(Untitled)

[loopdeelou]

:Week Name/Date/Time: 'Sometimes You Just Can't Win'/ Saturday, September 23, 2006/ 1:15 PM
Location: The Infirmary
Open to: Brinley, Illiad, and a very disturbed Madame Pomfrey
Currently Involving:  Lou-boo!

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!

That was the noise Louvika Hawkin's brain made. It sounded, actually, a bit trainish. Intresting thought to ponder later, but

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[loopdeelou]

Well, you made do with what you had. And when you loved Brinley Watson, it was never *exactly* what you wanted. But you made do with it and you were happy to get just that. Compassion! Illiad wouldn't have been surprised if Brinley had ignored him, or complained himself about the cold and taken away his blanket. Still.

As Brinley spoke of Andrew however, a certain mantra came into Illi's head so very unlike his usual, "I am ice." It went something like this: "Killkillkillkill." Infact, he physically shivered with dislike, but put it off by pulling the cloak closer around him and snuggling into it. The pleasent scent of Brinley's cologne washed over him and he felt an odd sort of peace, the mantra vanishing from his mind.

He knew Andy and Lou were friends. How many times had he heard her blatering on about his idiot face during summer holidays? 'Andy-Pandy Frazer! Oh, Illi, he's just a positive dear! Look at the letter he sent me! HA! I just remembered this time-- oh, but you weren't there-- he said this thing, it was just so funny...'

"She's not my little friend," he said, in a voice barely above a hiss. But it was cool, and calm. Even if the very pit of his heart was boiling, Illiad kept that tone when around Brinley. He had a feeling Brinley would be very upset if he ever raised his voice or was insolent in tone.

And besides, a very Hawkins-ish part of his heart shouted out, it wasn't Frazer that hurt me, it was you.

Oh no, Illiad didn't even dare to attempt to summon the nerve to say that. Brinley was infallible, anyways.

"Can't help who your family is," he continued, softly. It was the truth, even if people like Illiad hated it.
"Louvika is mad, she always has been. She used to talk to lamp posts when we were kids and throw canned goods at our fat aunt," he explained, roughly. "Every family's got a crazy person."

Funny that Lou wa the crazy one, but Illiad was the one who was hated in this family.

[brinley_watson]

Sometimes Brinley was nearly human. In all honesty, giving Illiad his cloak and even draping it upon him was akin to pulling bloody teeth. He hadn't wanted to do it, but.. he was sick, whatever, and would likely run off and tell Lou that he had been so mean and really, would Lou believe a word he said if that was the case? No no. It was best if he at least tried somewhat to make his boyfriend happy.

Though that whole Andrew Frazer bit wasn't going to help.

"Hm," he replied, brow slightly quirking as he turned the page again. "Funny. She sure made it seem as if you two were the closest, perhaps even closer than the two of us. I'm not too sure that I like the sounds of that." Where was his stake? He needed a stake. And a hammer, as to get to work immediately on wedging the two apart. Though honestly, he knew that he'd rather Illiad not be around his cousin, but he couldn't really explain why. Maybe it was just because he didn't like her.. she had been a bitch to him, after all. Or maybe, and more likely, it was the fact that until that moment there in the room with Louvika, he thought that he had been Illiad's everything. He had just never realized that there were other people in Illiad's life. Sure, Brinley had a million in his own, but.. there were things that only his lover was allowed to hear about or know. Apparently that favour wasn't returned.

Yes. Brinley was jealous.

That never happened.

Illiad's comment about family actually made Brinley snort with a laugh. "Right. You're foolish, Illiad. They might forever be known as your family, but you at least get to chose which of them can be around you. There's no bloody law stating that you have to spend time with or even around the people from the same blood lines as you." Yes, if anyone knew, it'd be Brinley. "By far, there's no reason why you should have to spend time with relatives you don't like. Send them a Christmas gift and tell them to fuck the bloody hell off."

