understandings
always trying to be clever always trying to convey myself as if im on top of my game. and when i feel i am coming off awkward, i cover it up. as if its cool. as if its just part of the game.
and thats me.
when they say, "be your self." isnt that being yourself?
or maybe ive got an anxiety complex, as i observe many of us have, and theres some people out there that know they're cool. they know that these social interactions... standing in front of the publix lady, as she types in the digits of your vegetables. or your sparks plus. 7.0%.
but its raining in baltimore.
baby.
and i've got smiles. and frowns.
my european history teacher spends the first 10-20 minutes of class talking about current events. i suppose we could go on all class period discussing them, if you ask questions and you bring up topics. and theres this particular group of students... in the back right corner closest to the door... that talk. and talk, and eat. and just as class gets serious, they leave. all, about 5 of them. very disruptive and rude, yes. but the thing that gets me... the thing that at first annoyed me to no end. that these people could be so rude to this nice, easy seeming professor. and she did nothing about it. didn't even seem the least bit aggrevated. went on talking, right over them. each day, the same thing. it felt almost uncomfortable.. was she bottling it in? was she aggrevated by them? but then one day she broke the ice. someone asked her, after they left, if they anger her. and she said no. that people are entitled to what they want to do and that she's seen it all. at first i was taken aback. It was bothering me! but now... but now i'm discovering this womans wisdom. that ive never seen in a professor. this aliveness.... she teaches from her seat, amd she's never complained about our conduct. and she does what she, i most assuredly assume, she loves best. casually talks about european history. passive aggressive style, as i've never seen. and today, as the 5 girls got loud, and then all walked out 15 minutes into class... and someone with their headphones on, loud enough for everyone to hear the static of music around the classroom... i had this revelation. i stopped feeling aggrevated... and mad at their blunt disrespect... and listened to my teacher. and it all disappeared. i no longer care what the others are doing around me.
and thats me.
when they say, "be your self." isnt that being yourself?
or maybe ive got an anxiety complex, as i observe many of us have, and theres some people out there that know they're cool. they know that these social interactions... standing in front of the publix lady, as she types in the digits of your vegetables. or your sparks plus. 7.0%.
but its raining in baltimore.
baby.
and i've got smiles. and frowns.
my european history teacher spends the first 10-20 minutes of class talking about current events. i suppose we could go on all class period discussing them, if you ask questions and you bring up topics. and theres this particular group of students... in the back right corner closest to the door... that talk. and talk, and eat. and just as class gets serious, they leave. all, about 5 of them. very disruptive and rude, yes. but the thing that gets me... the thing that at first annoyed me to no end. that these people could be so rude to this nice, easy seeming professor. and she did nothing about it. didn't even seem the least bit aggrevated. went on talking, right over them. each day, the same thing. it felt almost uncomfortable.. was she bottling it in? was she aggrevated by them? but then one day she broke the ice. someone asked her, after they left, if they anger her. and she said no. that people are entitled to what they want to do and that she's seen it all. at first i was taken aback. It was bothering me! but now... but now i'm discovering this womans wisdom. that ive never seen in a professor. this aliveness.... she teaches from her seat, amd she's never complained about our conduct. and she does what she, i most assuredly assume, she loves best. casually talks about european history. passive aggressive style, as i've never seen. and today, as the 5 girls got loud, and then all walked out 15 minutes into class... and someone with their headphones on, loud enough for everyone to hear the static of music around the classroom... i had this revelation. i stopped feeling aggrevated... and mad at their blunt disrespect... and listened to my teacher. and it all disappeared. i no longer care what the others are doing around me.