Disappear...
Whoa now, so okay kids this is an update for everyone. I am here. I have just been feeling really fucking shitty and blah lately. I know what “you” all are thinking and its not that. It has something to do with me, people, and family.
Well my family is fucking pissing me off to the extreme. So my sisters are going to catechism now and they are all going to church. They tell me every fucking day, “Dominique it would do you some good.” Fuck that shit. I don’t want to do something that I know will just piss me off even more. On the weekends I want to just go out and have fun with my friends is that so much to fucking ask. Do you fucking understand I live in fucking out here because of this family? I want to live in Baton Rouge. My mom is always like I am not your chauffeur. I just tell her well if we didn’t live out here, I wouldn’t always ask you to bring me to meet my fucking friends. Most of them drive; no one wants to come out here. No fucking one wants to drive out here then go out and then have to bring me back home. There was one that did come see me and I am in great appreciation for. Thanks.
I hate this. I fucking hate all this. I hate this more than I hated school last year. Then on top of all of it… guess who comes home!? The fucking prized model of the house. He is staying 2 fucking weeks. I have to get out of here. I know I won’t be able to do shit when he is here. Nothing fucking at all. Ahilya will get me on the weekends but school days nothing anymore. I cant even get on the fucking computer so I will update all I can before and while he is here.
I want to write so much but I am at a loss of words and soon it will begin to sound like repetition.
School this year is quite fine. I am writing a lot more. My book and its chapters are filling. All of my classes are in play, but I have reason to believe that that’s about to take an ugly turn. I have to take AP courses so they have to arrange my whole schedule and teachers schedule around me. I don’t want to have to be the person everyone scrabbles for. I hate that.
I am meeting new people and getting in touch with the old. Whoa a flood of gates swooshing open.
I hate being attention. I don’t want it at all. Somehow I draw it to myself and it draws back. I want to go hide and not be called upon for nothing. I want to be. I don’t want to be anything. I don’t want to think.
I don’t even know anymore. I need to talk to that person but I can’t because things will never be the same. The things one cannot fucking fixed willingly. If it was meant to be fixed don’t you think the other person would feel the same. I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to give in and just let things be as they are, but if I don’t like something aren’t I supposed to change or fix it!? Like I said I don’t know anymore and its just whatever. I am at a new point where its just like ….. ????????? maybe one can answer this.
“I am content but then I am not I am happy but then I am not I am something and then I am nothing.”
its time for something new
Well my family is fucking pissing me off to the extreme. So my sisters are going to catechism now and they are all going to church. They tell me every fucking day, “Dominique it would do you some good.” Fuck that shit. I don’t want to do something that I know will just piss me off even more. On the weekends I want to just go out and have fun with my friends is that so much to fucking ask. Do you fucking understand I live in fucking out here because of this family? I want to live in Baton Rouge. My mom is always like I am not your chauffeur. I just tell her well if we didn’t live out here, I wouldn’t always ask you to bring me to meet my fucking friends. Most of them drive; no one wants to come out here. No fucking one wants to drive out here then go out and then have to bring me back home. There was one that did come see me and I am in great appreciation for. Thanks.
I hate this. I fucking hate all this. I hate this more than I hated school last year. Then on top of all of it… guess who comes home!? The fucking prized model of the house. He is staying 2 fucking weeks. I have to get out of here. I know I won’t be able to do shit when he is here. Nothing fucking at all. Ahilya will get me on the weekends but school days nothing anymore. I cant even get on the fucking computer so I will update all I can before and while he is here.
I want to write so much but I am at a loss of words and soon it will begin to sound like repetition.
School this year is quite fine. I am writing a lot more. My book and its chapters are filling. All of my classes are in play, but I have reason to believe that that’s about to take an ugly turn. I have to take AP courses so they have to arrange my whole schedule and teachers schedule around me. I don’t want to have to be the person everyone scrabbles for. I hate that.
I am meeting new people and getting in touch with the old. Whoa a flood of gates swooshing open.
I hate being attention. I don’t want it at all. Somehow I draw it to myself and it draws back. I want to go hide and not be called upon for nothing. I want to be. I don’t want to be anything. I don’t want to think.
I don’t even know anymore. I need to talk to that person but I can’t because things will never be the same. The things one cannot fucking fixed willingly. If it was meant to be fixed don’t you think the other person would feel the same. I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to give in and just let things be as they are, but if I don’t like something aren’t I supposed to change or fix it!? Like I said I don’t know anymore and its just whatever. I am at a new point where its just like ….. ????????? maybe one can answer this.
“I am content but then I am not I am happy but then I am not I am something and then I am nothing.”
its time for something new