enlightenment-in a way
It's his fifteenth birthday today. I had forgotten. My subconsious had not. I knew there was a reason. Of course, I was busy thinking about him all day today. It didn't help any that Zack asked about him. He hadn't heard the story. I didn't want to tell it. I've always been nervous around him and his brothers, well his parents more, actually, since it happened. So to explain it to him . . . it was hard. I summarized, a lot, and he didn't ask for more. But now I'm thinking about it again.
It's been two years, well, a little less since last I saw him. This week, two years ago, I was spending it with him and a bunch of other people at a camp in Tyler, Minnesota. It was awesome. I really enjoyed it, though it wasn't what I expected. But since then I haven't been able to go back. Partly it's because of the money, though I think that's just what I tell myself. She still goes, last I heard, and no matter what I couldn't face her again. Him, yes. Her, no. *sigh* I want to be able to get over this. I don't want to have this fear that she might pass on her accusations to someone else. I don't want to go through that again, especially since I want to foster kids--boys, specifically. At the same time I want to, well apologize, say 'hi.' Let things end on a better note than how they did. But I don't know how! Always before I have been able to go back, reconnect with those somebodies of my past. I'm talking to one of them now. But him, how do I contact him? How do I let this go before it makes me depressed and sick? I don't know. I just don't know. And like I said before, that scares me. It scares and bothers me, and I don't know how to face it.
It's been two years, well, a little less since last I saw him. This week, two years ago, I was spending it with him and a bunch of other people at a camp in Tyler, Minnesota. It was awesome. I really enjoyed it, though it wasn't what I expected. But since then I haven't been able to go back. Partly it's because of the money, though I think that's just what I tell myself. She still goes, last I heard, and no matter what I couldn't face her again. Him, yes. Her, no. *sigh* I want to be able to get over this. I don't want to have this fear that she might pass on her accusations to someone else. I don't want to go through that again, especially since I want to foster kids--boys, specifically. At the same time I want to, well apologize, say 'hi.' Let things end on a better note than how they did. But I don't know how! Always before I have been able to go back, reconnect with those somebodies of my past. I'm talking to one of them now. But him, how do I contact him? How do I let this go before it makes me depressed and sick? I don't know. I just don't know. And like I said before, that scares me. It scares and bothers me, and I don't know how to face it.