(no subject)

[hiddendances]

I have issues with transience. Not all the time, but most of it.
I want to nail down all my happy moments and rewind all regrets.
I am scared of moving, I am scared of staying. I am scared of moving on to anywhere,
but everyone else is moving on towards something and I don't feel like I belong with
the younger ones who have a few more years left. I don't want to follow the group
without having my own reasons, but I don't want to be alone either. I have my own
reasons, but I can never tell at the time whether or not they're legitimate; or rather,
if they're really the reasons.

I am having a good time. I have good friends and I don't want to give them up. I've let many good friends
slip away and I'm tired of starting over; I want at least one lifelong friend.

I think I know how my mother felt at my age. I don't want to know how she feels now when
I'm her age.
Bitter.

I've let go so often that now I cling.

Don't misunderstand, I know, in general, what I want from my life; my definition, however, leaves room
for changes in details. I just need to know, at the very least, that I am running from something rather than to it.