Fic: If I Fall 1/1 [Fandom: Xena]
Title: If I Fall 1/1
Author: GylzGirl
Rating: Teen
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Characters: Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena
Pairing: Joxer/Gabrielle
Written: 2001
Status: Complete
Lyrics Challenge Fic: Lyrics assigned by Katherine Campbell
Summary/Spoilers: This is my wish for the last filmed scene of Xena to be broadcast. It would be aired attached to the end of Friend in Need II but is a 'later that night' continuation of Soul Possession.
Disclaimers: Universal and Renaissance Pictures own the characters. No infringement intended.
Author's Notes: The assignment was to take our lyrics and end the show the way we'd like to see it end. So I did. And it may be sappier than what I would normally write, but oh well. On a show so short of emotional resolution if you don't happen to be a subtexter, I had to go for as much as I could. Vive Le Joxer!
If I Fall
by GylzGirl
Joxer watched his image in the surprisingly clear looking glass. This new body was going to take some getting used to. In appearance, it was very similar to the one he'd resided in when he'd first been Joxer. But he was not a native to this body. He had memories of being someone called Annie. He recognized Annie as the body Xena now wore. The place he used to live. But Annie was gone. The person she had been was needlessly destroyed by Ares and only her memories remained alive.
Joxer took the duty of the preservation of those memories as sacred. After all, he knew that once the shock that she had been Joxer had worn off, she had done everything she could to make sure that his name was held in the same esteem of those of his soulmates. In gratitude, if nothing else, he owed that much as well to the girl that he had been.
A loud banging on the door startled him. He walked to it, taking a moment to sort out the overly complicated locks. When he opened it, he saw the form of Annie standing there. She cradled Mattie's limp body in her arms.
"Xena?"
"Joxer, I need some place to lay her down."
"The...the bedroom's down the..."
"Thanks. I remember."
"Of course. I mean, this was your..."
"Joxer shut the door and come on."
"Right. Sorry." He did as he was told and followed behind the two women. As Xena lay Mattie's body down on the bed, Joxer came to her side and pulled the blanket up over her. "What happened to her?"
"Discord happened to her. If only that damn TV show had been right and that little troll-goddess had really been killed. She came after me for foiling Ares' plan, yet again." Joxer ran his hand over the unconscious woman's forehead. "Mattie got in the way."
Two soulmates sat on opposite sides of the bed, each fussing over their third as she slept.
"Shouldn't you have taken her to the hospital?"
"And tell them what? She was struck with a blue beam thrown from the hand of an Olympian God? No." Xena loosened Mattie's sleeves and unfastened her top two buttons. "We'll take care of each other just like we've always done. I wanted to take her to someone that I knew could help."
"Me?"
Xena reached over and touched his arm. "The three of us together can beat anything. I know that now. In the old days, I tried to keep you out of things. I thought I was protecting you. And all my protecting did was separate you from us and then get you killed."
"Xena."
"Joxer, the three of us are supposed to be together. That's why we find each other over and over again. I'm just hoping that the pull of the two of us with her here will be stronger than that of the other side."
Joxer pulled a handkerchief from his pants pocket and dabbed the perspiration from Mattie's forehead. "I take it Harry's gone?"
Xena nodded with a small smile. "Mostly."
"You must be tired too. I can look after her if you want to rest. Could I get you something to eat?"
She looked up at him with a smile. "A little revenge for the condition I left your stomach in?" She patted him gently on the belly.
"Oh no. When I think of a revenge for that it will be a whole lot better."
"You know, when you ran off to the bathroom like that... it reminded me of the time when Gabrielle had foot rot and..."
He smiled. "And you had lice."
"I did not have lice." At his raised eyebrow, she smiled. "All right. But I didn't have a lot of lice. Anyway, I remembered you saving the day with your cooking."
"And running off to the outhouse afterward, cementing my reputation as an idiot."
"Joxer you're not an idiot."
"I'm the comic relief. And I'm not even well-liked comic relief."
She put her arm around him. "Who says?"
"Those fans of that TV show they made about us... well, about you and Gabby really."
