(no subject)
I ache, my eyes are weary, and these clothes feel like they weigh me down like a suit of armour. The problems of a hard days work after a hard nights sleep.
I know people at college see me as knowing photography inside out, ok well i was described as a 'darkroom wizard' and others turn to me for things but I really don't feel like it, especially when we don't do that much darkroom stuff and it's not as if I do anything extra than what they know to do. James says he's scared of me at times, mainly when I'm in one of my crazy moments and just having fun like doing a crazy mad killer's laugh. Some people are a pain to organise, I order a big order for everyone and some people are slow at getting back to me even though I know they're with their phone 24/7. I wish we didn't have these essays to do, well this certain one. The previous ones have been ok but 'reportage' just doesn't do anything for me, you're there to do a job and record the events... College is moving buildings, well my department it, and we're getting a smaller darkroom... WTF! And to make things worse, apparently it's going to be more square shaped than is, 'so it will feel like more space'. Note you don't want a square, it's unproductive unless it's big enough for a certain layout and I doubt it will. Time shall tell.
Let go of the past. Times change but they won't if you don't let them.
There's a lot of deadlines coming up for next month. All my work has to be handed in on the week of 16th May, and I'll have my driving lesson on the 5th. Plus the 11 days free from college and work at the end of April will be away from home, of my own choice I know but still it's a pity they couldn't be timed for after the deadlines so they could be without worry.
My family now know I have a girlfriend, at last lol. I'm worried about the journey to her that I'm going to take on my own for the first time. I know I'll be fine, they speak English fine and I'll have my dictionary etc but still it's a concern if things all go pete tong. I'm also worried that after these few months apart, I'm going to be really fat and also having not really done much exercise be unfit and not keep pace and stamina run out all rather too quickly, especially in relation to some things if you know what I mean.
Money as ever is a concern, as I said, I'll be going out to Tanja's. The credit card won't go away any time soon, nor my overdraft, let alone the education loans. I have handed my CV into another company who said they'll be looking at them this week hopefully, so fingers crossed I'll be able to get that job. And as for the company I want to start, that's just faded into the dream that it was I think, may be better next year but hey ho.
My memory or lack of it bothers me.
I know I'm free to come and go from home as I want, but if I do things out of the ordinary such as just go for a walk or stand in the rain then I know my parents would think something was up, but that's me, I'm different, and proud of it too but being at home I have that 'reputation' to live up to and obide by.
My photography at times, sucks, I wish I could take more, I wish I could sell it, I wish it was appreciated, I wish when it wasn't good that people would say why, or even just say it's not than ignore it.
I miss Tanja. It sucks to go to bed alone.
I wish we didn't have to read so many books and journals for college, I'm a slow reader and there's other books I want to read for fun, reading for the need spoils it. I wish I had more time then I guess, to write, but I tend to write best when depressed, when I've just been dumped, but I have no want of that, I just want to be able to write. I guess to follow on from that, I wish my grasp of the English language was better, that I could spell correctly more often, and that if I wanted I could learn another and be free from the influence of others i.e. Yankie.
Bit of an EMO post I know but sometimes it's good to go for it and I expect if I sat here longer there'd be more but for now.. Night. It can't always rain.
I know people at college see me as knowing photography inside out, ok well i was described as a 'darkroom wizard' and others turn to me for things but I really don't feel like it, especially when we don't do that much darkroom stuff and it's not as if I do anything extra than what they know to do. James says he's scared of me at times, mainly when I'm in one of my crazy moments and just having fun like doing a crazy mad killer's laugh. Some people are a pain to organise, I order a big order for everyone and some people are slow at getting back to me even though I know they're with their phone 24/7. I wish we didn't have these essays to do, well this certain one. The previous ones have been ok but 'reportage' just doesn't do anything for me, you're there to do a job and record the events... College is moving buildings, well my department it, and we're getting a smaller darkroom... WTF! And to make things worse, apparently it's going to be more square shaped than is, 'so it will feel like more space'. Note you don't want a square, it's unproductive unless it's big enough for a certain layout and I doubt it will. Time shall tell.
Let go of the past. Times change but they won't if you don't let them.
There's a lot of deadlines coming up for next month. All my work has to be handed in on the week of 16th May, and I'll have my driving lesson on the 5th. Plus the 11 days free from college and work at the end of April will be away from home, of my own choice I know but still it's a pity they couldn't be timed for after the deadlines so they could be without worry.
My family now know I have a girlfriend, at last lol. I'm worried about the journey to her that I'm going to take on my own for the first time. I know I'll be fine, they speak English fine and I'll have my dictionary etc but still it's a concern if things all go pete tong. I'm also worried that after these few months apart, I'm going to be really fat and also having not really done much exercise be unfit and not keep pace and stamina run out all rather too quickly, especially in relation to some things if you know what I mean.
Money as ever is a concern, as I said, I'll be going out to Tanja's. The credit card won't go away any time soon, nor my overdraft, let alone the education loans. I have handed my CV into another company who said they'll be looking at them this week hopefully, so fingers crossed I'll be able to get that job. And as for the company I want to start, that's just faded into the dream that it was I think, may be better next year but hey ho.
My memory or lack of it bothers me.
I know I'm free to come and go from home as I want, but if I do things out of the ordinary such as just go for a walk or stand in the rain then I know my parents would think something was up, but that's me, I'm different, and proud of it too but being at home I have that 'reputation' to live up to and obide by.
My photography at times, sucks, I wish I could take more, I wish I could sell it, I wish it was appreciated, I wish when it wasn't good that people would say why, or even just say it's not than ignore it.
I miss Tanja. It sucks to go to bed alone.
I wish we didn't have to read so many books and journals for college, I'm a slow reader and there's other books I want to read for fun, reading for the need spoils it. I wish I had more time then I guess, to write, but I tend to write best when depressed, when I've just been dumped, but I have no want of that, I just want to be able to write. I guess to follow on from that, I wish my grasp of the English language was better, that I could spell correctly more often, and that if I wanted I could learn another and be free from the influence of others i.e. Yankie.
Bit of an EMO post I know but sometimes it's good to go for it and I expect if I sat here longer there'd be more but for now.. Night. It can't always rain.