If you could see me now.
I honestly think I failed as an individual.
As a daughter, a sister, a friend, a bestfriend, a girlfriend, a student, employee, colleague and interviewee.
Til today, I never felt like I hit rock-bottom. I never felt this low in my life.
Everything is caving in on me in terms of all aspects and I can't seem to cope dealing with it all.
The pressure and stress to keep up and excel in everything is so intense.
It pushed me to thinking, maybe... I'm not that capable after all...
I have been to so many interviews.
Everyone been getting placements and offers.
But not me.
And it really helps if you're already accepted or gotten so many offers,
just shut the fuck up and don't complain or whine or fucking show off.
My family, has always left me alone to shoulder everything on my own.
I don't get pampered as much as my other siblings do.
My mum cooks everything my other siblings wanted to eat, but not me.
My dad lets everyone get away with anything, but not me.
I have been coping and doing this by myself since young, all alone.
For the first time, everything is too much for me to handle on my own.
I needed somebody to lean on.
A listening ear to listen to my emotional lapses.
Words of encouragement spurring me on.
A support to fall back on telling me everything is okay and it will get better.
Maybe now I realized, I'm still on my own, after all..
I'm still alone.