(no subject)

[highlighter36]

Is it really healthy to like people? I don't feel like I gain anything from people, so why should I spill my thoughts, my feelings, myself to them? To gain what? Insignificant pity? Indulgence in the fact that I was weak and spilled everything onto one person? Am I labeled as insane now for wanting to spend my life having no connections to people? In this society, I;m surprised I'm not dead yet. Yes, I don't try to fit in, I don't change who I am to satisfy anyone. I speak my OWN thoughts, not anyone else, I say what I feel, whether its the most depressing line they have ever heard or the happiest, I say it and I don't step down. Why should I degrade myself and become someones friend or like someone where they have no meaning, no importance in my life? Why should I allow someone to degrade my thoughts, my feelings, my writings if they themselves have no thoughts, no feelings, but a mere reality of what people accept? Why should I accept hatred into my life and ignorance when I can shut the door? Why should I step down, and release myself into the dog cage, when there's a perfectly big sign that says EXIT? Do I self-indulge myself in suffering? Mel is that it? All my life I remember being in the wrong, being the bitch, being the one who shouldn't have been, and now those words haunt me. Haunt me, dramatize me and created an immense intensity of hatred in me, that makes me so cold, but who is the culprit? The ignorance and arrogance existing within those people, or this ugly society, where you speak your mind and the most logical explanation to your thoughts is a false realization. I don't need to be liked, admired, or be an idol for anyone, just as long as I know where I stand and what I stand for is all the necessities I need, to keep life running. Stand before me with knowledge with integrity and commitment and I will allow you, slowly into my life, so I can gain from you, but please don't crowd my life with more stupidity and ignorance;I have seen it too many times in my life and have dealt with the worst all my life, to continue to allow my door to be open. What's a good friend, if you cant gain anything from them? Having a stupid friend hanging on to you, is only slowing you down, eventually you will never be able to learn how to run. Do I hate you? Sometimes, more than I have ever hated anyone, but the beautiful irony is that I have never loved anyone as I do with you and that is what contradicts everything I say, think, write and makes me cry, because I cant justify the contradiction. Isn't life just like a painted canvas? You walk by it, analyze it, but you miss the mistakes it has, you overlook the unsymmetrical lines, and you go on thinking just how beautiful the painting was, but in reality it's the most disgusting shit.

You could love me or not
But either way I’ve got to
Wake up to face another day tomorrow morning