Sleepless
I guess it's just cause there's so much going on right now. I leave soon, and there's still so much to do to prepare. Then there's trying to get everything I'll need together. It's like herding cats. Ridiculous. I've still got so much to get and I'm seriously lacking the funds. Thank God for scholarships, but they don't cover the stuff you have to buy for college. If only my boss hadn't fired me for trying to take a week off for Jesus camp. Damn nazi. And to top the whole goddamn thing off, my relationship is going down the drain. Hige and I can never talk anymore. I call, and we just sit in an awkward silence until we hang up. When we're together, I frustrate him. He finds me childish and takes no interest in the things I do. I go over to his house and just sit on his bed for hours occupying myself while he browses the internet. We don't say anything to each other because neither of us has anything to say. He comes to my house and play video games with my brother. And then things get loud and he gets a headache and goes home. We used to be able to converse for hours. What happened? We still love each other and yet so often that love seems dead. He's tired of me. He's done being stressed out over me and my situation. He hates the way I stoop to a low level to provide for my family and can't understand why I can't gratify his needs. I'm becoming afraid of him. What if his frustration breaks him and he...I don't know. But at the same time I'm afraid of loosing him. When I leave, will we still have nothing to talk about? Will our relationship just die? I can't sleep anymore because I'm too busy thinking. I cry sometimes, but I try not to because it'll wake my sister up if I'm too loud. He could easily find someone better. And there will be tons of new girls at NOVA. He could find someone who's more into the things he likes, who's prettier, more interesting, nicer, and who can give him what he wants. Two years...and I thought we'd get married. Life never works out right, does it?