(no subject)
Kahli’s mouth encompasses her cigarette in an odd sort of manner. She doesn’t smoke the way most teenagers do, sloppily or completely absorbed in the vice. She almost kisses the filter during every drag, making sure to taste the intimacy between she and her carcinogenic companion. In my two years of dating her, she’s never kissed me that way. When she kisses me, I can tell her mind is somewhere else. Her lips go limp and lifeless. She blows through two packs of cigarettes a day, no problem, though her teeth would never tell you that. They’re just as white as the lies she tells.
Like yesterday. We were supposed to meet at the coffee shop for lunch. She didn’t show, of course, so I gave her a call. No answer. I called her back; she picked up that time. She told me she was visiting her friend Amy. Liar, Amy’s here.
Despite her tattered jeans, she is very well put together today. She jerks her head back slightly, acknowledging me from afar. I can never walk away once she gives me that look, so I stroll over to see what’s up. After all, I’m tired of watching her kiss that cigarette without me.
“Gimme a drag?” I ask sweetly, hoping she won’t be as stingy as usual.
Sighing, Kahli stretches her hand out to me. “Take it, dammit,” and she lights up another one of her Marlboro Reds.
“So, missy. How many have you smoked today?”
“Individuals or packs?” She scrapes the dirt from under her nails.
“Either or.”
“Well, mister, I’d say this is about my twenty-third.”
“Jesus Christ. You ought to cut back. You know that, right?”
Here comes the attack. Wait for it. Wait for it.
“Well, you smoke. Why the hell should I have to stop?!”
I open my mouth, but she cuts me off before I can reply.
“You’re always trying to control me. Sometimes I wonder why I even date you.”
Sometimes I wonder the same thing, Kahli. Sometimes I wonder the same thing.
_______________
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen her last. I told Kahli I wanted a break, some time to think about things, some time to think about us.
For some reason, I get the sudden urge to go see her. Don’t do it, Danny. You’ll fall right back into her trap. Mindlessly, I stab the keys into the ignition of my Jeep Wrangler, and before I know it, I’m outside her house. I don’t want to face the cigarette smoking snake, but I get out of the car anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why I even date you. I still can’t believe she actually said that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So, why do you date me, Kahli?”
“What?”
“Remember last time we talked... er, fought I guess?” I don’t wait for her response. “You said that sometimes you wonder why you’re dating me.”
“So?”
“So? Do you have a reason yet?”
“Shut up, Dan. You know I love you.”
“Kahli, I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
There she goes again, pulling out her little stick of comfort.
“Babe, do you have a lighter? I lost mine at this party I went to last night.”
I sigh, and hand over my favorite Zippo lighter.
“So, Kahli? Why?”
She kisses her cigarette like always, “Why, what?”
“Why do you date me?”
“I already told you, Dan. I love you.” She sits on the front steps to her house and looks up at me. Those eyes, those brown, puppy dog eyes always get me. “Listen, I take it back. I didn’t mean to be a bitch the other week. I was just... I dunno, having a hard time, ya know?”
“You’re always having a hard time.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Dan,” her lip curls upward in thought.
“I’m not giving you shit, I just want a straight answer. Why are you with me?”
This time she pauses. She won’t give me the typical “because I love you,” this time.
She finally opens her mouth, spitting a mouthful of smoke at me once more. “I don’t know.”
“Do you think maybe...”
“Maybe what?” she cuts me off.
“Do you think that maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore?”
She stalls again. “I knew you’d say that...”
“Kahli, it’s obvious things aren’t working. You don’t even kiss me anymore. All you do is smoke cigarettes and go to parties. Fuck that. I just, I can’t do it anymore.”
“So you want me to quit?”
“No, I’m quitting. I’m done with you.”
With that being said, I walk back to my car and escape as quickly as possible. Halfway home, I reach into my glove compartment to get my cigarettes. I bring one to my lips and check my pockets....
Bitch has my lighter.
______________________
Here we go again. I don’t want to see her, I just want my lighter back. Twenty minutes and four ran red lights later, I’m on her doorstep once more. Hauling my fist upward to pound on the door takes so much effort it makes me sick. I can’t do this. Sighing, I heave my clenched fist at the door and step aside. No answer. Maybe I should just head home.
