...” asked by the other one who had gave him a small tap on the head.
“Sleepy…” he replied huskily while blinking thrice in a row.
“Then go to sleep for a while…”
“Hai…”
It took him a month before he was able to sit and to check himself if what was done unto him because lots and lots of contraindications were often explained like as if everything is against him already. He can’t go out even wheelchair is available at bedside, he can’t eat foods that are highly allergenic even those are his favorites, he can’t have his parents all day because limited time are only offered to them to visit and he can’t even have the fresh air from the window because the nurse is always there to close everything around him. This is like imprisonment but he was often told that everything is for his own good. But why aren’t they telling him of what was done on him for real?
Curious he is, he took the strength to stand and to walk inside the bathroom to see himself fully before the mirror. Nothing in particular had change because he could still see himself just like before only that he is too pale and too weak. He checked his eyes, his lids, his neck, his arms until his fingers slid inside his gown just around his chest area. There is something he could feel, something that is like a healed cut made vertically at the center of his chest. Hastily, he pulled the gown down and what he saw next is the answer to his question. “What did they do to this?!...” he asked his reflected image while staring questionably at the reddish fleshy protruding vertical healed scar on his sternum.
“You were subjected to a heart transplant six months ago because it was ruined badly right after you got into an accident…” replied the by the nurse whom he knew to be the head nurse of the station where his room is located. And as long as he could remember, everyone calls her Hikari-san.
“Why haven’t you told me about this?...”
“Because you were recuperating then and it’s bad for the heart to be on stress right away…”
“Does my parents agreed on this?...” he asked.
“Yes because that was the only option left and they can’t allow you to die…”
“If my heart was ruined badly then who’s heart is this?...” he asked exasperatingly while pointing at his scar.
“Before we get into that, why don’t you sit on your bed first…” suggested by the head nurse who offered a hand to help him all throughout the way. And before they could start, she delved her hand inside her pocket to get the thing that was handed to her six months ago. “I could not explain everything to you but this letter may could… so just read it and I’ll just be here if you have any questions left…”
Daiki looked into her at first before he took the letter which he opened right away. From the moment he saw the penmanship, he was sure already that it belongs to Yuya for he could always received letters, love letters to be exact, from the guy whenever he and Yuna are having misunderstandings before. He gripped the edges of the paper and with his eyes only; he read each of the character slowly.
It says:
Dear Dai-chan,
Have you remembered the day when we were introduced by our fathers? You were always hiding behind your father’s legs while crying for no reason. You were asked at that time by your father to make friends because you also want to have a playmate and you told us that you’re scared because I and Yuna look exactly alike. I don’t get you at that time but as time goes, I slowly understand. It is scary indeed to see your face facing you everyday and worst talking to you like as if you are just staring straight to a mirror hunted by someone who might be your doppelganger. But you know what? I wasn’t just scared because I was also sad. It’s not that I don’t want Yuna to be my twin sister but sometimes I can’t help myself hating her because she is always the apple of your eyes and I’m nothing to you but just a friend who is not even existing in your life.
I’m not blaming you of all my melancholy because I was the one who chooses this fate. I choose not to hurt you and Yuna because I can see how much you loved each other. Even though it hurts, I’m happy already as long as I can see you happy with her.
The love letters that are often inserted in your locker before was actually from me. I write all of those wholeheartedly while spending every single night thinking on how I will ever express my feelings to you without you noticing me. I was still high spirited at that time because you and Yuna are not officially together yet, but the moment you told me that she had accepted you finally, my heart bleeds right away for the first time. I cried the entire night after that and even cut my hair the next day.
Sorry If I was the reason of her death. If I could just return the time before she died and if I could just bring her back, I will surely do that for you no matter what the price is. To tell you the truth, I was hurt deeply when you told me that I killed her but I never argue anymore because I know that you were hurt badly also. I did try to jump from the rooftop of the hospital that time but someone stopped me and to my surprise it was her. Yes, it was Yuna and she told me that someday you’ll understand me so there’s no need for me to die that day. But until now, you never understand me.
He stopped from reading for a while as he crumpled the edge of the letter a little. The last sentence written in the last paragraph made him remember of her eyeing him hatefully before he was brought in this hospital. He could clearly remember how she stare those eyes like as if saving the life of those three persons is the cruelest decision he ever made. So she was mad at me because I had hurt her brother so much - he assumed. Then he presumed reading as he continued.
I left right after you told me to leave but it doesn’t help me at all because I can’t stop thinking if you are fine or not. I was worried, so worried that I grow anxious everyday until I had series of fainting and blurring of visions. I ignore those symptoms because I thought I was having too much stress only until I found out that it is life threatening already and it’s too late to be treated anymore. That’s why when I was told by the Doctors that anytime I’ll be departing this world, I went back home not to have some treatment but to see you and to tell you that I love you. And I’m glad that I was able to tell that before I passed away and I feel so lucky also because I was able to keep you alive.
“Keep me alive?...” he asked shockingly that his heart went throbbing suddenly not in amazement but in something else. He palmed his chest with his left hand since his other hand is still gripping on the paper and from what he can perceive; he’s having a feeling of something you could only feel once you are so in love to someone else. Then a tear had dropped from his quivering lids which made him stopped from reading again.
“Are you ok?...” asked by the head nurse who pushed a handkerchief on his lap.
“I’m sorry…” he took the offer right away to dry himself from this sudden unexplainable tears. “I don’t know why am I crying…” he told the nurse.
“Maybe because you are not the one crying now…”
“What?...” he was confused.
