（//∇//）
I've been so depressed these days, so many hate comments I read, and some people even misunderstood any anon as me.
Overprotective
Overreacting
BNF (Though the N or F is my initial name, I had to search for the meaning)
...and etc.
Those things really hurt me, especially as I rarely talk to people and people rarely talk to me, and then being judged by some random people/ anons.
This one anon, she said I'm overprotective from a random comment and never explained, giving a random accusation.
Yes, it's accusation if you can't explain why you said this person or that person is this and that.
...and the anon even said the boys don't appear like human in my reports, and other reports he/ she read make them sound more like human.
I don't understand! How can they not be human in the reports I wrote? I write what I read.
That statement made by the anon makes me afraid to write report (already afraid by the anon in the other meme too, who read my tweets, but at least, she explained! Thanks to that anon - though I'm hurt...)
The anon said, I appeared not happy than happy in the fandom, I wonder how much does the anon know me.
I am happy I love the boys, but not happy with English speaking fandom.
There are more people visiting my journal and the community after the meme, not sure if they have bad or good impression about the community.
People can throw random thought or accusation to anyone, but I don't think people can judge someone without proper observation and knowledge about the person (or the case).
I sometimes ask myself, "Do I regret creating the community, because flailing alone in my journal like the old time feel happier sometimes", and would lose confidence with myself as if I'm trying hard to deny the fact that I regret it.
But, I mean, it's just "sometimes" when the surrounding is so stressful.
Thinking of it twice, or thrice, no, I don't regret it. Just that I can't flail like crazy, like what I did in my own journal, but I don't regret putting every single thing I know, in the community.
I'm not saying I know everything about them or I'm well-informed about them, in fact, I know nothing, I never meet them.
I don't know if people think or feel that I'm bragging and acting as if I know them well enough, I don't know. Mostly what I say would come from the info/ fact I knew about them from interviews, videos, reports, and observation, but of course not observation alone, I'd always make sure that the observation is supported by their own talks and behaviours. I don't observe people so randomly.
I just write what I read and learn about them, and I beg for nothing, enough if people would find the info helpful in order for them to like the boys.
I got nothing from doing this.
Neither money, love, attention nor any other things, in contrast, I lose money, time, energy, tears and ... sometimes it's harsh and hurting to be in this fandom.
I feel like, 2013 might be my hiatus from the fandom maybe...
Honestly I don't feel like being active in the fandom for a while, just waiting to finish up my works, like Playzone or birthday wishes.
At least, I may take few weeks or months of rest to heal the wound.
But today, one of my Japanese TL told me, she read both my journal and mix_madmade and they helped a lot when she was a new fan, that makes me really happy, to find out that even Japanese fans found the info useful, at least.
Overprotective
Overreacting
BNF (Though the N or F is my initial name, I had to search for the meaning)
...and etc.
Those things really hurt me, especially as I rarely talk to people and people rarely talk to me, and then being judged by some random people/ anons.
This one anon, she said I'm overprotective from a random comment and never explained, giving a random accusation.
Yes, it's accusation if you can't explain why you said this person or that person is this and that.
...and the anon even said the boys don't appear like human in my reports, and other reports he/ she read make them sound more like human.
I don't understand! How can they not be human in the reports I wrote? I write what I read.
That statement made by the anon makes me afraid to write report (already afraid by the anon in the other meme too, who read my tweets, but at least, she explained! Thanks to that anon - though I'm hurt...)
The anon said, I appeared not happy than happy in the fandom, I wonder how much does the anon know me.
I am happy I love the boys, but not happy with English speaking fandom.
There are more people visiting my journal and the community after the meme, not sure if they have bad or good impression about the community.
People can throw random thought or accusation to anyone, but I don't think people can judge someone without proper observation and knowledge about the person (or the case).
I sometimes ask myself, "Do I regret creating the community, because flailing alone in my journal like the old time feel happier sometimes", and would lose confidence with myself as if I'm trying hard to deny the fact that I regret it.
But, I mean, it's just "sometimes" when the surrounding is so stressful.
Thinking of it twice, or thrice, no, I don't regret it. Just that I can't flail like crazy, like what I did in my own journal, but I don't regret putting every single thing I know, in the community.
I'm not saying I know everything about them or I'm well-informed about them, in fact, I know nothing, I never meet them.
I don't know if people think or feel that I'm bragging and acting as if I know them well enough, I don't know. Mostly what I say would come from the info/ fact I knew about them from interviews, videos, reports, and observation, but of course not observation alone, I'd always make sure that the observation is supported by their own talks and behaviours. I don't observe people so randomly.
I just write what I read and learn about them, and I beg for nothing, enough if people would find the info helpful in order for them to like the boys.
I got nothing from doing this.
Neither money, love, attention nor any other things, in contrast, I lose money, time, energy, tears and ... sometimes it's harsh and hurting to be in this fandom.
I feel like, 2013 might be my hiatus from the fandom maybe...
Honestly I don't feel like being active in the fandom for a while, just waiting to finish up my works, like Playzone or birthday wishes.
At least, I may take few weeks or months of rest to heal the wound.
But today, one of my Japanese TL told me, she read both my journal and mix_madmade and they helped a lot when she was a new fan, that makes me really happy, to find out that even Japanese fans found the info useful, at least.