"It's a big show Joxer and those were only two people. And did you see them? Let's hope if people made this popular program about the adventures the three of us had together, they were not representing the only kind of person who would watch it."
"Well Gabby thinks that too."
"No. Mattie thinks that. Gabrielle loved you Joxer. You must have heard her thoughts."
"But Mattie is Gabby."
"No. Gabby is Mattie. Mattie is a person the two of us haven't met before today. Mattie remembers bits and pieces of being Gabrielle. Meanwhile, I'm Xena and you're Joxer. Do you understand?"
"I think so."
"Who's Mattie?"
Xena and Joxer turned their heads and looked down at their companion. "Mattie, are you okay?"
"Xena what are you talking about? Who's Mattie?"
Joxer's breath caught in his throat. "Gabby?"
The green eyes of the girl on the bed widened. "Joxer?" He smiled at her and she sat up in a rush, quickly embracing the man before her. "Oh Joxer! I've missed you!"
He held her just as tightly, looking over her shoulder at Xena. The Warrior Princess just shrugged. "Gabrielle, what's the last thing you remember?"
She turned her head and rested it on Joxer's shoulder as she looked to Xena. "I was dreaming I was an old woman... and I was upset because the two of you had left me behind. But then I knew that I was going to get to see you soon and I wasn't angry anymore. I remember Sarah kissing my cheek and then putting her hand over my eyes..."
Joxer touched her cheek. "You don't remember being Mattie?"
"What are you talking about? Who is this Mattie?"
Joxer shook his head and hugged her once again. "We'll tell you later. For right now, it just feels so good to hold you again."
"It feels good to be held."
Xena ran her hand down Gabrielle's hair, then stood and patted Joxer on the shoulder. "I'm going to the kitchen to get her some water. I'll be back in a little bit."
"Joxer, how did you come back to us? Did Hades..." she trailed off as she noticed their surroundings for the first time. "Where are we?"
He pulled back enough to be able to hold her eyes with his own. "This isn't the time you remember. We all passed on when it was our times to go. And we reincarnated. Xena and I had found each other in this lifetime only I was named Annie and I was in the body she's in now. Xena was named Harry and was in this body." He looked down at himself. "Are you with me so far?"
Bright green eyes blinked at him in the dim lighting. Gabrielle nodded and then he continued. "People found your scrolls and made a television program from them."
"What's that?"
"Uh...well it's like a series of plays that tell a continuing story. And a whole lot of people are able to watch it at the same time. Anyway, our current incarnations were aware of Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer only as characters from this program and when some of those memories started breaking through for me, we came to see you. Your name was Mattie and you helped people connect with who they were in a past life. Once you and Xena realized who you had been, you guys left me."
Gabrielle looked truly surprised. "Joxer... I don't remember it but the only explanation I can think to give you is... " She took a deep breath. "This still seems so hard. It took so long to get here. Now I'm saying things I swore I would never say and I'm afraid again."
"Just say them."
"I love you Joxer. I love you as more than my friend, more than my family. I love you like you loved me. I used to conjure your face over and over in my mind. So the only explanation I have is that I have a bond with Xena and to find her wearing the face I loved most in the world... I have to think that would be pretty irresistible."
"Gabrielle." Tears came to his eyes. He leaned forward and touched his lips to her own. She kissed him back fervently. Only the sound of someone clearing their throat caused them to pull apart.
When they did, they found Xena smiling down on them. "Okay break it up and give the girl some air Loverboy." Joxer grinned widely as Xena sat beside them on the bed and offered Gabrielle a glass of water.
The bard accepted, leaning back on the pillows. "But hang on, if you were Annie and Xena was Harry then what happened?"
"Ares," Xena said. "He switched Joxer and I so he could have me looking closer to how I was in the old days. I think that Discord had it in her head to hit me with that beam and make me repress all my memories of being Xena so that he'd have a fresh start with me again."
"Yeah, but then you'd have been in Annie's body and you'd have thought you were Harry."
"I never said she was bright Joxer. But Mattie jumped in the way."
"Is that why I don't remember being her at all?"
