Heart Broken Promises Part 3
Jessica walked up to the door of room 3 in the Oncology Unit.
She stopped short before entering the room, reading the small whiteboard hanging on the door.
It said, “Room 3:” in purple on the very top, and in neat handwriting a nurse had written the patient’s name in red: Richard Maxwell.
A red rose was in the bottom-right side corner, while a red heart stood in the top-left side corner.
The initials “JP” were in purple at the bottom-left side corner.
Jess wondered if that was his day nurse.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and entered, saying, “Hello?”
She peaked around the corner to see her cousin sitting on the hospital bed, the blanket at his feet, his own personal blanket thrown around shoulders, knees pulled up to chest, arms clasped around knees, eyes starring at the wall.
“Hi,” he said softly. His voice had changed, becoming softer, when he’d gone through three rounds of chemo in about two weeks.
Jessica felt her heart break for him. He was so lonely and lost.
She walked over to the bed and not even bothering to pull up a chair, sat on the bed next to him, putting her arms around him, wanting to cradle him in her arms.
“How are we?”
He thought carefully, but instead of a calm answer, he broke.
“It hurts and I don’t want to go through with this. I’m not prepared. I don’t want to get sick again. I’d rather go home and die there, knowing that this isn’t going to work. I just want to be home, in my own bed, in my own apartment. I’m scared again,” he said as he started to cry.
For the first time in Jessica’s life, she saw her own cousin cry.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here; I’m always going to be here. I made that promise. You can be scared; it’s okay to be. I love you, and will be with you till the day you die,” said Jessica as she kissed her cousin on the forehead, trying to reassure him that it was all right, for everything.
Then she started to sing, “The love of her life is drifting away, their losing the fight for another day. The life that she’s known is falling apart, a fatherless home, a child’s broken heart. You’re holding her hand, you’re straining for words, you’re trying to make sense of it all. She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view, and she’s looking to you, so Love her like Jesus, carry her to him, his yoke is easy, his burden is light. You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves her, stay by her side, Love her like Jesus... Love her like Jesus.
“The gifts lie in wait in a room painted blue, the blessing from Heaven would be there soon. Hope fades in the night, dark skies turn to gray, as the little one slips away. You’re holding their hands, you’re straining for words, you’re trying to make sense of it all, their desperate for hope, dark is clouding their view, and their looking to you, so Love them like Jesus, carry them to him, his yoke is easy, his burden is light. You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves them, stay by their side, so Love them like Jesus…
“The Lord of all Creation holds our lives in his hands, the God of all the nations holds our lives in his hands, the Rock of our Salvation holds our lives in his hands, He cares for them just as he cares for you…
“So Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus… You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves them, stay by their side, so Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus…”
The Jessica prayed:
“Dear God, thank you for everything you have ever given us. Please, I give to you today Richard. He hurts inside, and he wants to feel better. Whatever you have in store for him, give him strength for it. Love him for all he’s worth. Please help us both in what we do today, and guide us to become more like you. Thank you, in your name, your sons name, Amen.”
Jessica opened her eyes to find her cousin quiet, his eyes closed.
She hugged him and let him sit there, thinking in his own world.
“Doernbechers?” asked Richard, looking toward the white, long, but stout, building just across the way, up above the street.
“Yup. And we’re going there.”
“Wait, tell me why I want to go there?”
“Because it might help you in your struggles against this. There are kids up there that have experienced, or are experiencing things that you have or are experiencing. Like some kid up there has cancer, and has gone through radiation. See, and you just went through that, and will be for the next week. A lot of them up there are probably going through chemotherapy, and you’ve all ready struggled with that. You can possibly help them.”
“Yeah, like telling them not to eat.”
“Richard, you know what I mean,” scolded Jessica gently, pushing the big silver button for the elevator.
“I forgot, but what was this hill nicknamed?” asked Richard, looking around him. He could barely see all the hospitals surrounding Doernbechers, and OHSU was one of them.
“Pill Hill. There are a few hospitals up here. Like OHSU, Doernbechers, VA Medical Center, and Shriner Hospital. There is also the eye hospital and many clinics. But that’s all I know of. Come on, we’ll go on up to the cancer unit.”
They went up in the elevator to the 8th floor, even though they had only passed about two floors.
Once up there, they had to wash their hands (hospital policy, and it’s true!), then they entered.
The nurse at the nursing station eyed them and wondered who they were.
“Could you possibly know of anyone on this floor who is going through chemotherapy or radiation? And would anyone of those allow us to visit them? See, my friend here is going through the same thing and is having a hard time coping. He wanted to visit someone who could handle it better and learn from them.”
Richard coughed behind her, not impressed.
“Um, room 5. A Kathryn Bell. She has Bone Cancer. She’s going through radiation, and ended up in the hospital because of an infection. She doesn’t mind meeting new people, and sometimes I think she makes this place seem less dreary. She’s always in a good mood, even when she is hurting. She wants to see people smile. She’s supposed to get out in a day or two.”
“Thanks,” said Jessica, taking her cousin to room 5.
“Kathryn Bell… Why does that name sound familiar?” asked Richard.
“I don’t know.”
They stopped at room 5; and before entering Jessica noticed the door. It was covered in hand drawn pictures.
“Impressive,” said Richard.
“Let’s see if she’s in,” said Jessica as she peaked in the door.
A little girl with a scarf on her head lay on the hospital bed, her eyes a crystal blue, her arm having an IV stuck in it, a table in front of her, a coloring book open on it, with a box of crayons next to it. Her hand was resting beside her, a crayon in hand. It looked as though she was thinking of what to color next.
But she looked up and said, “Hi! I’m Kathryn. Are you looking for me, or my mom?”
“Well, I think I’m looking for you. Your mom isn’t in here. She wouldn’t mind if my friend and I talked with you, would she?” asked Jessica.
“I don’t think so. She’s always welcome to new people.”
“Richard Maxwell?! Why, I never expected to see you at my daughter’s hospital bed,” said a voice behind Jessica’s back.
“Ms. Bell? Wait, this is your Kathryn?” asked a surprised Richard.
“Yes, this is my Kathryn. What would you be doing here? I didn’t think you knew my daughter had cancer.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I can explain,” said Jessica as she turned around, feeling like an idiot.
“You?” asked Ms. Bell.
“Well, see, Richard is going through radiation, and I thought it would be helpful for him to meet someone who is going through the same thing as he is. I’m Jessica, Richard’s cousin, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you. Radiation? Is there something you forgot to tell me, Richard?” asked Ms. Bell, looking at Richard with raised eyebrows.
