friends.
things happen for a reason
on some level, i really believe that
but sometimes life is just really shitty.
I haven't logged into LJ for a long time.. when I came to the post an entry page, it asked if I wanted to load my unposted entry, and that's what came up. I don't remember typing it, but it's about my grandma who's in the hospital now.
My LJ must seem really emo, cause i think I only come here when I'm not doing so well. Well, in recent years anyway cause I used to post anything and everything.. everyday.
I'm still in Korea, at the same school that I worked at last year. This is 8-ish months into the new contract year now (it's not so new anymore). Official observations for teachers who want to re-sign with SMOE are happening this week. I had decided a while back that I didn't want to do this anymore. Because I'm tired and lazy. I do have my ups and downs with this job though, and I think that since the beginning of this year, I'm more on an up than a down. I do remember feeling somewhat negative about work at the start of this contract, but it's gotten way better. I don't know what to do next year. It's going to be scary when February rolls around. Really scary..
I talked to my dad on the phone last Thursday, which is something unique cause I only ever talk to my mom when I call home. He asked if I was planning on signing on for another year in Korea. So I told him I wasn't and he said that I should go home. Which makes sense. I still feel a bit guilty for being away from home for so long. But I don't really know what's there for me.
I started missing all my friends from school and stuff back at home tonight. I wonder how everyone from high school and university are doing. And I wished that I was in touch with them. Friends with them. I tend to have a lot of self-pity parties regarding my lack of friends. But this is just a statement, because it's true. Let's get in a cylindrical argument for a second here and say that maybe it's not that I don't have a lot of close friends. But I just don't see them as close friends, which in turn makes them think that I don't want to be friends with them, which makes it look like they don't want to be close to me.
Anyway, the point of all of this is that I don't feel like I want to be home. Which is a sad thing. But I don't think I'll be happy at home. In fact, I do see myself being rather unhappy. And I can see that unhappiness multiplying the longer I stay.
Not believing that life is meant to have a purpose probably makes it easier for me to not look for mine. So if I can believe that I'm supposed to be here for something, maybe I can find it.
on some level, i really believe that
but sometimes life is just really shitty.
I haven't logged into LJ for a long time.. when I came to the post an entry page, it asked if I wanted to load my unposted entry, and that's what came up. I don't remember typing it, but it's about my grandma who's in the hospital now.
My LJ must seem really emo, cause i think I only come here when I'm not doing so well. Well, in recent years anyway cause I used to post anything and everything.. everyday.
I'm still in Korea, at the same school that I worked at last year. This is 8-ish months into the new contract year now (it's not so new anymore). Official observations for teachers who want to re-sign with SMOE are happening this week. I had decided a while back that I didn't want to do this anymore. Because I'm tired and lazy. I do have my ups and downs with this job though, and I think that since the beginning of this year, I'm more on an up than a down. I do remember feeling somewhat negative about work at the start of this contract, but it's gotten way better. I don't know what to do next year. It's going to be scary when February rolls around. Really scary..
I talked to my dad on the phone last Thursday, which is something unique cause I only ever talk to my mom when I call home. He asked if I was planning on signing on for another year in Korea. So I told him I wasn't and he said that I should go home. Which makes sense. I still feel a bit guilty for being away from home for so long. But I don't really know what's there for me.
I started missing all my friends from school and stuff back at home tonight. I wonder how everyone from high school and university are doing. And I wished that I was in touch with them. Friends with them. I tend to have a lot of self-pity parties regarding my lack of friends. But this is just a statement, because it's true. Let's get in a cylindrical argument for a second here and say that maybe it's not that I don't have a lot of close friends. But I just don't see them as close friends, which in turn makes them think that I don't want to be friends with them, which makes it look like they don't want to be close to me.
Anyway, the point of all of this is that I don't feel like I want to be home. Which is a sad thing. But I don't think I'll be happy at home. In fact, I do see myself being rather unhappy. And I can see that unhappiness multiplying the longer I stay.
Not believing that life is meant to have a purpose probably makes it easier for me to not look for mine. So if I can believe that I'm supposed to be here for something, maybe I can find it.