Who..am I really..
All in all, I feel like shit..no. I feel like a loathing some creature in the darkness. Kura left..he acts like he doesn't even know me. Matt and me have been fighting abit more than usual, Link still likes me. Kira probably hates me. Kurama..is not as good as it use to be..and Kai..I just hope you don't hate me..Chelsey hates me. Even thought she says I am loyal and true..well if I was..then I wouldn't made that mistake that had ruin everything we had. The fact, I wanted to cry that you wanted to even think of punching me from accidently punching you in the face when we were playing around. But, now, it's lost. All the fun, everything. The bonding. Is GONE. Just like how Kurama's love is gone..just like how everyone use to be so close..and happy..all of it gone..Matt..he..he is the only reason I smile anymore..but, that isn't on here, but irl..school is so much fun..this year it isn't as hectic and everything. I don't want to stay home or anything like before. I have classes which are fun and make me happy. Like French. I love that class..I have friends and everything..but, that could never change my love for my friends on here..I would try anything to get Chelsey back..but I am scared..scare that you will hate me even more..for who I and my family is..I hate my mother..I would of gave you the money in person, if I had a car..I'm sorry for your father being in a car accident..if I only knew..but, me being a selfish prick..resting..not looking at the phone when it rang..and my phone ironicly put on no ringer..I was a fool and I hurt you..that is why I am afraid..whenever I see you on I feel guilt..my mind saying, "Ha, what now? You bitch, she hates you. How does it feel to be unloved by the people you love?" I cry for one reason, I get upset easily and I've held it in before..and oh..it hurts..and then..I'll snap..why do I never take Kurama's fights to heart? Because I know how it feels and I care for him. I wish we would talk like we did..be the friends we were..I know Kurama could never love me again..for what and who I have become now..and the fact..I have someone..I hate seeing him cry..it..it breaks my heart..It broke my heart when I saw Chelsey cry aswell..I wanted to comfort her and let her get all the guilt and pain out..but, I know..when I see her again all I will get is glares..Kai..Oh..Kai..you have always been there for me..I love you so dearly..my sister..my savior of love. Thank you so much for what you have done for me..you are like a bird..caged in at the world, the place you live..watching the others who judge you laugh..and all you want is apperciate and love..for someone to come up to that cage and say..what a beautiful bird..I apperciate all you do for me..I really do..I love when we talk on the phone..I love when we send each other gifts. (I still have all of your's. Even if it isn't 2005 I still have that calender up.) I am so grateful for all the gifts you went out and bought me with your money..oh just wait. I got my first paycheck. >> I'm gonna buy you something so nice. The same to all of you..I'll be able to send out my gifts now. I have money. I just..wish we all got along and what we use to be..But we all change and I can accept that..that..I've changed into something everyone hates..not love..I feel like I am the outcast..watching you all from the distance..in the shadows..smiling through tears..like a ghost who can't scream, 'Wait for me..!' Kura..why..why are you so distant with me..Why does it always have to be that when I show my friends, my friends leave me behind..!? Fall inlove and not even thank me..why..am I me..why do..I have to be so..depressed..and alone..why..it's hard to breathe and I curl up..seeing that sooner or later..they will not come online and vanish..I love you..all..I just wish..I could make you all happy again..
ciao..
~hiei
ciao..
~hiei