talking to myself
I always have these fake conversations in my head. Things I'm going to say to someone, things I should say or should have said. Yesterday I zoned out for like 15 minutes completed this conversation. I was a least ten minutes late to class because of it. I guess it's a way of thinking things out. I feel really selfish for being mad at my friend. I don't know why exactly I'm just a little pissed at her. She's really a nice person and she's been really there for me on some things... but sometimes....
It just came to my attention even more clearly how little we have in common. I mean really nothing. If it weren't for the time spent together and shared memories there's not a lot in common. Which I guess I can't fault her for that. It's mostly the fact that she thinks we do. I guess.
Well, I guess because I have lots of issues and she thinks she does. When I start to tell her a problem she not only relates but has had the same thing happen to her. Now is this really possible? I just take it as a sign that she's not really listenning. It's like she listens long enough to get ideas from me. It seems like a deceptive thing to do and I feel like it takes away from the validity of what I feel. She kinda of jokes about for instance men being jerks. She really doesn't know from her experience it's everyone around her. I what gives her away is the fact that she's joking. Some of us have really experienced bad things and therefore incapable of joking about it. To her it's a subject that's light or something... I just think if you've really been hurt by something you tend to avoid the subject completely. You bury it deep so instead of it coming out in words in surfaces in your actions.
She also copies the style of things I like. Its weird she'll buy something because she knows that I like it and wear it. Is it wrong to think this is kind of a hostile thing to do? I guess it's especially hurtful because I can't fit in to the same clothes. She knows this I know she does. And flattery is the sincerest form of flattery but...if she doesn't know by now it's my desire to be different then has she been listening to me this whole time have we really been friends? That was the general subject of the conversation I was having with her solely in my head of course. I feel mean for wanting to say something to her....it's so petty but I still feel annoyed by it.