(no subject)
Its so early in the morning and I haven't even slept at all. But somethings wrong it's like all I wanna do is lay in my room and not move or write. I know that school is so soon and I need to get my rest or whatever like my mom said but it's not that easy! I explained to her that my insomnia is back and I might have depression a while ago but it's like she doesn't listen. I'm seriously resisting urges to cut but I'm afraid I might fail miserably. I'm so apathetic right now that an old man could break out into the oscar myer wiener song in his underpants which have "Decrepit old fartsack" writin on them and I wouldn't even smile. I need to talk to somebody desperatly but I can't think of anyone. I have been thinking so much about all of the things that went wrong...Hildegard and Nanny whom I miss so terribly. If Hildegard were still here I could go over and just eat milkfuls, watch game shows and listen to stories about her childhood like I used to. And I could talk to Nanna about these problems and she wouldn't judge me at all. And I've noticed that I'm slowly eating less and less again. I can't help it most of the time the thought of food makes me sick...all I ate today was A cookie, muffin and a small lunch sized bag of nacho doritos. And I lost 5 pounds in a week or so. Whoot!..I'm slowly taking a big turn for the worst. I have been trying to calm it down with music but I just don't care anymore. God, I sound so pathetic but I can't do much else. Not alot of people read this and I cant write it on looseleaf or in a journal because my mother is so nosy. I just want to be numb, you know?...well...I should be off now -.-