"I think so," Xena took the empty glass from Gabrielle and sat it on the night stand. She crawled up on the bed and lay to one side of the bard. Joxer turned and leaned back, laying to her other side. Gabrielle lifted so that he could put his arm under her. Xena turned against Gabrielle's side, extending her arm across the girl and resting her hand on Joxer's chest.
Joxer kissed Gabrielle's forehead. "Sweet little fighter. Sweet little scar. Sweet little fire in my heart."
She smiled. "That's from my scroll. The one..."
"The one about when I was killed. You thought that over and over in your head and I heard every word. I used to wander the Elysian Fields saying it everywhere I went. I think Ephiney was going to brain me if she heard it one more time."
"Sweet little fighter. Sweet little scar. Sweet little fire in my heart. And if I fall don't grieve for me. My love waits on an Elysian hilltop to catch me and never let go."
He brushed her cheek with a kiss. "I built a house on that hilltop just so you'd know where to look for me when you got there."
She held his hand and turned to Xena. "What do we do now?"
Xena squeezed both of her companions tightly. "This time perhaps more than any other before it is desperately in need of heroes. I'd say we're right where we need to be. But first, I think we deserve a rest. Get some sleep you two. It might be our last chance for awhile." She closed her eyes and sighed.
Joxer grinned. "You know Gabby, right now we're legally married." He half-turned his head from her in anticipation of a nose tweak.
"What do you mean right now?" He looked down on her. She smiled. "Marriage is for a lifetime Joxer. You don't get out of it that easily."
He looked over to an also-smiling Xena. "Well, does she have to beg you Joxer? Kiss the girl."
And Joxer did.
The End
Assigned Lyrics:
If I Fall
by Tara MacLean
It seems so far to go
It took so long to get here
Now I'm saying things I swore I would never say
And I'm afraid again
I thought I had it in me
I used to be so sure
There I was stronger than ever
Here I am blaming the hurt
Chorus:
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire in my heart
It seems so easy now
Everything I dreamed about when I was child
It looks like a good place here
So I think I'll stay for awhile
Chorus
You came here screaming
And never stopped to listen
To your one and only prayer
A place for you somewhere
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire in my heart
Chorus
Author: GylzGirl
Rating: Teen
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Characters: Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena
Pairing: Joxer/Gabrielle
Written: 2001
Status: Complete
Lyrics Challenge Fic: Lyrics assigned by Katherine Campbell
Summary/Spoilers: This is my wish for the last filmed scene of Xena to be broadcast. It would be aired attached to the end of Friend in Need II but is a 'later that night' continuation of Soul Possession.
Disclaimers: Universal and Renaissance Pictures own the characters. No infringement intended.
Author's Notes: The assignment was to take our lyrics and end the show the way we'd like to see it end. So I did. And it may be sappier than what I would normally write, but oh well. On a show so short of emotional resolution if you don't happen to be a subtexter, I had to go for as much as I could. Vive Le Joxer!
If I Fall
by GylzGirl
Joxer watched his image in the surprisingly clear looking glass. This new body was going to take some getting used to. In appearance, it was very similar to the one he'd resided in when he'd first been Joxer. But he was not a native to this body. He had memories of being someone called Annie. He recognized Annie as the body Xena now wore. The place he used to live. But Annie was gone. The person she had been was needlessly destroyed by Ares and only her memories remained alive.
Joxer took the duty of the preservation of those memories as sacred. After all, he knew that once the shock that she had been Joxer had worn off, she had done everything she could to make sure that his name was held in the same esteem of those of his soulmates. In gratitude, if nothing else, he owed that much as well to the girl that he had been.
A loud banging on the door startled him. He walked to it, taking a moment to sort out the overly complicated locks. When he opened it, he saw the form of Annie standing there. She cradled Mattie's limp body in her arms.
"Xena?"
"Joxer, I need some place to lay her down."
"The...the bedroom's down the..."
"Thanks. I remember."
"Of course. I mean, this was your..."
"Joxer shut the door and come on."
"Right. Sorry." He did as he was told and followed behind the two women. As Xena lay Mattie's body down on the bed, Joxer came to her side and pulled the blanket up over her. "What happened to her?"
