My friend Wens wrote a good post about how people will go "I was sooo angry for you!" and then make something that wasn't their problem all about them. It made me think
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Re: It's okay to be Allied.rukiaOctober 4 2010, 22:02:42 UTC
That is very awesome of your mom to hold those meetings.
Thanks, but mom doesn't hold the meetings as some selfless act. She does it as much as for her and her partner as it is for the "kids" (as she calls them - since they're all about my age :P).
what about all the people out there who don't get that support?
Gosh, don't spread yourself so thin by being a bleeding heart, jess hon. What I am trying to say is - okay, nevermind, I know two people who can say it better than me. Lemme google them for a sec:
"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." - Mother Theresa
You want people to be more tolerant, live as an example to others. If someone seeks your help, offer a hand. If they do not, let them stand on their own. If you face intolerance, meet it with patience and understanding. If you feel you can not tolerate or have patience for someone, then you will not be able to affect their perspective in any case, so leave them be and move on. Don't let anger drive you because you do not want that anger reflected in the world around you.
As someone who is straight or asexual, I can't be that role model, that living proof that things get better.
Your sexual identity should have no effect on helping or counseling others. If someone is calling a suicide hotline, they need someone to listen to them, not the other way around.
That...my good intentions could be ill received and I may do more harm than good.
I think it is simply a matter of how not to make another person's narrative all about you, y'know?
I was bullied as a kid for being mixed race, so while I can empathize with others who have been bullied as a kid, I can not simply say "I know how hard it is for you as a Jew/black/lesbian/whathaveyou because I was picked on as a kid and, man, I hate people treating *us* bad." Apples and Oranges, there.
Let me give a simpler example. My first room mate in college had relatives over the mountain pass in Renton. That was about a two hour ride, so she could only visit them every other week or so. MY parents lived in Singapore. That was a 2 hour drive to the airport plus 14-16 hours flight over the Pacific. I only got to use a phone card or e-mail them from time to time because Skype didn't exist yet.
When my Dad came to visit me and it was my first chance of seeing him in months, my room mate said to him, "Oh I understand EXACTLY how Ariana feels! I'm living far from my family too!"
Dad and I shared a "WTF" moment there. The two experiences were totally unrelated and yet she was trying to form some kind of connection there - not out of compassion or empathy, but out of the need to make the current narrative about HER. To say the least, we weren't much impressed. See what I mean?
Re: It's okay to be Allied.hideincarnateOctober 5 2010, 16:15:05 UTC
Yeah, I see what you mean. And that's what I want to avoid doing. Thanks for all the advice too. I think I get worked up easily and then think I GOTTA SAVE THE WORLD but obviously that's not possible. So I need my friends - like you - to talk me back down to reasonable measures.
Thanks, but mom doesn't hold the meetings as some selfless act. She does it as much as for her and her partner as it is for the "kids" (as she calls them - since they're all about my age :P).
what about all the people out there who don't get that support?
Gosh, don't spread yourself so thin by being a bleeding heart, jess hon. What I am trying to say is - okay, nevermind, I know two people who can say it better than me. Lemme google them for a sec:
"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." - Mother Theresa
You want people to be more tolerant, live as an example to others. If someone seeks your help, offer a hand. If they do not, let them stand on their own. If you face intolerance, meet it with patience and understanding. If you feel you can not tolerate or have patience for someone, then you will not be able to affect their perspective in any case, so leave them be and move on. Don't let anger drive you because you do not want that anger reflected in the world around you.
As someone who is straight or asexual, I can't be that role model, that living proof that things get better.
Your sexual identity should have no effect on helping or counseling others. If someone is calling a suicide hotline, they need someone to listen to them, not the other way around.
That...my good intentions could be ill received and I may do more harm than good.
I think it is simply a matter of how not to make another person's narrative all about you, y'know?
I was bullied as a kid for being mixed race, so while I can empathize with others who have been bullied as a kid, I can not simply say "I know how hard it is for you as a Jew/black/lesbian/whathaveyou because I was picked on as a kid and, man, I hate people treating *us* bad." Apples and Oranges, there.
Let me give a simpler example. My first room mate in college had relatives over the mountain pass in Renton. That was about a two hour ride, so she could only visit them every other week or so. MY parents lived in Singapore. That was a 2 hour drive to the airport plus 14-16 hours flight over the Pacific. I only got to use a phone card or e-mail them from time to time because Skype didn't exist yet.
When my Dad came to visit me and it was my first chance of seeing him in months, my room mate said to him, "Oh I understand EXACTLY how Ariana feels! I'm living far from my family too!"
Dad and I shared a "WTF" moment there. The two experiences were totally unrelated and yet she was trying to form some kind of connection there - not out of compassion or empathy, but out of the need to make the current narrative about HER. To say the least, we weren't much impressed. See what I mean?
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