Depression fucking sucks
Yea so I've been battling with it since 9th grade at the least and let me tell you something, it fucking sucks! In the past 2 hours i've gone from being happy/hyper to being upset and just wanting to cry and now i'm like "I fucking hate this stupid ass world and if I could I'd blow the whole damned thing up!!!" *rereads what she just typed* Okay...now i'm not so sure if I'm bipolar or depressed...sometimes it seems like i could be either one....Either way doesn't matter, i still refuse to go talk to a fucking doctor/counsilor about it. I hate them, all they do is piss me off. *sighs* either way, its not fair that everyone else in the group i hang out with on a regular basis seems to get much more attention from everyone else than I do....even after the huge ass fucking talk we got into at crissy's dad's house. yea that was cool up until i started getting completely ignored all over again, just like its always been. you know what!? FUCK THIS!!!! I'm so sick of being ignored or seeming invisible! I'm pretty fucking willing to bet that like no one in the fucking world even reads this shit and there are a whole lot of people that claim they're my friend but i fucking bet you they'd never notice if i just died or something. a total of like maybe 4 people noticed i'd even attempted sucide twice within one week!!!!!!!! One fucking ass week and only 4 people out of like 50 that claim we're frieneds noticed i'd tried to kill me myself! Wanna know how that makes me feel? LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT!!!!!! I really should just drive my car of the damn bridge over the snohomish river on hwy 9 and see how many people bother to notice. I'm willing to bet it'll only be those 4 people, possibly 2 or 3 more but i doubt it.....*sighs sadly, nearing tears again* i'm sitting in the computer room at crissy's house in the middle of a party, like 5 people have walked past and didn't even notice i was there. god i fucking love my basically non-existant life. i'm just gonna curl up in a little ball under the desk and cry now...i'd do something else but i don't wanna make a mess that someone's gonna have to clean up later...