“A couple of weeks back I was out of energy, and decided to see my doctor. The next day I was having trouble breathing, and when I walked into the doctor’s office, I collapsed. They found out six days after I entered the hospital that a tumor was growing on my lung, and had grown over half of it in a short time. The found even more tumor around my spine and interlinked with my nerves, so four of my doctor’s decided on three rounds of chemotherapy in under two weeks and then radiation, which I started today.
“My cousin is just trying to help me overcome my fear,” explained Richard.
“Ah, I see.
“Well, come on in. Kathryn will be thrilled to see you again,” said Ms. Bell as she entered her daughter’s hospital room.
“Where’s Jeremy?” asked Richard as Jessica took him into the room.
“Max!” cried Kathryn, seeing her friend she had made about six months before.
“Hi, Kat.”
“Jeremy went to work. He should be back soon,” said Ms. Bell as she sat next to her daughter’s hospital bed. “I am Patricia Bell. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself before.”
“Nice to meet you too,” said Jessica.
“Jeremy’s her son, and the father of the house. He’s about my age,” said Richard.
“Why are you in a wheelchair?” asked Kathryn, looking her friend up and down.
“I can’t walk.”
“You can’t walk? But the last time I saw you, you were walking just fine.”
“Things change dramatically sometimes, Kat. Have you been fighting with your brother still?”
Kat giggled and said, “How did you know I fought with him?”
“I have my sources,” said Richard as he grinned at her.
“How did you two meet?” asked Jessica to Patricia, as Richard and Kathryn talked about random things, this and that.
“He did a job at my house and he was so nice, we couldn’t let him go. I came up with excuses for him to come over, and Kathryn fell in love with him. We lost track after about two months and hadn’t known he had entered the hospital. This is a strange reunion.
“Do they think he will survive this?” asked Patricia.
“The doctor’s aren’t sure. My dad is one of his doctor’s, and he’s not happy with the results so far. They are trying their best, but they are losing heart, as the days show more growing of the tumor than shrinking. They even think the drugs are feeding it, but they haven’t expressed that to Richard. He senses it by their careful words. He believes God is telling him he won’t make it. I say he should trust God in all judgments.”
“I pray God will heal my daughter, but so far no answer. I’m skeptical on what he’ll do.”
“Trust him, Patricia. That’s all I can give you.”
“Mom, Dominic’s waiting downstairs. He’s taking me to Brandon’s. Everything okay here?” asked a tall, extremely hot figure at the door.
“Yes, Jeremy, everything is fine. But be back before 11. Curfew,” reminded his mother.
“Got it. Love you,” said Jeremy as he disappeared from sight.
“That’s my brother for you,” said Kathryn, sighing.
“He’s changed in under six months,” said Richard.
“He has a girlfriend. Brandon is her brother. Her name Haley,” said Kathryn, giggling.
“A girlfriend? He’s more than changed, he’s grown!”
“Dang it,” said Jessica under her breath.
“What, you like him?” asked Richard, looking over at his cousin.
“He’s okay. I don’t know what he’s like, but I could always get to know him!”
“Jeremy is a one-of-a-kind person. He’s actually very hard to figure out,” said Patricia.
“Really?” asked Jessica, cocking her head to one side, looking at Ms. Bell.
“Drop it Jessica. He’s taken,” said Richard.
Kathryn laughed and said, “I don’t know. Maybe Jeremy won’t have a girlfriend in the near future. I like you.”
“Kathryn Michelle Bell, no. Leave your brother’s love life alone. He can pick who he wants. You went to far last time. I’m keeping you away this time,” said her mother.
“Yeah, and we weren’t here for love life stories. We were here for something different,” said Richard.
“Radiation or chemotherapy from a child’s perspective?” asked Kathryn.
“Radiation. How’d you know?”
“You wouldn’t be here just because. You didn’t know about me, and you are in a wheelchair, which I think is scary. So what else could there have been?”
“You’re scary at times, you know that?”
“Thanks. I like to be that sometimes. So, what have you gone through so far?” asked Kathryn.
“I went through radiation once today, for the first time, and I all ready want to mess with my technician’s brain,” commented Richard.
“You have a sense of humor, you know that?”
Everyone started to laugh.
*******
Jessica ran into her father on her way to see her cousin.
“What’s he like today?” asked Jessica, looking into her father’s emotionless eyes.
“He can’t stop throwing-up, which is worrying me. I have him under careful watch. And he’s begging to go home. I’m not discharging him yet. He still has one more radiation treatment, and then I’m checking him out for any sign of getting rid of this tumor,” said Dr. Moress, starring at the wall behind his daughter.
“Dad, what if something worse comes up? What if it has grown? Will you let him go then?”
“I don’t know, Jess, I don’t know. I’m debating that with his other doctor’s. Maybe I’ll have an answer soon, when I know what’s going inside his body.”
“Thanks. You’re trying your best, that’s all I can give you.”
“Be with him, and if he quiets down, take him into the courtyard. I think he desperate for the outside again. He doesn’t like these 4 walls anymore. He thinks it is jail all over again.”
“K, bye dad,” said Jessica as they parted ways.
*******
“Hello?” called Jessica as she entered Richard’s room, looking around to find the small bathroom door open.
“I’m sick,” came a pitiful call from the open doorway.
Jessica smiled and leaned against the doorframe, her cousin sitting on the bathroom floor, his face pure white, no color at all. He had been sick all morning.
“I don’t want to know how you even got onto the floor and in here. But I did hear you’ve been sick all morning. Know why?”
“Radiation. That was obvious. Do I look stupid?” asked Richard as he gulped, trying to keep it down. Not that anything was in his stomach in the first place. He hadn’t eaten anything, even with Jessica’s persuasion, again.
“No, but I was wondering if you wanted to go outside for a while here a little later?”
“Okay, but you have to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Stay with me tonight?”
Jessica was very surprised at this. He’d never asked before.
“Of course. Why tonight though?” asked Jessica as she went and sat next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I know what tomorrow holds. And I need someone.”
“Then what’s with the ignoring Rachel thing?”
“Jessica, she’s my sister, and she’s waaaay too protective. I’ve told you what she would do if she knew.”
“Okay, I’m going to drop it now. I’ll stay tonight though. You should be glad I always have things in my car, or you wouldn’t have gotten a yes to that question.”
“Sure about that?”
Jessica laughed and hugged him.
