Envy
Envy is not a pretty trait, I know as much, but in the past week or so I found myself envious 4 or 5 times, desperately jealous at what they have and I don't, and hence feeling sorry for myself and all the crap that comes attached.
I'm having a hard time (harder than usual) stop thinking about it or seeing how I can obtain that which I so obviously crave for. I keep reverting back to an infantile preconception of "I was dealt a bad hand" or "I can't help it" or "I am never going to get a break" or any one of a thousand disparaging thoughts.
I guess I am somewhat lucky (some may call it experienced) I can identify these things and name the (almost) exact cause for my bad moods. I can remember times when I felt like shit and couldn't explain (to me or to others) why. I try to take this to the next level and actually try to have a plan. Not a real long-term plan, but a short-term one, so I will not waste my time. If I want to feel sorry for myself, at least I should get something out of it.
These are indeed trying times.
I'm having a hard time (harder than usual) stop thinking about it or seeing how I can obtain that which I so obviously crave for. I keep reverting back to an infantile preconception of "I was dealt a bad hand" or "I can't help it" or "I am never going to get a break" or any one of a thousand disparaging thoughts.
I guess I am somewhat lucky (some may call it experienced) I can identify these things and name the (almost) exact cause for my bad moods. I can remember times when I felt like shit and couldn't explain (to me or to others) why. I try to take this to the next level and actually try to have a plan. Not a real long-term plan, but a short-term one, so I will not waste my time. If I want to feel sorry for myself, at least I should get something out of it.
These are indeed trying times.