"Discord happened to her. If only that damn TV show had been right and that little troll-goddess had really been killed. She came after me for foiling Ares' plan, yet again." Joxer ran his hand over the unconscious woman's forehead. "Mattie got in the way."
Two soulmates sat on opposite sides of the bed, each fussing over their third as she slept.
"Shouldn't you have taken her to the hospital?"
"And tell them what? She was struck with a blue beam thrown from the hand of an Olympian God? No." Xena loosened Mattie's sleeves and unfastened her top two buttons. "We'll take care of each other just like we've always done. I wanted to take her to someone that I knew could help."
"Me?"
Xena reached over and touched his arm. "The three of us together can beat anything. I know that now. In the old days, I tried to keep you out of things. I thought I was protecting you. And all my protecting did was separate you from us and then get you killed."
"Xena."
"Joxer, the three of us are supposed to be together. That's why we find each other over and over again. I'm just hoping that the pull of the two of us with her here will be stronger than that of the other side."
Joxer pulled a handkerchief from his pants pocket and dabbed the perspiration from Mattie's forehead. "I take it Harry's gone?"
Xena nodded with a small smile. "Mostly."
"You must be tired too. I can look after her if you want to rest. Could I get you something to eat?"
She looked up at him with a smile. "A little revenge for the condition I left your stomach in?" She patted him gently on the belly.
"Oh no. When I think of a revenge for that it will be a whole lot better."
"You know, when you ran off to the bathroom like that... it reminded me of the time when Gabrielle had foot rot and..."
He smiled. "And you had lice."
"I did not have lice." At his raised eyebrow, she smiled. "All right. But I didn't have a lot of lice. Anyway, I remembered you saving the day with your cooking."
"And running off to the outhouse afterward, cementing my reputation as an idiot."
"Joxer you're not an idiot."
"I'm the comic relief. And I'm not even well-liked comic relief."
She put her arm around him. "Who says?"
"Those fans of that TV show they made about us... well, about you and Gabby really."
"It's a big show Joxer and those were only two people. And did you see them? Let's hope if people made this popular program about the adventures the three of us had together, they were not representing the only kind of person who would watch it."
"Well Gabby thinks that too."
"No. Mattie thinks that. Gabrielle loved you Joxer. You must have heard her thoughts."
"But Mattie is Gabby."
"No. Gabby is Mattie. Mattie is a person the two of us haven't met before today. Mattie remembers bits and pieces of being Gabrielle. Meanwhile, I'm Xena and you're Joxer. Do you understand?"
"I think so."
"Who's Mattie?"
Xena and Joxer turned their heads and looked down at their companion. "Mattie, are you okay?"
"Xena what are you talking about? Who's Mattie?"
Joxer's breath caught in his throat. "Gabby?"
The green eyes of the girl on the bed widened. "Joxer?" He smiled at her and she sat up in a rush, quickly embracing the man before her. "Oh Joxer! I've missed you!"
He held her just as tightly, looking over her shoulder at Xena. The Warrior Princess just shrugged. "Gabrielle, what's the last thing you remember?"
She turned her head and rested it on Joxer's shoulder as she looked to Xena. "I was dreaming I was an old woman... and I was upset because the two of you had left me behind. But then I knew that I was going to get to see you soon and I wasn't angry anymore. I remember Sarah kissing my cheek and then putting her hand over my eyes..."
Joxer touched her cheek. "You don't remember being Mattie?"
"What are you talking about? Who is this Mattie?"
Joxer shook his head and hugged her once again. "We'll tell you later. For right now, it just feels so good to hold you again."
"It feels good to be held."
Xena ran her hand down Gabrielle's hair, then stood and patted Joxer on the shoulder. "I'm going to the kitchen to get her some water. I'll be back in a little bit."
"Joxer, how did you come back to us? Did Hades..." she trailed off as she noticed their surroundings for the first time. "Where are we?"
He pulled back enough to be able to hold her eyes with his own. "This isn't the time you remember. We all passed on when it was our times to go. And we reincarnated. Xena and I had found each other in this lifetime only I was named Annie and I was in the body she's in now. Xena was named Harry and was in this body." He looked down at himself. "Are you with me so far?"