**********
Rachel scrubbed at her dirty dishes, trying to get the dried spaghetti sauce off them. She was tired, mad, and wanted some answers. Her brother hadn’t called, and it’d been a week and a half. He said he would, he promised!
She scrubbed harder, her anger coming out at the dirt, and the dishes.
Just then, the phone rang. The plate in her hand dropped from her hands, and it crashed on the floor. Rachel stood shocked. The phone ringing? At 10:30 at night?
She ignored the shattered plate and walked over the broken pieces to the phone.
She picked it up off its cradle.
“Hello?’
“Rachel?” asked the voice on the other end
“Let’s hope that’s me. But may I ask who’s speaking?”
“I’m Dr. Frank Moress. I’m your cousin, as is Jessica and Jennifer Brenckle. I have something to tell you about your brother.”
“Richard? Wait, what’s going on?” asked Rachel, in a scared voice.
“Rachel, your brother entered the hospital about a month ago, and he’s been growing steadily worse every single day.”
“HOSPITAL?! What?! And what do you mean, ‘steadily worse’?”
“Rachel, your brother has a tumor on his right lung. It’s grown everywhere. It’s over half his spine, it’s in his nerves, it’s going for his heart and left lung. We’ve treated him with Chemotherapy, a drug-“
“I know what it is…” said Rachel, interrupting Dr. Moress.
“And radiation. It’s grown instead of shrunk. I being one of his doctor’s, along with his other three doctor’s, think that the drugs were feeding it. I think I would advise you to get on the next plane out here, to Portland, Oregon, and be with him. I can’t say anymore over the phone. I’ve all ready gone against medical laws.”
“Who will pick me up?” asked Rachel, thinking in her head about packing as fast as possible and getting the next flight out to Portland.
“I’ll have my daughter Jessica pick you up, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, and Dr. Moress?”
“Yes?”
“Why a month later? Why you? Why not my brother call me?”
“You’re brother didn’t want to tell you. He was afraid you’d hurt him more than the tumor. He’s afraid, Rachel, and I warn you to be gentle with him. And why now? Because I don’t know how long he’s got left. But I’m not saying anymore.”
“Okay, Thank you, Dr. Moress,” said Rachel as they hung up after Rachel getting his phone number.
“Pick up shattered plate, plane flights, pack, tell Jessica. And cry!”
*********
Jessica sat on the chair, her mind wandering for the first time in a while. She’d been kept busy all day long. Her favorite memory of the day had been when they had gone into the courtyard at Doernbechers with Kathryn.
Time spent outside had been something Richard needed. He was cooped up inside all day long, going through treatments, on days Jessica either didn’t have all the time in the day to be with her cousin, or when they didn’t think of escaping the hospital room for a little bit. This time it was all Dr. Moress’s idea.
(Flashback)
Jessica settled on the bench, Richard on her lap (as usual) and Kathryn Bell sitting in her wheelchair, her hand grasping Richard’s right.
“The sun’s out, that’s good. It usually rains in this place,” said Kathryn as she looked up at the sky, the sun shining down at them all.
“It’s Oregon, what do you think?” joked Richard. He’d been in the state long enough to catch the saying, “In Oregon, it always rains,” and the one saying, “Umbrella’s are for wimps.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been cooped up too long. Be thankful,” hinted Jessica.
Richard sighed. He was glad to be out in the sun, but he was still stuck in the hospital, no matter what.
“Want to play a game?” asked Kathryn as her mom walked up, carrying Anna Kerry, a one-year old who had Leukemia. Her mom had grown to know the Bell’s, and trusted them with Anna. Her mom also wanted some time away from the hospital, so she entrusted Anna in Patricia’s care, in case anything happened that a mother needed to be there for.
“Kathryn, be good, K?” said Patricia as she rocked Anna back and forth in her arms.
“Okay, mom,” replied Kathryn as she looked at Jessica, then Richard.
“What kind of game?” asked Jessica, voicing what her cousin wasn’t saying.
“This game always helps me when I want happy thoughts instead of the bad ones I think of when I go into the hospital. It’s called ‘Go Away Bad Thoughts’. I made it up, with my mom.”
“Kathryn, what did I just say?” asked Patricia, looking her daughter in the eye.
“Mom, it’s not that bad. Come on, let’s teach them.”
“Would you like to play?”
“Okay,” said Richard, wondering what could possibly be the way of the game.
Kathryn smiled and said, “The first thing you do is close your eyes. Come on, everyone do it.”
Everyone did, except Anna of course.
“Now, think of your most exciting time in the past three months. It can be anything at all, but it has to be exciting. As exciting as you can get it.”
Jessica thought and got the time when Jennifer was with Ashton. Now that moment had been funny, but all the same.
Patricia thought of her last vacation with her family, the one to Wild Waves Enchanted Park.
Richard thought, and came up with a time with Jennifer, when she had shown him her bedroom for the first time. Many exciting and funny things came from that experience.
Kathryn thought of the time with Jerms, her brother, and he put a spoon on his nose, saying he was a spork from the Veggietales movie “Lord of the Beans”.
“Okay, now that you have that exciting memory, let it fill you up, and you can think on it for a long time, until it finally dies down. You’ll never think of bad things, and you can be calm and not worried,” said Kathryn, “You can also open our eyes now.”
Everyone did and Richard commented, “Interesting game. How’d you come up with that?”
“I’m never spilling my ways.”
Patricia smiled and walked back into the building, to Anna’s room.
(End Flashback)
Jessica came back to the present and sighed. If only there would be more happy memories. Other memories were filled with sadness. She was worried for her cousin. He was not doing well.
He slept next to her.
Dr. Moress finally found a way to ease his suffering. Sleeping pills. He couldn’t take pain pills, or anything to do with them, so Dr. Moress wanted to try sleeping pills. It was so far working. He’d been asleep for at least an hour.
Jessica promised she would stay the night. Even if he was zonked out till 6 in the morning, she would be there, and she planned to be sure she was “asleep” with him.
She took a deep breath and planned what she was about to do.
Would he freak?
She hoped not. She wasn’t sleeping in this chair though.
But the vibrating of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts.
She reached into her pocket and pulled it out, noticing the phone number was one she was not familiar with. Her dad was always giving out her cell number for some reason. She had a boyfriend!
She answered it by saying, “Hello? Jessica Brenckle speaking.”
“Jessica? Oh thank goodness. You dad called me. He told me everything about my brother. He said he would ask you to pick me up when I got into PDX. I leave O’Hare in about an hour. I get in about 4:30 in the morning your time. Is that okay?”