“Gimme a second!” I hear Kahli’s voice screech from within. She opens the door quickly and steps back, looking me over.
“Oh,” she says, “You’re back?”
“Give it to me.”
“What?”
“My lighter, Kahli. I want my damn lighter back.”
“Is that all this is about?” she questions with a hint of disappointment in her voice.
Stepping outside, she draws the glimmering trinket from her back pocket. The sun shoots off the lighter, and the flare of light catches my eyes. God damn it.
Instinctively, Kahli begins walking, and before I realize it, we’re at the end of her street. Perching on the curb, Kahli fingers her cigarette before bringing it to her lips. “Are you sure you just want your lighter back?”
“What?” I choke out.
“You heard me.”
I can’t respond. I guess I’m supposed to assume that she wants me back, that I want her back. Really, Kahli, I just want the lighter.
Flicking the token open and closed a few times, she lights her cigarette and leeches off my fire.
I reach out my hand. I don’t need to say anything; she knows.
Give it to me, Kahli.
Her fingers dance through her hair before realizing I’m growing impatient.
“M-My lighter...?” I stammer.
“Oh, Dan. You know this is about more than that.”
It really isn’t.
“We’ve been together for what? Two years now? And you’re going to end it over something as stupid as parties and smoking.”
“Kahli, it’s more than that.”
“No it isn’t. I love you, but you can’t ask me to change.”
I’m not asking you to do anything but give me my freaking lighter.
After a few moments of silence, her delicate diaphragm pours out a sigh. “I guess I just can’t let go.”
“Of me or the lighter?” I ask, half joking.
She slaps my arm playfully as the corners of her mouth create a crescent moon. It’s things like this that always get me. She can be so... cute sometimes.
“Oh shut it, Dan. You, not the lighter.” She lobs my treasure about a foot in the air. It slaps cold in the palm of my hand.
My body instinctively juts out a small laugh. I repress it though. I can’t let her know she’s amusing me.
“Thanks, Kahli.”
“For what?”
“The lighter.”
She laughs with her eyes, and she has me in her grasp once more.
I rise and begin walking towards my car.
“Hey,” she calls as she gets to her feet. “Where are you going?”
“Home.” I say. I don’t look back. I can’t look back.
I don’t need to see her face.
I flip my lighter open and light up a well-deserved cigarette.
The back of the silvery casing reads, “I love you -K”
I guess I just can’t get rid of her.
Like yesterday. We were supposed to meet at the coffee shop for lunch. She didn’t show, of course, so I gave her a call. No answer. I called her back; she picked up that time. She told me she was visiting her friend Amy. Liar, Amy’s here.
Despite her tattered jeans, she is very well put together today. She jerks her head back slightly, acknowledging me from afar. I can never walk away once she gives me that look, so I stroll over to see what’s up. After all, I’m tired of watching her kiss that cigarette without me.
“Gimme a drag?” I ask sweetly, hoping she won’t be as stingy as usual.
Sighing, Kahli stretches her hand out to me. “Take it, dammit,” and she lights up another one of her Marlboro Reds.
“So, missy. How many have you smoked today?”
“Individuals or packs?” She scrapes the dirt from under her nails.
“Either or.”
“Well, mister, I’d say this is about my twenty-third.”
“Jesus Christ. You ought to cut back. You know that, right?”
Here comes the attack. Wait for it. Wait for it.
“Well, you smoke. Why the hell should I have to stop?!”
I open my mouth, but she cuts me off before I can reply.
“You’re always trying to control me. Sometimes I wonder why I even date you.”
Sometimes I wonder the same thing, Kahli. Sometimes I wonder the same thing.
_______________
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen her last. I told Kahli I wanted a break, some time to think about things, some time to think about us.
For some reason, I get the sudden urge to go see her. Don’t do it, Danny. You’ll fall right back into her trap. Mindlessly, I stab the keys into the ignition of my Jeep Wrangler, and before I know it, I’m outside her house. I don’t want to face the cigarette smoking snake, but I get out of the car anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why I even date you. I still can’t believe she actually said that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So, why do you date me, Kahli?”
“What?”
“Remember last time we talked... er, fought I guess?” I don’t wait for her response. “You said that sometimes you wonder why you’re dating me.”
“So?”
