Profiler/Warehouse 13 Crossover - Implied Jack/Sam - Denial
For empty_marrow
Prompt: Profiler/Warehouse 13 - Claudia, Samantha(/Jack) - Claudia being her usual perceptive/snarky self about where Sam's affections really lie
Author's Notes: For my Profiler peeps who aren't familiar with Warehouse 13 it's a secret government run facility that retrieves and houses supernaturally dangerous objects.
"...okay, I know I should be used to it by now. I mean, God knows I've been exposed to it enough here at the Warehouse. Artie about MacPherson. Artie and my brother. Artie with Myka and Pete- Ya know for an old guy he sure gets around. Sorry, I know, getting waaay off topic here. The whole Artie sex thing is better off being a mystery, like his eyebrows and those weird hairs that grow out of his ears and- Yeah doing it again. Where was I?"
Oh yeah, denial. We have that aplentitude here- Is aplentatude a word? Anywho, God knows denial is runs more rampant here than horny fanboys at Comic Con. So you'd think I was used to it right? I thought Artie was the master of it. Well, that was before Atlanta when we tried to retrieve Jack the Ripper's scalpel. Pete had been roomates a gazillion years ago with an FBI agent, John Grant. Who by the way, total hottie.
There was the usual uptight old guy in charge who wasn't crazy about it, but McHottiePants persuaded him to lend us his team. Pete fudged about what we were searching for, but it got me access to their computer system. Not quite as kick ass as the system we have here but their hacker gave me some great pointers. Then there was Sam. Make that Dah-ctor Sam-antha Wah-ters. You think Myka used to be wound tight? She's got nothing on blondie. O-M-G is she ever a hot mess.
We took her along with us to search for the scalpel because McHottie said she'd be all kinds of helpful. She's supposed to be some sort of a genius at finding criminals so he thought she'd be a big help to us. I guess she was. I mean she figured out pretty quickly who had it but that's where it went all cockeyed. Sam was pretty sure that this psycho named Jack had it. Which is pretty darned ironic. A guy named Jack with Jack the Ripper's scalpel.
Only problem is the guy is some sort of criminal genius. Like Lex Luthor, Savant, and the Joker had a baby kind of evil genius. And Sam's been this guy's number one obsession like, forever. Serial boy kills in her name, stalks her and leaves her all kinds of secret messages. It would almost be sort of sexy except for the whole homicidal angle. Anyway, Miss Priss totally loses her cool and gets all intense when she realizes this guy has it.
We think we have an angle on where he might be at an abandoned warehouse. So Sam goes charging in and disappears before Pete, Mykes, and McHottie can back her up. McHottie calls in his boss and gets an FBI swat team. Artie's wicked pissed over the whole business since we're supposed to be all secret. Anyway, they tear apart the warehouse, no trace of Sam.
Magically she turns up like two hours later with some crapola tale of Jack kidnapping her, threatening her and letting her go. The old guy and McHottie wring their hands and fuss over her. Totally missing the impossible to miss hickey on her neck. It's like she escaped from the set of True Blood sort of thing. I pointed it out to Pete and he asked her about it. Sam insisted that we were mistaken, that it was a bruise from Jack restraining her. But you could totally tell she was lying. I mean how many restraints leave a bruise in that shape. Not to mention she had that glassy eyed look that Pete and Myka sometimes come out of their bedroom wearing.
So while we spent the next week looking for the scalpel, I'm trying not to laugh when McHottie says how tragic Sam is and she looks bored except when she's talking about serial boy. Good thing Artie called us back, because this gal was about one more time of hearing Sam sighing over Jack away from calling her on it. Some people, huh Trailer," Claudia sighed and drew a quick breath before resuming her ramble as Trailer yawned politely and went to sleep...
Prompt: Profiler/Warehouse 13 - Claudia, Samantha(/Jack) - Claudia being her usual perceptive/snarky self about where Sam's affections really lie
Author's Notes: For my Profiler peeps who aren't familiar with Warehouse 13 it's a secret government run facility that retrieves and houses supernaturally dangerous objects.
"...okay, I know I should be used to it by now. I mean, God knows I've been exposed to it enough here at the Warehouse. Artie about MacPherson. Artie and my brother. Artie with Myka and Pete- Ya know for an old guy he sure gets around. Sorry, I know, getting waaay off topic here. The whole Artie sex thing is better off being a mystery, like his eyebrows and those weird hairs that grow out of his ears and- Yeah doing it again. Where was I?"
Oh yeah, denial. We have that aplentitude here- Is aplentatude a word? Anywho, God knows denial is runs more rampant here than horny fanboys at Comic Con. So you'd think I was used to it right? I thought Artie was the master of it. Well, that was before Atlanta when we tried to retrieve Jack the Ripper's scalpel. Pete had been roomates a gazillion years ago with an FBI agent, John Grant. Who by the way, total hottie.
There was the usual uptight old guy in charge who wasn't crazy about it, but McHottiePants persuaded him to lend us his team. Pete fudged about what we were searching for, but it got me access to their computer system. Not quite as kick ass as the system we have here but their hacker gave me some great pointers. Then there was Sam. Make that Dah-ctor Sam-antha Wah-ters. You think Myka used to be wound tight? She's got nothing on blondie. O-M-G is she ever a hot mess.
We took her along with us to search for the scalpel because McHottie said she'd be all kinds of helpful. She's supposed to be some sort of a genius at finding criminals so he thought she'd be a big help to us. I guess she was. I mean she figured out pretty quickly who had it but that's where it went all cockeyed. Sam was pretty sure that this psycho named Jack had it. Which is pretty darned ironic. A guy named Jack with Jack the Ripper's scalpel.
Only problem is the guy is some sort of criminal genius. Like Lex Luthor, Savant, and the Joker had a baby kind of evil genius. And Sam's been this guy's number one obsession like, forever. Serial boy kills in her name, stalks her and leaves her all kinds of secret messages. It would almost be sort of sexy except for the whole homicidal angle. Anyway, Miss Priss totally loses her cool and gets all intense when she realizes this guy has it.
We think we have an angle on where he might be at an abandoned warehouse. So Sam goes charging in and disappears before Pete, Mykes, and McHottie can back her up. McHottie calls in his boss and gets an FBI swat team. Artie's wicked pissed over the whole business since we're supposed to be all secret. Anyway, they tear apart the warehouse, no trace of Sam.
Magically she turns up like two hours later with some crapola tale of Jack kidnapping her, threatening her and letting her go. The old guy and McHottie wring their hands and fuss over her. Totally missing the impossible to miss hickey on her neck. It's like she escaped from the set of True Blood sort of thing. I pointed it out to Pete and he asked her about it. Sam insisted that we were mistaken, that it was a bruise from Jack restraining her. But you could totally tell she was lying. I mean how many restraints leave a bruise in that shape. Not to mention she had that glassy eyed look that Pete and Myka sometimes come out of their bedroom wearing.
So while we spent the next week looking for the scalpel, I'm trying not to laugh when McHottie says how tragic Sam is and she looks bored except when she's talking about serial boy. Good thing Artie called us back, because this gal was about one more time of hearing Sam sighing over Jack away from calling her on it. Some people, huh Trailer," Claudia sighed and drew a quick breath before resuming her ramble as Trailer yawned politely and went to sleep...