“Rachel, of course. But I’m telling you now, he’s taking sleeping pills, and he’s asleep till who-knows-when in the morning. If I get you, and you walk in, and he awakes to find you, he might freak out. It seems to be his nature these days to do that. I don’t know what changed.”
“Okay. I’ll see you there, K?” said Rachel.
Jessica said, “Yup. Bye,” and they hung up.
Then Jessica did what she had planned to do.
********
Jessica’s had jerked up when she felt her phone vibrate again. She’d been asleep, and she didn’t want to move from her spot, or she might wake up her cousin. Drugs wore of, of course.
She reached for it and then noticed she didn’t have to answer it. It was only her alarm she had on her phone that she had set to wake her up at 4. She had to go get Rachel. They’d do something before coming here. Richard needed some time before knowing and finding out his sister had been told. He was suffering too much at the moment for anything drastic.
Jessica quietly got up and shook herself awake, looking over at her sleeping cousin. He looked so, deprived of life. This shouldn’t have happened to him, it couldn’t have. But God knew what he was doing. Jessica was not blaming him for anything.
Then she got her purse and stood by the door before leaving. She said in the quiet, “I love you, and I’m sorry.” Then she turned and left, for she knew she wouldn’t see her cousin again. Rachel would take over. Jessica couldn’t see him again. It would hurt too much. She was losing him, and she couldn’t do anything at all. She’d leave him be then, with the last of his life.
*********
Rachel waited impatiently for her flight to leave. She had to get to Portland. It was a matter of life or death here!!! She wanted to cream the flight attendants, the pilot, everyone.
Finally the flight was called and everyone started to board. Rachel got frustrated with the slow process into the plane, and finally let herself calm down when she got into her seat. All she had for baggage was her small carry-on bag. She had flown through security.
Now all she had to do was wait out the long flight to Oregon. It was starting to bug her.
(Fade to a little later on plane)
Rachel looked out the window, her eyes having just opened from a very small nap. They still had an hour and a half of flight left. The color of the sky outside was black, but all Rachel could remember from a certain time was red, and paint. She was remembering a funny time painting her house with her brother back when he still lived in Chicago, only about 5 years before.
(Flashback)
“What color do you want to paint the outside of your house?”
“Your hair,” replied Rachel as the two pulled into Lowe’s Hardware Store parking lot.
“My hair?” asked Richard, giving his sister a look.
“Your hair color. You know, red orange.”
“The outside of your house the color of my hair. Are you sure you’re my sister?”
Rachel was about ready to slap him. He’d been doing this all day long, helping her paint the inside of her living room the color maroon.
“Hey, look at it this way. When you walk up to my house, you’ll blend in,” retorted Rachel.
“Great, and I wanted to blend into your house. When’d this come up?”
“When I like the color. Come on.”
“I’ll change my hair color then.”
“You mean dye it?” asked Rachel.
“Yes. And I think black.”
“Don’t, I’m not changing my house color.”
“Who said it has to be my hair color, for what it is at that moment?”
“Because I want it your hair color. No matter what is it.”
“Rachel, fine, paint it my hair color. I’m dyeing it the second you paint it.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I’m keeping true to this threat.”
(Fade to later in the day)
"Hey!" cried Rachel as she felt something slip down her cheek. It was a paint bloch. She looked over at her brother to find him painting, but a grin on his face.
"Stop that! That's three times today. Can you?"
"Who said it was me?" asked Richard innocently.
"You're the only one around!" said Rachel through gitted teeth.
"It brings color to your face. Are you sure you aren't sick?"
Rachel threw her brush at his head, missing him by a fraction, but the paint still dropping on his head.
"Hey!"
Then they both started getting each other "painted".
(End Flashback)
Rachel smiled at the memory; for some odd reason it had come to her.
Come to think of it, he never did dye it. He still had his red orange hair. And he still had paint behind his ears.
She laughed at herself and leaned her head against the plane’s wall. She missed him over the 4 years. Now she was going to go see him, but it was because he was in the hospital. He’d gotten himself hurt, sick, and he broke all his promises.
But Rachel didn’t care anymore. She just wanted her brother, no matter what was going on.
And she wasn’t going to bring it up to him.
********
Jessica parked the car and walked into PDX. She went and parked herself near the security gates. She couldn’t go straight to the gates because she wasn’t going on any flights anytime soon.
And so she waited for Rachel.
She vaguely remembered her cousin. It had been so long. 5 years old had she been when they met? Maybe she wouldn’t even recognize her cousin. Uh-oh.
But then someone flew by her, muttering very clearly, “Jessica, oh where is she?”
“Rachel?!” called Jessica, and the woman came to a halt, spinning around 5 feet away.
“Jessica Brenckle?” asked Rachel, wondering, hoping, wanting.
“That would be me,” said Jessica with a smile. It was 4:45 in the morning, and she felt wide-awake. They both did. Rather that was good or bad, she didn’t know.
“I am so glad to have found you. Your dad didn’t tell me everything. What do you know about my brother?” asked Rachel, walking up to Jessica and hugging her.
“I’ll explain once we get going. I have some things I need to tell you anyway, and we can’t go to the hospital right away. Okay?”
Rachel was thrown off balance a little with the sudden explanation of not going to the hospital first. But she would deal with it, she had to, if she was going to be calm and tranquil.
“Okay.”
*********
Jessica stopped short before entering the oncology unit in OHSU. She couldn’t, she’d all ready said good-bye.
“I’m sorry, Rae, I can’t go in. It hurts too much.”
Rachel put her arm around her cousin and said, “It’s okay. I understand. This about to be hard for me.”
Jessica nodded and said, “Just go down this hall, and you’ll come to room 3. It should say Richard Maxwell on the whiteboard on the door. He’s in there, probably asleep. I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll see you again. I hope,” said Rachel quietly as they shared some quiet time together. This was harder than it looked.
“Go on, he needs you. He needs someone,” said Jessica as she gently pushed Rachel toward the door. She’d never see him again…
“Jessica…”
Jess looked up into Rachel’s eyes.
“Thank you.”
Jess nodded and then turned, feeling her heart lurch, for she wanted to run the opposite direction and into Richard’s room. Or was it she wanted to run down the hall and never look back, her memory of Richard all ready becoming distant?
Jessica heard Rachel go through the double doors and down the hall. There was no turning back. It was too late…
*this leads STRAIGHT into No Escape :)*
She stopped short before entering the room, reading the small whiteboard hanging on the door.
