(Untitled)

[jackie_zhang]

Week Name/Date/Time: "Lost and Found" / Wednesday, November 16th, 2005 / 1:03 pm
Location: Owlery
Open to: Adrien
Currently Involving: Jackie

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[adrienbennet]

He looked thoughtful at this. That was true. It was lucky that people hadn't heard about his little encounter with Jackie. He wouldn't hear the end if it it people had. "It's a good thing you haven't told anyone or else..." He trailed off, turning slightly to glance out the window. His words were an odd mix of a threat and a thank you and it was close to impossible to determine which one he intended. Maybe both. That seemed like the easiest solution.

“Yes, it’s thrilling, isn’t it?” He seemed distracted somehow. Distant. Wary would have been a better adjective but he couldn’t let her know that. She had caught him in some rare moment of weakness and he was terrified at the thought of the power it gave her. She had seen a different side of him, one that he had tried his hardest to hide, and it wasn’t a secret that she was close with most of his enemies. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if she told.

It never occurred to him that he was overreacting. No one would bat an eye if they had known Niki’s death had affected him but he didn’t seem to realize that. And Jackie hadn’t told and chances are, she wouldn’t. He knew that. After her whole talk about caring people, he understood that she wouldn’t go around spreading stories about him just for the hell of it. Now, maybe if he did something to deserve it so would but so far, he hadn’t done anything that would justify such actions.

If anything, that bothered him more. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t- couldn’t, maybe- dangle this over him. Had it been Charlie or Blaze he had found him, he was positive that they would have used the situation to their advantage but not Jackie. And he wanted to know why.

People are always afraid of the unknown, right?

This conversation was the last thing he wanted to happen. He couldn’t seem to force himself to resort back to sarcastic banter or petty flirtation so what did he have left? He bit back a sigh, coming to the conclusion that he could at least pretend that everything was alright, that he was perfectly capable of acting normal around her. He wasn’t going to ask her about what had happened between them. Maybe if he ignored it, it would be like it never happened.

He finally turned back to her, meeting her gaze. “She merely screeched at me and asked foolish questions,” he told her, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Her wand wasn’t even drawn. I lucked out, yeah?” He bit his lip to hold back a question though it made him look almost like a child. “Is she alright?” The question came unbidden anyway, despite his efforts to keep it locked behind his lips. He hadn’t wanted to act like he cared but he ended up doing just that.

[jackie_zhang]

((*grumble*unable to change icons through email -- she really isn't smiling! ;D))

Jackie blinked at his words. "It's a good thing you haven't told anyone or else..." Or else what? He'd be the laughing stock of Hogwarts? Even if no one would really care that he had been vulnerable about Niki's death, she was sure the Gryffindors would have blown it all out of proportion. And she would be lectured in the evils of Slytherins and sternly told never to talk to any of them. So, she shrugged. "Why would I tell anyone?" She was curious. There would be no reason for her to mention their conversation. It didn't concern anyone else.

It was a good thing he was pretending everything was all right. Or else Jackie might find herself giving him another hug, and that wasn't something she really wanted to repeat. So, it was good she wasn't entirely perceptive in his actions and that she didn't know him well enough to figure out he was pretending. Silly girl. She had to keep repeating to herself that hugs didn't solve everything... even if they temporarily made everything disappear. But if he started breaking down again, she would be back to that damned caring feeling again.

"All right?" Jackie blinked, a little surprised he asked about Tati's welfare. "You mean about you and her sister? Or about everything else? To the first, I think she's fine. I mean... when hasn't she despised Adriana?" She sighed. "To the second though, yeah, she's as peachy as ever." Although to call Tati 'peachy' would probably earn a glare from the girl herself. Good thing, Jackie could soothe her by letting her perform makeovers on her. It seemed to brighten the other girl's mood even if it wasn't Jackie's cup of tea. She giggled. "I guess... if you dumped Adriana, she might feel better. Karma and all." Although karma would be Adriana dumping him (as he did to Tati), Tatiana's feeling for her sister preceded her dislike for him - so she probably would feel better if Adrien did the dumping himself.

[adrienbennet]

That was a very good question. In fact, it was so good of a question that he was going to ignore it! Because that makes perfect sense. No, he didn't really feel like going on about why she would want to tell some of her housemates about it so he let the subject drop.

He might have smacked her if she tried to hug him again. She might be able to get away with it once but not twice! ...well, fine. He needed it the first time but he wasn't that far gone now. No, he certainly didn't need to be pitied by random 5th year Lions.