[homely_illiad]

Brinley apperently did not have the same sort of family that Illiad did. The Hawkins were impossible to keep away. Illiad had tried-- he'd bought padlocks, tons of them. He'd convinced Circe, his older sister, who was allowed to do magic since she no longer attended school and was over seventeen, to put hexes on his door during times when family was visiting. No such luck. He'd begged his parents to let him stay at home during the annual family camp out-- a time when hundreds of Hawkins from all over the world would be crowded in a couple of little cabins at some Scottish Loch. But of course, they'd said no. Family is important, Illiad, his mother had warned him sternly. She was usually one to take his side during these debates. They already say you're odd, his father had concurred. Being that you're in Slytherin and all... prove them wrong, son. Show them your stout Gryffindor heart!

Sometimes Illiad wondered if his father ever got into Louvika's dirigible plum collection, the way he believed in things that didn't exist.

"Really," he let his tone drawl a little when Brinley mentioned the fact that Lou said they were bffs. "Why would you believe her, Brinley?" he asked in a very quiet but very cool voice. "This is the girl who thinks Professor O'Dwyer is going to try to kill her...her head is full of nonsense, she does so many drugs," he sounded exhasperated, and he was. In a fight between Lou and Brinley, he would've ALWAYS picked Brinley.

Well, he'd figured he would.

He sat up and reached out to set his hand on Brinley's knee, eyes pleading. "You're my only. You've always been my only," he insisted, his grey eyes beautifully sad. He'd mastered the puppy dog eyes.

"I'm going to become of age on November fifth, you know," he said, taking his hand away quickly. "During the Christmas holidays...I... I don't know. I'll go home and collect my things, then tell them I don't ever want to see them again, or something." he looked down at his knees and his top lip twitched. He doubted that would stop Louvika.

[brinley_watson]

Oh no. Brinley's family was dramatically different. His Muggle father's family, robbed of the ability to know what their son married into, were kept away from the children. The majority of the five boys had threatened to tell them everything about the wizarding world if they were forced to meet, so to keep certain Wizard rules from being broken, his Mum & Dad had no choice but to keep the children away from them. Oh, the rules they'd break. At least three of the four would get themselves thrown in Azkaban and wouldn't mind it at all, especially if it meant they'd never have to see those disgusting creatures again.

Then there was his Mum's family. Old wizarding blood that ruined by the choice of a very, very stupid girl. For five years, they refused to even see the children, so horrified by what their daughter had done. Finally they did, but even then it was only to play a horrid game.. one that included turning children against their own parents and messing with their minds to the point that none of them were quite right. His grandparent's belief was that you couldn't choose who you were related to, but you could chose your 'family'. To Brinley, his 'family' included four of the five brothers, his Mother's parents, and various Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.. anyone that was as evil and twisted as him.

"Really," he replied, lip twisting into the sort of sneer he never showed Illiad. It was reserved for mudbloods, women, and, well, Andrew Frazer. "Oh, but she's so convincing. Knew all sorts of little details about you. Even knew how I made you feel and, oh right, mentioned that you apparently cry like a newborn babe any chance you have." With that, he flipped the page of his magazine again, tone still dry and drab, then finished with a simple "because of me."

Mmm, right. He had nearly forgotten that tantilizing detail.

Illiad was begging for his attention and finally, he got it. The book was discarded and he turned in his seat, cold, challenging blue eyes meeting their grey equals. "Have I? I might be the only boy you sleep with, Illiad, but am I the only one in your heart? Or do I share the space with a family of blood traitors and, most especially, a mudblood-fucking bitch that thinks she has the right to come into a room and tell me not only how you feel about me, but how I should treat you in return?" His brow quirked at his comment about possibly leaving home.. he'd play with that later. He still had a stake to drive here.

[homely_illiad]

Illiad didn't like that sneer. It tore him apart inside. He'd seen it used before, but never to him! That seemed almost unholy. Here he was, Brinley definate favorite, and he was recieving that sneer reserved for twits and prats! Had Louvika downgraded him that far in Brinley's mind? That girl... she was always meddling where she didn't need to be! Illiad felt a hot spurt of anger rise up in his chest. He clenched his fists and his cheeks flushed in a way that Brinley had probably never seen before. He was angry-- he was pissed!