It said, “Room 3:” in purple on the very top, and in neat handwriting a nurse had written the patient’s name in red: Richard Maxwell.
A red rose was in the bottom-right side corner, while a red heart stood in the top-left side corner.
The initials “JP” were in purple at the bottom-left side corner.
Jess wondered if that was his day nurse.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and entered, saying, “Hello?”
She peaked around the corner to see her cousin sitting on the hospital bed, the blanket at his feet, his own personal blanket thrown around shoulders, knees pulled up to chest, arms clasped around knees, eyes starring at the wall.
“Hi,” he said softly. His voice had changed, becoming softer, when he’d gone through three rounds of chemo in about two weeks.
Jessica felt her heart break for him. He was so lonely and lost.
She walked over to the bed and not even bothering to pull up a chair, sat on the bed next to him, putting her arms around him, wanting to cradle him in her arms.
“How are we?”
He thought carefully, but instead of a calm answer, he broke.
“It hurts and I don’t want to go through with this. I’m not prepared. I don’t want to get sick again. I’d rather go home and die there, knowing that this isn’t going to work. I just want to be home, in my own bed, in my own apartment. I’m scared again,” he said as he started to cry.
For the first time in Jessica’s life, she saw her own cousin cry.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here; I’m always going to be here. I made that promise. You can be scared; it’s okay to be. I love you, and will be with you till the day you die,” said Jessica as she kissed her cousin on the forehead, trying to reassure him that it was all right, for everything.
Then she started to sing, “The love of her life is drifting away, their losing the fight for another day. The life that she’s known is falling apart, a fatherless home, a child’s broken heart. You’re holding her hand, you’re straining for words, you’re trying to make sense of it all. She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view, and she’s looking to you, so Love her like Jesus, carry her to him, his yoke is easy, his burden is light. You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves her, stay by her side, Love her like Jesus... Love her like Jesus.
“The gifts lie in wait in a room painted blue, the blessing from Heaven would be there soon. Hope fades in the night, dark skies turn to gray, as the little one slips away. You’re holding their hands, you’re straining for words, you’re trying to make sense of it all, their desperate for hope, dark is clouding their view, and their looking to you, so Love them like Jesus, carry them to him, his yoke is easy, his burden is light. You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves them, stay by their side, so Love them like Jesus…
“The Lord of all Creation holds our lives in his hands, the God of all the nations holds our lives in his hands, the Rock of our Salvation holds our lives in his hands, He cares for them just as he cares for you…
“So Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus… You don’t need the answer to all of life’s questions, just know that he loves them, stay by their side, so Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus, Love them like Jesus…”
The Jessica prayed:
“Dear God, thank you for everything you have ever given us. Please, I give to you today Richard. He hurts inside, and he wants to feel better. Whatever you have in store for him, give him strength for it. Love him for all he’s worth. Please help us both in what we do today, and guide us to become more like you. Thank you, in your name, your sons name, Amen.”
Jessica opened her eyes to find her cousin quiet, his eyes closed.
She hugged him and let him sit there, thinking in his own world.
“Doernbechers?” asked Richard, looking toward the white, long, but stout, building just across the way, up above the street.
“Yup. And we’re going there.”
“Wait, tell me why I want to go there?”
“Because it might help you in your struggles against this. There are kids up there that have experienced, or are experiencing things that you have or are experiencing. Like some kid up there has cancer, and has gone through radiation. See, and you just went through that, and will be for the next week. A lot of them up there are probably going through chemotherapy, and you’ve all ready struggled with that. You can possibly help them.”
“Yeah, like telling them not to eat.”
“Richard, you know what I mean,” scolded Jessica gently, pushing the big silver button for the elevator.
“I forgot, but what was this hill nicknamed?” asked Richard, looking around him. He could barely see all the hospitals surrounding Doernbechers, and OHSU was one of them.
“Pill Hill. There are a few hospitals up here. Like OHSU, Doernbechers, VA Medical Center, and Shriner Hospital. There is also the eye hospital and many clinics. But that’s all I know of. Come on, we’ll go on up to the cancer unit.”
They went up in the elevator to the 8th floor, even though they had only passed about two floors.
Once up there, they had to wash their hands (hospital policy, and it’s true!), then they entered.
The nurse at the nursing station eyed them and wondered who they were.
“Could you possibly know of anyone on this floor who is going through chemotherapy or radiation? And would anyone of those allow us to visit them? See, my friend here is going through the same thing and is having a hard time coping. He wanted to visit someone who could handle it better and learn from them.”
Richard coughed behind her, not impressed.
“Um, room 5. A Kathryn Bell. She has Bone Cancer. She’s going through radiation, and ended up in the hospital because of an infection. She doesn’t mind meeting new people, and sometimes I think she makes this place seem less dreary. She’s always in a good mood, even when she is hurting. She wants to see people smile. She’s supposed to get out in a day or two.”
“Thanks,” said Jessica, taking her cousin to room 5.
“Kathryn Bell… Why does that name sound familiar?” asked Richard.
“I don’t know.”
They stopped at room 5; and before entering Jessica noticed the door. It was covered in hand drawn pictures.
“Impressive,” said Richard.
“Let’s see if she’s in,” said Jessica as she peaked in the door.
A little girl with a scarf on her head lay on the hospital bed, her eyes a crystal blue, her arm having an IV stuck in it, a table in front of her, a coloring book open on it, with a box of crayons next to it. Her hand was resting beside her, a crayon in hand. It looked as though she was thinking of what to color next.
But she looked up and said, “Hi! I’m Kathryn. Are you looking for me, or my mom?”
“Well, I think I’m looking for you. Your mom isn’t in here. She wouldn’t mind if my friend and I talked with you, would she?” asked Jessica.
“I don’t think so. She’s always welcome to new people.”
“Richard Maxwell?! Why, I never expected to see you at my daughter’s hospital bed,” said a voice behind Jessica’s back.
“Ms. Bell? Wait, this is your Kathryn?” asked a surprised Richard.
“Yes, this is my Kathryn. What would you be doing here? I didn’t think you knew my daughter had cancer.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I can explain,” said Jessica as she turned around, feeling like an idiot.
“You?” asked Ms. Bell.
“Well, see, Richard is going through radiation, and I thought it would be helpful for him to meet someone who is going through the same thing as he is. I’m Jessica, Richard’s cousin, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you. Radiation? Is there something you forgot to tell me, Richard?” asked Ms. Bell, looking at Richard with raised eyebrows.