"She's peachy? Really now. I don't think I would have ever thought about using that word to describe her. More power to you, then." Well, she was alright. That was good. He had known that she wasn't all weepy or anything- and that he could be thankful for- but she had seemed ready to kill him last time they had met.

He couldn't help himself from practically snorting at Jackie's suggestion. Not because the idea of him dumping Adriana was absurd- though he didn't really think that it would make Tati feel much better- but just because Adriana and he were so fake. "That would be completely useless. Our 'relationship' is nothing short of a joke, really." 'Superficial' was the first word that came to mind when thinking about it. Granted, quite a few of Adrien's relationships in the past had been completely superficial, but this seemed to take the cake just because he was well aware that he was being used. He just didn't care.

What he wanted to know was why he was telling Jackie this. Well, it wasn’t really top secret but it seemed like an odd thing to confess to someone who was practically a perfect stranger. Maybe it was just odd because it was honest and honest was something that Adrien rarely was.

[jackie_zhang]

Jackie didn't pay attention to the fact that Adrien ignored her first question. It could have been thought of as rhetorical, and though she was curious why he would think she would tell anyone, she didn't press the issue.

And she never thought hugging was a sign of pity. She always thought hugging was comforting. A gesture of caring. And it usually made people feel better. She would be surprised if he smacked her for doing such a thing. She thought he was the type to like physical contact. Or was that only for snogging? She would be so confused.

Then he said 'more power to you' for what? Using the term 'peachy'? Jackie would giggle if she thought about it, but she didn't. She merely shrugged at his response, figuring that he accepted her opinion of Tatiana. "I think I know what adjectives you would use to describe Tatiana... probably most not used in civilized conversation, but 'peachy' works as well as any other..."

However, when he snorted and revealed to her that his relationship with Adriana was a joke, she looked a little confused. "Completely useless?" She blinked. "I don't understand what you... oh..." She nodded, trying to understand. "Purely physical...? Or just for show and tell...?" That would make sense. She really didn't know either person very well, and she only knew Adrien through Charlie and Blaze's rants, and Adriana through Tatiana's tirades. She had hoped each of them would have some substance under their exterior personas, but she wasn't going to try to dive into that right here and now. Still, she was curious... "But... why would you want to be in a relationship that's a joke?" Was the snogging really that wonderful?

[adrienbennet]

By this point, he had given up on the conversation fading away so he was doing his best to act normal. Maybe if he pretended that she was someone else or that he had never broken down in front of her, he would be fine. Or maybe not. Well, it was worth a shot.

He feigned an offended look at her remark. "I'm hurt, love. Really am I. To think that you think so little of me..." Jackie's assumption was quite wrong in any event. To describe her wellbeing, he would have used something boring like 'well' or 'alright' and last he checked, those were perfectly acceptable terms to use.

He looked rather taken aback by her question but upon further reflection, he realized that it wasn't really too surprising. He should have guessed that she would want some sort of explanation. "What if that bloke you like- the Head Boy, was it?- asked you out just to make you happy?" It seemed like a stupid thing to do but it seemed like a Puff-ish act. And of course Adrien knew about Gabe; most of Slytherin knew by now, thanks to the wonderful snooping skills of his yearmate. "You'd agree, wouldn't you? And that relationship wouldn't be entirely real, now would it?" On second thought, he wasn't sure she would say yes if it ever happened.

"Well, I suppose they're rather different situations," he continued, looking thoughtful. "Same general idea though, no?" he shrugged. "But I suppose with us, it's a bit of both. Not like it's any of your business, really. I don't know why I'm bothering talking to you at all." He sighed and was quiet for a moment. "You and me? We're very different people. I don't really do relationships so being in one that's rather fake doesn't bother me in the least. But I don't know. It's easier with Adriana than it is with Tatiana and I can almost overlook the fact that she's just using me to get back at her sister. You know?" He paused, surveying her for a moment. "No, I don't suppose you do. Never mind then."

[jackie_zhang]

Of course, Adrien could do the whole 'ignoring' bit that he used to do in front of her, and Jackie wouldn't have minded. In retrospect, she would be surprised that the conversation had lasted this long, but if he kept talking to her, she would keep talking to him.

When he looked offended by her remark, she wasn't quite sure what to make of it and of him. "Last time I thought more of you, you didn't seem quite thrilled by it." She referred to their previous conversation of thinking he'd be man enough to dye his hair pink. "And I would think you wouldn't care what I thought of you to begin with..."

