Fic: Freedom

[hikally]

Fic: Freedom
Pairing: sort of Gibbs/Tony
Rating: Minimal
COMPLETE

2nd Fic!

Today, that was when it happened - a new chance, with a new person and not just anyone, one so beloved I... I would given anything for him just yesterday. It was a chance to drop my masks and admit my fears, my insecurities, my... What difference does it make. I couldn't you know, just couldn't. I stood there as he offered me everything - everything he had, everything I had wanted. But I didn't want it. He wasn't who I thought he was - and then I realised I'd never actually known him.
And was when I did it.

I said - No.

Just like that. I knew he'd never ask again. That offer of a lift that concealed so much - all of which that was revealed in his eyes and he knew I knew. I could have ignored it. Just said something flippant and pretended like it had never happened and he'd... Well... maybe he'd have asked again. But in that moment I realised it wasn't what I want and hadn't been for a long time. Not since 
before he'd left, before Cait's death, before any of it.

I'd moved on.

Moved on from this myth, this dream of a man I'd built around him, because now I'd seen the man and he wasn't perfect. No, his flaws were so obvious now that they slapped me in the face everytime I looked at him, spoke with him, saw him.
I built a fantasy and it had collapsed like a house of cards, leaving me alone and unshielded.

But somehow the future looked brighter. I had options. For the first time since I'd noticed him as something other than my boss, my ex-marine probably homophobic boss,  I was free. My job, which had encompassed my life for these last few disastrous months, was just a job and my friends were, well... barely even that - more like colleagues.

And I was FREE.

Free to go and free to stay. In charge of my destiny be it at NCIS or somewhere new. For the first time in months I felt a smile touch my lips and I turned my car, my beautiful new car, on to the highway opening myself to the possibilties

God, the possiblities! And I laughed from sheer exilihration. Free!