“A couple of weeks back I was out of energy, and decided to see my doctor. The next day I was having trouble breathing, and when I walked into the doctor’s office, I collapsed. They found out six days after I entered the hospital that a tumor was growing on my lung, and had grown over half of it in a short time. The found even more tumor around my spine and interlinked with my nerves, so four of my doctor’s decided on three rounds of chemotherapy in under two weeks and then radiation, which I started today.
“My cousin is just trying to help me overcome my fear,” explained Richard.
“Ah, I see.
“Well, come on in. Kathryn will be thrilled to see you again,” said Ms. Bell as she entered her daughter’s hospital room.
“Where’s Jeremy?” asked Richard as Jessica took him into the room.
“Max!” cried Kathryn, seeing her friend she had made about six months before.
“Hi, Kat.”
“Jeremy went to work. He should be back soon,” said Ms. Bell as she sat next to her daughter’s hospital bed. “I am Patricia Bell. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself before.”
“Nice to meet you too,” said Jessica.
“Jeremy’s her son, and the father of the house. He’s about my age,” said Richard.
“Why are you in a wheelchair?” asked Kathryn, looking her friend up and down.
“I can’t walk.”
“You can’t walk? But the last time I saw you, you were walking just fine.”
“Things change dramatically sometimes, Kat. Have you been fighting with your brother still?”
Kat giggled and said, “How did you know I fought with him?”
“I have my sources,” said Richard as he grinned at her.
“How did you two meet?” asked Jessica to Patricia, as Richard and Kathryn talked about random things, this and that.
“He did a job at my house and he was so nice, we couldn’t let him go. I came up with excuses for him to come over, and Kathryn fell in love with him. We lost track after about two months and hadn’t known he had entered the hospital. This is a strange reunion.
“Do they think he will survive this?” asked Patricia.
“The doctor’s aren’t sure. My dad is one of his doctor’s, and he’s not happy with the results so far. They are trying their best, but they are losing heart, as the days show more growing of the tumor than shrinking. They even think the drugs are feeding it, but they haven’t expressed that to Richard. He senses it by their careful words. He believes God is telling him he won’t make it. I say he should trust God in all judgments.”
“I pray God will heal my daughter, but so far no answer. I’m skeptical on what he’ll do.”
“Trust him, Patricia. That’s all I can give you.”
“Mom, Dominic’s waiting downstairs. He’s taking me to Brandon’s. Everything okay here?” asked a tall, extremely hot figure at the door.
“Yes, Jeremy, everything is fine. But be back before 11. Curfew,” reminded his mother.
“Got it. Love you,” said Jeremy as he disappeared from sight.
“That’s my brother for you,” said Kathryn, sighing.
“He’s changed in under six months,” said Richard.
“He has a girlfriend. Brandon is her brother. Her name Haley,” said Kathryn, giggling.
“A girlfriend? He’s more than changed, he’s grown!”
“Dang it,” said Jessica under her breath.
“What, you like him?” asked Richard, looking over at his cousin.
“He’s okay. I don’t know what he’s like, but I could always get to know him!”
“Jeremy is a one-of-a-kind person. He’s actually very hard to figure out,” said Patricia.
“Really?” asked Jessica, cocking her head to one side, looking at Ms. Bell.
“Drop it Jessica. He’s taken,” said Richard.
Kathryn laughed and said, “I don’t know. Maybe Jeremy won’t have a girlfriend in the near future. I like you.”
“Kathryn Michelle Bell, no. Leave your brother’s love life alone. He can pick who he wants. You went to far last time. I’m keeping you away this time,” said her mother.
“Yeah, and we weren’t here for love life stories. We were here for something different,” said Richard.
“Radiation or chemotherapy from a child’s perspective?” asked Kathryn.
“Radiation. How’d you know?”
“You wouldn’t be here just because. You didn’t know about me, and you are in a wheelchair, which I think is scary. So what else could there have been?”
“You’re scary at times, you know that?”
“Thanks. I like to be that sometimes. So, what have you gone through so far?” asked Kathryn.
“I went through radiation once today, for the first time, and I all ready want to mess with my technician’s brain,” commented Richard.
“You have a sense of humor, you know that?”
Everyone started to laugh.
*******
Jessica ran into her father on her way to see her cousin.
“What’s he like today?” asked Jessica, looking into her father’s emotionless eyes.
“He can’t stop throwing-up, which is worrying me. I have him under careful watch. And he’s begging to go home. I’m not discharging him yet. He still has one more radiation treatment, and then I’m checking him out for any sign of getting rid of this tumor,” said Dr. Moress, starring at the wall behind his daughter.
“Dad, what if something worse comes up? What if it has grown? Will you let him go then?”
“I don’t know, Jess, I don’t know. I’m debating that with his other doctor’s. Maybe I’ll have an answer soon, when I know what’s going inside his body.”
“Thanks. You’re trying your best, that’s all I can give you.”
“Be with him, and if he quiets down, take him into the courtyard. I think he desperate for the outside again. He doesn’t like these 4 walls anymore. He thinks it is jail all over again.”
“K, bye dad,” said Jessica as they parted ways.
*******
“Hello?” called Jessica as she entered Richard’s room, looking around to find the small bathroom door open.
“I’m sick,” came a pitiful call from the open doorway.
Jessica smiled and leaned against the doorframe, her cousin sitting on the bathroom floor, his face pure white, no color at all. He had been sick all morning.
“I don’t want to know how you even got onto the floor and in here. But I did hear you’ve been sick all morning. Know why?”
“Radiation. That was obvious. Do I look stupid?” asked Richard as he gulped, trying to keep it down. Not that anything was in his stomach in the first place. He hadn’t eaten anything, even with Jessica’s persuasion, again.
“No, but I was wondering if you wanted to go outside for a while here a little later?”
“Okay, but you have to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Stay with me tonight?”
Jessica was very surprised at this. He’d never asked before.
“Of course. Why tonight though?” asked Jessica as she went and sat next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I know what tomorrow holds. And I need someone.”
“Then what’s with the ignoring Rachel thing?”
“Jessica, she’s my sister, and she’s waaaay too protective. I’ve told you what she would do if she knew.”
“Okay, I’m going to drop it now. I’ll stay tonight though. You should be glad I always have things in my car, or you wouldn’t have gotten a yes to that question.”
“Sure about that?”
Jessica laughed and hugged him.