Jackie was taken aback when Adrien threw Gabe in her face. She didn't expect him to know, since they obviously traveled in different social circles. Then again, it wasn't surprising that he knew. After all, she could thank the rumors for that. If she was labeled the 'cry baby' at Gabe's 'disregard of her feelings', then she supposed it was a reputation that she had to live with. "I..." She cleared her throat, feeling a slight blush rise in her cheeks. "If he had done that, after the fact - meaning that I already knew he didn't reciprocate my feelings, then I would have thanked him for the gesture and told him he didn't need to do that..." She looked at him curiously. "You mean Adriana asked you out just to make you happy?" She blinked in surprise. She hadn't known he actually liked her before... but then that would mean he liked her while he was dating Tatiana... and that wasn't good at all.

"I'm really not sure why you're talking to me either..." She shrugged. The conversation had just started with her asking how he was doing. She didn't expect for it to branch into their relationships with other people. "You're right though... we are very different people. I... don't know if I'd comfortable living a lie. So... I guess I admire you for that. The not caring bit. It must come in handy..."

[adrienbennet]

That's true. She should have learned by now that he could never admit that she was right though. "You can never please a Snake," he informed her. "You should have realized that by now." Did he care about what she thought? He liked to think he didn't. The truth in that statement was debatable but he chose to ignore that.

"You're blushing," he pointed out, sounding rather amused. "How cute." Well, if she cried over him, it certainly made sense that just his name brought a blush to her cheeks. He tilted his head to one side, eying her curiously. "You'd turn him down?" While he had acknowledged the possibility that she would give that as a response, he hadn't really expected it. "But being with him would make you happy and if he bothered to ask you in the first place, he obviously couldn't mind too much. 'Sides, don't think he'd object to being with a pretty little bird like yourself." To each his own, he supposed. And it wasn't like Gabe was actually asking her out- not that he knew of, anyway- so it didn't really matter in any event.

"But like I said," he continued, turning the conversation back to himself. Adrien always did prefer talking about himself rather than talking about others. Self centered? Of course. "Very different situations. The last reason she would ask me out is to make me happy. She did it to hurt her sister," he told her, sounding like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And in his opinion, it was. The Winter Sisters' hatred for one another was fairly well known so it made perfect sense for Adriana to try and ruin his relationship with Tatiana.

He arched a brow. She admired him? How interesting. "It's terribly handy," he agreed. "I wouldn't have expected you to say as much though, after your tirade about how much you cared. You sounded like you absolutely adore caring about people. What, have you realized that being selfless doesn't help you in the least bit?" Despite his best efforts, he couldn't keep the almost mocking tone out of his voice. "Has all of your caring actually gotten you in trouble?"

No, he wasn't interested. Really! ...Suuuure

[jackie_zhang]

"I see..." Jackie nodded, and then turned around to ask, "Is that why you jump from relationship to relationship? Because you're never pleased?"

She wasn't sure how to respond to his notice of her blushing. Thank him for pointing out the obvious? Well, that would be a snide remark, and she hadn't been feeling sarcastic. Surprised, maybe. A little uncomfortable, perhaps. But she wasn't quite defensive, and being defensive would have brought out the sarcasm. Instead, she answered his question with a nod. "Yes, I would." She sighed and tried to explain. "You see... well, maybe you don't... but anyways, it wouldn't make me happy. Knowing that he was pretending. Because I know how I am. And I would be insecure, forever questioning if it was real or not... So, no. I wouldn't date him knowing that he didn't like me like that."

Did he just flirt with her? Or paid her a compliment? Jackie wasn't sure, as guys (except for Sly maybe) rarely ever flirted with her. So, she didn't respond to the 'pretty little bird' remark.

Jackie did nod again, agreeing with the remark about Adriana and Tatiana. Their hatred was still hard for her to understand, but she supposed since she only had a brother (who she loved very much) and didn't have a sister to experience that sibling rivalry with (well... Charlie was the closest thing she had to a sister and they didn't fight over things like that), she probably would never understand it. "So... you're just a willing participant? You... don't mind being a... bauble, a shiny toy, that they fought over?"

"Oh... I still care about people, and I like caring." Jackie corrected. "It's just a part of my personality that I can't change, and if I didn't like it, I would in effect be hating myself... which I don't. I just meant that I sometimes wish I could turn it off. So, I wouldn't have to care when I don't want to. I mean... my caring didn't really help you, right? I should only care about my friends and forget about everybody else, right?"

