IDEK
I don't even know where to begin with this, so I'll just ramble & hope it makes some kind of sense.
My father was raised by his half-brother & his wife, who I'd known all my life as my grandparents. His biological mother died in childbirth & his biological father was upwards of 60 when he was born, and felt he couldn't raise a child at that age on his own. So my grandparents took him in & raised him as their own. He apparently spent summers with his bio dad & sisters/brother (which I only found out recently) and his bio dad took the bus from where he lived to visit sometimes. This would've all been fine and dandy IF my grandma had treated him equally to her biological child - who I know as my Uncle Ralph. But she never did. And she never really treated my father's children like she did her biological grandkids either. Don't get me wrong, I love her, I spent SO much time with her and helped her after her strokes - I even helped her to the bathroom and changed her clothes, which was natural for me because I think I'm a pretty loving person - but I never really felt appreciated. She even said to me something like "I never said anything (against taking my father in as a baby)" which sort of hurt and felt weird at the time to hear coming from her. She would always say things to make me feel inferior to her "real" grandkids - my "cousins" Brian and Jennifer - even though they never did jack shit for her or even visited much. They were just better somehow in her eyes, like they could do no wrong. And her precious Ralph - who's pretty much just plain rude and not that nice - was her pride & joy. It makes me nauseous right now just thinking of it all.
And my father, I think, had this warped sense of loyalty to the people that raised him to the point where he didn't "introduce" me to my own cousins and aunts/uncle until this past year. I remember seeing them exactly once growing up - they came over my house when I was around 10 for lunch, and that was it for 15+ years. I just don't get it. And I'm really, really hurt and saddened by the fact that I've missed so much time with these awesome people who actually DO love me and want to get to know me, unlike the people I've known for years as my aunt, uncle, and cousins who never made the effort and I don't even think care. I mean, it's not even like he was raised in a different family - he was raised by his biological father's other son FFS! I don't get why he couldn't have had a relationship with everyone. And I feel SO cheated out of so much time. My Aunt Marie's 85 now & I'm only within the past year getting to spend time with her. I don't know how much more time I'll have with her! Her sister Angelina just passed away this year, so that chance is gone. I have SO many cousins and second cousins who are amazing that I could've known my whole life, grown up with, but didn't. And every time I try to talk to my father about WHY, he just has some bullshit nonsense like "oh, you know..." and doesn't finish. Um, no, I actually DON'T know, or else I wouldn't have fucking asked to begin with! It's like pulling teeth with him. And while I absolutely DO cherish the time I'm spending with them all now, I have SO much rage & anger & hurt & sadness inside me that has no outlet.
My father was raised by his half-brother & his wife, who I'd known all my life as my grandparents. His biological mother died in childbirth & his biological father was upwards of 60 when he was born, and felt he couldn't raise a child at that age on his own. So my grandparents took him in & raised him as their own. He apparently spent summers with his bio dad & sisters/brother (which I only found out recently) and his bio dad took the bus from where he lived to visit sometimes. This would've all been fine and dandy IF my grandma had treated him equally to her biological child - who I know as my Uncle Ralph. But she never did. And she never really treated my father's children like she did her biological grandkids either. Don't get me wrong, I love her, I spent SO much time with her and helped her after her strokes - I even helped her to the bathroom and changed her clothes, which was natural for me because I think I'm a pretty loving person - but I never really felt appreciated. She even said to me something like "I never said anything (against taking my father in as a baby)" which sort of hurt and felt weird at the time to hear coming from her. She would always say things to make me feel inferior to her "real" grandkids - my "cousins" Brian and Jennifer - even though they never did jack shit for her or even visited much. They were just better somehow in her eyes, like they could do no wrong. And her precious Ralph - who's pretty much just plain rude and not that nice - was her pride & joy. It makes me nauseous right now just thinking of it all.
And my father, I think, had this warped sense of loyalty to the people that raised him to the point where he didn't "introduce" me to my own cousins and aunts/uncle until this past year. I remember seeing them exactly once growing up - they came over my house when I was around 10 for lunch, and that was it for 15+ years. I just don't get it. And I'm really, really hurt and saddened by the fact that I've missed so much time with these awesome people who actually DO love me and want to get to know me, unlike the people I've known for years as my aunt, uncle, and cousins who never made the effort and I don't even think care. I mean, it's not even like he was raised in a different family - he was raised by his biological father's other son FFS! I don't get why he couldn't have had a relationship with everyone. And I feel SO cheated out of so much time. My Aunt Marie's 85 now & I'm only within the past year getting to spend time with her. I don't know how much more time I'll have with her! Her sister Angelina just passed away this year, so that chance is gone. I have SO many cousins and second cousins who are amazing that I could've known my whole life, grown up with, but didn't. And every time I try to talk to my father about WHY, he just has some bullshit nonsense like "oh, you know..." and doesn't finish. Um, no, I actually DON'T know, or else I wouldn't have fucking asked to begin with! It's like pulling teeth with him. And while I absolutely DO cherish the time I'm spending with them all now, I have SO much rage & anger & hurt & sadness inside me that has no outlet.