**********
Rachel scrubbed at her dirty dishes, trying to get the dried spaghetti sauce off them. She was tired, mad, and wanted some answers. Her brother hadn’t called, and it’d been a week and a half. He said he would, he promised!
She scrubbed harder, her anger coming out at the dirt, and the dishes.
Just then, the phone rang. The plate in her hand dropped from her hands, and it crashed on the floor. Rachel stood shocked. The phone ringing? At 10:30 at night?
She ignored the shattered plate and walked over the broken pieces to the phone.
She picked it up off its cradle.
“Hello?’
“Rachel?” asked the voice on the other end
“Let’s hope that’s me. But may I ask who’s speaking?”
“I’m Dr. Frank Moress. I’m your cousin, as is Jessica and Jennifer Brenckle. I have something to tell you about your brother.”
“Richard? Wait, what’s going on?” asked Rachel, in a scared voice.
“Rachel, your brother entered the hospital about a month ago, and he’s been growing steadily worse every single day.”
“HOSPITAL?! What?! And what do you mean, ‘steadily worse’?”
“Rachel, your brother has a tumor on his right lung. It’s grown everywhere. It’s over half his spine, it’s in his nerves, it’s going for his heart and left lung. We’ve treated him with Chemotherapy, a drug-“
“I know what it is…” said Rachel, interrupting Dr. Moress.
“And radiation. It’s grown instead of shrunk. I being one of his doctor’s, along with his other three doctor’s, think that the drugs were feeding it. I think I would advise you to get on the next plane out here, to Portland, Oregon, and be with him. I can’t say anymore over the phone. I’ve all ready gone against medical laws.”
“Who will pick me up?” asked Rachel, thinking in her head about packing as fast as possible and getting the next flight out to Portland.
“I’ll have my daughter Jessica pick you up, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, and Dr. Moress?”
“Yes?”
“Why a month later? Why you? Why not my brother call me?”
“You’re brother didn’t want to tell you. He was afraid you’d hurt him more than the tumor. He’s afraid, Rachel, and I warn you to be gentle with him. And why now? Because I don’t know how long he’s got left. But I’m not saying anymore.”
“Okay, Thank you, Dr. Moress,” said Rachel as they hung up after Rachel getting his phone number.
“Pick up shattered plate, plane flights, pack, tell Jessica. And cry!”
*********
Jessica sat on the chair, her mind wandering for the first time in a while. She’d been kept busy all day long. Her favorite memory of the day had been when they had gone into the courtyard at Doernbechers with Kathryn.
Time spent outside had been something Richard needed. He was cooped up inside all day long, going through treatments, on days Jessica either didn’t have all the time in the day to be with her cousin, or when they didn’t think of escaping the hospital room for a little bit. This time it was all Dr. Moress’s idea.
(Flashback)
Jessica settled on the bench, Richard on her lap (as usual) and Kathryn Bell sitting in her wheelchair, her hand grasping Richard’s right.
“The sun’s out, that’s good. It usually rains in this place,” said Kathryn as she looked up at the sky, the sun shining down at them all.
“It’s Oregon, what do you think?” joked Richard. He’d been in the state long enough to catch the saying, “In Oregon, it always rains,” and the one saying, “Umbrella’s are for wimps.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been cooped up too long. Be thankful,” hinted Jessica.
Richard sighed. He was glad to be out in the sun, but he was still stuck in the hospital, no matter what.
“Want to play a game?” asked Kathryn as her mom walked up, carrying Anna Kerry, a one-year old who had Leukemia. Her mom had grown to know the Bell’s, and trusted them with Anna. Her mom also wanted some time away from the hospital, so she entrusted Anna in Patricia’s care, in case anything happened that a mother needed to be there for.
“Kathryn, be good, K?” said Patricia as she rocked Anna back and forth in her arms.
“Okay, mom,” replied Kathryn as she looked at Jessica, then Richard.
“What kind of game?” asked Jessica, voicing what her cousin wasn’t saying.
“This game always helps me when I want happy thoughts instead of the bad ones I think of when I go into the hospital. It’s called ‘Go Away Bad Thoughts’. I made it up, with my mom.”
“Kathryn, what did I just say?” asked Patricia, looking her daughter in the eye.
“Mom, it’s not that bad. Come on, let’s teach them.”
“Would you like to play?”
“Okay,” said Richard, wondering what could possibly be the way of the game.
Kathryn smiled and said, “The first thing you do is close your eyes. Come on, everyone do it.”
Everyone did, except Anna of course.
“Now, think of your most exciting time in the past three months. It can be anything at all, but it has to be exciting. As exciting as you can get it.”
Jessica thought and got the time when Jennifer was with Ashton. Now that moment had been funny, but all the same.
Patricia thought of her last vacation with her family, the one to Wild Waves Enchanted Park.
Richard thought, and came up with a time with Jennifer, when she had shown him her bedroom for the first time. Many exciting and funny things came from that experience.
Kathryn thought of the time with Jerms, her brother, and he put a spoon on his nose, saying he was a spork from the Veggietales movie “Lord of the Beans”.
“Okay, now that you have that exciting memory, let it fill you up, and you can think on it for a long time, until it finally dies down. You’ll never think of bad things, and you can be calm and not worried,” said Kathryn, “You can also open our eyes now.”
Everyone did and Richard commented, “Interesting game. How’d you come up with that?”
“I’m never spilling my ways.”
Patricia smiled and walked back into the building, to Anna’s room.
(End Flashback)
Jessica came back to the present and sighed. If only there would be more happy memories. Other memories were filled with sadness. She was worried for her cousin. He was not doing well.
He slept next to her.
Dr. Moress finally found a way to ease his suffering. Sleeping pills. He couldn’t take pain pills, or anything to do with them, so Dr. Moress wanted to try sleeping pills. It was so far working. He’d been asleep for at least an hour.
Jessica promised she would stay the night. Even if he was zonked out till 6 in the morning, she would be there, and she planned to be sure she was “asleep” with him.
She took a deep breath and planned what she was about to do.
Would he freak?
She hoped not. She wasn’t sleeping in this chair though.
But the vibrating of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts.
She reached into her pocket and pulled it out, noticing the phone number was one she was not familiar with. Her dad was always giving out her cell number for some reason. She had a boyfriend!
She answered it by saying, “Hello? Jessica Brenckle speaking.”
“Jessica? Oh thank goodness. You dad called me. He told me everything about my brother. He said he would ask you to pick me up when I got into PDX. I leave O’Hare in about an hour. I get in about 4:30 in the morning your time. Is that okay?”