[adrienbennet]

Blink. That was...unexpected. Was she actually being serious? Oddly enough, she seemed to be. "My reputation proceeds me, then, yeah?" he teased as he tried to formulate a response. "I suppose that factors in a bit but I just don't see the point of a long term relationship. I'm 17; I shouldn't be tied down by some girl looking for a soul mate." While it was a horribly generic and predictable thing to say, he was still surprised by why he was telling her in the first place. He supposed it was because she had already seen him so vulnerable; acting around her seemed so useless.

And maybe it was nice being honest and serious for once in his life.

"And hey, if you're attractive enough to get away with it, why not?" he couldn't help but ad, lips curling into a smirk.

Well, at least he was being slightly serious with her.

"So you're saying that you couldn't be happy knowing that he wasn't?" Adrien asked, frowning slightly. He seemed to miss everything after 'pretending' but he didn't really care. "That's..." That's what? He couldn't seem to find the right word. "Admirable? I've never felt that way before. I don't think I ever could."

A bauble? A toy? He nearly winced at all of that. "I would mind more if I really cared about one of them but as it is, I don't completely object. I think I just like the idea of Adriana and me. Like I said, it's easier with her. For starters, she's in my house so I don't have to worry about what my housemates will think. And it's just so much less complicated with her. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to her because I know she doesn't care about me or us. It's just... Adriana thought I was important enough to Tati- that I was actually worth something to her- to actually try something with me. It just... I don't know, makes me feel powerful."

He had to look surprised by his words. He hadn't expected to share this much. He hadn't said most of that to his friends to it was difficult to believe that he was telling all of his to her.

"I never said it didn't help me," he answered slowly, speaking almost cautiously. It was an uncharacteristic thing to say but maybe he was just feeling daring. And he had already shared so much so what was the harm?

Though if Charlie or Blaze ended up hearing about all of this, he was going to kill the lot of them.

"Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with caring about other people. If no one cared about others, I'm sure our world would cease to function. But I don't think it's good for you. You're just giving so much thought and attention to other people... what's left for yourself? What can I say? I suppose I believe in being selfish; I think your life and needs should come before others. Does that make me a horrible person or something?"

[jackie_zhang]

"Like you said... we're very different people." Jackie nodded, and then she sighed. "I actually understand... about the fact that you're young... well, we all are... and that you shouldn't need to find a soul mate now. Especially when most people don't find their soul mates until they're much older... But I guess... it's just the feeling... about being in love. Because when you're in love, you think that person is your soul mate. And when you're young... and idealistic... well, I guess you're not idealistic but... when you're young and you fall for someone for the first time... it opens a whole new world of feelings... Maybe it's more of a sense of belonging..."

She chuckled slightly as he complimented himself. Well, that wasn't something new, and she didn't need to add her opinion to that, did she?

"Well... I'd rather live with an honest relationship than with a lie." Jackie shrugged. "Because a lie will just hurt more in the end. Like a tumor that keeps growing until it eats you alive. I'd rather hurt now than later. And... you might surprise yourself. You never know..."

"Oh... so... it's about power..." Jackie nodded, trying to understand. That would make sense. It was, after all, one of the principles of the Slytherin House. "Then... it's good that you know the position you're in and that you accept it."

She looked surprised at his next words. She thought surely he would agree with her. That caring about people sucked! And that she should stop! She looked a little confused though. "So... um... caring is good... but not for me?" Jackie scratched her head. "And no, you're not a horrible person for being selfish. I mean everyone is selfish... but to different extents. It's a part of human nature." Although she really couldn't think about the last time she was ever completely selfish. "And I do care about myself... not always... but sometimes. And I have friends who care about me too... so it's not completely one-sided. I don't know..."

[adrienbennet]

Ha. Adrien idealistic? That's a good one. "Well, there's my problem right there," he responded, a hint of sarcasm slipping into his words. "I've never felt that way. Maybe if I had, I'd feel differently. But frankly? It doesn't sound too appealing, feeling like you're in love." He had seen countless love-struck students and he didn't like the idea of acting like that one bit. To have your whole happiness depended on the feelings of one person, to be so open and trusting with said person, to have that risk of being so hurt... No, he'd pass.

"Look how it ended up with you." It was a low blow, he knew, but as usual, he had found it impossible to keep his mouth shut. From what he had heard, Jackie had been a complete wreck over Gabe though she failed to mention that and the other downsides to his whole 'love' business so he felt obligated to point it out.

