What are schools?
Reflections of a Learning Disabled Student after 9 years of study
Written 1 month after I left a big school district where I substituted as a teacher, as an aide and finally, for the first time worked for a couple of years in the same class. I’ve been thrown out of individual classrooms before, out of the entire school, but this was the first time that I voluntarily left the whole district after I finally learned the truth about schools.
9 years and 2 months of toiling at preschools/public schools. What is the main Lesson I learned during that time? Perhaps, that I'm very slow when it comes to learning Life lessons. Well, 9 years ago I was even slower than now. I used to be Learning disabled in that question, very low level. Eventually, as the years went by, as I received blow after blow, as I've been thrown out of schools times and times again, as I failed more and more interviews, as I went through deeper and deeper depressions, I finally started to move up. First, up to the medium level of Learning support student*, then to the high functioning Learning support. I don't think I’ve graduated to the General Education, though. I'm working towards it.
During those 9 years I've gone through multitude of interviews. A few times I started keeping a list, but gave up. For many of those interviews, as teachers aide I was overqualified with my Master's license. I tried to hide my license, tried not tell about my experience. Nothing helped, I still couldn’t pass the interviews! (<== hey, Anna. That was a sign too!)
2 successful interviews
YMCA preschool
The 2 interviews that I did ace were very symbolic, almost prophetic ones. The first interview that I passed was my very first interview after we moved to PA. I was a fresh college graduate with Masters in Early Childhood Education. However I was as naive as I was when I graduated with Computer Science 7 years earlier. Anyway, the job that I got was teaching 2 years olds at a YMCA preschool located in an affluent area. I spent a wonderful year full of learning and teaching. The director who hired me was a caring experienced woman who worked there for 14 years. I enjoyed the team of teachers that she chose to work there.
One problem with the way I work is that I'm usually very tunnel-visioned when it comes to work. Usually, I don't look around me and if I do, I have my own way of assessing the situation. I don’t try to figure out the hierarchy system, who are all the bosses, who do I answer to, what is the work dynamic or a work politics. I just concentrate on my job. In a way, I usually work by surrounding myself with a Fairy Tale environment as far as other people and what they think about me.
That's why I've been in for a crude awakening more times than I can count on the fingers of both hands during those 9 years. At my first preschool Anna's fairy tale ended towards May. The principle, who served both as my Verdict Deliverer as well as Future predictor told me that I was wonderful with kids, but parents… well, the parents didn't feel like I was a good fit for their children. What that phrase really meant, I learned in a few years. What she meant to say was that I didn't smile big enough for the parents of the 2 years olds for that affluent YMCA environment.
That was only one of my shocks. The second one, was that the director herself, a wonderful caring director for 14 years was layed off roughly at the same time as me. After 14 years of hard work! The reason was typical, not enough money. Who needs a good caring, very experienced director of 14 years if we can hire someone new and pay her much less (<== Anna, those were all signs! It doesn't get much clearer than that!)
And finally, there was a Prediction. Pretty prophetic I would say. That same principle also told me that I seem to have such a caring homely attitude towards students. Perhaps, I would do better working with special needs population. Ha-ha-ha!
As if lead by her parting words, for the next 8 years I work with special needs population. It wasn't really that I listened her (I mean, I've only known her for 9 months as a director). And yet, in a strange way I did. I kept remembering her words all those years and it seemed to me that I've been working on proving her wrong.
No! Working with special needs students in school is not much more humane, much kinder or less politics-ridden than preschool. 8 years, a little too long to try to prove the words of a stranger, don't you think, Anna?
Public schools
Perhaps. Let's now jump back to 3 years ago. Almost exactly 3 years ago before Thanksgiving I've had a HUGE event happen in my life. After years of not passing any interviews (<== those were negative signs too, you do realize it Anna, right?) I finally did pass an interview. I was now an ESL teacher's aide!
From that time on Life lessons were starting to fall down on my head at a faster rate. It’s as if they were now giving me a a crash course. I learned how wonderful it is to make up a Fairy Tale about ESL teachers. And fast, as a lightening I was told to gather all my stuff and get out of the ESL department.
Next lesson was even more significant. It's been years since I worked in schools, and I kept thinking that schools stand for… well, school. For those Idealistic schools I had in my mind which I won't describe in details, because it would take too long. Basically, those are schools where students have the freedom to think, to be themselves, to get as much emotional and physical support as they need.