“Why don’t you continue reading because as what I had said, only that letter could give the explanation…”
Daiki abided right away that he starts running his eyes at the characters that are scribbled messily compared above.
Crap, I think I can’t write any longer than this. My hands starts to get shaky already but I’ll try my best to give you the information you need. I was brought to the hospital right after you left me in the hotel and the moment I woke up I found you dying already. The doctor had told me to stop from moving since the tumor had triggered something undesirable on my body but I never listened because I was so worried about you. I called your parents even though I was still breathless at that time and I asked my parents also to tend at you first even they are so against my decision. So you were wheeled inside the operating room but the problem is your heart. The doctor said you’ll die right away if heart transplant is not possible within a week so I volunteered even my Mom had cried at me all that time. I told her that I can’t live any longer after this so in order to keep you alive I’ll give you the thing which is actually meant for you and only for you. Yes Daiki, the one inside you is my heart and hope you can feel it beating already. It’s my feelings and hope you can now grasp the love I ever had since I started liking you.
I think this is the end of my letter since our operation will start thirty minutes after. And I guess I can’t see you any longer but I will always love you just like how you always loved Yuna. And before I end this with goodbye, please say thank you to Hikari-san for me and tell her how grateful I am to have her as my personal nurse. So… Goodbye Dai-chan and hope you could forgive me right now.
Always loving you,
Yuya
Daiki can’t say a thing right after he crumpled the letter on his lap because he is now crying over her chest while thinking how bad he was for not knowing all of this since the very beginning. Yuya had loved him more than anything else in this world and no one could do such a thing like this, giving ones heart to someone even though he/she is still alive. This is definitely 0 out of a billion possibilities but it happened and he has it inside him. Its beating happily like as if it’s telling him, “I’m glad you’re alive…” at the same time screaming at him, “Please love me back…” and asking him, “Please forgive me…”
“Please take this out…” he begged as he scratched his chest with his nails.
“Stop!...” wailed by the nurse who pulled his hands to stop from inflicting damage.
“I don’t deserve this…” he cried for he can’t accept such heart which is too pure when it comes to love.
“Don’t say that…”
“I should have died…”
“No…” she shook her head and the boy dumped a face at her chest once again, crying there helplessly like a baby seeking for someone to comfort him/her with love and affection. “You haven’t change…” she whispered as she caresses the hair of the boy like as if she’s caring a baby that was only delivered an hour ago. “That’s enough Daiki because Yuya is not here anymore to shut you up from crying…”
Right then he looked up at her for she had said something incomprehensible. “Shut me from crying?...” he asked.
“Yes…” he nodded. “You and Yuya were still a baby then when I started my career as a nurse… you were crying so hard that night and I don’t know what to do until Yuya shut you up in a kiss which startled me a lot…” she looked at the boy as she paused for a while and Daiki gave her a face of realization. “Yes Daiki, it was Yuya who kissed you and not Yuna…”
Now that he knows, Daiki could only cry and cry because he just knew by now that he also loved Yuya more than how much he had loved Yuna.
EXTRA
“Daiki hurry up!... everyone are waiting for you downstairs!...” yelled by his mother who is so excited to give him the best birthday party even he is 25 years old already. Well, he can’t go against her since all of his relatives and friends, including Yuya and Yuna’s parents, are so excited also to meet him after he had been discharged from the hospital just this morning.
“Yes Mom!...” he answered back while rummaging all the clothes he has inside his closet. While choosing at the same time throwing everything on the floor, Daiki found the pants he had been wearing before when he and the twins celebrated their 8th birthday together. A curve formed on his lips when he realized how small he was then until he sensed something inside the pocket. He delved his fingers since he can’t insert all of his hand and to his astonishment, it’s the gift that he haven’t opened yet. “This was his first gift to me…” he muttered while unpacking the white bond paper that was used as a wrapper. The thing that was revealed is a red shimmering box with three hearts interlacing at the cover. He opened the box carefully and what surprised him is a gift that is very unaffordable to someone who is eight years old by age. “How did he bought this?...” he asked himself as he took the ring which fits his ring finger exactly. Then he shakes the box for a letter usually comes after next and he’s right! There’s a folded paper, so hastily he opened it but there are no characters to be read until he raised it against the sunlight. There he found the three sweet words that Yuya had been keeping from him for so long. They were scribbled using a citric juice in order to hide the message and you could only read it once you placed it against the light. With lips curving up slowly and slowly, Daiki answered back for he knows that Yuya had been waiting for this also, “I love you too…” he said and a cold breeze that was blown from his window enveloped him in a way like someone had just hugged him dearly from the back.
Then from the howl of the wind, someone had whispered, “Thank you…”
------------------------------------
A/N: Huhuhuhuhuhu… I can’t think better than this guys!... I try not to kill Yuya but if he stays alive then Daiki will have to die… but I’m hoping that you won’t kill me for doing this kind of angst… and I guess I’ll make more of this in the future*whacked*
PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT SINCE I LOVE COMMENTS!
About the Title:
Because of Love… - I created this title in order for me to add an addition words after it. As what you can notice, the title could be connected with the subtitle like: ‘Because of Love I Learned to Sacrifice’
So this is the end and that’s how angst should end… I guess?
Thank you for reading this since the very beginning and I’ll appreciate it so much if those who had read will give even a one word comment down there.
Hope you had loved this fic!
A request from the author: Thumbs up and thumbs down that’s all I need. If you think it sucks then do comment down there and I’ll appreciate that so much for I really need to improve further than this.
Thank you once again!
Love Lots!
HIKARI