Accidental Video (1st eva?)
[It's dark in the room. It's late. By all rights, Magnus should be sleeping upstairs, but he can't sleep. Instead, he's in the kitchen, looking over his old invitations list for the party he never seems to get around to throwing. But he does come back to the invite list time and again, which is why it currently looks like crap, so many names
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[Then Jace had left, and Alec had pushed what had happened between Draco and Magnus aside because he was so afraid of losing the warlock, too, and having no one. But it'd been gnawing at the back of his mind for some time, and now he realized the reason he hadn't said anything was because he was waiting for Magnus to come clean about the whole thing. He wanted to hear it from his boyfriend... and at the same time, he wanted to hear that it meant nothing. But based on Magnus's behavior, it did mean something. And Alec's heart was suddenly in his stomach. It took everything in his power to keep his voice from cracking.]
Oh yeah? Why'd you get into a fight with him?
[ooc: Sorry. Asked one of the mods about the interactive dream thing. If you don't like this, I'll change it. Just let me know.]
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Trying to play back their brief convo earlier, Magnus wasn't even sure how shock segwayed into amusement, and then to hate/hurt, but it had. Draco had ceased to be someone he trusted or even liked in three seconds flat, and the door closed for Magnus. Closed hard and it was still ringing in his head.
Anger was a clever distraction. Anger was easy and detached. The fact that Draco had wounded him rather than merely pissed him off, that was a difficult pill to swallow. Precious few people had that power.
"He said some shitty things, which... he always does, but not to me. Not like that."
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He swallowed hard. "Why?" he asked, still forcing his voice into that decidedly neutral tone that almost made his jaw and throat ache. "Why did he hurt you, Magnus?"
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"I guess I wounded his pride, so he wounded mine," Magnus replied, with another mean tug on his hair. "That's how you take someone down in a fight, isn't it? You find their weak spot."
Draco was an asshole. Magnus could be too. But despite their thick skin, they knew each other well enough by now to grasp how to draw blood in an instant, to hurt when they wanted to. And they had.
...but why was he telling Alec all this? He didn't expect pity from Alec. He didn't want Alec to feel bad for him.
The fact that Alec was even trying made Magnus feel like a bastard, more of an ass fuck than Draco had been. Magnus was def worse.
Looking up at length, Magnus saw the tension in Alec's face, focused on his erratic heartbeat and the heat rising to the surface of his skin. Magnus stared at him and released his grip on his own hair, turning properly to face his boyfriend.
"You know."
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He swallowed again, fingernails digging into his palms as he fought to stay calm.
"No, I don't know, Magnus. Why don't you tell me."
Tell me, Alec willed. Tell me what happened. Tell me things are going to be okay between us and that it didn't mean anything.
He willed it to happen, knowing he only had about another minute till he lost his composure completely.
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Even though he had lied by omission, even though he had feared the possibility of this very conversation ever taking place, Magnus tried stand his ground, and give Alec the straight truth, ugly and hurtful though it was without any sort of dilution.
"We made out. More than once. It started when we were trapped in the Warehouse and I tried to conjure something. The use of magic made me sick and cold, and Draco came and brought me clothes. He tried to keep me warm when I needed it, and we ended up kissing. Then we pretended it hadn't happened when we got out. I tried to write it off as...weakness and delirium. But then, it happened again in the dream when we both had some faery wine. Not that the alcohol can be blamed. I'm sure I initiated it. I have a high tolerance for alcohol, but not...pretty boys with absolutely no inhibitions."
Magnus bit his lip again, sharp teeth tearing into the flesh. "We've been doing this dance for a while, teasing each other and mocking each other, and playing games. But the music stopped and I realized how much I've fucked up. I went to see him tonight to tell him we couldn't play the game anymore, that a few kisses with him isn't worth losing everything with you. But I've already pushed too far, haven't I?" the last part seemed rhetorical. Magnus finally glanced away, his face warming.
He released his broken lip, glancing over at the dreamberry, as if to make sure it wasn't still recording.
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Alec knew he'd audibly sucked in breath at that comment. He hadn't realized just how long this had been going on for. Or maybe he had... and he had simply been trying to tell himself it wasn't true, it wasn't going on.
