HOPE FOR A HAPPY ENDING
Title: Hope for a Happy Ending
Author: HideSeekKeep
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don’t own “Grey’s Anatomy”
Author’s Note: A hopeful one-shot in Meredith’s POV set post-season 3 finale because it was just too darn depressing and I needed something to pick me up. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it too (after all the initial angst, that is).
~*~
When you were four years old, you desperately believed in happy endings. You would listen to the stories of the fairy tale princesses and put yourself in their place. Sitting on the living room ottoman, you pretended that Prince Charming was putting the glass slipper on your shoe. Or you would lie in bed with eyes squeezed tightly shut and wait for true love’s first kiss to awaken you from your slumber. Everything seemed so likely then and you thought happily ever after might not be reserved just for the storybooks.
And then, at the age of five, your father left and happy endings no longer seemed like a possibility. Your mother scolded you for admiring the fairy tale princesses, because they were all so terribly weak, waiting for someone to save them from evil spells and wicked witches and seeming to do nothing in the meanwhile to change their circumstances. She told you it was only reality that you should concern yourself with and, unfortunately, reality could be very, very ugly. Your dolls were soon discarded and the Disney videos replaced on the shelves by surgical tapes.
You held onto hope though. Secretly, deep down in your heart, you thought maybe, just maybe, Prince Charming was still out there. In freshman year of high school, Andrew Washington seemed to fit the bill perfectly. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed captain of the football team, he was everything a girl could want. And when he showed sudden interest in plain, old Meredith Grey, it seemed like Prince Charming had found you after all. You shared six months of veritable bliss…until you caught him going to second base with Cindy Rochelle, the leggy and fabulous head cheerleader, under the bleachers by the track.
As you got older, the boys only seemed to want one thing and you began to oblige. Who needed happily ever after when you could live happily right now? The boys were usually handsome and, with the help of a few shots of tequila, they could appear as charming as you wanted them to. And in the morning, you would kick them out as easily as you had let them in and there would be absolutely no remorse. Because there was no hope left for Prince Charmings and happy endings for Meredith Grey.
And then Derek Shepherd came into your life. Derek freakin’ Shepherd, who was dreamy and handsome and whose smile made your heart melt the first time you saw it. And despite the fact that you had done your typical kick-the-guy-out-in-the-morning routine AND he turned out to be your boss AND your own boss later caught you half-naked together in his car, you managed to develop something with him that was special. Something that-dare you say it-could last. And so hope reared its ugly little head again and you tried to push it away because Prince Charming didn’t exist, remember? And he certainly didn’t pick up girls in bars.
And you turned out to be right because, once again, someone leggy and fabulous had managed to shatter your dreams. And you reverted to your old ways of downing shots of tequila and sleeping with inappropriate men because you desperately wanted to fill that hole in your heart (you just didn’t realize you were making it bigger). You almost died with your hand on a bomb-but didn’t-and there was still no prince who came to your rescue. You had no one but yourself. And when you later found out you had a half-sister who was newly married and pregnant and freakin’ glowing, you realized that happy endings DO exist…just not for you.
But something funny happens. You find yourself becoming a prom-night cliché and having sex with the handsomest guy at the dance. And after torturous months apart, Derek Shepherd finds his way back to you. But the writers of your story won’t give you your happy ending. It turns out that you snore and that you just might be ordinary, so you don’t swim and pretty much die but you come back just so your boyfriend won’t stop believing in happily ever after (now if that isn’t romantic, you don’t know what is).
But even after your struggle to return to the land of the living, all is not well. Derek becomes overbearing and then he becomes distant; in general, he acts very un-McDreamy-like. And your real mom has died and then fake-mommy dies and then your dad slaps you and comes back a second time to give you another slap in the face (this time not physical). And you almost fail your intern test and your boyfriend reveals he met another girl at a bar last night. And it all seems like TOO MUCH. Your life has fallen apart and, if you thought there wasn’t a chance for a happily ever after before, it pretty much is impossible now.
But then that damn thing called hope enters your heart once again. In this mess that is your life, Cristina’s impending wedding to Burke is your last chance for something good and you cling to it with all you’ve got. People like you and Cristina don’t normally get happy endings but here it is, just a walk down the aisle away. All it takes is for Cristina to suck it up and, when she does, your heart begins to sing. Because this is it. Despite all the crap that has happened over the past year, this…THIS is going to be the start of many good things.
And then once again it all comes crumbling down and the fairy tale is over. So over.
~*~
As you lay in your (empty) bed tonight, you wonder what’s become of the past year. It appears that the answer is nothing, absolutely nothing. You feel like you’re back at square one, only with more dark-and-twistiness than ever before.
You curl into your blanket and you can still smell the scent of him on your sheets.
The door creaks open and you tell Izzie to leave you alone tonight because you’re just not up for talking or chocolate chip cookies. But the voice that comes from the door is not Izzie. It’s the last person you would have expected that night.
You tell him to go away and bury yourself even further into your blanket. He’s probably come to get his stuff, to return his key…to leave.
And he takes you in his arms and he just holds you. You resist, you try to push him away, to escape from your problems and the pain. You, Meredith Grey, are a bona fide avoider. You run away to save face, so that the other person can’t hurt you first. And right now all you want to do is just that. You don’t want to have to hear the hurt tone in his voice or a laundry list of all your faults. You don’t want to hear him say goodbye.
But he holding on tight. He’s not letting you go. He’s not letting you push him away so that you can run. And he’s not running away this time either. He says he is going to fight for you, no matter what happens. He tells you you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He says he loves you like he’s never loved anyone before. He promises to be the one who STAYS.
And before long, you stop resisting and the tears start to come.
You’ve both broken each other so badly and it feels like the two of you are beyond saving. Perhaps it would be easier to just let go. But then hope-that DAMNED hope-rises in your heart again and this time…this time you think you won’t kick it out as easily as you did before. This time you think you might let it stay awhile.
You realize you’re not a pretty fairy tale princess. You’re a warrior, who has fought and bled, who has suffered and learned, and who picks herself up every time. You don’t need saving from some knight in shining…whatever. It’s always just been you all along.
But you realize you wouldn’t mind having someone to fight by your side.
And as he whispers pretty words of love and forever in your ear, you think that maybe, just maybe, you CAN be one of those people who gets a happy ending. But not just yet. It’s a new year for you and for now you’ll settle for a happy beginning.
UPDATE FROM 09/14/07: So I've made some very, very slight edits since my last update but I still want to give my sincerest thanks for anyone out there reading (and who have read) my first "Grey's Anatomy" fic! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
I've also got a couple of other MerDer one-shots in the works and hopefully I'll end up getting my act together long enough so that I can actually complete one.