haha FUNNY SHIT!
15 (well, 16) THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry (stolen from peter.)
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
4. You should not confuse your career with your life.
5. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
6 Never lick a steak knife.
7. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
8. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
9. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
12. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
13. Your friends love you anyway.
14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
15. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine..They start out as grapes,
and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
4. You should not confuse your career with your life.
5. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
6 Never lick a steak knife.
7. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
8. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
9. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
12. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
13. Your friends love you anyway.
14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
15. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine..They start out as grapes,
and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.