The lesson on schools were taught to me the next year. By that time I was moved from an ESL aide to working in Special education in the same school district. I was an aide with an autistic boy. After a few weeks I was told to go to his Autistic support teacher who sternly told me that I cannot use email to write about ANY of the kids in Special education, otherwise the teacher and the school may get in trouble.
Taking her head out of the Fantasy Fairy Land, Anna looked at the teacher but didn't gather the seriousness of the situation right away. Then, the teacher had to explain that there were quite a few cases in the past years, and the lawyers specifically trained them in the “good preventive etiquette”.
I had a hard time accepting the fact that something like that is happening in schools. SCHOOL, remember? They are supposed to be places were students should feel safe, places of learning, not lawyers' battlegrounds?
Eventually, during our weekly Walking clubs in a relaxed environment I was explained that yes, that's exactly what schools are. They just appear to be schools, in reality, just dig a little further, and you will discover …. eh, as one of my Facebook friend says Schizophrenia on the Run. You'll see that there are parents who are willing to sue the school, there are lawyers who are ready to protect the schools. There are all kind of measure and regulations in place in order to avoid those things and also, in order to start them correctly.
And then, a little bit further towards the back of the building there is Anna working with her special needs children. Anna is pretty much disabled when it comes to coming out of the Fairy Tale World and living in reality. She tried and tries to get out of the Fairy Tale World, however, it's too bleak on the other side and she never feels like going over there.
And that was the reason why she didn't leave schools last year as she thought she would. The notion that Schools = Battlefield of Lawyers/Parents/Teachers didn't register with her right away. It took a while. She came back this school year too, worked for a couple of months and only then, when she was told without any warning or explanation that she lost her privilege of working with the Autistic boy that she has worked with since last year, only then did she finally realized that schools are NOT those Fantasy places that she dreamed of for many years. They are what they are. Places where lawyers, parents and teachers constantly look for compromises/accommodations and what not.
Not exactly a cozy warm places Anna always imagined schools to be.
I bet you'll have a much much better chance of finding those concepts teaching Children Yoga classes, Anna.
Dec 1, 2017_________________________________________
* Learning support - class where students with learning disabilities go
Written 1 month after I left a big school district where I substituted as a teacher, as an aide and finally, for the first time worked for a couple of years in the same class. I’ve been thrown out of individual classrooms before, out of the entire school, but this was the first time that I voluntarily left the whole district after I finally learned the truth about schools.
9 years and 2 months of toiling at preschools/public schools. What is the main Lesson I learned during that time? Perhaps, that I'm very slow when it comes to learning Life lessons. Well, 9 years ago I was even slower than now. I used to be Learning disabled in that question, very low level. Eventually, as the years went by, as I received blow after blow, as I've been thrown out of schools times and times again, as I failed more and more interviews, as I went through deeper and deeper depressions, I finally started to move up. First, up to the medium level of Learning support student*, then to the high functioning Learning support. I don't think I’ve graduated to the General Education, though. I'm working towards it.
During those 9 years I've gone through multitude of interviews. A few times I started keeping a list, but gave up. For many of those interviews, as teachers aide I was overqualified with my Master's license. I tried to hide my license, tried not tell about my experience. Nothing helped, I still couldn’t pass the interviews! (<== hey, Anna. That was a sign too!)
2 successful interviews
YMCA preschool
The 2 interviews that I did ace were very symbolic, almost prophetic ones. The first interview that I passed was my very first interview after we moved to PA. I was a fresh college graduate with Masters in Early Childhood Education. However I was as naive as I was when I graduated with Computer Science 7 years earlier. Anyway, the job that I got was teaching 2 years olds at a YMCA preschool located in an affluent area. I spent a wonderful year full of learning and teaching. The director who hired me was a caring experienced woman who worked there for 14 years. I enjoyed the team of teachers that she chose to work there.
One problem with the way I work is that I'm usually very tunnel-visioned when it comes to work. Usually, I don't look around me and if I do, I have my own way of assessing the situation. I don’t try to figure out the hierarchy system, who are all the bosses, who do I answer to, what is the work dynamic or a work politics. I just concentrate on my job. In a way, I usually work by surrounding myself with a Fairy Tale environment as far as other people and what they think about me.