He sighed. "I suppose." In some relationships, a lie really could make things worse and the situation he had come up with for her seemed to fit. "I think I'm safe though." How could he be hurt if he didn't care? He saw no way that he could end up being hurt. Well, maybe if Tatiana decided to seek revenge but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

He answered with a nod though it seemed as if Jackie hadn't completely understood. Well, he doubted that she would have. It must have been a completely foreign explanation. He let the subject drop, not wanting to linger any longer on the subject of him and his rather screwed up relationships.

"No, I don't mean you personally," he corrected, shaking his head. "I mean... you plural. As in everyone." How's that for a crap explanation? Only sometimes? He couldn't imagine that; he couldn't even think of a situation where he wasn't thinking about himself. Yes, he was pretty much the text-book example of 'selfish.'

He was still curious about her sudden desire to 'turn off' her caring. When he had first met her, he wouldn't have believed that that was something she would even consider. But now that he knew, he wanted to know why. Why the subject had shifted slightly, that didn't stop Adrien from asking. The way he saw it, he had been open enough with her so he deserved some kind of explanation and answer to his questions.

"Why do you have this sudden desire to stop caring sometimes? It didn't seem to be on your agenda the first time I actually spoke with you. Does it have something to do with the Head Boy?" That made sense. She cared so strongly about him and then to learn that he didn't feel the same? That must have put a damper on things.

[jackie_zhang]

"I guess if you ever find yourself in that position, you'll... understand?... what I'm talking it about," Jackie said. "It's... a bit hard to explain since there really isn't anything you can compare it to." She could try comparing it to physical pleasures like snogging and whatnot, but as she had no experience in that field, she couldn't relate to it.

"How it ended with me?" she echoed, trying to grasp the meaning behind his words. Oh, of course! The rumors! "Oh... you mean about the crying and being a wreck?" She giggled at that. "I actually didn't cry... and I wasn't too badly traumatized." She smiled, and then shrugged. "But you can continue believing that if you want to... or if you want to think I'm lying to you about it because honestly, no one would actually admit to it if it were them, go right on ahead." She didn't feel she needed to convince him, since they weren't exactly friends.

"Of course, there's always ups and downs to being in love. It goes with the risk of putting yourself out there." Jackie continued. "But since you're fine and you feel safe with your relationship with Adriana, more power to you."

"It's actually not a sudden desire to stop caring..." She admitted. "I know my caring has always been my... downside, I guess you could call it. I mean... there were times when I was talking to you before, that I knew I should've left... but I didn't. Because I thought... well..." She sighed. "I didn't want to leave you when you were... the way you were." She didn't want to say 'vulnerable' as it probably wouldn't be taken kindly.

Jackie shifted in her steps as he brought up Gabe again. She wasn't sure if she should talk to him about Gabe, but since he had been honest about his relationship with Adriana, she thought maybe it would be okay. "As for the Head Boy, I... I would like to change my feelings about him naturally." There was no use in denying that she had told him that she had liked him; that part of the rumor was true. "I... can't force him to return my feelings, and I'd like to go back to how I felt about him before - which is just as 'friends' and nothing more." She paused in reflection. "Still, it's not all about him. It's about me, too."

((sorry, Ali! for flooding your inbox with multiple replies. I think this is it!))

[adrienbennet]

"Maybe," he answered, shrugging. He was still hoping that he wouldn't have to know what she meant first-hand. Maybe when he was older, it would be more appealing but at the moment, it was the last thing he wanted to experience.

She was giggling? That seemed like an odd reaction. He frowned at her, looking rather confused. Upon hearing her explanation, he gave a weak "oh." He cocked his head to one, trying to determine if he believed her. "I believe you," he concluded. She was right- it was something that someone would lie about. But he didn't really have a reason to doubt her. In both of their conversations, she seemed to be completely honest so he didn't think she would change now.

"I am and I do," he answered resolutely, sounding a bit defensive; she hadn't sounded entirely convinced by his words. "What's the worst that could come out of it? There's no reason to be worrying about it."

Downside? It seemed like a reasonable thing to consider a weakness. He said nothing as she brought up their previous meeting. So much for pretending that it never happened. Still, that didn't mean that he had to address it. He was perfectly happy not talking about it and not mentioning that he was glad that she had stayed, that she had cared.