And now he couldn't ignore it.
He closed his eyes as Magnus's words washed over him, each one like a stab in the heart.
You knew it would be like this, idiot. Were you expecting something different?
He was sure his face was contorted in pain.
"I saw it, you know," he said, his voice finally breaking, the neutral, steady tone reduced to a mere broken whisper as he opened his eyes. Magnus wasn't looking at him. "I saw what happened in your dream between the two of you. You like him, don't you? If you didn't like him... if it was just a fling, you wouldn't be so hurt over all of this, Magnus, would you?"
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But it wasn't exactly as Alec thought. He had been shitty, yes. Magnus had let it go on far too long, without ever letting the guilt or the sense of...loyalty and trust Alec had in him prevent the warlock from doing exactly what his body wanted to do. His better judgement and his heart had played no part in it. That was the only saving grace, Magnus thought.
That and he'd never gotten to second base, not that Alec wanted to hear that.
"He is...was my friend, Alec. I trusted him. Of course I liked him. He was a dick and he made me laugh, and he would do just about anything I asked him.
"But you don't expect your friends to say you look ridiculous in glitter. To look at you like you're just...well, an ostentacious Downworlder, with no taste. A cheap queer." Magnus's lip curled for a moment, swallowing the distaste as it rose up again. Save it for later.
"It has nothing to do with our makeout sessions. I'm over it. He's over it. This was just our parting gift to one another, a mutual bitch slap."
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But, no, the images wouldn't let him alone. He saw Magnus and Draco in their room at the cottage, kissing on the couch in Magnus's dream, kissing again in Draco's dream months and months ago. How many times? How many times had they gone behind his back?
The idea of it suddenly hit Alec like a ton of bricks and he clutched at the sink counter for purchase, suddenly dizzy, his eyes a little blurry, his mind whirling in different directions.
"I should go," he said quietly, swallowing the sudden choking sob that wanted to burst from his chest.
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When Alec spoke again, Magnus felt the heat leave his face. All over he felt cold and sweaty at the same time, as if something terrifying was about to happen.
It was. Alec was on the verge of leaving him. The warlock's empty stomach rolled over and he swallowed with difficulty, his broken lip throbbing.
"You probably should," Magnus agreed in a whisper. For his own happiness, his wn sanity, it probably would be the safest thing. It was the best choice for Alec.
But the worst possible outcome for Magnus - an outcome he deserved, but feared worse than anything.
He'd rather be run through by Alec's seraph blade. At least he could heal and Alec would still be connected to him by the attacking wrist.
If Alec left him without another word, the fight would be over. He might not come back.
A burning tear slashed down Magnus's face and he obliterated it with the twitch of his finger, pretending it was sweat.
"But I'll be damned if you do," Magnus replied, wanting to reach out and made a desperate grab for Alec, wondering if Alec would lash out of him for trying.
"I don't want to lose you."
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"You don't want to lose me, but I've all ready lost you, is that it?" he asked, wondering at his blurry eyes, at the way his stomach felt as if he were about to throw up the contents of his dinner. Shadowhunters were used to losing people; it happened every day, every time they went off to fight demons. Risking one's life on a nightly basis came with consequences, one that Shadowhunters dealt with and readied themselves for.
But this was different. This was like someone was gripping his heart or clawing at his soul without mercy. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. The room felt small, his chest felt tight, air was suddenly hard to hang on to as the implications of Magnus's words began to sink in.
"Every time you've gone to him, I've lost a little bit more of you." He tried to straighten himself, to push away from the sink, but it only served to make him a little more dizzy, and he felt something wet hit the back of his hands - tears.
That was it. After all of this, he couldn't let Magnus see him cry. He slowly moved towards the door, feeling his rune burn against his shoulder as it tried to keep him stable. But, before he was out the door, he turned back to Magnus. There was a small, sad smile on his face as his somewhat watery eyes tried to catch the warlock's gaze.
"It's funny, you know," he whispered. "You used to get upset with me about Jace. You even yelled at me once when we got here that we didn't have a relationship, because I was too intent on hiding everything and pining over Jace. And now you're the one hiding things from me and pining over someone else. It's funny... don't you think?" And then he turned and headed towards the kitchen door.
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