Looking back
You know, I've been thinking lately, I have a lot of people in my life that I love and am fiercely proud of. But, other than them, I am proud of very little in my life, and I sure as hell am not proud of the way I have handled some things, or not handled them as the case may be. I look back at the way I've acted and I get sick to my stomach. I can't change what is already done, but I can try not to do it again.
I know it may sound funny now, and a little stupid, but I remember a little boy I use to go to school with. He was short, with scraggly blond hair, he was a nice little kid, never really had a mean thing to say about anyone. We use to ride the bus together, and walk home together. He was poor; he and his sister lived with their mom in a trailer about a mile off the highway. We were in the same grade, but he was new, and I guess he kind of looked up to me. But I remember one day I made him cry, I know it was just something stupid I said, but I still feel sick about it, I know, I'm retarded.
I feel really bad about the way I treated Daniel too. I won't go into all of it, but I honestly feel horrible for the way I treated him, and Tiffany, and all the crap I dished out. I saw both of them in Wal-mart one day, and can honestly tell you I was happy as all hell to see them both. Which made me feel even worse.
Lol, I don’t know what made me think of this stuff, and trust me; this is only part of it. I guess it’s just the time of the year when you are supposed to atone for all the crap you’ve done, unfortunately for me, I decided to go back a little farther than usual, years actually. There is no religious atonement for me, seeing as I’m a “unbeliever”, go figure, I guess I have to find what ever it is I’m looking for on my own, no users guide to help me along. Lol.
I actually had an older couple come through my line today, they were so funny. The man had put quite a few things in their cart that his wife didn’t know about, and ever time she’d find one of them, she’s look at me and say “I’m gonna kill him…” then she would smile and sigh, and let it go on through. They were the one of the most lively pair of people I have ever seen, and nice too. Apparently he likes to tease cashiers, he use to be a store manager somewhere big, and is retired. He asked if he could give me a hug, and said “god bless you honey…I hope you go to church.” I didn’t say anything to that, just told them to have a good night, and smiled as they walked away. I still don’t want to go to church, but its just funny, I’ve had more people say that to me since I started working there than I ever have in my entire life, and Its not just because of the season, this started back in July…
We also had Toys for Tots come in today. The men from the Lions club came in with volunteers and loaded up cart after cart with toys for distribution. I was so impressed with what they accomplished. They spent $3,778 and some odd cents buying toys so that little kids in the area would have something to look foreword to for Christmas. I helped with distribution last Christmas, so did Sarah, she helped box food with me. I want to help again this year, I even asked the men when it would be, and I plan on going before I have to work on the 22nd and the 23rd. I want to help again, last year it gave me such a wonderful feeling to do something good like that, even though I went for the wrong reasons to start with, I stayed for the right ones, which I think is what counts.
There are things I should have said, but never had the balls to, that I can’t say now, because the time for it is passed. I know they say to live your life with no regrets, but oh how I regret some of the things I didn’t say or do, and some of the things I have said and done. But I guess I can’t change that now.
There is a quote that I really like, that I think sums it all up nicely, unfortunately, once again it has a religious nature which I don’t go with, but the feeling is the same…
~“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”~
I guess I have some things to thing about now…
I know it may sound funny now, and a little stupid, but I remember a little boy I use to go to school with. He was short, with scraggly blond hair, he was a nice little kid, never really had a mean thing to say about anyone. We use to ride the bus together, and walk home together. He was poor; he and his sister lived with their mom in a trailer about a mile off the highway. We were in the same grade, but he was new, and I guess he kind of looked up to me. But I remember one day I made him cry, I know it was just something stupid I said, but I still feel sick about it, I know, I'm retarded.
I feel really bad about the way I treated Daniel too. I won't go into all of it, but I honestly feel horrible for the way I treated him, and Tiffany, and all the crap I dished out. I saw both of them in Wal-mart one day, and can honestly tell you I was happy as all hell to see them both. Which made me feel even worse.
Lol, I don’t know what made me think of this stuff, and trust me; this is only part of it. I guess it’s just the time of the year when you are supposed to atone for all the crap you’ve done, unfortunately for me, I decided to go back a little farther than usual, years actually. There is no religious atonement for me, seeing as I’m a “unbeliever”, go figure, I guess I have to find what ever it is I’m looking for on my own, no users guide to help me along. Lol.
I actually had an older couple come through my line today, they were so funny. The man had put quite a few things in their cart that his wife didn’t know about, and ever time she’d find one of them, she’s look at me and say “I’m gonna kill him…” then she would smile and sigh, and let it go on through. They were the one of the most lively pair of people I have ever seen, and nice too. Apparently he likes to tease cashiers, he use to be a store manager somewhere big, and is retired. He asked if he could give me a hug, and said “god bless you honey…I hope you go to church.” I didn’t say anything to that, just told them to have a good night, and smiled as they walked away. I still don’t want to go to church, but its just funny, I’ve had more people say that to me since I started working there than I ever have in my entire life, and Its not just because of the season, this started back in July…
We also had Toys for Tots come in today. The men from the Lions club came in with volunteers and loaded up cart after cart with toys for distribution. I was so impressed with what they accomplished. They spent $3,778 and some odd cents buying toys so that little kids in the area would have something to look foreword to for Christmas. I helped with distribution last Christmas, so did Sarah, she helped box food with me. I want to help again this year, I even asked the men when it would be, and I plan on going before I have to work on the 22nd and the 23rd. I want to help again, last year it gave me such a wonderful feeling to do something good like that, even though I went for the wrong reasons to start with, I stayed for the right ones, which I think is what counts.
There are things I should have said, but never had the balls to, that I can’t say now, because the time for it is passed. I know they say to live your life with no regrets, but oh how I regret some of the things I didn’t say or do, and some of the things I have said and done. But I guess I can’t change that now.
There is a quote that I really like, that I think sums it all up nicely, unfortunately, once again it has a religious nature which I don’t go with, but the feeling is the same…
~“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”~
I guess I have some things to thing about now…