Bright green eyes blinked at him in the dim lighting. Gabrielle nodded and then he continued. "People found your scrolls and made a television program from them."
"What's that?"
"Uh...well it's like a series of plays that tell a continuing story. And a whole lot of people are able to watch it at the same time. Anyway, our current incarnations were aware of Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer only as characters from this program and when some of those memories started breaking through for me, we came to see you. Your name was Mattie and you helped people connect with who they were in a past life. Once you and Xena realized who you had been, you guys left me."
Gabrielle looked truly surprised. "Joxer... I don't remember it but the only explanation I can think to give you is... " She took a deep breath. "This still seems so hard. It took so long to get here. Now I'm saying things I swore I would never say and I'm afraid again."
"Just say them."
"I love you Joxer. I love you as more than my friend, more than my family. I love you like you loved me. I used to conjure your face over and over in my mind. So the only explanation I have is that I have a bond with Xena and to find her wearing the face I loved most in the world... I have to think that would be pretty irresistible."
"Gabrielle." Tears came to his eyes. He leaned forward and touched his lips to her own. She kissed him back fervently. Only the sound of someone clearing their throat caused them to pull apart.
When they did, they found Xena smiling down on them. "Okay break it up and give the girl some air Loverboy." Joxer grinned widely as Xena sat beside them on the bed and offered Gabrielle a glass of water.
The bard accepted, leaning back on the pillows. "But hang on, if you were Annie and Xena was Harry then what happened?"
"Ares," Xena said. "He switched Joxer and I so he could have me looking closer to how I was in the old days. I think that Discord had it in her head to hit me with that beam and make me repress all my memories of being Xena so that he'd have a fresh start with me again."
"Yeah, but then you'd have been in Annie's body and you'd have thought you were Harry."
"I never said she was bright Joxer. But Mattie jumped in the way."
"Is that why I don't remember being her at all?"
"I think so," Xena took the empty glass from Gabrielle and sat it on the night stand. She crawled up on the bed and lay to one side of the bard. Joxer turned and leaned back, laying to her other side. Gabrielle lifted so that he could put his arm under her. Xena turned against Gabrielle's side, extending her arm across the girl and resting her hand on Joxer's chest.
Joxer kissed Gabrielle's forehead. "Sweet little fighter. Sweet little scar. Sweet little fire in my heart."
She smiled. "That's from my scroll. The one..."
"The one about when I was killed. You thought that over and over in your head and I heard every word. I used to wander the Elysian Fields saying it everywhere I went. I think Ephiney was going to brain me if she heard it one more time."
"Sweet little fighter. Sweet little scar. Sweet little fire in my heart. And if I fall don't grieve for me. My love waits on an Elysian hilltop to catch me and never let go."
He brushed her cheek with a kiss. "I built a house on that hilltop just so you'd know where to look for me when you got there."
She held his hand and turned to Xena. "What do we do now?"
Xena squeezed both of her companions tightly. "This time perhaps more than any other before it is desperately in need of heroes. I'd say we're right where we need to be. But first, I think we deserve a rest. Get some sleep you two. It might be our last chance for awhile." She closed her eyes and sighed.
Joxer grinned. "You know Gabby, right now we're legally married." He half-turned his head from her in anticipation of a nose tweak.
"What do you mean right now?" He looked down on her. She smiled. "Marriage is for a lifetime Joxer. You don't get out of it that easily."
He looked over to an also-smiling Xena. "Well, does she have to beg you Joxer? Kiss the girl."
And Joxer did.
The End
Assigned Lyrics:
If I Fall
by Tara MacLean
It seems so far to go
It took so long to get here
Now I'm saying things I swore I would never say
And I'm afraid again
I thought I had it in me
I used to be so sure
There I was stronger than ever
Here I am blaming the hurt
Chorus:
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire in my heart
It seems so easy now
Everything I dreamed about when I was child
It looks like a good place here
So I think I'll stay for awhile
Chorus
You came here screaming
And never stopped to listen
To your one and only prayer
A place for you somewhere
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire in my heart
Chorus