"She's lying to you! She doesn't want us to be together, you know!" he said, his voice in a yelling whisper. "She thinks you hurt me, you're mean to me! But you're not!" that was a bit of a stretch. Brinley could be very, very mean. Now was a good example of it-- cutting Illiad off from his family? Even if he disliked that family so.

"And I don't cry!" what a lie. There were already hot tears of anger in the corners of his eyes.

"Please, Brinley..." his voice came in short gasps, the fierceness of his tone had obviously strained his little strength already. "...please don't believe her! She doesn't know what she's talking about, she never does! She doesn't know me...only you do! I promise... please, I promise you're the only one in my heart. I'll do anything!"

[brinley_watson]

That was one thing that anyone dealing with Brinley Watson positively had to understand. He was posessive and had never been the type to share his things. It was a bitter pill of hypocracy, as he'd never deal with anyone acting that way towards or about him in return, but it was how he operated. He didn't want anyone to be closer or mean more or anywhere near as much as he did to Illiad.

Perhaps he just wanted Illiad to be like him, turning his back on the family that didn't deserve him. Perhaps part of him even doubted that he had done the right thing with his Mum & her husband, and seeing someone else do it would just provide reassurance. It was terribly mean, yes, but he felt that it was justified... especially with Illiad reassuring him that he did not, in fact, want a thing to do with them.

Yeah, that part didn't help.

"Oh, yes you do," he replied, pointing a finger at those tears. "You've come close quite a few times at that, Illiad. Why do you lie to me? I hardly ever lie to you. I'd like to think that I deserve better." Well... it was true. Sort of. He might skirt about the details, but the basic skeleton of what he told his lover was generally right. "She has no reason to lie to me and here you are, lying right now. Why should I believe you, the liar that you are?"

Oooooh.

Hello, door of opportunity.

His last statement provided quite a lot to work with there. Brinley looked touched, pulling off the perfect face of shock. It was as if what Illiad had said was actually going straight to heartstrings though really, it got nothing more than a shove into the Manipulation Pot of Ammo. "I wish I could believe you, that I'm the only one in your heart," he replied softly, and even went so far as to lean forward as he brushed fingertips across his lover's cheek. "You'd do anything? What would you do to make me believe?"

[homely_illiad]

Illiad's entire being seemed to shake. How was he supposed to deal with this? He felt sincere anger with his eyes for betraying him in this fashion-- completely unfair. But then again, he had Hawkins eyes. No wonder that while he was betraying his family, they would betray him back. God, I'm becoming like her, he thought, ashamedly, cursing his own grief inspiried lunacy.

But what was this nosh about Brinley never lying?! Skirting the truth, in Illiad's opinion, counted as lying. You've probably just run into a bannister or something.... Those words filled Illiad's mind and heart and made him sick to his stomach. He'd always supported that lying, even made up the lies for him! But... Illiad was in no position to accuse Brinley of this. He was already in the dog house-- and he figured if he did anything else to upset the boy, he'd be dropped then and there. And how was he supposed to deal with that?

He wouldn't. He couldn't. He'd draw his wand and Avada Kedavra himself then and there. There wasn't anything worth living for without Brinley. Even if Brinley did make living hell sometimes.

"Brinley," he almost coughed the name, so upset was he. "Please, please..." his tiredness and weakness was beginning to show even more on his face. "I meant I didn't cry to her...I said I'd do anything! And I mean it!" the tears were falling thick and fast onto the white linin sheets across his knees. Brinley's cloak had slipped and fallen to the floor.

"...just tell me what you want me to do. Just tell me."

There. Complete relience on him. This way, Brinley couldn't even accuse him of plotting something himself-- he left it all to Brinley's hands. He was a pawn.

[brinley_watson]

Nooo, he wasn't lying by skirting about everything, he was merely showing how un-detail oriented he was! Telling the skeleton of what happened surely was better than not saying a thing at all! Besides, he rarely had to do that either. Illiad would lie for him, and no one could really be a liar by proxy.