“Rachel, of course. But I’m telling you now, he’s taking sleeping pills, and he’s asleep till who-knows-when in the morning. If I get you, and you walk in, and he awakes to find you, he might freak out. It seems to be his nature these days to do that. I don’t know what changed.”
“Okay. I’ll see you there, K?” said Rachel.
Jessica said, “Yup. Bye,” and they hung up.
Then Jessica did what she had planned to do.
********
Jessica’s had jerked up when she felt her phone vibrate again. She’d been asleep, and she didn’t want to move from her spot, or she might wake up her cousin. Drugs wore of, of course.
She reached for it and then noticed she didn’t have to answer it. It was only her alarm she had on her phone that she had set to wake her up at 4. She had to go get Rachel. They’d do something before coming here. Richard needed some time before knowing and finding out his sister had been told. He was suffering too much at the moment for anything drastic.
Jessica quietly got up and shook herself awake, looking over at her sleeping cousin. He looked so, deprived of life. This shouldn’t have happened to him, it couldn’t have. But God knew what he was doing. Jessica was not blaming him for anything.
Then she got her purse and stood by the door before leaving. She said in the quiet, “I love you, and I’m sorry.” Then she turned and left, for she knew she wouldn’t see her cousin again. Rachel would take over. Jessica couldn’t see him again. It would hurt too much. She was losing him, and she couldn’t do anything at all. She’d leave him be then, with the last of his life.
*********
Rachel waited impatiently for her flight to leave. She had to get to Portland. It was a matter of life or death here!!! She wanted to cream the flight attendants, the pilot, everyone.
Finally the flight was called and everyone started to board. Rachel got frustrated with the slow process into the plane, and finally let herself calm down when she got into her seat. All she had for baggage was her small carry-on bag. She had flown through security.
Now all she had to do was wait out the long flight to Oregon. It was starting to bug her.
(Fade to a little later on plane)
Rachel looked out the window, her eyes having just opened from a very small nap. They still had an hour and a half of flight left. The color of the sky outside was black, but all Rachel could remember from a certain time was red, and paint. She was remembering a funny time painting her house with her brother back when he still lived in Chicago, only about 5 years before.
(Flashback)
“What color do you want to paint the outside of your house?”
“Your hair,” replied Rachel as the two pulled into Lowe’s Hardware Store parking lot.
“My hair?” asked Richard, giving his sister a look.
“Your hair color. You know, red orange.”
“The outside of your house the color of my hair. Are you sure you’re my sister?”
Rachel was about ready to slap him. He’d been doing this all day long, helping her paint the inside of her living room the color maroon.
“Hey, look at it this way. When you walk up to my house, you’ll blend in,” retorted Rachel.
“Great, and I wanted to blend into your house. When’d this come up?”
“When I like the color. Come on.”
“I’ll change my hair color then.”
“You mean dye it?” asked Rachel.
“Yes. And I think black.”
“Don’t, I’m not changing my house color.”
“Who said it has to be my hair color, for what it is at that moment?”
“Because I want it your hair color. No matter what is it.”
“Rachel, fine, paint it my hair color. I’m dyeing it the second you paint it.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I’m keeping true to this threat.”
(Fade to later in the day)
"Hey!" cried Rachel as she felt something slip down her cheek. It was a paint bloch. She looked over at her brother to find him painting, but a grin on his face.
"Stop that! That's three times today. Can you?"
"Who said it was me?" asked Richard innocently.
"You're the only one around!" said Rachel through gitted teeth.
"It brings color to your face. Are you sure you aren't sick?"
Rachel threw her brush at his head, missing him by a fraction, but the paint still dropping on his head.
"Hey!"
Then they both started getting each other "painted".
(End Flashback)
Rachel smiled at the memory; for some odd reason it had come to her.
Come to think of it, he never did dye it. He still had his red orange hair. And he still had paint behind his ears.
She laughed at herself and leaned her head against the plane’s wall. She missed him over the 4 years. Now she was going to go see him, but it was because he was in the hospital. He’d gotten himself hurt, sick, and he broke all his promises.
But Rachel didn’t care anymore. She just wanted her brother, no matter what was going on.
And she wasn’t going to bring it up to him.
********
Jessica parked the car and walked into PDX. She went and parked herself near the security gates. She couldn’t go straight to the gates because she wasn’t going on any flights anytime soon.
And so she waited for Rachel.
She vaguely remembered her cousin. It had been so long. 5 years old had she been when they met? Maybe she wouldn’t even recognize her cousin. Uh-oh.
But then someone flew by her, muttering very clearly, “Jessica, oh where is she?”
“Rachel?!” called Jessica, and the woman came to a halt, spinning around 5 feet away.
“Jessica Brenckle?” asked Rachel, wondering, hoping, wanting.
“That would be me,” said Jessica with a smile. It was 4:45 in the morning, and she felt wide-awake. They both did. Rather that was good or bad, she didn’t know.
“I am so glad to have found you. Your dad didn’t tell me everything. What do you know about my brother?” asked Rachel, walking up to Jessica and hugging her.
“I’ll explain once we get going. I have some things I need to tell you anyway, and we can’t go to the hospital right away. Okay?”
Rachel was thrown off balance a little with the sudden explanation of not going to the hospital first. But she would deal with it, she had to, if she was going to be calm and tranquil.
“Okay.”
*********
Jessica stopped short before entering the oncology unit in OHSU. She couldn’t, she’d all ready said good-bye.
“I’m sorry, Rae, I can’t go in. It hurts too much.”
Rachel put her arm around her cousin and said, “It’s okay. I understand. This about to be hard for me.”
Jessica nodded and said, “Just go down this hall, and you’ll come to room 3. It should say Richard Maxwell on the whiteboard on the door. He’s in there, probably asleep. I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll see you again. I hope,” said Rachel quietly as they shared some quiet time together. This was harder than it looked.
“Go on, he needs you. He needs someone,” said Jessica as she gently pushed Rachel toward the door. She’d never see him again…
“Jessica…”
Jess looked up into Rachel’s eyes.
“Thank you.”
Jess nodded and then turned, feeling her heart lurch, for she wanted to run the opposite direction and into Richard’s room. Or was it she wanted to run down the hall and never look back, her memory of Richard all ready becoming distant?
Jessica heard Rachel go through the double doors and down the hall. There was no turning back. It was too late…
*this leads STRAIGHT into No Escape :)*