(no subject)
Soo the last time I wrote in LJ I had just finally broke up with a guy that I knew was wrong for me from the start but I tried to make it work. Well since then I have gone through a lot of heartache over a guy that I really didn't have that special something with. I know that we spent so much time with each other and we probably had a connection but deep down we both knew there wasn't that thing to get us through any sort of hard time.
After getting over the break up I partied a lot to try and drown my sorrows. I probably partied a little too much sometimes. I found my way though I found my way out of that hole. I knew that being completely wasted and incoherent isn't the way that I live my life. I decided to turn my life around. I started bettering myself in going to the gym and doing things for myself rather than another person that didn't appreciate any of it. I finally started to think of myself first. I was really getting back to old Jennie. The girl that could handle anything not the girl that cried every other day.
So one day Jill finally gets me to go to the beach. We get there and start drinking and Ashley grabs me and says he lets go smoke in this guy's car. So we go and I end up sitting in the front seat with him somehow. We start talking and I'm like damn this guy is pretty cool. I don't want to be the girl that steals the guy so I say goodbye and I don't think anything of it.
Later Jill and I decide we have to leave and pack up our crap and start to walk out. Who do I run into but the hottie I was smoking with. I was like damn you know what I'm going to talk to him. He starts fumbling around finally I'm like do you want my number? He was like yeah I do :)
He calls me later that week and well we haven't stopped hanging out since. He is such a great guy. He's smart, funny, good looking, and driven. Some pretty great qualities for a guy. Everything was just going so perfect. I was like wow how could there not be anything wrong with this guy. And well it turns out there isn't anything wrong with him but there is a problem. He's leaving me. He going to be on the other side of the country in a couple weeks and I don't know what to do. He says it is only temporary but who knows how he is going to feel when he gets out there. He is being offered a lot of money to go out there and well why would he want to come back to Orlando when he is living in LA. For me? Yeah right I wish. I have only known him for well exactly a month yesterday. How do I feel about him? Well I have never been in love with someone before but the way I feel about him is like nothing I have ever felt before so I'm guessing that is what it is right? It is such a crazy feeling. You want to scream it from the rooftops but at the same time you are scared. I'm so scared about him moving. He keeps convincing me that it is going to be no big deal. I don't understand how he can think that. He is going to be gone for longer than we even known each other!
My biggest problem right now is trying not to freak out. I want answers you know. Answers that I myself don't even have. This whole situation stinks and I wish I didn't have to think about it. I'm just so scared that he leaves and never comes back and never looks back. He doesn't owe anything to me. Or the biggest fear is that I wait for him either 6 weeks or 6 months and he comes back and doesn't want me. What do I do then? Just forget about my life that I lost during that time?
I guess I had to get that all off my chest. I need to get it out in the open. I really need to tell him all of this. Well I have a couple of weeks left hopefully that will be enough time.
-J
After getting over the break up I partied a lot to try and drown my sorrows. I probably partied a little too much sometimes. I found my way though I found my way out of that hole. I knew that being completely wasted and incoherent isn't the way that I live my life. I decided to turn my life around. I started bettering myself in going to the gym and doing things for myself rather than another person that didn't appreciate any of it. I finally started to think of myself first. I was really getting back to old Jennie. The girl that could handle anything not the girl that cried every other day.
So one day Jill finally gets me to go to the beach. We get there and start drinking and Ashley grabs me and says he lets go smoke in this guy's car. So we go and I end up sitting in the front seat with him somehow. We start talking and I'm like damn this guy is pretty cool. I don't want to be the girl that steals the guy so I say goodbye and I don't think anything of it.
Later Jill and I decide we have to leave and pack up our crap and start to walk out. Who do I run into but the hottie I was smoking with. I was like damn you know what I'm going to talk to him. He starts fumbling around finally I'm like do you want my number? He was like yeah I do :)
He calls me later that week and well we haven't stopped hanging out since. He is such a great guy. He's smart, funny, good looking, and driven. Some pretty great qualities for a guy. Everything was just going so perfect. I was like wow how could there not be anything wrong with this guy. And well it turns out there isn't anything wrong with him but there is a problem. He's leaving me. He going to be on the other side of the country in a couple weeks and I don't know what to do. He says it is only temporary but who knows how he is going to feel when he gets out there. He is being offered a lot of money to go out there and well why would he want to come back to Orlando when he is living in LA. For me? Yeah right I wish. I have only known him for well exactly a month yesterday. How do I feel about him? Well I have never been in love with someone before but the way I feel about him is like nothing I have ever felt before so I'm guessing that is what it is right? It is such a crazy feeling. You want to scream it from the rooftops but at the same time you are scared. I'm so scared about him moving. He keeps convincing me that it is going to be no big deal. I don't understand how he can think that. He is going to be gone for longer than we even known each other!
My biggest problem right now is trying not to freak out. I want answers you know. Answers that I myself don't even have. This whole situation stinks and I wish I didn't have to think about it. I'm just so scared that he leaves and never comes back and never looks back. He doesn't owe anything to me. Or the biggest fear is that I wait for him either 6 weeks or 6 months and he comes back and doesn't want me. What do I do then? Just forget about my life that I lost during that time?
I guess I had to get that all off my chest. I need to get it out in the open. I really need to tell him all of this. Well I have a couple of weeks left hopefully that will be enough time.
-J