Yes, Illiad was looking weaker and weaker by the moment. Part of him (small as it was) wanted to drop it all right then and there and let him go back to resting. But that part, love-filled and ignored wholeheartedly, was shoved aside. He had something to take care of and once it was all over, Illiad would sleep well again.

The most beautiful thing about their relationship, in Brinley's opinion, was the fact that with three words, everything would change and go his way. He had his choice of said three words, too. Two different sets: 'I love you' or 'I'm leaving you'. Either would accomplish the same things, though one took more personal sacrifice than the other and he wasn't willing to give himself up like that any time soon.

Dragging fingers settled against flesh as he cupped Illiad's cheek and immediately drew himself closer. His eyelids were heavy as he watched him through nearly-closed eyes and lips brushed lightly against the younger boy's chin. "I don't want you talking to her," he replied breathlessly. Ironic, the fact that for once he was actually being affectionate, but just had to twist and manipulate their situation while he did it. "If you loved me, Illiad, really and truly loved me, you'd come to me with all of your problems. You'd trust me to be your shoulder to lean on, not her. I want to be that person for you." Yes, since mocking him for those hard and strong emotions to his face was much, much easier.

[homely_illiad]

No more talking to Louvika? It could almost be called a blessing.

Almost.

No more talking to Louvika would mean that Brinley would love him again, really, truly love him. But no more talking to Louvika meant that he was down from three to two people he considered to love him in his mind. Louvika would be annoyed, possibly heart-broken that her favorite cousin wouldn't speak to her. And if that happened, his own mother would probably feel the same. His mother who had always championed him to his father and siblings. Two to one. But did it matter? Now he would only have Brinley, and no doubt that with this, Brinley's affections would double. It wasn't that hard to ignore Lou at Howgarts anyways. He did it most of the time to show his housemates he was good and loyal. It was, moreover, she that sought him out to talk! But she always knew when was exactly the right time to come. She always knew when I was hurting the most.

But it was the affection that did it. The physical affection. Brinley knew how to play his cards. The boy was starved for affection, physical most of all. His lips opened in the smallest gasp when Brinley drew himself closer and he felt himself leaning entirely on to him.

"I won't, I won't..." he mumbled, the hot tears in his eyes. "...I won't talk to her again, I promise, Brinley..." he mewled. "...I really love you, I swear I do," his voice cracked. He didn't quite understand what Brinley's intentions were. He had never felt like the sort of person for who Illiad would feel comfortable going to with an issue. And it was very likely that he would continue to feel that way-- he just simply couldn't imagine himself with his head on Brinley's knee, complaining about how his family just didn't care, or how this or that person had insulted him. It just didn't feel like Brinley would care.

But maybe I've misjudged him, he thought to himself, wildly. Maybe he does care. Perhaps I've just been silly in thinking I knew him completely.

"I won't speak to her again."

[brinley_watson]

Illiad didn't understand his intentions? Bloody hell, neither did Brinley.

All he knew was that he wanted Illiad to himself, as he always had. Again, he hated to share. Why he cared so much was a mystery even to him. Generally speaking, he really didn't care about a thing when it came to his lover and who his lover spent time with. But now, new mini-feelings and all taken into consideration, he actually sort of gave a bloody damn. Illiad was not only his toy, but his favourite toy. He didn't want anyone else to even look at it, better yet feel it's love and/or affection.

Mine.

The thought was fleeting and only flashed towards conscienceness briefly, but it was there.

Mine.

No, he likely wouldn't care much for Illiad's little problems or personal dramas. But sacrifice, a master manipulator had to recognize that every now and then, a sacrifice would have to be made. Yes, he'd sit there and listen to all those bloody issues. So long as Illiad would tell them only to him. And who knows, once eyerolling and grumbling over it was over, he might would even share his own problems. And they'd talk of them, helping one another through their problems and...

...Merlin, it would almost be like a -real- relationship...

...right, perhaps that was pushing it. But he'd at least play along, especially if it meant revenge on the snottish bint that thought she had the right to tell Brinley how to treat his own boyfriend. Apparently he was up for spinning quite a few webs at once! Satisfied with his answer, he pulled Illiad's chin down and moved lips to meet his own. "Good," he murmured, voice muffled with a gentle kiss.

