(I'm sorry I didn't get to responding properly earlier! I was too squeeful because WHOA. CONCRIT. FOR REALS.)
I was getting all kinds of mixed signals from Nase towards the end of the fic. Thank you for some very spot-on comments. The original plan was to have Nase dump him, but then it was rejected when I realized it wasn't going to happen without some very OOC actions. The fic's shift in mood may be attributed to that--I apologize and will do better editing in the future.
Nase has been an incredibly difficult character to write. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has this problem, but when I identify too closely with a character, or want too much to be a character, it's almost impossible for me to write that character without inserting myself. At the same time, I'm quite aware that Nase and I react very differently.
Are you thinking about soap? No. No. You aren't. IRL, I was, actually. I'm sorry, don't hit me. I fail as a sex partner. Probably didn't help that it wasn't my One True Love, so this comment is well-taken and noted!
Specifically, you can decide in advance what keeps Nase in that room with Iijima all this time Oof. You got me. I was hoping I had managed to hide this well enough, but it's pretty clear I didn't at all. There was a big hole in the story, and it was, "Why is she with him?"
I will definitely keep these comments in mind. Thank you so very much for the insightful crit. I really really REALLY appreciated it. Again, I would love to get to know you un-anoned.
I was getting all kinds of mixed signals from Nase towards the end of the fic.
Thank you for some very spot-on comments. The original plan was to have Nase dump him, but then it was rejected when I realized it wasn't going to happen without some very OOC actions. The fic's shift in mood may be attributed to that--I apologize and will do better editing in the future.
Nase has been an incredibly difficult character to write. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has this problem, but when I identify too closely with a character, or want too much to be a character, it's almost impossible for me to write that character without inserting myself. At the same time, I'm quite aware that Nase and I react very differently.
Are you thinking about soap? No. No. You aren't.
IRL, I was, actually. I'm sorry, don't hit me. I fail as a sex partner. Probably didn't help that it wasn't my One True Love, so this comment is well-taken and noted!
Specifically, you can decide in advance what keeps Nase in that room with Iijima all this time
Oof. You got me. I was hoping I had managed to hide this well enough, but it's pretty clear I didn't at all. There was a big hole in the story, and it was, "Why is she with him?"
I will definitely keep these comments in mind. Thank you so very much for the insightful crit. I really really REALLY appreciated it. Again, I would love to get to know you un-anoned.
[miura]
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