“So? Do you have a reason yet?”
“Shut up, Dan. You know I love you.”
“Kahli, I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
There she goes again, pulling out her little stick of comfort.
“Babe, do you have a lighter? I lost mine at this party I went to last night.”
I sigh, and hand over my favorite Zippo lighter.
“So, Kahli? Why?”
She kisses her cigarette like always, “Why, what?”
“Why do you date me?”
“I already told you, Dan. I love you.” She sits on the front steps to her house and looks up at me. Those eyes, those brown, puppy dog eyes always get me. “Listen, I take it back. I didn’t mean to be a bitch the other week. I was just... I dunno, having a hard time, ya know?”
“You’re always having a hard time.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Dan,” her lip curls upward in thought.
“I’m not giving you shit, I just want a straight answer. Why are you with me?”
This time she pauses. She won’t give me the typical “because I love you,” this time.
She finally opens her mouth, spitting a mouthful of smoke at me once more. “I don’t know.”
“Do you think maybe...”
“Maybe what?” she cuts me off.
“Do you think that maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore?”
She stalls again. “I knew you’d say that...”
“Kahli, it’s obvious things aren’t working. You don’t even kiss me anymore. All you do is smoke cigarettes and go to parties. Fuck that. I just, I can’t do it anymore.”
“So you want me to quit?”
“No, I’m quitting. I’m done with you.”
With that being said, I walk back to my car and escape as quickly as possible. Halfway home, I reach into my glove compartment to get my cigarettes. I bring one to my lips and check my pockets....
Bitch has my lighter.
______________________
Here we go again. I don’t want to see her, I just want my lighter back. Twenty minutes and four ran red lights later, I’m on her doorstep once more. Hauling my fist upward to pound on the door takes so much effort it makes me sick. I can’t do this. Sighing, I heave my clenched fist at the door and step aside. No answer. Maybe I should just head home.
“Gimme a second!” I hear Kahli’s voice screech from within. She opens the door quickly and steps back, looking me over.
“Oh,” she says, “You’re back?”
“Give it to me.”
“What?”
“My lighter, Kahli. I want my damn lighter back.”
“Is that all this is about?” she questions with a hint of disappointment in her voice.
Stepping outside, she draws the glimmering trinket from her back pocket. The sun shoots off the lighter, and the flare of light catches my eyes. God damn it.
Instinctively, Kahli begins walking, and before I realize it, we’re at the end of her street. Perching on the curb, Kahli fingers her cigarette before bringing it to her lips. “Are you sure you just want your lighter back?”
“What?” I choke out.
“You heard me.”
I can’t respond. I guess I’m supposed to assume that she wants me back, that I want her back. Really, Kahli, I just want the lighter.
Flicking the token open and closed a few times, she lights her cigarette and leeches off my fire.
I reach out my hand. I don’t need to say anything; she knows.
Give it to me, Kahli.
Her fingers dance through her hair before realizing I’m growing impatient.
“M-My lighter...?” I stammer.
“Oh, Dan. You know this is about more than that.”
It really isn’t.
“We’ve been together for what? Two years now? And you’re going to end it over something as stupid as parties and smoking.”
“Kahli, it’s more than that.”
“No it isn’t. I love you, but you can’t ask me to change.”
I’m not asking you to do anything but give me my freaking lighter.
After a few moments of silence, her delicate diaphragm pours out a sigh. “I guess I just can’t let go.”
“Of me or the lighter?” I ask, half joking.
She slaps my arm playfully as the corners of her mouth create a crescent moon. It’s things like this that always get me. She can be so... cute sometimes.
“Oh shut it, Dan. You, not the lighter.” She lobs my treasure about a foot in the air. It slaps cold in the palm of my hand.
My body instinctively juts out a small laugh. I repress it though. I can’t let her know she’s amusing me.
“Thanks, Kahli.”
“For what?”
“The lighter.”
She laughs with her eyes, and she has me in her grasp once more.
I rise and begin walking towards my car.
“Hey,” she calls as she gets to her feet. “Where are you going?”
“Home.” I say. I don’t look back. I can’t look back.
I don’t need to see her face.
I flip my lighter open and light up a well-deserved cigarette.
The back of the silvery casing reads, “I love you -K”
I guess I just can’t get rid of her.