[homely_illiad]

With that kiss, Illiad knew the deal was sealed. He let Brinley take whatever he wanted from it. No more talking to Louvika. Well. It wasn't much of a sacrifice, he supposed, now that he thought about it. But if he was planning on cutting off his ties with his family come Christmas, this might make it easier. Cut off the strongest one. But still...

He leaned into Brinley's kiss a little. He still couldn't imagine Brinley caring about what he talked about. But maybe... maybe all he had to do was take a couple of baby steps and get him into it. No, that would be for later. It wouldn't be worth it to try to cry on Brinley's shoulder now, especially when he was already so emotional. Even if Brinley would really care.

But he did know what Brinley cared about for sure. Feeling a sudden rush of strength to his bones, he gently slipped his arms up and around Brinley's shoulders to pull him leadingly on to him on the bed. He moved his kisses up a little and slipped his tongue past Brinley's lips.

If Brinley was still sore about missing Library Macking, he could have some Infirmary Macking to make up for it.

[brinley_watson]

Infirmatory Macking would have to wait. He had queued a comment that Illiad had made and expected more from it before things would go any further. But oh, did he make that kiss worth it. He had spent so much time bending and twisting his poor boyfriend that he knew what had to be done to get things secured. He threw his all into that kiss, even going so far as to tangle a hand into his hair and rise slightly from his seat. For once, it was passionate and wanting, not taking and demanding. Some odd sort of new kiss and Brinley knew exactly what he was doing by unleashing it at that moment.

Part of him wanted Illiad to feel it as the loving, hungry kiss that it was so that he would think that he loved him. Another part, small as it was (of course/as always), wanted him to know that he did in that sick, twisted way that the feeling was felt and shown.

But, with lips trembling the kiss broke and he pulled back just enough to look into his lover's eyes. "Tell me more about December," he thickly whispered. "Tell me all."

Hey, it was the first time he had heard of that! He had to ask.

[homely_illiad]

Illiad... didn't really know what more there was to say about December. Dissapointed that the kiss had only been a kiss, but sort of relieved that it had been (he was still mighty tired), he leaned back into the pillows and shut his eyes a moment, hands drifting down from Brinley's shoulders to the boys sides. He let one thumb caress the older boy slightly, still affectionate, almost begging for Brinley to return the favor.

"I...I don't want to live there anymore," he said, in a hoarse whisper. "I mean.." his eyes opened, looking into Brinley's again. "...I don't know where I'll go. But... as long as it isn't there, I think I'll be okay." He could return to Hogwarts for the holidays, he supposed. But the summer after that? Brinley would be out of school... maybe he'd be so allowing as to let Illiad stay with him wherever he was staying. A pleasent thought of them sharing a flat together, sleeping together every night... he felt his pulse quicken.

But it brought new issues, too. After Brinley graduated, there was no telling if he'd be loyal to Illiad when the boy was at school. In fact, he probably wouldn't be. I suppose I can just burn that bridge when I get to it, he thought, his lower lip twitching a little. He would have to plot this out, although it was going to be hard. But he had almost a year to do it in.

"There isn't any reason for me to be there. They," he referred to his elder siblings and his parents, "don't want me there. And I don't want to be there." His mother would probably die if he left. But no one else would bat an eyelash, except in thanks. They never really cared for him.

[brinley_watson]

As he spoke, Brinley half listened.. he was a bit preoccupied figuring out what his next move should be. All of these demands, oh, they had to make his boyfriend weary. He knew that if he pushed too hard, it would all be ruined. Surely Illiad could only take so much before he'd run. Brinley had decided that from then on, every push he made had to be backed up by reassurance, so said reassurance was exactly what he gave him. Eyes intently studying the younger boy, he kicked snakeskin boots off and climbed up into the bed with him.

It had been over three years now, hadn't it? He could make suggestions such as the one he was about to make, surely. Right, he didn't want to. But he sort of felt like he had to. Besides, having Illiad about and around him would mean that he'd have him.. all the time. It's what he wanted, wasn't it?