"Then why don't you just stop caring about it?" How hard could it be? Not that he would know, of course, but it didn't sound like an impossible task. "Cut it off with him, find someone else to like... Move on. Why do you keep pining over him?"

[jackie_zhang]

Jackie blew the wisps of her bangs off her forehead, trying to think. "Well... you've had many relationships, right? So, you'll probably be in a good position to answer this. How... how does it feel like to snog someone? Is it different with every person?" She angled her head, looking at him with curiosity in her eyes. "I'm trying to see... if it would be something to compare what being in love feels like..."

She blinked, a little surprised that he chose to believe her. She didn't think he would, but if he said he did, she thought he did. There really would be no reason for him to lie about believing her, would there? "Um... thanks."

"The worst?" Jackie looked at him. "Well... if you were to actually like Adriana... then she would be in the position to hurt you if she broke it off. I... I don't think you'd intentionally give her the power to do that... but sometimes feelings have a way of happening outside of our control." She cleared her throat. "But if you're not worried about it, that's good. I... wouldn't want you to get hurt..."

When he told her to stop caring, she blinked at his tone. "I'm trying!" she claimed. "I really am trying! I... I just don't know how to..." Her voice faded. "And I can't just 'cut if off' as you say. You've heard the rumors... probably more than I have. You know what they're saying. I can't abandon him when they aren't true. I have to stand by him... because I... he... he's still special to me..." She gave a defeated sigh. "And I... I don't know who else to like. You make it sound easy. But there isn't anyone else that I... well, that would like me anyways."

[adrienbennet]

Wait, what? Was she actually asking him about snogging of all things? Well, he didn't see that one coming. And he didn't really know what to say to her. How do you describe what snogging someone is like? "So you haven't snogged anyone before?" he asked, sounding rather amused. He really shouldn't be surprised; if she liked the Head Boy of all people, she probably wouldn't be the random hook up type of person. "I could always help you," he offered, raising a brow suggestively as his lips curled into a smirk.

Ew, wait, no. That would be disgusting and wrong. Not to mention that Charlie would probably pull out his intestines through his nose or something.

MOVING ON. "Uh, I don't know. It's different with every person, I suppose. I'm not really sure it's comparable to love." At least not his experiences, anyway.

"While I appreciate your concern, I can't get hurt if I don't care." Besides, he was expected her to break it off soon anyway. He didn't think it would last forever so he wouldn't be at all surprised or upset if their relationship ended suddenly.

Yep, he certainly had heard the rumors. It had been quite the topic of discussion lately. "He has other friends," Adrien pointed out. "He doesn't need you specifically to help him." He couldn’t help but be a little annoyed by her acting like she was the only one who could comfort him. He was bound to have plenty of other friends who could do the job. Besides, it wasn't like that rumor was the end of the world. So what if people were saying he was dating the Head Girl? Eventually people would start talking about other things and life would move on.

Adrien sighed, expression softening slightly. "If you keep insisting on staying close to him, you're only going to get hurt. It's always the ones you care about who harm you the most. No one else can hurt you like he can." He just couldn't see why she was staying in a relationship that was doing her only harm. "You can't stay friends with someone you really like if the feeling's not mutual. It simply will not work."

[jackie_zhang]

"No, I haven't..." Jackie answered. She really didn't see any embarrassment in answering in the negative. Well, there was that one time with Devon, but he was drunk, it was a pass, and she slugged him. But when Adrien smirked, she shook her head. She really needed to word her questions better. "Uh... thanks, but I don't think so..."

If he didn't think snogging would compare to love, she wasn't sure how to compare it either. She just thought she'd try to put it into words if he described the feeling.

"Yes, he has other friends who can support him. He doesn't need me specifically. It's just... messy, that's all." Did she make it seem like she was the only one? She didn't mean to. "I... I just meant that since I'm a part of the rumor..." she sighed. "And he's a part of the rumor... that people will think it's true if I get 'upset' and stop talking to him..." Another sigh. "I don't care if I'm labeled the crybaby or whatever. I've been called much worse just for being a Gryffindor. But the rumor is much more damaging to his reputation. Even if it disappears, the damage would have already been done. So, I'm trying... to lessen it, I guess."

"I know..." Jackie looked at him, before staring at the ground. She took a deep breath. "I... had hoped I'd get past the feelings, that they'd change back, but so far, they haven't. He's one of my closest friends... but you're right. I... I think once the rumors blow over, I won't really be seeing him as much anymore..."

She looked back at him. "Is that why you don't want to care? Because those people will end up hurting you in the end?