(no subject)
the future freaks me out. i think MCS said it best. there are way too many things to consider for the next few years, and planning all of that now is just sickening and frightening. I cant even comit to what type of latte i want at starbucks, let alone picking a law school in possibly a different state and worrying about everything that would stem from that. My GPA is great, im involved in clubs, honor societies, etc. but my life basically rides on a 6 hour test on sept 29th. All of the tons of hours spent getting to this place will mean shit if i do awful on it. Im a control freak. i dont like not knowing what will happen and where i stand. If i do awful, im fucked, plain and simple. if i cant get into law school, i dont know what ill do. what does one do with a political science degree? become a politician? i wouldnt mind becoming a professor, i thought about doing that sometime down the road anyway, but after working on my thesis now, i really dont want to deal with a discertation. i can always just do it without becoming a phd. blah.
i apparently do not like the idea of long term committment. theres the whole "what school should i go to?" deal. im applying to hofstra and st johns. after that its all about long shitty commutes, which may be bad if i have spread out classes or i have to go back there at random times, but may be worth it for the name and prestige. then theres out of state. that means finding a place to live, cooking for myself, and somehow finding the money to do it, cuz i probably wont be able to work during the first year. and what if i dont like where i am? what if im miserable? im stuck. but who knows, it can turn out great too... maybe i can find some happiness inbetween outlines and study groups. then if i want to practice in ny which for now i do, i have to take another class to pass the NY bar. I dont think im capable of making any decision that would keep me somewhere for 3 years. not yet anyway. but im gunna have to be.
i need to get from step A-B-C-D without thinking straight to D. and i should probably remember to breathe.
i apparently do not like the idea of long term committment. theres the whole "what school should i go to?" deal. im applying to hofstra and st johns. after that its all about long shitty commutes, which may be bad if i have spread out classes or i have to go back there at random times, but may be worth it for the name and prestige. then theres out of state. that means finding a place to live, cooking for myself, and somehow finding the money to do it, cuz i probably wont be able to work during the first year. and what if i dont like where i am? what if im miserable? im stuck. but who knows, it can turn out great too... maybe i can find some happiness inbetween outlines and study groups. then if i want to practice in ny which for now i do, i have to take another class to pass the NY bar. I dont think im capable of making any decision that would keep me somewhere for 3 years. not yet anyway. but im gunna have to be.
i need to get from step A-B-C-D without thinking straight to D. and i should probably remember to breathe.