"You will and stay with me," he replied, hesitant and quiet as he took a position at Illiad's side. There was no 'You should' or 'Would you like to?'... no. He handed out demands, not suggestions. Besides, if he gave Illiad the option to say no, he might be tempted to do just that. One leg draped over both of the younger boy's and a hand propped his head up as the other went to run a fingertip across his jaw. "My Grandmother has asked that I come and stay with her and Grandfather until I get a position at the Ministry." Yes, it was easier to push their grandson into the path they wanted him to follow if he was there every minute of the day, available for their manipulations. There was no way they'd mind Brinley bringing along another person for them to twist. Illiad was the perfect candidate and in the meanwhile, it would keep their Grandson happy. Much like Brinley, they understood the balance that had to be maintained.

[homely_illiad]

Illiad felt his heart start to glow again. Stay with Brinley? Stay there, with him! Yes. Oh yes! Here was his reward for being a good boyfriend... he had a home and the arms of a warm lover to spend time with! And he's be staying with Brinley's grandparents, who he'd heard were proper purebloods. There wouldn't be any more talk of Illiad Hawkins being a lousey bloodtraitor around the Slytherin Common Rooms. No, now everyone would know how he'd eliminated the blood traitors from his life, replaced them with more apt candidates.

"I'd...I'd like that...thanks," he said, slowly, tucking his head under Brinley's chin. He might've treated it like it had been a question, but he was seriously relieved that it -had- been a demand. If it had only been offered, he wouldn't know if he could take it. Was it what Brinley wanted? Or was he just saying to to be nice? HAH. When did Brinley do that anyways? Illiad felt secure in the decision now, safe and warmed by the fact that Brinley had not only offered it but chosen to hop into the bed with it. It was always physical for him. But that was the way he wanted it.

Take that, Andrew Frazer! A deep part of his heart-- the part that was always so apt for getting extremely jealous-- rejoiced. He didn't ask YOU to live with him, you filthy mudblood.

He leaned up and pecked Brinley on the cheek in thanks. Remembering that Brinley hated that, he leaned closer and kissed him firmly on the mouth, too. He was definately going to have to be on his best behavior now. Brinley had something very important in his deck and he could take it away at anytime.

"Do you reckon they'll like me?" his shy insecurity showing through, Illiad turned a little pink at the very corners of his cheeks. He certianly hoped that Brinley's grandparents would like him... he might be related to a family of blood traitors, but he was a pureblooded as Salazar Slytherin himself.

[brinley_watson]

Exactly what he was shooting for there. Andrew Frazer hadn't been, and never would be offered a place in his home. Only Illiad.

No, Brinley would never offer anyone anything 'just to be nice'. Being nice really wasn't his thing, and thank goodness he realized this! If he said it, he meant it. Thankfully his lover knew and understood this completely. He might have... well, not been exactly honest in why, but that didn't matter. Point A met with Point D, and did B and C (so full of evil and greed) really matter in the great scheme of things? No no. Just that it began and ended, that's all that ever really mattered.

As for his grandparents, well. He did actually worry that they wouldn't let Illiad stay with them. They would, of course, but Brinley didn't know that they were as apt for pleasing their victims as he was so he did worry. If it didn't pan out, however.. well, they'd just have to find another place to stay. Illiad was going to be with him. He was Brinley's. One couldn't allow their favourite thing to go floating about the country with others, could they?

"They'll like you," he replied. "They like me and my brothers." Yes, Illiad was every bit as pureblooded as Salazar Slytherin and hey, he had to face it. Brinley was about as pureblooded as Voldemort himself, but that didn't keep his Grandparents from keeping him around. In fact, they would have been happier to have a pureblood walking about their hallways and under their wings. They'd also likely realize that turning Illiad towards the dark side would drag Brinley down with them for sure, as he was still the slightest bit wavering and they weren't completely convinced that he'd go absolutely evil in the end yet. Bloody hell, neither was Brinley! "And I like you. They couldn't not like you if I do. They like everyone I like, and they hate everyone I hate."