=/
don't even fucking bother reading this unless you care. I don't want to hear anything about this later, or any bitching from you about my attitude and shit. I want help, and that is all. So, if you can't handle that, don't bother reading this.
Okay, maybe you've noticed that I haven't been posting much. I don't feel like talking much. I don't feel like feeling much. I can't explain it, I can't explain anything, I feel so lost. I'm sure you know what it feels like to want to give up so bad, but I can't, I can't give up, I just keep dragging all this guilt and shame around and I know that eventually it will build up, and I will burst. I'm so lost. I wish there was some way I could magically turn on a light, and the path'll be right there in front of me but it's not, and it will never be. The wounds of the idle never heal, you've gotta fix it yourself, there's nobody to kiss your scraped knees and tell you that it will be okay. There is nothing I can do to help you, there is nothing anyone can do to help you, likewise...there is nothing anyone can do to help me, nothing you can do to help me. I'm sick of it all, I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of feeling guilty. I'm sick of being a good person. I'm sick of being so FAKE. I just wanna throw it all away, I can't do this anymore, I can't put up with this anymore. And you might be asking yourself what's wrong with me. Everything. It might be easier to answer what's NOT wrong with me. I can't say it's not you, because it very well might be. I can't say it's not me, because it is me. Breathing even seems wrong right now. I just wanna hold my breath and my tears and erase everything. I wanna start over. There is no turning back. There is no starting over. Nothing's good enough for anyone. I wish there was some magical way of pleasing everyone...I know it's selfish to wish for my own happiness but...I dunno what I want anymore. I guess just for someone to tell me it'll be okay. I guess.
Okay, maybe you've noticed that I haven't been posting much. I don't feel like talking much. I don't feel like feeling much. I can't explain it, I can't explain anything, I feel so lost. I'm sure you know what it feels like to want to give up so bad, but I can't, I can't give up, I just keep dragging all this guilt and shame around and I know that eventually it will build up, and I will burst. I'm so lost. I wish there was some way I could magically turn on a light, and the path'll be right there in front of me but it's not, and it will never be. The wounds of the idle never heal, you've gotta fix it yourself, there's nobody to kiss your scraped knees and tell you that it will be okay. There is nothing I can do to help you, there is nothing anyone can do to help you, likewise...there is nothing anyone can do to help me, nothing you can do to help me. I'm sick of it all, I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of feeling guilty. I'm sick of being a good person. I'm sick of being so FAKE. I just wanna throw it all away, I can't do this anymore, I can't put up with this anymore. And you might be asking yourself what's wrong with me. Everything. It might be easier to answer what's NOT wrong with me. I can't say it's not you, because it very well might be. I can't say it's not me, because it is me. Breathing even seems wrong right now. I just wanna hold my breath and my tears and erase everything. I wanna start over. There is no turning back. There is no starting over. Nothing's good enough for anyone. I wish there was some magical way of pleasing everyone...I know it's selfish to wish for my own happiness but...I dunno what I want anymore. I guess just for someone to tell me it'll be okay. I guess.