That's why I've been in for a crude awakening more times than I can count on the fingers of both hands during those 9 years. At my first preschool Anna's fairy tale ended towards May. The principle, who served both as my Verdict Deliverer as well as Future predictor told me that I was wonderful with kids, but parents… well, the parents didn't feel like I was a good fit for their children. What that phrase really meant, I learned in a few years. What she meant to say was that I didn't smile big enough for the parents of the 2 years olds for that affluent YMCA environment.
That was only one of my shocks. The second one, was that the director herself, a wonderful caring director for 14 years was layed off roughly at the same time as me. After 14 years of hard work! The reason was typical, not enough money. Who needs a good caring, very experienced director of 14 years if we can hire someone new and pay her much less (<== Anna, those were all signs! It doesn't get much clearer than that!)
And finally, there was a Prediction. Pretty prophetic I would say. That same principle also told me that I seem to have such a caring homely attitude towards students. Perhaps, I would do better working with special needs population. Ha-ha-ha!
As if lead by her parting words, for the next 8 years I work with special needs population. It wasn't really that I listened her (I mean, I've only known her for 9 months as a director). And yet, in a strange way I did. I kept remembering her words all those years and it seemed to me that I've been working on proving her wrong.
No! Working with special needs students in school is not much more humane, much kinder or less politics-ridden than preschool. 8 years, a little too long to try to prove the words of a stranger, don't you think, Anna?
Public schools
Perhaps. Let's now jump back to 3 years ago. Almost exactly 3 years ago before Thanksgiving I've had a HUGE event happen in my life. After years of not passing any interviews (<== those were negative signs too, you do realize it Anna, right?) I finally did pass an interview. I was now an ESL teacher's aide!
From that time on Life lessons were starting to fall down on my head at a faster rate. It’s as if they were now giving me a a crash course. I learned how wonderful it is to make up a Fairy Tale about ESL teachers. And fast, as a lightening I was told to gather all my stuff and get out of the ESL department.
Next lesson was even more significant. It's been years since I worked in schools, and I kept thinking that schools stand for… well, school. For those Idealistic schools I had in my mind which I won't describe in details, because it would take too long. Basically, those are schools where students have the freedom to think, to be themselves, to get as much emotional and physical support as they need.
The lesson on schools were taught to me the next year. By that time I was moved from an ESL aide to working in Special education in the same school district. I was an aide with an autistic boy. After a few weeks I was told to go to his Autistic support teacher who sternly told me that I cannot use email to write about ANY of the kids in Special education, otherwise the teacher and the school may get in trouble.
Taking her head out of the Fantasy Fairy Land, Anna looked at the teacher but didn't gather the seriousness of the situation right away. Then, the teacher had to explain that there were quite a few cases in the past years, and the lawyers specifically trained them in the “good preventive etiquette”.
I had a hard time accepting the fact that something like that is happening in schools. SCHOOL, remember? They are supposed to be places were students should feel safe, places of learning, not lawyers' battlegrounds?
Eventually, during our weekly Walking clubs in a relaxed environment I was explained that yes, that's exactly what schools are. They just appear to be schools, in reality, just dig a little further, and you will discover …. eh, as one of my Facebook friend says Schizophrenia on the Run. You'll see that there are parents who are willing to sue the school, there are lawyers who are ready to protect the schools. There are all kind of measure and regulations in place in order to avoid those things and also, in order to start them correctly.
And then, a little bit further towards the back of the building there is Anna working with her special needs children. Anna is pretty much disabled when it comes to coming out of the Fairy Tale World and living in reality. She tried and tries to get out of the Fairy Tale World, however, it's too bleak on the other side and she never feels like going over there.
And that was the reason why she didn't leave schools last year as she thought she would. The notion that Schools = Battlefield of Lawyers/Parents/Teachers didn't register with her right away. It took a while. She came back this school year too, worked for a couple of months and only then, when she was told without any warning or explanation that she lost her privilege of working with the Autistic boy that she has worked with since last year, only then did she finally realized that schools are NOT those Fantasy places that she dreamed of for many years. They are what they are. Places where lawyers, parents and teachers constantly look for compromises/accommodations and what not.
Not exactly a cozy warm places Anna always imagined schools to be.
I bet you'll have a much much better chance of finding those concepts teaching Children Yoga classes, Anna.
Dec 1, 2017_________________________________________
* Learning support - class where students with learning disabilities go